You have asked for a long chapter. Here it is. It will probably not be what most of you expected, but there is a reason and a plot and we are helpless to follow any other route. Since it's so much longer, I think I should be allowed to take a longer break, too.
I hope you like it.
Voila!
The next day Legolas came before noon, to Russel's utter disappointment, of course. He looked stunning to say the least - with a simple but tasteful attire (black cotton pants and a black short sleeve T-shirt that emphasized his beautiful figure and his flawless skin even further) and uplifting spirits. An aura of joy was emanating from him and made him look even younger than before. His pale silver hair hung to the middle of his back, shining with healthy shimmer. No matter how he tried to blend in, Legolas would always look different and unique in every setting. But it was beyond a doubt that he would look even more so in Chinatown.
He brushed by Russel and remained standing in the living room, waiting for Irulan to get ready. She strolled in merely minutes later, wearing a long, casual black cotton dress, her hair in a loose bun. To him, she looked perfect, though to anyone else she probably would look more like a mess.
"I hope I am not disturbing," he said as she walked up to him. "I can return if it is too early."
Irulan smiled a weak smile. "Of course not, Legolas," she whispered.
A moment passed between them. "You look amazing," he said then. "You should wear a dress more often."
Irulan laughed at that and walked to the table to pick up another tissue. "I don't know if this is such a bright idea. I mean...I'm still a little sick."
"I am certain that it'll pass soon enough," he said with a tone of mystery right behind her and she turned to look at him, startled. He took another step, an enigmatic smile on his lips. "You are too strong to surrender to such a thing."
"Well...one can only hope," she said finally, not certain what else to say and inched back a little. "I'll be fine."
"Irulan!" Russel yelled from the other room just then and the elf clenched his jaws with frustration. It was simply impossible to have a decent conversation with Irulan without this man interrupting! "Did you see my denim jacket?"
"No," she shouted back.
"Why is he staying here?" the elf hissed hotly.
"Because he is kind," she said after a moment of bafflement. "He is concerned that I might need something at night, so he stays."
"Irulan," he said slowly, giving the direction of the other room a swift glance before he continued, "what if he has...other...intentions?"
She gave him an agape look. "Such as?" He pursed his lips and chose not to answer. Her eyes widened slightly after a long staring. "No, Legolas!" she whispered with urgency. "Russel is a friend. How can you make such a suggestion?"
"All I am saying is," he sighed and grasped her hand, giving it an inspective look, "it seems impossible to me that a man could be so close to you and NOT fall in love with you."
She huffed with mock frustration. "It is very possible, believe me."
He said nothing to that and merely fixed his blue eyes on her. And his eyes spoke louder than any word could. She swallowed, feeling a little embarrassed at that gaze and diverted her eyes. His fingers glided in between hers, gaining a gentle hold, delivering a caress as he remained still and unmoving. "I have missed the touch of you," he whispered a long, long time later.
"You make it so hard, Legolas," she stammered. She tried weakly to take her hand back but he would not allow it. "Why can't we be like other...people?" she finished. She had almost said 'couples' and the idea seemed both dangerous and exciting to her.
"Because we are not like other people," he murmured, inching closer to loom over her. The fingers of his other hand reached up to slowly brush away the strands of hair from her face. "We are different from them."
Irulan took a deep breath and, still unable to meet his gaze, stepped back a little. It was so damn hard to breathe when he was so close to her. And how he had managed to be so close with her in a matter of days was simply unbelievable! "Why can't we be friends?"
He stilled for a moment. "Friends?" he said with disbelief and once again closed the distance between them. "Why be friends when we can be so much more?"
"Why not...be friends...first?" she stammered and tried to back away again.
He sighed and gave her a long look. "Very well," was the late reply. Irulan, amazed that she had actually managed to convince him, looked up, startled. "I understand that...before, the pace was too fast and the road too rocky. Perhaps it would be more lasting to walk with greater care this time." She smiled and nodded, relieved. Legolas smiled, too, and closed the distance between them once more. "What shall be my prize, then?" was the devious addition.
She blinked for a moment, then laughed, shaking her head. The day in Paris came back to her almost immediately. The day they had sat at the café and he had tricked her into an agreement of the intimacy of a kiss. She grinned to herself, recalling not only the conversation, but also the smell of fresh coffee, the feeling of independence Legolas had managed to evoke in her during that trip, the lightness of heart she had felt as she sat in the uncomfortable vintage wooden chairs. "Let me guess..." she sighed finally, locking eyes with him again, a sly smile on her lips, "…a kiss?
She laughed harder, amazed at his persistence. At the fact that against all her rejections, he had managed to regain his determination in a matter of days and that he had regained his confidence almost completely. "That is an offer I cannot refuse," he whispered, his eyes twinkling with both amusement and passion.
Irulan froze with that, suddenly feeling too excited to move. It should make her furious. Or maybe uncomfortable. At least it should make her afraid. Because here she was, after months of stubbornly refusing Legolas so much as a nice conversation, and suddenly unexplainably tempted to be kissed by him! She opened her mouth, then closed it, not finding the words to utter. He inched closer, until his scent washed over her. That was not good. Not good at all. For it brought with it long forgotten memories. Such as the mornings when she had woken up in his embrace, his lips on her shoulder. Or nights when she had been kissed until her lips had hurt and she had only craved for more.
The truth was, she was missing Legolas. And hating herself for it. For a long time Irulan had believed that this was only proof of her weakness and she had stubbornly punished herself for it. But as more and more time passed, she came to realize that it had nothing to do with weakness. If a lamb was slower than a wolf, was that weakness? Or was it just...nature? She was no match for Fate. She had no say over a design that was far beyond her voice and her choice. No matter how hard she tried, she could only manage to resist with a weak "no". She could not prevent her feelings. Neither could she avoid him. She was backed into a corner and it was actually only a matter of time before she fell.
