Thank you all for such kind and motivating reviews! "Fortress" was complete in itself. So if you think that the ending was too good to mess with, you can skip this sequel. It might be the wise thing to do, ha ha!
Once again...this is a new story and though it is a sequel, I don't want repetitions. I want to focus much more on the inner turbulence of the characters in this one, than I had the chance to, in Fortress. That story had to set a base, paint an environment. Thankfully now that that is done, I can dive into more spiritual, mental and sensual matters. It might come across a bit too boring for some of you and I don't deny that the pace will be slower. But even the sweetest pie wouldn't taste good if we had it every day. So in celebration of trying something new, it shall be so.
The corrections that you sent are a great help, thank you. Fortunately my beta is with me now and I think there will be far fewer. However, if you do find any, I would ask you to send them to me personally instead of a review. They are, after all, an assistance, not exactly a review of the work.
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"...it is like falling in love with a god....and waking up to a man. So alluring this ocean of love! So tempting! It invokes the primitive urge to shed all garments and dive into its depths. But...underneath that fantastic display is a world so alien and so frightening, that no words can do it justice.
"I have swam there. I have floated amongst the eerie ruins of its strange landscape. I have been hunted by its predators. When I found myself at the shore – broken and battered, barely having escaped from the hypnotizing pull of the deep, I swore never to set foot in it again. I know now that where the ocean begins, I end. It will melt me, smash me, distort me. What will I become? Will I turn into sand? Will I turn into salty water? Will I ever be Irulan again?..."
Entry from Irulan's journey, April.
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"Is this seat taken?" came his voice. With it came the familiar wave of frustration and something akin to...well...relief? No matter what, Irulan could not deny that Legolas and herself had a bond that was beyond the understandings of her puny, modern mind. A bond that would neither fade, nor break. That would pulse and bind one to the other no matter how far apart they struggled to remain. Not that Legolas really struggled to remain apart!
His shadow fell on her momentarily and she could not find it in herself to reject him. Again! "Welcome back, Legolas," was all she managed to say as she entwined her fingers on the table, slightly shifting to sit more erect in preparation for the upcoming battle. For every confrontation with Legolas was a battle. He never stopped trying and she stubbornly refused to give in.
It was not easy, mind you, and one had to congratulate Irulan for her incredible strength, because she was not only fighting Legolas. She was fighting Anne as well. And at times she wasn't sure which one was worse. She was fighting Haldir, who had always kept his polite distance in the matter, but had nevertheless shown up several times with Legolas on very strange "coincidental" meetings – such as walking in on a dinner that Anne or Irulan were having in some restaurant. Or suddenly appearing at a concert or opera the women were attending, only to discover, with seemingly innocent delight, that their seats were next to each other. In such situations it took mighty control for Irulan not to turn around and punch Anne in the face. The only reason she didn't do so was because she would never give Legolas the satisfaction by showing him that he had finally managed to tear through her wall of indifference.
Legolas would sit next to her, silent and polite. And Irulan would mimic him – pretending that she didn't feel his aura sinking onto her, his warmth enveloping her, his sole existence pulsing beside her like some natural force. It was so easy to give in to the temptation and –for just a few hours- pretend that the terrible things of their past never happened and that they were still a couple. Pretend that they were attending this event with their best friends. So tempting! So alluring! And so very, very dangerous.
Because it was addictive. It was frustrating to realize that the next morning when she woke up, he was the first thing that popped into her mind and that she thought of him more throughout that day than on any other day. It was infuriating to sit in a cafe and know that he might turn up suddenly, and more infuriating not to know what she felt in regard to that.
Everyone said that he had changed. That he was far more understanding and in control of himself. But those who spoke had not seen the Legolas who had stood on the white sand of Bentanta's tomb, gazing at Baeron under the bluish light that sank from the cracks above. They had not seen the look in his eyes and neither had they felt the terrible determination that had pulsed from him – stronger and more blinding than anything Irulan had ever encountered. She had seen his true face, thank you very much, and it wasn't nice. It had frightened her beyond anything, because it was perhaps the only time his true identity was revealed to her – Legolas was not a charming, attractive, well-mannered man. In truth, he was an alien. To be with him was like being with an alien creature from another galaxy that happened to look human, but was something entirely different underneath the appearance.
