Chapter 4. Thank you for the kind reviews. Russel comes in here. I always loved Hugh Jackman and since Russel looks like him, I like Russel even more. Hunks be praised!
...
"The sins of my fathers...are sins that bind me to my fate. The greatness of one man and his unfailing bond to another haunts me, though millennia have passed and not even his bones remain any longer. Often I have wondered how their friendship had been and countless times I have imagined to understand such fierce strength of a bond. Now, as it is a loop around my neck, I know what it is. It is a ring of fire. It is impassable water. It is something so strong and rigid, that all luxurious thoughts of denial are stolen from me."
"Am I really a toy of Fate, as Baeron used to say? Am I just a piece in a chess game, a threat to some, a victim to others? Will this pain leave me if I surrender and lend myself to it? And the pleasure that comes in return – will it be real? Many times I think that Legolas has even less choice than I have – he, too, is a servant to forces that surpass him in might. No doubt that he must hate this weakness, this inability to resist. I picture us like two caged animals, pulling our chains until we bleed. It is in those moments that I want to reach out and touch him. I want to say 'I understand, Legolas. I understand the pain. The frustration. The weakness. I understand and I forgive you'. But who will understand and forgive me?"
Irulan's journey entry.
...
"I will go to my Queen now, Legolas," Baeron said in the darkness of the dusty tomb. "Go with yours." Then the block of stone banged shut and Legolas closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he walked on. But he had no queen. He had no one. A terrible dread hung over his head, laughing with sly amusement, mocking and torturing him, but he refused to give in to it. Instead he took a deep breath and tried his best to clear the disturbance from his head.
Before long he arrived at her building door. Thankfully it was open and Legolas walked up the stairs to her apartment. A short, silent inner debate threatened to ensue in him. Had she not told him to leave her for good? She had told him to go to another. And yet here he was, at her doorstep again. How pathetic! How weak! But also...how very natural. Irulan was like a force of nature. There was simply no resisting her. Defeat in the face of something like that was inevitable fate…not weakness.
He rang the bell before he could change his mind.
A moment passed and finally the door opened. To his demise, it was opened by a man. The name 'Russel' gained a face and it was not a good place to gain.
A short staring duel began between them and neither broke it for a while. "Yes? Can I help you?" the other said finally and Legolas clenched his jaws with the intensity of the emotions he was going through. So this man was courting Irulan. HIS Irulan! His eyes perceived the masculine beauty of the other and he felt another pang of jealousy. He was very different from Legolas. Not the smooth, graceful beauty of an elf but the alluring, masculine attractiveness of Estel was in Russel. That only woke another set of rather discomforting emotions and he spoke to clear his mind. "I am here to see Irulan. I heard she is not feeling well."
The other man gave him a suspicious look. "Are you a friend?" He said after a moment of hesitation. Russel knew all Irulan's friends and he certainly would have remembered a man like Legolas.
"No," was Legolas' short and dry answer.
The other man's eyebrows rose to that. After another short silence he said "And who, should I say, has come?"
"Heath Greenleaf," was the cold reply.
Russel blinked to that. "YOU are Heath?" Legolas remained perfectly blank and the other looked from head to toe, then back. When their eyes locked again he saw the embers of anger in the brown orbs. Not surprising for someone who was intending to have Irulan for himself! "Maybe you'll come back later," Russel said dryly. "She should be resting and..."
"I am here to see Irulan," the elf growled slowly, his blue eyes fixing the other. Russel, who apparently saw no reason for the hostility, stared back. "And I don't need your permission to do so."
Before the man could reply in any fashion to that, Legolas pressed himself with unequal fluidity and grace through the door and walked into the room. "Hey!" was all that Russel managed to say before the blonde man, gazing around the chamber and judging that the bedroom lay towards the left, strode there as if the house belonged to him in person. The man uttered a murmur of a curse under his breath, closed the door and made to follow. When he arrived at the bedroom, Legolas was already sitting at the edge of the bed, his gaze fixed on the sleeping form lying under the covers. "Listen pal..." he growled and was interrupted again.
"How long has she been ill?"
A short moment of surprise followed. "Well...over a week now. I don't know for certain."
Legolas turned to give him a long glare. "You don't know for certain?"