Maybe it was that realization of defeat that silenced Irulan at that moment. Or maybe it was the temptation of feeling his lips on her skin again. Maybe it was shock. Or indecision. In any case, she remained still as a statue as he leaned in. She took a deep breath, smelling his unique scent, feeling his warm breath on her cheek. When his lips touched her cheekbone, she knew for certain that their story was far from over. She just knew it. And right she was
The very same thought soared through Legolas almost simultaneously. It had been so long! And yet...now that he had kissed her...it almost felt like yesterday. He lingered for many moments, all thoughts of pulling away suppressed by the irresistible urge to continue. He placed another kiss on her cheek. She had a flowery perfume on, along with a product in her hair. Nevertheless, he could smell the scent of her skin. His hand lightly grasped her shoulder as he placed another one, delightfully baffled by the fact that he was granted such a chance.
This time when Russel cleared his throat, thereby providing yet another interruption, Legolas seriously considered having him killed. Why, only a phone call and Russel would not see another dawn. He could do it himself, no doubt, but it would be so much easier to have someone else perform the deed while he was having dinner with Irulan. Legolas was far from innocent and he was not a child. He was a warrior and he had killed more than his share in this world. Sometimes in open, sometimes in secrecy. Sometimes for defense, sometimes for offense. Taking a life was not a lightly thing for a person of his ethics, status and species. But his responsibilities to others and the world in general, along with the fact that he possessed the power to do so, often required such a thing to be done. And when it was inevitable or just, Legolas showed no hesitation in the act of slaying. Sure enough Russel's murder had no worthy excuse. But at this moment this mattered absolutely nothing to Legolas who stiffened with fury and barely kept himself from turning around and slamming the man's nose into his skull.
"I found my jacket," Russel said a moment later as Irulan hastily freed herself from her position, brushing by the frustrated elf. She absent-mindedly scratched her neck and walked away, mumbling about her missing bag. Legolas had to take several deep breaths to force his urges down and only then turned to meet Russel's eyes.
Neither spoke for a while, staring at each other with looks that could have killed. "I don't like you," Russel said finally, low enough to be audible only to Legolas, who remained completely placid and blank. "It took her months to get over you. And just when she was feeling better, you return." His eyes grew so frosty, that their light brown shone with a hazel glimmer for a moment. "I will not allow you to break Irulan's heart again."
Legolas bit his cheeks and nodded slightly, his eyes wandering around. He began a leisure walk towards the other man, locking his hands behind him. "I have no reason to explain myself to you," he said, his tone casual and laid back. Russel didn't trust those signs, though, and remained alert as the elf continued his approach. "Nevertheless, out of sheer generosity, I will give you some advice." He halted merely a step away from Russel, and only then turned to lock eyes. Contrary to his tone, his eyes were blazing with murder. "I love Irulan. Both the nature and the intensity of that love are beyond your understanding. You will never match it, Russel. Never feel anything even close to it." His eyes wandered over the features of the dark man in front of him, taking in the masculine attractiveness. "Our parting was no ending - it was merely an interlude." He took another small step and stood nose to nose with the other man. "I will take Irulan," he growled, his whole being pulsing with the strength of his emotions. "She was promised to me. Not to you, Russel. Not to any other. To me." Russel swallowed, but kept wisely silent. "I may have made mistakes in the past, I don't deny that. But I am ready to make up for them. In ANY manner Irulan sees fitting." He waited a moment for Russel to digest that information. "I WILL have Irulan," he added, with a lower tone. "NEVER doubt that."
They stopped the cab along the way to pick up Anne, who -to Russel's delight- had to squeeze in between him and the door. Legolas, who was not used to such an inconvenient manner of transportation, sat next to him, his arm draped around Irulan's waist who was watching the street go by on the other end of the seat. It was a hot summer day and Chinatown was the worst place to go to at a time like this, for it promised a good crowd and no air conditioners. And yet, she felt a strange delight at the idea. Legolas was with her. As were her best two friends, who had delved into a merry chatter of their own.
"What are you thinking about?" he said slowly into her ear as the car rocked to a stop at the lights.
Irulan -who stiffly avoided looking in his direction in an attempt to keep their faces from being too close- just shrugged and watched the outer view. "It is a nice day," was her late and a bit nervous reply.
Legolas sighed and brushed back her hair from her temple. 'He never slows down,' she thought then, both amused and amazed. Even now, his advances were as bold and daring as they had been when they had first met and when he had persuaded her into intimacy during a trip. Merely days ago she wasn't even talking to him. Now he was sitting pressed against her, his arm embracing her waist, his fingers gliding across her cheek. "It is my happiest day in a very long time," he said, so low that no other could have heard it. Not that Russel or Anne would hear it anyway - too engaged they were in their own, strange ways of speech. He shifted a little, embracing her further and Irulan held back a sigh, surprised by how fast and eager her heart responded to his touch.
"This is not a very friendly position," she said, unable to keep the amusement from her voice.
Legolas smiled slyly, continuing a feather-light play with her loose bun. "This is as friendly as it gets," he said, dangerously low. His fingers danced down her neck, across her shoulders and Irulan pursed her lips, still not turning from the window and wishing madly for Chinatown to show up at the corner. "I know that I have broken your trust," he said and the amusement in his tone was replaced by a peculiar gravity. "It is no lightly loss for me. But...I will not make the same mistakes again. I promise."