Irulan woke up from her wandering thoughts when he sank into the chair across from her and met her eyes. It took all her willpower to remain expressionless to him. Anyone would have felt stunned to say the least in the presence of Legolas. Irulan felt more than stunned. She felt in love. And it was most disturbing.
He smiled a beautiful smile. His eyed did a lazy, almost penetrating stroll on her face and her features. The gravity of his expression as he underwent the task forced an involuntary smile on her own lips and Irulan deftly shook her head. "I am the same, Legolas. What on earth are you looking for?"
"The same?!" was his amused exclamation. "You are never the same."
Irulan chuckled despite herself and slightly leaned back in her chair. She had given up being rude and harsh to Legolas. It was pointless. Her anger had faded a long time ago and she had come to accept the fact that no matter what she did, he would pursue her. It made more sense to be polite but distanced. "What does your keen sight tell you, then?" was the mock frustrated question.
Legolas, too, leaned back as one of his hands traveled to remain on the table. The sun stroked his silver hair and danced on his perfect skin. It was amazing to her how he could look the way he did every single day in his life - fabulous. "Your skin is slightly darker," he said slowly, his blue eyes gliding over her visage once more. Irulan cocked her eyebrow as he slightly tilted his head, his gaze still intense. "Your eyes betray your lack of sleep...You have lost some weight - two pounds perhaps..." Despite herself, she felt amazed. The fact that Legolas could detect such minor things on her just by sitting across her was unbelievable. "I've never seen this shirt on you before and allow me to say that the color is a perfect choice, Irulan."
Irulan rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest, feeling oddly both flattered and frustrated. He leaned slightly forward, then, mirroring her entwined hands, placing his own merely inches from her. The distance forced a flutter of excitement into her and Irulan didn't know if she liked it or despised it.
"Your skin tells me that you ran out of chocolate," the elf said with a slight grin. Irulan gave him a sour glare. They both knew that she found it impossible to resist the chocolate he insisted on bringing her and that it made her break out almost immediately. "I happen to have the remedy for that." A tastefully wrapped box of chocolate appeared on the table and Irulan almost moaned with frustration. Legolas laughed and entwined his fingers again, this time his hand resting closer to hers, but strictly not touching it.
"Alas, how you manage to look more fabulous each and every time I see you, is a secret that has yet to be revealed to me," he sighed. She bit her cheeks and looked away to evade his penetrating gaze. A long silence slid between them as she tried to muster the anger and the strength to stare back at him. The waiter showed up in between and Legolas ordered coffee for himself. Still she failed to return his gaze, so she focused on the people in the cafe instead and on the afternoon sun warming her back. A distant part of her mind realized once again the interest and admiration that pooled around Legolas, who seemed completely oblivious to it. She heard him opening the package of chocolate and looked up a moment later to see it opened and offered to her.
Irulan sighed and more for the sake of breaking the intensity than to actually eat chocolate, took a piece and let it melt on her tongue. Legolas deftly fished out an identical praline and did the same. Another moment of silence rose and neither broke it. The coffee came and still they sat, a heavy intensity sizzling around them.
"I read your article," he said finally. Their eyes locked and Legolas chose that moment to lift his entwined grip to rest on his lips as his eyes remained fixed on her.
Irulan grimaced and took a sip from her own coffee. It was no surprising news. Not at all. So she waited, eager to hear his opinion but afraid to ask for it.
"Your talent in that area is not from Estel, I can tell you that," the elf mused then and Irulan looked up to meet his gaze despise herself. His lips twitched further into a smile before he continued. "Though Arwen wrote exquisite poetry."
Irulan swallowed softly. There it was again. Talk of Aragorn and Arwen. Of the Old Days. Of history. And with it came that terrible curiosity. She pursed her lips and remained as expressionless as she could.
Another moment of silence passed between them. "You fascinate me," he whispered suddenly. "I could spend a lifetime with the effort of understanding you." It was a very unexpected remark. Irulan just remained staring back at him, her whole focus on not gaping and he remained focus on her, his blue eyes glazed with who knows what strange thoughts.