All right now, who the hell did this guy think he was? Russel didn't like the accusation in that voice. Not a bit. Especially knowing that it was coming from THE Heath Greenleaf. Irulan didn't talk much about him but it didn't take a genius to guess that her heart was broken by this fellow. "You better leave," was the only statement he could come up with as his anger seemed to flare even further. "You will wake her. She needs to rest."
Legolas didn't bother to answer. Instead, he reached out to the medication bottles that were standing beside her bed and began to read through the labels.
'Unbelievable!' Russel thought with both awe and irritation. No wonder Irulan was pissed off by his attitude! He certainly needed a lesson in how to accept a rejection! "Hey!" he said a tad louder, growing rather temperamental now. "I'm talking to you!"
To his irritation, that only served to wake Irulan. Both men waited while she blinked several times and then slowly moved to sit up a little. "Le..." she began, then her eyes glided over his shoulder to Russel at the doorstep. "Heath! What are you doing here?"
He smiled a slow, small smile to that. "I heard you were ill," was all he said. It felt so immensely good to see her again. Though it was perhaps the wrong thing to feel after what had aspired between them, it still felt incredible.
"Sorry, Irulan," Russel growled from behind him, giving her a penetrating look. "I told him that you should be resting but your FRIEND here doesn't much care for such details, I guess!"
Immediately a tenseness rose from the elf and Irulan quickly spoke to break it. "That's all right, Russel. Thank you." The man stared at her for a long moment and she gave him a meaningful look. Finally he accepted defeat and giving Legolas, who had turned to look at him with passive eyes one final look, growled, "Fine. I'll be preparing your lunch." She opened her mouth but he was faster, "And you WILL eat it, Irulan. Or so help me..." He waved a finger at her, then left and closed the door behind him.
A silence followed and finally the elf turned to look back at her. She smiled nervously and he smiled in return. Then he leaned forward and placed a palm against her cheek. It was the first time he had actually touched her ever since their break up last autumn. Irulan felt herself literally grow dizzy with the excitement that single action brought and thought that maybe it was just the sickness. Legolas, too, seemed a little shaken by it, and took a deep breath that suspiciously sounded like a relief. "Why are you ill?" was his late question.
"It's just the flu, Legolas," she managed finally, then took the glass of water from her nightstand. The action thankfully both served to break the contact and the intensity.
For some strange reason that didn't seem to convince Legolas at all. "Have you seen a doctor?"
Irulan laughed and placed the glass on her lap. "Of course not! I'll be fine. I always get sick this time of the year."
He gave her a long, careful look. "I see that as no reason not to see a doctor."
"It's just the flu, Legolas," she said, a bit confused.
"Well how do you know?" was the cautious question.
Irulan sighed and placed the glass back. "Who told you?" she countered, merely to change the subject. She hated it when Legolas began to play mother.
Her change of subject only served to irritate Legolas further, but he bit his tongue. "Anne."
Her head flew up at that. "You spoke to Anne?" was her slow question. He nodded. Then deemed it a perfect moment to gently fold his hand over hers. To his expectation, Irulan seemed too busy with other thoughts to notice the act. He smiled a little wider with the pleasure of it, and kept his silence. "She called you?"
"No," he said as his fingers glided over hers. "She came to see me."
Irulan's eyes grew even wider at that. That damnable woman was meddling in her affairs! Not to mention, AGAIN! There was simply no way Anne's visit could be an innocent act at a time like this. "Oh," she said, still not aware of his grasp on her hand and his gentle caress. Maybe because it felt rather natural. "What…what did she say?"
"That you have been ill for a week," he replied, his voice as soft as velvet. "I came immediately." He pulled her hand to his lips and placed a long kiss on her palm.
That finally woke Irulan up and her excitement exploded inside her. Her heart began to beat with a frantic pace and her face grew hot. Legolas gave her a long look and she stared back in utter shock, but unable to pull her hand away. For a moment she felt confused as to why that was. But the reason became clear immediately: She was glad that he had come. Glad that he had returned. As pathetic as it was, she was glad to see him here, in her house, on her bed, kissing her hand. 'How typical of me,' she thought, amazed at her own feelings. 'A week ago just to see him was an irritation. Now I cannot retrieve my hand.'