She shook her head, her face still facing away. How to tell Legolas that he had made no mistakes? Still he didn't understand the fact that it was not his past actions that had made Irulan walk away from him. It had been -and still was, actually- his nature. His fiery dominance. His unbending passion. His need for her that was so consuming and tiring and downright frightening. Legolas meant no ordinary life. Oh no - far from it! He meant a sizzling encounter every single minute of every single day. He meant facing a beauty and a wisdom that was beyond her understanding. And with it, a demand of her very soul. He would give her anything -anything- she asked for, even if she asked it purely out of whim. But in return he would take everything that Irulan was and would ever be.
Before she could come up with a reply, her hand was lifted up for scorching kisses. She should object. And scold him a little too, while she was at it. But the thought of those actions vanished when he spoke again. "I am so utterly alone, Irulan," Legolas whispered, almost as if speaking to himself. Without further thought she turned as he lifted his head and they sat, face to face. The cab rocked on and neither Russel nor Anne stopped in their hasty and joyful chattering.
"Of course not," she managed to stammer after a too long interval of staring. "You...you have...Haldir! And...friends." She trailed off, then swallowed, not sure how to continue.
Legolas merely smiled and lowered her hand, his eyes still fixed on her. He was silent for a long moment, but finally spoke up. "Do you feel the Bond?" She gave him a perplexed look in return. "OUR Bond?" he said, gentler.
"Oh! I...yes, of course."
He nodded in confirmation. "It has no equal in the world. Nothing will ever exceed it."
Her eyes widened with surprise. "But..." she glanced at Russel who, too happy with having Anne next to him, had forgotten all about Irulan by the looks of it. "But," she added with an urgent whisper, "other elves Share, too!"
"Of course," he said, nodding and gazing out the window. "I have Shared before, as well." When her eyebrows rose in surprise, he grinned in amusement. "How else do you presume Tolkien wrote what only the Fellowship witnessed?" This time it was clear excitement that settled into her eyes and Irulan unconsciously strengthened her grip on his hand. "All elves have Shared this or that to certain degrees," he continued a moment later. "But...rarely anything so personal." His blue eyes met hers again and his tone gained a cautious edge. "Or with their true match."
Irulan swallowed but no matter how hard she tried, failed to tear her eyes away from him. For a long moment there was nothing else but the hum of the distant conversation of Russel and Anne, the background noise of the city, the rocking of the car. "Have you ever thought," she began, lowering her voice even further, "have you ever thought that maybe...maybe we...I mean you and I...are not...?"
"You ARE my true match," he intervened, both gently and yet firm, locking their hands in a strong grip once more. "As I am yours." She pursed her lips and was about to turn to the window once more when he took a hold of her chin and forced her to look in his direction once more. "Why do you doubt this?"
"Why then does it not come natural to us to be together?" she exhaled finally, with an edge of frustration.
Legolas smiled – slowly but with evident amusement. "It IS natural," he said finally. "All we have to do is...to let go. But," he sighed, leaning slightly back and giving her a look, "but we don't."
"No," she smiled, almost sadly, "we don't."
Chinatown was a blur of colors, scents and voices. Always had been. Though Irulan was not very fond of crowds –an oddity for someone living in the middle of a rather crowded city- she liked to come here every now and then. It had streets and shops where one could forget New York completely. And if one had enough imagination –which she did, of course- one could even imagine oneself somewhere else. Somewhere in China. One could think that by stepping out the simple door of the supermarket, the streets of Beijing would greet the visitor – not New York. It was like a little escapade.
True enough, she had visited Chinatown several times before. But it was completely different this time. Because this time Legolas was with her.
"And what about this one?!" she said, waving the package in front of his face.
He took it from her and gave the back a quick glance. "I don't think it'll be any use to you," he smiled, his eyes gliding over the Chinese symbols. "It is a herbal blend to speed your metabolism."
"I might need that," she mumbled, "after all the chocolate I ate!"
Legolas smiled a fabulous smile and placed the box back on the shelf. He had sent a box to her house after his first visit, and by the looks of it, it had not survived until his second visit the next day. "Did you eat it all?"
"I did," was her partly guilty and frustrated reply.
"No matter," he said a moment later. "I told you – you look better every time I see you."
She sighed and walked on, determined not to address his compliments.
"I would love to take you to China one day," he said after several moments. Irulan, who was inspecting a jar with a thick, dark liquid in it, blinked and looked up. "It is a very interesting country," was his addition.
"Ummm…I guess it must be," she said, startled. The idea of going to a different country with Legolas naturally reminded her the times he had taken her to France and Vienna. It was beyond pleasurable. But…that was back then. Now they were living a different phase. She cleared her throat, ready to change the subject. "What is this, Legolas?"
He read the label, then placed it back on the shelf. "Nothing useful for you," he said, walking down the isle.
She gave the jar another glance. "Yes but what is it?"
Legolas did not answer. It was hard enough to accept the fact of Russel without aphrodisiacs. "I am looking at apartments for sale these days. Would you come along and give me your opinion?"
"Where is it?"
"Not too far from where you live."
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Irulan groaned.
He turned around and smiled at the sheepish look on her face. "I have been there many times. In China, I mean," he said, almost nonchalantly. "It is very old. And very…authentic, as humans say."
Irulan fixed her eyes on the shelf that held different varieties of green tea, and thought about his words. Legolas could see the yearning that emanated from her. The yearning to see foreign places. To hear about old tales. And the Heavens knew that HE felt such yearning, too. True, he was a constant traveler and his duties required him to fly across the globe more often than convenient, but after having lived through an episode with Irulan, his solitary trips had no flavor to them.