"Legolas..." she grunted finally, breaking the unbelievable blanket of inaction that had settled between them. How he managed to stir such things in her was beyond her! Every time he just showed up and with a single look, gesture or statement managed to throw her off-balance utterly, completely and beyond question. She would never win this battle. Never ever.
"Heath!" screeched a third voice, breaking the intensity that Irulan was battling with not much victory. Both man and woman blinked with surprise and looked up. "Heath!" the woman repeated in awed whisper as her long, slender fingers lifted to remove her sunglasses with painful slowness.
Irulan would never admit it, but the first feeling that blinked in herself at the flawless beauty looming above her was not a good one. Not good at all. In fact it was suspiciously akin to jealousy, but she would never ever not in her entire lifetime and for no price admit such a thing even to herself. She just felt the slightest sting of discomfort and unconsciously shifted in her seat as her gaze did a quick sweep on the immaculate skin, the slightly tilted blue-green eyes, the arched eyebrows, the small and delicate nose and the overall slender figure of the woman before her. The woman who saw none of that inspection, because she was utterly and solely focused on the elf.
"It IS you!" was the addition of a disbelieving whisper. Irulan glanced across the table. Legolas looked surprised. And to her demise (why was that exactly?) surprised in a good way. A splendid smile was on his lips and he immediately rose to his feet, slightly bowing his head. On anyone else it would look rather odd, but the gesture fit his graceful ways immensely.
"Amanda," he said gently, smiling wider. A moment passed before he reached out and folded both his hands on hers, his smile growing further. "What a wonderful surprise!"
Amanda was in no state to reply, so shocked she seemed. Her eyes glided swiftly from head to toe, then back. "Heath," she whispered again and this time there was a unmistakable adoration in the tone. Something that no mere friend would say. Irulan itched inwardly and again felt annoyed to do so.
Legolas waited in patience and allowed her to overcome her shock. "It has been long, hasn't it?" was his only, slow statement, merely to aid her in her state.
"Too long," she said, finally her voice gaining a stronger tone. Her fingers slid to grasp his hand firmer as her blue-green eyes twinkled like gems. "What...what are you doing...here?"
"Visiting a friend," was his answer as he turned to Irulan with a smile. The word "friend" brought a pang of anger with it and Irulan, rather baffled with the emotions she had been experiencing for the past two minutes felt aggravated and overly irritated by her reaction. She knew that Legolas was only using it because it was the most reasonable and harmless word to use. She also knew that she herself had always insisted on it – though Legolas hated to think of Irulan and himself as merely "friends" and had never uttered the term, before. Still, she felt dismissed and overlooked. 'Which is a good thing,' a part of her mind said. The part that still functioned on logic. The other part of her mind remained silent. "Amanda, allow me to introduce you to Irulan. Irulan, this is Amanda."
Amanda seemed to realize finally that there were creatures other than Heath crawling on this planet, and she blinked before she turned to gaze down on Irulan. So much was loaded in the silent exchange that followed, that it would be a definite failure to try to analyze them here. Suffice is to say that it only served to irritate both parties further. "Nice to meet you," Irulan managed to say after a rather long silence. Though she wished nothing more than to shove her chair away and leave the presence of this gorgeous man and fabulous woman, she stubbornly resisted the urge and merely offered her hand.
The next incident was very unexpected.
Amanda made no effort to shake her hand. Her eyes just remained glued to Irulan for another moment, then glazed with disinterest and a forced smile appeared on her lips. "Likewise," was the only thing she chirped before she turned her full attention to Legolas once more.
If she was angry before, Irulan was blistering now. She didn't know what was worse - that her heart was burning like a lump of coal for no apparent reason? Or that she had been dismissed swiftly as no potential threat to Madame Gorgeous? Or that Legolas STILL stood with his hands enfolding Amanda's, seemingly oblivious to all this? Or maybe it was the fact that instead of feeling glad that she was spared another half an hour with the annoying elf, she felt frustrated that another had ended their conversation?
"I missed you so much, Heath," Amanda whispered, a tender smile on her lips.
Irulan pursed her lips and gazed at the man whose smile broadened. "I missed you too, Amanda," was his reply, his voice heavenly soft. A dread like no other sunk into her heart at that moment and Irulan was tempted to fling an open curse to her own stupid reactions. 'Stop it!' she scolded herself, trying desperately to cease the burning in her heart.