"I...I thought...I'd never see you again," she managed to stammer, baffled beyond words at the intensity of emotions that were surging through her.
Legolas' smile died at that and he moved to sit closer yet. "I spoke harshly, too," was his slow statement. He took a deep breath, trying to put his thoughts in an order. It was incredibly hard when he was actually allowed to hold her hand. When he was tempted to lean in and kiss her.
"No," Irulan sighed and finally diverted her eyes to her lap. "You spoke the truth."
"Allow me to take care of you," he said, diving into another alley. His gaze wandered over the little room. "The hotel I am staying at is very comfortable. You can come and..."
"No," she said, then laughed a nervous laugh. "I am more comfortable here."
Legolas pursed his lips. "Then perhaps I can...I can take care of you here?"
She gave him a disbelieving look. "Thank you," she managed finally. "But...I mean...I only have the flu..."
"...and she already has someone to take care of her," Russel cut in as he opened the door.
The elf didn't turn and remained in cold stiffness while the tray was very loudly placed on the other side of the bed. Only when the mattress moved and sank a little, did he slowly turn his head and glare Russel in the eyes. The other man (to his amazement, one must add) merely glared back. "What exactly is your relationship to Irulan?" the elf said and it took both the man and the woman by surprise.
Irulan gave Legolas an agape look but Russel, after having absorbed the shock, took the napkin from the tray without diverting his eyes from the blonde man, and shook it open with evident fury. "I am her friend," he said dryly, his brown eyes burning with a dark fire. "That's more than YOU can say."
"Russel!"
"Irulan, eat your lunch!" Not very apt in grace and etiquette, he almost shoved the tray onto her lap and turned to lock eyes with Legolas once more.
"If you are merely her friend," the elf hissed a moment later, "make sure you stay in your field." His eyes turned a shade darker. "Don't meddle in things that are none of your business."
Irulan took a sharp breath. But Russel's only reaction was to raise his eyebrows. "Irulan IS my business."
Legolas' fingers glided to gain a stronger grasp of her hand as he smiled a dangerous smile and shifted slightly to sit up straight. "You sound a little too passionate for a friend, Russel," was the amused statement.
"Heath," Irulan broke in, then cleared her throat lightly. "Russel and I are best friends. Please..."
"Yes, please leave," the man cut in.
"Be very careful, Russel," the elf growled and out of nowhere, also very unexpectedly a sizzling threat fanned out from him. He didn't speak. Neither did he move. But the sentiment was so powerful and unmistakable that both Irulan and Russel gasped and an unexpected friction settled into the room. Russel's eyes widened both with confusion and fear, and very slowly he moved to get up from the bed. He took another step back, his brown orbs glued to the other one sitting on the bed. "You are not in my league."
Irulan's hand squeezed his then and the elf blinked, his concentration breaking. The terrified look on her face pulled him back to reality and he took a deep breath before he diverted his eyes to look down. The tenseness and danger that had filled the chamber a moment ago, choking its residents began to fade and became a dull throb in the background merely moments later. Russel only gave her an uneasy look, then turned to stare at Legolas again. Legolas, though, did not bother to glance back at him. He met only Irulan's eyes and waited another moment before he brought up her palm up for another kiss. She swallowed softly, a subtle blush creeping up her face. "I will return," was all he said before he got up and strode out the room.
Once again, it took Russel only a few moments to recover. And before Irulan could utter an objection, he was already out the door, banging it shut behind him. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" he growled to Legolas' back. The elf froze, his hand on the doorknob of the outer door, his back turned to Russel. "You cannot barge into her life like this!"
Legolas once again took a slow, deep breath before he turned to face the other man. "And who will stop me?" he said dryly, his eyes wandering over the figure of the other. "You?" The last part had an obvious tinge of amusement to it.
"If I need to," Russel said a long moment later.
"You may certainly try," Legolas smiled.
"You know...," the other seethed and took a step closer, "...if you had ANY feelings for her, you would leave her alone. She has suffered enough."
"And if YOU had any sense," Legolas hissed and took a step himself, standing nose to nose with Russel, "you would step out of my way. Or I will walk over you." Another, but more controlled wave of threat began to pulsate out from him and he watched Russel freeze with the perception of it. 'So he is not as dense as he seems,' he thought deftly and smiled at the unmistakable expression of fear that began to creep into the man's face. "Don't think I don't see through your 'innocence'."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" was the incredulous question.