Just days ago he had stood by the river Rhein and stared into its muddy waters for a very long time, lost in the sensation of solitude and yearning. 'What terrible fate,' had echoed in his head, 'I can have anything I want. But I can't have the one to share it with. Therefore, I can have nothing.' The best German coffee tasted like mud compared to what he had had with her in that café he had found her sitting at. The sweetest weather was dry compared to the wind that tore through New York. The gorgeous green of beautiful European pastures remained dull and woke nothing in him that the simple sight of the street in which her building stood, did.
'You knew this,' he thought then. 'When you decided to stay, you knew what that meant. You knew that it meant solitude like nothing you have ever tasted before. That it meant centuries over centuries of duty without a single breath of relaxation.' And it had been so easy! Not pleasant, yes, but easy. Before he met her, that heavy burden had been bearable. Now it was too heavy for his weak limbs.
He gave Irulan another glance. It was not too late, yet. As a matter of fact, the worst was behind them. The terrible chapter was done and gone. Now was the chance for new beginnings. And he would never repeat his old mistakes.
Or so he thought.
She was startled out of her reverie when his hand found hers and another long kiss was placed into her palm. Irulan looked up, confused and yet excited and Legolas met her gaze with burning eyes. "I have missed you," he whispered slowly, "so much!"
"I have missed you, too, Legolas," she managed to stammer after a long moment. "It is impossible not to," she added with a chuckle.
He smiled a fabulous smile and parted his lips. For a reply? An answer? A compliment? An offer? She would never know. For once again, their conversation was interrupted.
"Heath! There you are!"
And once again, it was Amanda's voice.
Both Legolas and Irulan were so surprised that they found nothing to say for several moments. The blonde beauty arrived beside them, offering a warm smile to Irulan and –to her utter displeasure- a kiss on the cheek to Legolas. That only served for several more minutes of silent confusion.
"Amanda!" Legolas managed to say finally, not very good in hiding the bafflement he was feeling.
Amanda smiled an innocent smile. "I couldn't reach you. And well...Eric told me you would be here...and he came with me, to help!" Irulan glanced at Legolas. He had his blank face on, which meant that he was hiding his expression. "Of course it's useful to have someone speaking Chinese with you in this place..." her gaze wandered around the little shop before they settled on Legolas once more. "And of course to be looking for someone so...unusual in sight," she finished with a grin. Just then –true to her word- Haldir turned the corner, and then stood, fixed with shock. "Oh...here he is! I found him, Eric!"
It took Haldir a few seconds to break from his bafflement and stride over to the rest of the company. He gave Legolas a long and inexpressive look and Legolas replied in the same fashion. The other elf's eyes turned to Irulan then. "I did not expect to see you here, Irulan," he said slowly.
"Same here, Eric," was her reply as she retrieved her hand from Legolas' grip.
Another moment of tense silence ensued with that action. Amanda's joyful chatter broke it. "I HAD to find you!" she sighed, her eyes following Irulan's movement. "For this..." The other three waited in silence while she fished out a little package from her bag. She smiled shyly before she offered it to him. "Happy birthday, Heath."
"Happy birthday?" Irulan said before she could stop herself.
"Of course," chirped Amanda, for the first time addressing her. "It is Heath's birthday." She hesitated just for a moment. "I thought you would know that."
Irulan stiffened and shot both Legolas and Haldir –who looked rather anxious at this point- a glare before she took a deep breath. "No. I didn't know that."
"I...seem to have forgotten, myself," Legolas tried with a smile that could be interpreted as nervousness on a human.
"Well...I haven't," Amanda beamed.
Legolas pursed his lips and looked up at Irulan. She had crossed her arms over her chest and the expression on her face was not good. Not good at all. "Go on. Open it, Heath," she said, biting her cheeks. Haldir gave a deep sigh to that and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"I'm…I'm sorry," Amanda stammered suddenly and her expression was almost sincere innocence. Almost. "Was this a bad time? Did I...interrupt?"
"No," said Irulan between clenched teeth, not glancing at her and keeping her eyes on Legolas. She was feeling so damn angry again and it made her even angrier not to know why that was. "You interrupted nothing."
"Eric! Finally we meet again!"
'Great!' thought Irulan then and almost moaned in frustration. 'Just the party that was missing!'
Anne and Russel came and joined the quartet. Another episode of confusion and tenseness began. Introductions were made and it only served to increase the tenseness further. Anne narrowed her eyes and glared at Amanda continuously after that and only broke her glaring to give occasional death-glares to both Legolas and Eric. If elves could sweat, those two probably would be, at this moment. "So," she began, once again locking her eyes on Haldir, "you were looking for us?"
"Yes," Haldir said and swallowed. "I knew that Heath would be in Chinatown today. I...was not aware that he would have company. And well...Amanda wanted to..."
"I wanted to give him his birthday present!" she said, smiling a dazzling smile.
"It's your birthday?" was Russel's dry question.
Legolas was saved from lying when Amanda continued. "Even HE forgot!" she said, laughing a merry laughter. To everyone's surprise she turned to Irulan. "How are you now? Heath told me you were ill?"
Irulan blinked in surprise and Russel and Anne exchanged silent looks. "So Heath told you?" she managed at last.
"Oh yes!" Amanda exclaimed, her slanted eyes sparkling. "You were all he talked about this whole last week!"
That should have been a good thing, no? But it wasn't. Not at all. Irulan took a deep breath and ignored Legolas, who made a move to speak up. "Whole last week?" she said with open disappointment. After clearing her throat she managed to switch to a better stance. "Sorry to disappoint, Amanda. I am quite well now."
Amanda gave Legolas a small smile. "I think he was too worried for you. Why...just two days ago we were at dinner...and he barely ate, worrying about you!"
"Really?" Irulan hissed and gave a rather blanched Legolas a killer look.
