A/N: The beginning of the end . . . omg, I'm choking up.
Thanks go out to: Bite Beccy, Bail's Other Daughter, Steelo, Starryeyes10, Kitty X, martini1988, QueenOfAces, froggy0319, alix33, mjag, moonlight, nursejay80, AnMaDeRoNi, snugglebug, jaggurl, Anne, ficchic, dansingwolf, Radiorox, cbw, wishwaters, Rocket Rain, sgcgirl52, tlk29, JJScottishGirl, Blueangel, aj, French-navy girl, Marge, Jane, Tina Frank, highplainswoman, mac AND harm fan, Ali Baba, super ducky, tumblebuttons, AB, Abigiale, macandharmlover, jazzy, vhosek malacath, Britainy, MartiniMac, HighHeel Shoe Lover, Sirus 745, Fan, Pissed off Poet 1, southernqt, BrittanyLS, sugar230, K, Ilovemyselftoday, eggy weg, xobabygurlxo, Reni-Maniac, Cille, ForensicsFreak1988, HMtogether4ever, MaritzaCarmichael, Lara783, janessab, tizy, June, vrbinkaCZ, Cherise, DD2, Bekka, Lani-LoveNPain, Dessler, mommie, daisymh, Laura, confused, basketball babe8, Strawberry Kittens, rainydays502, S, Broesel, ady, Kristie, writingismything, TV Angel 711, TaTe.ArI.Obsessed.Writers, MiDushiNoSushi, Basketball Babe8, Alex, Angie, Toplesslemon, Jules, prinnie, CJKS, ninjagirl987, Brontesgirl, Jules, Angie Capriatti, lance corporal boils, freezepops, FoxyWombat, Lauren, Syraë, Acer-127, Concrete Angel, Lullaby, Fran, Judy52sa, and kd for your wonderful reviews! If I left anyone out, please let me know.
Remember, this chapter starts off six months later. I'll repeat SIX MONTHS LATER.
Through Knowing Eyes
2118
Ballando il Teatro dell'opera Leggero
Jake's POV
I stared down at the glass that I held in my hand, the dark swirling liquid inside it. Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice warned me not to drink too much, but I promptly drowned it as I pushed the glass to my lips, lifting it as the warm liquid filled my mouth and burned the back of my throat. Drunkenly, I pushed myself back into the theater seat, my arm slamming hard against the wooden pole off to the side. I bit back a cry of pain, as once again my mind numbingly took over.
Don't think about her . . . I mentally willed. Don't think about her . . . it'll only bring you pain . . . anguish.
But memories are uncontrollable.
Flashback to six months ago
"Jake, listen, we need to talk . . ." Vera's voice is soothing but I tear myself away from it. No, not again . . .
"I don't want to hear it," I bit back forcefully, turning down the hall and into one of the Admiral's offices, slamming the door behind me but Vera swiftly intercepts it before it slams, pushing herself into the room after me.
"Jake, please," Vera begs but I won't give in. I can't. "Please let me explain."
"Explain what?" I holler back, turning around to look at her. Almost immediately I'm softened by the look in her eyes – the distress, the pain, the fear . . . but at the same time my internal battle rages. "What do you have to explain to me, Vera?" I'm torn. "You're with, Webb . . . you're pregnant with his kid, what more do you have to say?"
Vera looks like she's about to cry and dammit, I feel like I am. "Explain to me, Vera, why you love him so damn much? What has he ever done for you that I haven't? Why . . . why him?" I cast a long look down at the floor as I collapse on the couch in the Admiral's study. "Just never mind."
I hold my head in my hands as I feel Vera sit down next to me, one of her arms entwining with mine. "Jake," she whispered softly, her face so close to mine I can feel her breath upon my face. "Jake, will you please look at me?"
She puts one of her hands in my own, raising my face with her other. She looked me in the eye. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, her hand rubbing gently against my arm. "I never meant for anything to turn out this way . . . god, everything's just so messed." Her voice breaks. "Jake, you're the best friend that I could ever have. I don't want you to think that what's happened is because of you or anything you've done. I never want you to think that," Vera's hand still lingers on my cheek. "God, you're the best person in my life, Jake."