"You look amazing," she added with crystal laughter. "You always did of course." Her head tilted a little and her eyes narrowed. "I missed even telling you this!" was her fascinated addition.
Legolas chuckled and motioned for her to sit and the woman gracefully sunk into the empty third chair. He did not let go of her hand, though and only placed their entwined grip on the table as his face brightened with joy. "It feels good to hear that again," he said as his fingers ever so slightly squeezed hers. "I will not try to put your beauty into words," he said with a childish grin, then. "It has outgrown my skill." A pinkish hue hit Amanda's cheeks and for the first time her gaze broke to settle nervously on her lap.
There are moments of blinding clarity in all of our lives. Times when a divine hand removes a curtain and shows us that we have been living in blissful ignorance of an important fact. Sometimes we can be told that fact dozens of times by many different people, and it simply won't sink in. Then an advertisement comes up when we are sitting, bored and tired in the eerie hours of the night...or two lines of a poem catch our eye in a magazine as we rock in the subway car. And at that moment, understanding comes with baffling speed. We remain rooted, unable to grasp how on earth we didn't see it before – when it was literally in our faces the whole time.
Such a moment descended on Irulan in that cafe, that afternoon in New York. Until that precise moment, Legolas had only been a man to her – he existed as a figure in the long theater act that was Irulan's life. There was family, there were friends, some colleagues, past lovers...and there was Legolas. Legolas, whose presence she was so used to, since he was always there, always encircling her walls. He was a man in her life and in the grand picture, that was all there was to it.
She had forgotten that Legolas did not exist just FOR her. That he existed independent of her and beyond her. That he actually did have all the attributes she had –such as thought, emotions, reactions, ethical dilemma, principles- and was, all in all, a world or a theater act of his own. In short...during the blink of an eye when Amanda blushed and cast her eyes down, before her heart could beat three more times, Irulan realized with dazzling clarity that for Legolas, there was a world outside of her. A world where others were.
So long had he been chasing her that she had forgotten that he actually did not NEED to chase her. That there was a life for him when he WASN'T chasing her. Amanda smiled, glancing up at him again and he smiled back in the most reassuring manner. Her heart beat a fourth time. The hand pushed the curtain aside a little further. And Irulan understood without the slightest doubt that there was a life and happiness for Legolas that would not necessarily include herself...but rather someone like Amanda.
The irony of the situation was so obvious that she could feel nothing but bafflement as a reaction to it. Here she had been, barely minutes ago, sitting across from Legolas and trying her best to be rude. She had been ready to scold him like a little child. Ready to push him away. To shut him up and to shut him off. As a matter of fact, she had been doing that very thing for many, many months now.
And then there was Amanda. Kind Amanda. Polite Amanda. Amanda who felt no unease in offering her praises to Legolas and who felt no need to hide her adoration for him. Amanda who probably would utter nothing but kind words to him and remain gentle and soft to him every single day of their lives.
It was simple, really: Gorgeous Amanda, plain Irulan. Kind Amanda, cruel Irulan. Willing Amanda, stubborn Irulan. Supportive Amanda, torturous Irulan.
She sat in her chair and watched their interaction as they exchanged praises and gentle remarks and kind words. A slow, burning ache found its way to her heart. It came leisurely but with the surety of a slap in the face. Any other would have treasured Legolas. Any other woman would have been grateful for the company and support of such a man. Any other would have been honored to share his company. Any other but Irulan. A lump settled on her throat and her hands began to tremble ever so slightly. But she pushed up her chin and hid them under the table. Though embedded in shame, she would not let them see her like this.
"Wouldn't you agree, Irulan?" Legolas said suddenly and she blinked, growing aware of the fact that she hadn't been listening to the conversation.
A moment of silence passed as the man and the woman looked at her and she found nothing else to do but to look from one to the other. "I...I'm sorry," Irulan managed and cleared her throat, "You were saying?"
Legolas gave her a long look and Amanda merely smiled in polite but rather judgmental poise. "Are you well, Irulan?" he said finally, his eyes gaining further intensity.
"Of course!" Irulan laughed nervously. "I was only....I was carried away for a moment."