The killer look was delivered by Legolas to Haldir, who paled two shades on the spot and shifted on his feet. He looked nothing like the amazing warrior that he was supposed to be.
"That must have been the day you were having a fever, Irulan," Russel inserted smoothly, raising his eyebrows and giving Legolas a long look that had quite a bit of amusement in it.
"I guess so, Russel," was her reply. She sounded tired and angry at the same time.
"Irulan..." Legolas began, his eyes glued to her, but she just waved his argument away.
"Open your present, Heath."
He pursed his lips and waited another moment before he opened the thin box. Everyone waited in tense silence. Amanda gave Irulan a small smile and Irulan smiled a fake one in return. Anne glared some more at the blonde woman, while Russel barely held down a grin and embraced Irulan's shoulders in amusement.
Finally the elf fished out two pieces of paper. He looked down at them for a long moment, then up at Amanda, who smiled a small smile. "You know I always wanted to go there," she said, taking a nervous breath. "Would to Egypt with me, Heath?"
That did it for Irulan. Every fiber in her brain ignited in that instant. And she knew for certain that what she was feeling was pure jealousy. The discovery only flared the flames higher. Many things happened at the same time. She realized that she was in love with Legolas. In love like a fool! Always had been. And always would be. It had been right. It had been good. And she had wiped it off. Like wiping off the painting of Mona Lisa, she had scrubbed it off. And now here she was, witnessing a new dawn. But it would not be her dawn. 'Egypt,' she thought, stupefied and sad, 'will I never escape my stupid, damnable fate?'
When she met the blue eyes of the elf, a terrible dread came over Irulan. And along with it came anger. And grief. And sorrow. As well as regret. And let's not forget fury. 'I told him to go away!' she thought, bristling with her inner tumult now, 'I told him to leave me alone. Why couldn't he just damn leave?! WHY?'
'You know why,' taunted a little inner demon, giggling with delight. 'So he can have both you AND her.' Irulan's eyes slightly widened at that thought. A part of her protested immediately – Legolas was not a man like that! 'How certain you are!' the voice replied, seemingly calm. 'Again, you put your trust in him. And again, he betrays it. Haven't you learned anything about elves, Irulan? Haven't you learned that they have always and will always manipulate your kind? Why, you told him to go to her. You didn't tell him to leave YOU while doing so! Guess what, my dear, naive sister – he has heeded your advice.'
The next moment she was walking away from the scene. She barely made it out of the shop without crying out of sheer fury. When had this all started to crumble? When she had left England to run for Baeron's consolation. When she had felt like her freedom was being ripped away from her. And for the sake of that freedom, a man had died and an affair had been broken beyond repair. "Why is it so damn hard?!" she thought as she rushed by the stands and the people who jumped out of her way. She loved Legolas and she hated him. Just like she hated herself. 'I will go back to my former life. The life before Legolas. Before the battle. The era of peace and dissatisfaction,' she thought as she pushed through the throng.
She barely made it beyond the little packed street where the shop was when a grip on her arm prevented her from further walking and she was pushed against the wall of a nearby building. Merely moments later Legolas' blue gaze covered the sky. "Irulan, what is the matter with you?" he said, a bit impatient. "Stop running."
"Get off me, Legolas," she seethed and tried to push him away. His grip only strengthened at that and her fury grew at her own weakness. "Let me go," she growled, locking eyes with him again.
He gave her a long look. "No."
Her breath stopped for a moment. Then she began to struggle harder. "Let me go!" she exclaimed, her voice dangerously close to a shout.
"No," Legolas said with a deeper tone and pinned her hands to her side, leaning further in.
Irulan felt like he had sucked all of the oxygen out of the world and she could not breathe. She turned her face away, once again fighting to release herself. But her struggle meant nothing to Legolas, who waited with patience until her strength failed her. Frustrated, angry and now closer to tears than ever, Irulan fixed her eyes on the sidewalk and pursed her lips in stubborn resistance. "Now," he said many minutes later, "let me explain..."
"Explain nothing!" Irulan snapped, although she had been determined to stay silent. "You don't have to say it and I don't want to hear it."
"Irulan," he began, somewhat tired, "I don't understand you. What have I done now to deserve your fury?"
"Just let me go, Legolas," she mumbled, still focused on the sidewalk.
He did not move. "If this is about Amanda..."
Just hearing her name made Irulan furious again. "Yes! This is about Amanda!" she barked and stared him in the eye. Legolas had a baffled look on his face. "This is about you and Amanda! This is about how she knows your damn birthday and I don't!"
Even Irulan was aware how stupid that sounded. And even if she wasn't, the baffled look on the elf's face would have told her so. "Because it's not my birthday," he said slowly. "It is the birthday of this name and identity I wear, that's all."
Irulan huffed with irritation and tried her wrists again. No such luck. Legolas had an amazing talent to keep her pinned without hurting her. "You know what I mean," she groaned, looking away again.
"No, I don't."
Irulan was losing her patience. "Stop it, Legolas! Go back to her!" Her eyes were blazing with incredible fury. A shocked expression crossed his face, but Irulan was beyond hesitation. "Don't bother consoling me during the day, either. You can be with her night AND day from now on!"
"Enough!" he said finally. His tone, more than anything else, forced her to silence. "I had dinner with her, yes..."
"The WHOLE week?!"
"Well...yes," was his reluctant reply. Her eyes lit up with a dangerous fire at that. "But..."
"Spare me, Legolas! I feel enough of a fool already."
"I only had dinner with her!" he protested finally, frustrated and afraid at the same time. True enough, he should have refused. But he hadn't been able to bring himself to refuse Amanda, who looked devastated at his disinterest in her. Also, he had needed the company. It was easier than sitting back and watching the ceiling, his imagination going wild on what Russel and Irulan might be doing at that particular moment.