One of my arms loops around her small waist as I draw her to me, her head resting on my chest as I feel myself shake with internal torment. "All I want is for you to be happy," I whispered hollowly at her, and then smiled shakily. "Pardon the cliché."
Vera shook as she laughed against my chest, "Jake, I AM happy . . ." She lifts her head up so her eyes meet mine. "You need to stop worrying about me."
I smiled at her as my hand entangled within her hair. "I can't do that."
Vera scowled lightly at me. "You should learn to."
I stroke the back of her head softly. "Who says I want to?"
"Jake," she whispered warningly.
"Vera . . ." I whispered back.
Vera sighed heavily, leaning against me again as I wrapped an arm around her, holding her body to mind comfortingly. "I can't do this without you, Jake," she whispered against the fabric of my shirt. "I'm so sorry . . ."
"You've said that already," I snapped back, but then almost immediately trying to ease my voice. I paused, "I'm sorry."
Vera sighed wearily. "Don't be."
Our eyes held each other for one long prevailing moment before I broke contact with her. "I've got to pack."
Vera withdraws herself from my arms. "You're still going?"
I released a shaky breath. "I think . . . I think I just need some space." My eyes meet hers again. "Just away from it all for a little while . . . and what place better than Italy?"
"How long?"
"Six months," I breathed.
"Jake!" Vera exclaimed. "That's half a year!"
"I know," I whispered. "But someone needs to do it."
"Didn't you say Shapiro was?" Vera challenged angrily at me, her dark eyes flashing wildly. "What happened to that?"
"Vera, please," I begged her, my hand moving towards hers. "I'm not running away from you, I just need some time by myself. Look, maybe you can't understand but . . ."
"No, you're right!" Vera interrupted shrilly. "I CAN'T understand why you would just give up your life at the drop of a hat and fly halfway across the WORLD for six months! So reel me this, spookboy, why?"
My eyes don't meet hers as deadening silence fills between us.
Vera exhales bitterly as she suddenly stood up. "That's what I thought."
And with that, she left . . .
End Flashback
I sloshed the alcohol around in my mouth, wincing as the memory stung me painfully. I leaned back in the theater seat, the wooden bench very stiffly uncomfortably against my long thin form as I felt my mind succumb to the hollow emptiness that was now my life. She was with Webb. And she was happy. Never had I felt more beaten, more worn. More useless.
I threw the glass against the wall beside me and shuddered as the glass broke against it, shattering into a million pieces as the shards rained down against the floor, just as I leaned over the edge of the bench and spilled my guts out onto the floor. I winced as the almost metallic taste resonated in my mouth. Leaning back again, I shifted uncomfortably upon the bench, my eyes closing for a moment of peace.
But the memories would not relent.
Flashback to thirteen years ago
"Marry me," I grinned at her from the opposite desk as I watched Jane shuffle stacks of files around on her desk, obviously in some kind of rush. She stubbornly pushed back on the long strand of brown hair that had come loose from her ponytail.
"Holter, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last many on EARTH," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Hey, have you seen my sweater?"
"The black one?" I asked innocently.
"Holter," Jane muttered warningly.
"Harris," I grinned at her as I threw her her sweater which Jane caught deftly in her left hand. "So . . . you're looking nice. Going out tonight?"
"Yup," Jane said briefly, her fingers anxiously slapping the keyboard as she shut her computer down.
I nodded, leaning back against my swiveling office chair. "So . . . who's the lucky girl?"
Jane turned around, her eyebrow raised. "Girl?"
I shrugged. "Well, I figured it must be a girl because you seem to be immune to my charm."
Jane rolled her eyes, picking up her backpack off her desk. "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you," I muttered distractedly, my feet up on my desk as I opened up the Google search engine. "What did you say his name was again?" I asked, just as she was about to open the door.
Jane turned around. "I never DID say his name."
I exhaled in annoyance. "Alright, I'll rephrase. What IS his name?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Why can't I know?"