Legolas gave him a cold stare. "Irulan may be naive. But I am far from it. It would be wise for you to remember that, Russel." Another moment passed and finally he dismissively added, "I will return." The elf gave Russel a last glance before he exited and closed the door behind him.
...
"Irulan...who...or WHAT is that...that THING?!"
Irulan sat, a rather excited and guilty expression on her face, her hands folded on her lap. She gave him a nervous look when he walked into the room and Russel remained on the threshold, his arms crossed on his chest. "You know about Heath," she exhaled finally. "I told you before."
"Yes but I didn't know that you guys are seeing each other again!"
"We are not seeing each other!" she said hotly. Then pursed her lips and began to draw invisible designs on her blanket. "He came to visit because I'm sick. Which, by the way," she added with a darker tone, "he found out through Anne."
"Anne?" a baffled Russel said, and slowly released his arms. "Anne is...she is..." he cleared his throat and scratched his head as he approached the bed to sit on the edge. A set of hasty glances in Irulan's direction were followed by an overly leisure question. "They are...friends?"
"I don't know!" moaned the other. "I'm beginning to think that Anne is NOBODY'S friend!"
"Why would she go and tell him of your condition?" he said a long moment later.
"Like I know!" Irulan spat and crossed her arms on her chest, looking away. "I'm guessing it's because we had an...I mean Heath and I always have arguments...but last week we…didn't part too well. Not that we ever do!" She exhaled in frustration and gave him a desperate look.
"Well he sure enough has no long term memory," Russel growled with irritation.
Irulan smiled a sly smile to that. "Oh Heath has a fairly long term memory," she mused. He gave her a confused look and she smiled broader in return. "He just came to visit, that's all," she sighed finally and leaned back on the headboard.
"Yeah but I doubt that this was his last visit." Irulan remained silent. "Listen to me, Irulan," Russel said slowly, taking her hand, forcing her to return his look. "I don't know him. But I have enough sense to see that this is no ordinary man. He is...he is different." His face gained a concentrated expression as he paused, trying to determine what exactly the difference was and failing to do so. Irulan waited in curious silence. Finally he gave up and turned to lock eyes once more. "I don't know how. But I know. He is dangerous."
"Heath would never do anything to harm me," she said gently.
"Not you," he said, squeezing her fingers, "but everyone around you."
Her eyes widened with surprise. "What?! No, Russel. I mean...I don't know why he was a little hostile today towards you...but he is not a cruel man or anything like that."
Russel gave her a dry look. "You told me yourself how he eliminated every man who was interested in you."
She swallowed softly at that and diverted her gaze on their grip. "Yes, but..."
"And he came here today, pushing himself in as if he had every right in the world to do so!"
"I'm sure he was only worr-"
"And he threatened me."
"THREATENED you?!"
He nodded, a sheepish expression on his face. "The point is, he wants you. He wants you only for himself. Only then he will be gentle and understanding and all that crap."
Irulan sighed and bit her bottom lip. "I know," she mumbled a long moment later. "THAT is why I broke up with him. He is so...intense! They are all like that!"
"They?"
"Yes. You know, el..." Irulan blinked with confusion, then swallowed with haste. "Men like that. All the same."
"Well," Russel said dryly, "I don't know too many men like that, so I wouldn't know. But now that I saw him, I must repeat that he is EXTREMELY frightening." He sighed and gave her a small smile. "And quite impressive, of course. Very handsome, Irulan."
She grinned and shook her head, coughing softly. "I know."
He cocked his head and gave her a smirk. "You should consider a second chance, you know. If a man like that is fighting so hard to gain your liking, it MUST be honest."
"Oh now you LIKE him?!"
"I don't like his methods," he growled and pulled the tray onto her lap again. An expression of dismay came over her face when she realized that there was no escaping the lunch. "Not a bit," was the rather hostile growl of an addition. 'And I will NOT let him hurt you again,' he thought silently as he cocked his eyebrow and shoved the spoon into her hand before he settled to watch her eat.
…
"What is it, Heath?"