"Thank you, Legolas. I suppose I should be grateful," was the dry reply.
"You should complain!" he seethed, now a tad angry himself.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
He gave her a long look. "You are so protective when it comes to Russel, and yet for me to have dinner with Amanda flares you like a forest fire."
Irulan gave him an earnest, furious shove in the chest, but Legolas didn't even swagger. "It is not the same, you fool! Russel is my best friend!"
"So you say," was his flat response.
"What would you think of me if I were to spend my days with you and then –without telling you, mind you!- have dinner with some other guy every friggin night?"
Legolas stilled. Number one – the idea was not as innocent as he wished the example of Amanda and himself to be. Not at all. He would certainly not think, but act. Number two – this was not a revelation Irulan needed to hear. Because it would only prove that as much as he wished he was, Legolas apparently hadn't changed not too much, after all. The discovery disturbed him immensely and for a moment, his confidence in himself shook and swayed. "Granted, it seems a bit...improper," he managed to whisper a long moment later. Irulan clenched her jaws, still giving him that hateful look. It was more than obvious that she did not agree with the adjective he had chosen. But then...why should she? Legolas and Irulan had only spent a couple of days in each other's presence and the only good thing those days held was the glamorous act of courting. To be honest, the rest of that time had been spent under the shadow of jealousy, fear, oppression, threat and finally, death. They hadn't really found the chance to know each other. How on earth would Irulan know that Legolas was honest and trustworthy? She knew nothing about him – nothing other than that he was dangerous and manipulative. "But I don't understand what that has to do with us," he said with haste, suddenly feeling very uneasy.
Irulan gave him a long, deep look. "There is no 'us'," was her final comment.
Legolas took a deep breath and tilted back a bit. 'Back to the beginning,' he thought, irritated. "Why are you so angry?" he said finally, trying to lock eyes with her again. He failed in his attempts.
"Just let me go," she said, her voice faltering and shaking now. 'Don't you cry! Don't you dare cry!!' she thought, feeling desperate again.
"No," he said once more, leaning further down on her. Once again his scent rose up to her, but this time it reminded her only of what she would never have again. Or should never have again. "Are you jealous, Irulan?" he murmured a long minute later.
It took all her willpower not to start struggling at that comment, again. There was obvious hope in his tone, as well as a bit of amusement. The only thing that kept her calm was the fact that she felt more than embarrassed and afraid to admit it. "Jealous?!" she snorted and prayed to God that it sounded believable. "Please, Legolas! Why would I be jealous?"
"That," he sighed, but not entirely without amusement, "is beyond me. She is not your match." He tilted his head to lock eyes with her once more but Irulan turned her head the other way. "Surely you must know that?"
"Trust me," was her dry reply, "I have enough brains to see beyond physical beauty."
A long moment passed in silence. "So have I," was his late comment. Without thought she turned her head and looked up at him. Legolas looked back, the amusement and childish pleasure replaced by grave sincerity.
The air sizzled around them and for the strangest reason Irulan thought that Legolas would lean in and kiss her. It should be impossible. But at the moment it seemed more than probable. He didn't move but with every passing moment her belief in that scenario grew further. Until she had to break the silence once more before something disastrous of that nature happened. "That must be your curse, Legolas."
He took a deep breath, not looking away. His expression said nothing as his eyes swept over her face, making her feel naked and exposed. "Nay," he whispered finally. "It is a blessing." Irulan let out a frustrated exhale and once again tried to break away from him. It caused him to lean completely against her and she stilled in panic, not wishing to move and become more entangled than they already were. "Don't you see what you are?" he whispered into her ear. His lips brushed against her skin and she barely managed a shudder, trying to keep as still as possible. "To me, no woman can match you in beauty or strength. You have no rival in this world."
All she managed was a snort that could pass as a sign of disbelief. "Is that why you were meeting her behind my back for an entire week?" she seethed.
He tilted back a little, standing nose to nose with her. Irulan kept his gaze with stubborn strength. "I am not used to this," he said slowly, irritation making his tone sharp again. "This fear. Fear of offending you. Of losing you. Of betraying you. Of disappointing you." Another moment passed and she remained still, not daring to breath at this proximity. "I don't like to be afraid. And seldom have I tasted it. Now....ALL I feel is fear!" She almost gasped when his right hand clasped her chin, cupping her face. It was not harsh, but it was not gentle, either. "Explain to me WHAT we are, Irulan. What do you feel for me? What place do I have in your heart?"
"I wish I damn knew!" she exclaimed, rather loud.
"And yet," he growled, his fingers slowly snaking down to loosely fold her neck, "you feel something. Enough to make you act like this because I had dinner with another woman." She tried to turn her head away but he snatched it back and locked eyes with her once more. "Why can't you say it? Why WON'T you say it?" Irulan almost whimpered at the intensity of his stance and his eyes, but managed to swallow it down. "If you but beckon once, I shall move mountains to come to you, you know that!" he whispered with urgency and anger.
"That is what I fear," she hissed back. The wish to cry bloomed in her again and she bit her lip, desperately trying to push it away. "You are not alone, Legolas. I am afraid, too. Afraid of you."
He tilted back further, clearing up a good distance for Irulan to breathe. She took a deep, ragged breath and closed her eyes. "I cannot change what I am," he said, a long time later. She opened her eyes at the obvious sadness and anger in his tone. Legolas stood an arm's length away, his hand beside her head on the wall. His silver hair hung free over his shoulders and reflected the bright day. "I am heavy, I know that. But I also know you have the strength to carry me. If anyone, YOU can carry me, Irulan."