Jane scowled. "I'm not saying you can't know, Jake, I'm just wondering why you would want to."
"No particular reason," I said shrugging my shoulders. "Call it curiosity, if you must."
Jane cast a long look at me and then, "Andrew."
"Andrew . . .?"
"Holmes," Jane said quickly. "And he's a good guy, Jake."
"I never said he wasn't," I stated pointedly. "But you obviously seem to think so."
Jane shrugged. "He's nice."
I eyed her. "Where's he taking you?"
"Why?"
"No reason," I retorted. "Where's he taking you?"
Jane rolled her eyes. "If you must know, he's taking me to Valentino's."
I leaned back in my chair, an impressed look upon his face. "Classy."
Jane shrugged. "He's a classy kind of guy."
"I didn't know you dug that kind of thing."
"I don't "dig" any particular thing," Jane retorted, using her fingers as quotation marks around the word 'dig'. "I like nice guys and Andrew's a nice guy."
"We'll see about that," I muttered to myself.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Jane exhaled heavily. "I've got to get going if I want to make it on time."
"Why? What time are the reservations?" I asked.
Jane stared at me. "Nosy, aren't you?"
I motioned impassively at my computer. "I'm bored."
"A guy like you can't get a date?" Jane asked, her eyebrow raised.
I grinned at her in return, "you think of me as the kind of guy that can get a date easily?"
Jane sighed, "Good night, Jake."
"'Night, Jane," I whispered in return as I typed 'Andrew Holmes' into the Google search engine, immediately turning up thousands of hits. I quickly added Washington DC into the search bar. It was reduced by half the pages. I sighed, clicking on the first link. Tonight would be a long night . . .
End Flashback
I ran my hands through my hair as another wave of nausea overtook me. I shut my eyes, willing my mind to draw a blank, dulled pain seeping in through the shambles of my heart. Don't think about it . . . don't think about anything . . .
I sat up from the bench, taking a long weary eyed look around the opera house, it's bare and desolate halls ringing with isolation. In the six months I had lived here, I had not much besides my suitcase of clothes, a blanket, and my box of food that I suspended from the ceiling to ward off the rats that liked to come out at night. And my alcohol. Nights like these I surrendered to it, my pain-wrought savior.
And once again I succumbed myself to the ever painful history that flashed before my eyes . . .
Flashback to thirteen years ago
My heart pounded madly against my chest as I sprinted out of the office, my sweaty hands barely stopping to grab my coat as I ran out into the hallway, my mind panicked. Somewhere outside the first snowflakes of the year began to fall ever so gently from the sky but I took no notice, pushing the frostiness aside as I swung open the door to my car, pulling it shut behind me as I started it up.
With one arm on the wheel, I steered my way through the winter traffic, my other hand madly dialing 911 as I veered myself around a rather large truck. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Valentino's approaching and I prayed with all my heart that she was okay. I could feel fear grip my hard as the night sky was suddenly flashing with blue and red. I folded my cell phone. The cops were already there.
I pulled into the parking lot, cutting my engine as I flung open the door, ignoring the cold as I raced through the scattered police cars and other civilians lingering to see what was wrong.
"Excuse me, sir, you're going to have to move aside," a police officer shifted in front of me, his uniformed bulk efficiently blocking my view. "We're not letting anyone in."
"Just tell me something," I said panicked. "Is Jane Harris . . . involved?"
The officer stared at me. "Do you know something, young man?"
My heart beat picked up. "IS SHE INVOLVED?" I hollered.
"Jake?"
I whirled around and through the foggy haze of snow flakes I saw Jane, a bulky jacket covering her upper body as through the cracks I saw a thin form-fitting black dress. Relief flooded through my veins as I ran to her, shoving through anyone that got in my way.
"Jake, what are you doing here?" Jane breathed as I stood in front of her, cold wind whipping by our faces and stinging our bare skin.
"I came . . . I came to find you," I whispered, looking around at the flashing blue and red lights, and then I saw it, the long thin jagged cut that slashed her left cheek. Slowly, I outstretched my hand, touching it ever so lightly. She shuddered underneath my fingers. "What happened?"