Legolas blinked and looked up to meet her eyes. A moment passed and he was quite surprised to realize that he had drifted in his thoughts. Here, in the middle of the restaurant! With Amanda! That was definitely not like him at all. "Nothing," he smiled and took a deep breath. "I have things on my mind."
'Yes...THINGS,' an amused inner voice hissed and he put on a blank mask to prevent his dislike from showing. 'Such as how intimate Russel is with her. And how he gets to stay at her house with her while you are merely allowed to visit. It should have been you, dear Prince. It should have been you to take care of her. Instead, she is with HIM.' A flame of jealousy leapt in him and brushed by his brain. He swallowed and diverted his gaze to his plate that stood almost completely full. 'What are they doing right now, I wonder?' it sighed with mock curiosity. 'Maybe Russel is rocking her to sleep?' He groaned with frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You don't seem well," Amanda tried again. "What is the matter?"
"I am...a little worried. For someone," he added, looking up at her again. She looked immaculate tonight with her black strapless dress and her blonde hair in a loose bun. She looked perfect. Just like him. 'The perfect couple' he thought and almost smiled at the thought. Because no matter how she looked, he felt nothing for her other than a gentle liking and respect.
Amanda bit her lower lip and played with her wineglass for a moment. "You know..." she began, hesitant, "...you seem to have changed. A lot." Her eyes met his briefly before she diverted them again.
"How so?" was the soft question.
She sighed and swallowed, seemingly nervous. "Before, you were so...interested." She chuckled a little and looked away again, unsure how to continue. "I mean...in me. In what I did and where I've been and all..."
"I still am, Amanda," was his gentle statement.
Amanda bit her lower lip again and shook her head, afraid to meet his gaze. "No, Heath." She cleared her throat. "Is there...another?"
It was his turn to look away. His gaze wandered around the restaurant, trying so dearly to still the frantic jealousy in him that simply refused to die. A long moment passed before he spoke again. "Yes."
The next couple of moments passed with Amanda struggling to keep herself from breaking into sobs. She looked up at him and to her utter shock, he seemed completely oblivious to her state, his eyes roaming the room! This was so unlike Heath! The Heath she had known and fallen madly in love with was a man of utter gentleness and always aware of her feelings and her reactions. A man who would pay attention to the smallest detail and use every possible chance to show her that he cared and that he was interested. "Who is it?" she managed to whisper a long moment later. It came out so pained that the elf blinked and met her teary gaze.
Slight surprise sank on his features and he reached out to hold her hand over the table. "Amanda," he said, so tenderly that it only made her desire for crying stronger. "I am sorry. Forgive me. I brought you here and..."
"The woman who was sitting with you that day?" she said, taking a gulp from her wine and taking back her hand. "That...Irulan?"
He took a deep breath, his blue eyes reflecting both hurt and alarm. "Yes," he whispered finally, his gaze fixed on her.
Amanda took a deep breath. Ironically the jealousy that had Legolas in its grip a few moments ago was casting a rather dark shadow on her own soul, too. She had not bothered to recall Irulan before, but she tried now. She was no beautiful woman. Nothing special. And she had been rather rude to walk away from them the other day like that. "Why her?" she whispered, locking her slanted eyes with his once more. And then she asked the universal question. "What does she have that I do not?"
A slight surprise came over him. "Amanda…" he tried.
"I know!" she waved her arm and cut him off before he could speak. She took a deep breath and another sip from the wine. "I know that there can be no 'us'." Legolas kept his silence. "But why her? I'm curious."
He gave her a long look, then leaned back in his chair. "I have come to learn that such things have no reason. At least no reason for our understanding." He paused for a moment. "You should not compare yourself to any other, Amanda," he added gently.
She smiled a bitter smile at that. "Heath," she sighed a moment later, "I want you to know that I don't care." He waited for her to continue. "I mean...if it doesn't...work out..." Judging by the way Irulan had left the table a few days ago and by the fact that Legolas had been having dinner with Amanda for the last week or so, she was certain that things were not great in that department. "…I will be here, that's all I'm saying."
Legolas smiled and took her hand again. "You are a fabulous woman," he said with deep sincerity. "And you have my gratitude. For all times."
She smiled a broken smile. "Maybe I will have more, some day," she countered, a little shyly.
Legolas smiled wider and poured new wine for her. He chose not to answer, in fear of breaking her heart.