"Back away from her," Russel intervened just at that moment. Legolas tensed slightly, but other than that, only turned his head to glare over his shoulder. The man had a dangerous expression on his face, his feet slightly apart, his stance rather threatening.
"Leave us, Russel," was all the elf said, completely unaffected.
"I said...back away!" was the growl of a reply.
He exhaled in frustration and turned his back to Irulan with fluid grace. "You have reached the limits of my patience," he said, fixing Russel with his gaze. "I will not tolerate any more interventions from you."
"Heath!" Irulan said from behind him with an urgent whisper.
"And I will not tolerate you messing up her life again!" Russel said, taking a step closer. At this moment, he was doing what very few men would have found the courage to do – he was not whimpering and running away from Legolas. And the interesting part was that he was completely unaware of his heroism.
"Russel!" she said this time, terrified of his stupid bravery.
"Let's see what you will do about it, then!" the elf growled in reply, clenching his jaws.
"Irulan," Russel turned to her, Let's go."
"Irulan and I," the blonde man seethed, his eyes pieces of ice, "are having a conversation. Now leave and let us finish."
"Go and have your conversation with Amanda!"
The speed of Legolas was too fast for any human eye and hard to capture for most elven eyes. His calmness was misleading, his cool composure not trustable. In a flash he caught Russel by the front of his shirt and pinned him against the wall with a loud thud, pressing the air out of his chest with his arm pushing the man against the bricks. Russel barely managed to wheeze with surprise as a response and grasped Legolas' arm to pry it off himself. His eyes widened with surprise at the impossibly steely hardness of muscle he encountered. The fear that he was supposed to feel since the moment he had met Legolas settled into his eyes and the elf saw it, feeling a certain satisfaction at the fact. He heard Irulan gasp with shock nearby, but did not divert his looks from the brown orbs in front of him. "I am growing tired of your foolishness," he hissed between his teeth, "and your bravado. If you think that you can meddle in my business, Russel, you are up for a surprise."
It was Baeron's death all over again. And it affected her far worse than how she thought it would. The fear of another fight and a possible death hit her like a slap in the face and she endured it, unable to duck and escape. In her mind, the dim, strange passage of Bentanta's tomb flared up, the cool white sand touched her feet, then she fell into the darkness and then Baeron died over and over again. She barely heard herself screaming, but miraculously the words came out, anyway. "Stop it! Legolas!"
Legolas clenched his jaws, but did not slacken his grip. Certainly he should let go. To show violence in front of Irulan was the worst idea. She had, after all, left him for this very reason. And yet...how tempting it was to squash Russel right there and then! "Go ahead," Russel growled then, "show your true face."
"Believe me," the elf hissed in return, "you would not want to see my true face."
"Legolas! Stop it!" she screeched again and grasped the arm that was pinning her friend against the wall. "Let him go!" The elf turned to lock eyes with her sintering brown orbs. "NOW, Legolas!"
He took a deep breath and gracefully stepped back, releasing his grip. Russel took a deep, ragged breath and tried to suppress the cough that was trying to break free from his lungs. He glared at the blonde man before him who was gazing down at him with blank, cold eyes.
A moment passed. Then Legolas turned to Irulan, who was anxiously trying to see if Russel was all right. "I am sorry," he said slowly.
"No you are not," Irulan said and Russel looked up at the coldness of her tone.
"Irulan..."
"No, Legolas. I've had it! You said that there would be no repetition. What, then, do you call THIS?!"
The elf swallowed and tried to will back his calmness. "Am I to tolerate such rudeness, then?" he seethed finally. "Would you want me to kneel before him, too, Irulan?" The proud warrior in him punched and kicked furiously inside his head at the thought alone. "I have not come this far to bow to HIM," was the dangerous addition.
"Enough!" Irulan cut in, releasing Russel, who was watching the dialogue with increasing confusion. "You and your pride! Don't you see how destructive it is?" Legolas took a deep breath and held his silence. He had nothing to say to that. "Is it because he is human, Legolas?" was her question, the tone low and sarcastic.
"No." He matched her gaze. "I would have bowed before Aragorn." They stared at each other for a long moment with a silent Russel looking from one to the other. "If you asked it of me," he said then, turning to her completely, "I would bow to you too, Irulan."
"I don't ask for such a stupid thing," she said with haste, more than disturbed by the idea. The last thing she needed was a kneeling Legolas. The idea woke deep shame in her. Who was she, to make an elf kneel to her? A nobody. "And what I ask, you refuse to give, anyway," was her dry addition.
"Whoa whoa whoa, you guys," Russel intervened, raising his hands. "What exactly is going on here?"
"Shut up, Russel!" Irulan groaned without glancing in his direction. "For months I have been saying 'no'. Is it me or are you having a problem with grasping that word, Legolas?"
"All I ask for is a second chance," he growled in reply, taking a step towards her. "Don't you see? I can NOT let go. It is beyond my power!" A moment of silence issued. "It's not fair to ask for something beyond my power."
"Look...I think…" Russel tried again, but was cut off by Legolas this time.
"We have not asked for your opinion!" The elf, like Irulan, didn't bother to look at him and kept his eyes on the woman, who crossed her arms on her chest in a defensive manner. "Irulan," he said then, gentler, "I am cursed, for I lack the gift of forgetting. I cannot forget. Not a single thing." He took another step and she inched back towards Russel, disturbed. "Not the bad memories. But...not the good ones, either." He swallowed, casting down his gaze for a moment. When he looked up again, the blue of his eyes had deepened into azure. "I thought bad recollections were my punishment. Now I know better. It is the good ones, Irulan. It is the fact that I had them...and will never have them again." He inched closer, oblivious to Russel who, without being aware of it, grasped Irulan's arm out of sheer protectiveness. "Do not ask me to forget what happened between us. It is not in my nature. Those memories are my salvation." He halted then, looming above her. "And my damnation."
