Chapter 13

Divination class...

"Hermione Granger you're the worst student I've ever taught!" said Trelawney.

"To hell with these satanic rituals, Satan!" said Hermione, walking out and knocking the crystal call to the floor, smashing it into a thousand pieces.

"Damn you, Granger! That ball cost me a year's salary!" shrieked Trelawney, calming herself down by getting high off sniffing incense.

Harry notices a fat African-English guy in his divination class.

"Who are you?" Harry asked suspiciously, thinking it could possibly Sirius BLACK.

"It's me, Dean Thomas!" Dean Thomas said.

"Dean—you gained weight!" Harry exclaimed.

"I took some time to discover myself during the summer holidays and I joined a spiritual youth group—Harry, it doesn't matter how we look like, it's what is on the inside that counts. Peer pressure is the root of teenage angst! Don't be a conformist Harry! Look at me I'm happy now!" Dean said grabbing a crucifix out of his pocket.

"Happy? But your fat!" said Harry, who practically thrived on teen angst.

"Harry, Harry, Harry! Look at Neville he's anorexic, sure he's skinny, but he's angry and sad. What would you rather be?" said Dean.

"Uh...would you kill me if I disagreed with you?" asked Harry.

"Harry, Harry, Harry!" said Dean, putting on a bishop's hat.

"You want to become a priest?" Harry asked.

"Of course, it's not like I change my mind on my future occupation every year!" said Dean.

"But Dean! Last year! The rapper idea—the doo rag—the incomplete words, the rapping—the coolness!"Harry started, "people actually liked that idea!"

"Harry I'm god loving and—" Dean started.

"Oh! Go preach to Neville!" said Harry.

"Excellent idea, Harry!" said Dean, running up to Neville, splashing holy water all over his body, "Die Satan Die!" yelled Dean.

To a normal group of people that scene would have been extremely shocking, but hey! This is Hogwarts! Even guys dressing up like women (long flowing robes) is considered normal.

After the lesson...

"Harry—Harry—

Harry looked behind him to see Trelawney in some type of seizure!

"Tonight the Dark Lord's servant will come and kick your ass Harry!" said Trelawney.

"Ohhh great—that screws up my plans for tonight! You sure it might not be tomorrow night instead?" Harry asked hopefully.

"No! Tonight god damn it!" said Trelawney.

"Okay, okay! I get it!" said Harry, extremely annoyed, "But hey! This means more attention and publicity!"