Unfortunately the elf was not satisfied. The dubious look on his face was hard to miss and Irulan felt angry at his persisting concern. Like he really cared! He had Amanda now! The idea brought another pang of anger and before she could think, she was on her feet, pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder.
Legolas rose as well, his eyes glued to her. He felt embarrassed to have left her out of the conversation like that. It was so unlike him! Not to mention, overly rude. No doubt that Irulan was angry at him for being overlooked like that. Though, of course, that had not been his intention at all. Before he could say the words, she was speaking again. "Not only have I missed the conversation," she said, another nervous laughter escaping her lips," but the time as well! I'm sorry, I must go." She gave Amanda a quick, almost dismissive nod with the head and repeated the gesture to him before she stepped away and began to stride, eager to leave the table behind.
"Irulan, wait!" Legolas appeared right beside her as she tried to march through the crowded street.
"I must go, Legolas. I have things to do," she said, not looking in his direction. 'Don't you see?!' she screamed at him in her mind. 'Don't you see? How you destroy yourself? And how you don't have to?'
"I was hoping to talk to you." Then he hastily added, "I only want to talk. I will not do anything to make you uncomfortable. Please."
"Legolas," Irulan chuckled, feeling irritated at the fact that he would simply not disappear altogether, "we have nothing to talk about." 'Oh, Legolas...' said a tired voice in her mind, 'Why such torture to yourself? Why such pain? All you have to do is turn around and walk back.'
"If so…" he said gently and grasped her elbow, forcing her to a slow to a halt. Irulan swallowed and tried to wipe any expression off her face before she turned to his direction. "...then I have things to say."
"Such as?" she sighed with frustration, stubbornly not meeting his eyes. For no apparent reason she felt like sitting on the pavement and crying her heart out.
"Such as 'I'm sorry'," he said a long moment later. "I was carried away. Amanda took me by surprise. I did not mean to leave you out like that."
Despite herself, she locked eyes with him, then. 'I can not be with you. But you can be without me,' she thought. The urge to raise her hand and touch his face stirred in her, but Irulan suppressed it. "You should go back to her," was all she managed to say. It was all there was to say. Underneath the immediate meaning of that sentence was another, larger one and that meaning, too, was true. Legolas should go back to her, or the likes of her, instead of struggling with someone like Irulan.
"Nay," he whispered, taking a closer step and drowning her with his sudden intensity, "I wish to stay with you."
He lifted his fingers to touch her face but she moved away. "Don't," she whimpered, taking a step back.
"Irulan," he sighed and his tone was downright tired and frustrated, "even the Dark Lord would have at least considered giving me a second chance by now!" His eyes blazed with a blue fire and he took another step towards her, once more closing the distance between them. "Am I a murderer?" he demanded, his voice gaining strength. "Have I done some great, shameful sin? Have I betrayed you? Abused you?" She shrank back at his advance, a distant part of her mind amazed that Legolas was completely oblivious that they were standing in a crowded New York street. "What is my crime? What is this horrible stain that you will not allow to be wiped clean?" She didn't look away from him, trying very hard not to show how anxious and nervous she felt at his fury. Legolas clenched his jaw and looked at her for a long moment. "You once said you loved me," he stated, almost hurt. Irulan swallowed again, feeling even more afraid at his sadness. "Is there absolutely nothing in your heart that recalls those days?"
"I...I..." she stammered, not knowing what to say and yet aware that an answer was expected from her. "I think...." She sighed, massaging her face. "I think you should go back to her," she finished.
His eyes widened slightly and a perfect stillness overcame him. A moment passed. Then another. Irulan remained. Something or someone was crying loud sobs in her head. She had no idea who that could be but whoever it was seemed to be in tremendous pain. Legolas looked at her so long, that she seriously considered taking her words back. And just when the idea was at its most alluring, his voice rang, slow but cold as ice. "Is that all you have to say to me, Irulan?"
To her amazement she held his gaze for a moment. Then nodded ever so slightly.
Still he remained, tense as a bowstring, heavy disbelief pulsing from him. A moment passed. A minute passed. A century passed.
And then he turned around, gave her a long, last painful look, and barely a moment later, turned completely to walk away. Legolas walked away from her. After what felt like ages upon ages of battle, centuries of struggle he walked away. And somehow this time it didn't look as if he meant to return.