"How about your memories with Amanda?" Russel said into the silence. He could have slapped Legolas and it would have had less of an effect. The silence became so deep that the clatter and tumult of Chinatown around them was loud as Hell.
Legolas clenched his fists to still their trembling. He could not remember a time when he was so tempted to kill someone and had to stop himself from doing so. Stuck in indecision, he tried to keep his mind and his eyes on Irulan. She, however, didn't have the same reaction to Russel's intervention. "Yes?" she said, pushing up her chin. "How about those?"
"You know me better than that," he hissed between his teeth. He knew well enough that she didn't know him that well. And yet, he felt like she should – against all odds.
"It wouldn't be the first time you have held secrets from me, Legolas," was her slow reply.
That was the second slap on his face and for a moment he felt his breath taken away, unable to think a single thing. "Don't speak like that," was all he managed to say, feeling both furious and hurt at the same time. "I have not been chasing you for months to be with another, Irulan."
She bit her lip, suddenly ashamed. The idea that Legolas had been trying to juggle both herself and Amanda staggered and crumbled and to her own horror, Irulan felt dirty to have thought of it in the first place. But that did not really explain why he had been meeting her for an entire week. Russel must have been thinking the same thing, because he spoke again. "Whatever! Let's go, Irulan."
She threw a pained glance in the elf's direction. "Yes," she wheezed finally. "I don't...feel so well."
Russel grasped her arm tighter and placed his palm on her forehead. "You have a fever!" he groaned finally. "We're going home this instant!"
"I will take her!" Legolas said, clenching his fists so hard that his bones cracked. This time he DID look at Russel and the man stopped breathing at the gaze he received. "It is obvious that your caretaking is a failure." Russel swallowed, afraid to counter the man in front of him, and simply grabbed Irulan's arm again. The elf's gaze softened when he glanced back at the woman. "Irulan," he began, his tone softening as well, "allow me to take you to the hotel. I will take care of you. And I will explain everything."
She gave him a long, pained look. Russel grasped her arm strong enough to hurt and made her meet his eyes. He didn't have the guts to speak his objection, so he just slowly shook his head instead. She sighed and turned to Legolas who was waiting for her reply. "I think...I should go home, Legolas."
His expression showed no disappointment, though it seeped out from him. He clenched his jaws and didn't divert his eyes. "I suppose I am not invited any longer," was his final, bitter statement as he focused on the sidewalk with a frustrated exhale. The hopelessness that had deserted him for several days now sunk bank on his spirit, bringing a foul taste of defeat with it. 'It's impossible,' a voice hissed with amusement in his head. 'She will never bend. She will never forgive. It is broken beyond repair.'
"I need time," she managed to say.
He hung his head, a wry smile on his lips. Chinatown dwindled between them with its noise and its smells. 'I can have anyone I want,' he thought, hope leaving his shores very much like the White Ship had left Rhun ages upon ages ago. 'Anyone...but her.' The more he tried, the more she seemed to fall back, out of reach. Was it pride that made him come back for more, or the lack of it? Was it love or the hope for it? "I don't know, anymore," he murmured, shaking his head.
When he looked up, Anne had joined the duo and all were staring at him with a mixture of anxiety, fear and regret. But he refused to follow a hopeless passion. No…not anymore. He wanted the truth and here and ow. "This is it, then?" he said with a firmer voice, forcing the blankness onto his face. "This is our final moment, Irulan?"
Irulan opened her mouth, then closed it. Was this really it? Maybe it was not meant to be, after all. It started so abrupt and maybe it was destined to end this sad. And what did she feel in reply to it? Relief? Satisfaction? Ironically, neither. Even now, when she was just at the beginning of her so long desired solitude, she felt regret. And if she were not cursed with Aragorn's foolish pride –along with a sincere fear towards Legolas and the kind of creature he was- she would have turned away from that solitude while there was still time.
"Come now, guys!" Amanda cut in, laughing a nervous laughter and glancing from one to the other. "Don't be sil...-"
"Is this how we end?" Legolas continued with an overriding tone, his eyes fixed on Irulan only.
"I guess," she countered finally, after a rather long silence, "it wasn't meant to be, Legolas."
"You guess wrong," was all he said before he strode away, leaving a statuesque trio standing behind.
A long silence set in. And this time, it was deep enough to kill even the Chinatown noise. "You did NOT just do that," Anne said finally, slowly turning to face her friend. "Irulan!" Irulan only swallowed and concentrated on keeping the tears off her eyes. "Tell me that you didn't just..."
"Wake up, Anne!" she snapped, glaring at the blonde woman. She opened her mouth to speak further, but her voice seemed dangerously close to breaking so she shut it back, afraid to shame herself further. Instead, she whimpered in frustration and strode away as well, this time leaving a tantalized duo behind.
"Not AGAIN!!" Anne moaned, throwing up her hands. "All that work! For damn nothing!!"
Russel massaged his face, shaking his head. "This is beyond me," he mumbled, throwing a look in the direction where Legolas had just gone, and then watched Irulan headed the other way. "What just happened?"
"Russel!"
"Whoa! Stop shrieking, woman!" he said, holding up his hands. "Okay...forget it! I don't want to know!" A moment passed while he massaged his neck and Anne crossed her arms on her chest, furiously biting her lip. "I have only one damn question!"
"Ask, then!" moaned Anne, giving him an annoyed glance.
"Why on earth did she call him 'Legolas'?"