Jane sighed. "Andrew he . . . well, we had dinner and were walking back to the car when he asked me to come into the alley with him. And when I refused he pulled me in, wrestling me to the wall." I could only stare at her. "I began to kick and scream, so he pulled out his keys and he cut me across my face, but don't worry," she added hastily as my eyes went from alarm to burning anger, "I got him really good and it doesn't even hurt."
The last statement fell deafly upon my ears. "Where is he?" I hissed, my eyes scanning the crowd of people and policemen. "What does he look like?"
"Jake –" Jane began with a tone of reasoning but I wouldn't have it.
"Where IS HE?" I demanded, whirling around furiously.
"They took him away!" Jane hollered. "The police. Someone heard me screaming, called the cops and they came, but by that time he was out cold after I punched him."
I stare at her wildly. "Why didn't you use your gun?"
"I didn't bring my gun with me," Jane returned crossly. "I went out to dinner."
"You should have brought it anyway!" I exclaimed angrily. "And if you had bothered to check up on Andrew Holmes on Google, you would see that he has a past of abusiveness towards women matching your description!" I hissed. "Petite, brunette, beautiful – and rebellious as hell."
Jane just stares at me. "You traced him on Google?"
I returned her stare. "How else would I know to come here?"
Jane looked down at the ground, shrugging. "I don't know, Jake . . . you've got the wonderful ability to always be in the nick of time."
"Well, I'm a little late for this one," I whispered, my hand touching her injured cheek again. Jane's eyes darted up towards me.
"No, Jake," she whispered as she destroyed all distance between us, one arm wrapping around the back of my head as she leaned in towards me. "I'd say you got it exactly right . . ."
End Flashback
I massaged my temples wearily, as I unfolded my cell phone, punching in the familiar number swiftly and emotionlessly. I drew the cell phone to my ear, and waited for the ringing to cut off with, "Webb."
"Clay," I breathed, shutting my eyes tightly. "It's set up."
"Good," he replied shortly. "We'll be there in three days."
"All of you?" I asked nervously.
Clay sighed, "Can't very well leave Vera and Mac behind. They won't have it."
"What's happening with Hunter?"
"The Roberts are taking him."
I nodded. "I see."
"Make the reservations at the Toro, our flight arrives at three."
"Got it," I replied shortly. "Bye."
"Wait, Jake," Clay said quickly. He paused for a second. "Take care of yourself."
"I always do," I whispered hollowly, folding my cell phone back up and throwing it into my pocket. I closed my eyes, leaning back against the hard wooden bench. I sighed, "God, I miss you, Jane . . ."
A/N: I know, it was all Jake this chapter, but again – beginning of the end next chap. I'm gonna miss this story so much . . . can't even express it in words (funny, I know, cuz I write a lot) and for all of you who want the Mac and Harm stuff – next chapter, they will be together . . . actually, everyone will be together so . . . um, yeah – reviews would be nice.
Alix33: lol, we all hate Umbridge! You're not alone on that one . . . oh yes, and this fic has the twins in it. It picks up right after the ending of the ninth season – before Webb and Mac broke up (she broke up with him in the second chapter) and their names are Hallie and Harmon (they named him after Harm, obviously – cuz he died just before they were born)
Freezepops: lol, well the ending's coming up . . . it's there for you to decide whether it's happy or not (I personally am having mixed feelings about it). Well, on to the next chapter . . .
Prinnie: ah, I envy you! I start school tomorrow and you're almost done! And in my mind . . . lol, Jake IS hot . . . heheh, I'm totally with you on the whole Webb thing. I do not like those icky thoughts about him . . . (shudders)
JamieAKAaclassyone: lol, and sprinkling the magic JAG dust all over my computer right now. And no more heartless stalling . . . I am ending this fic in a few chapters (three or four) and then on comes the sequel (and THERE, my friend, you will get your o so precious HM scenes – lots of them) so no complaining . . . lol
Syraë: alright, well here's chapter 36 – as requested. Now, as for the Jake/Vera/Clay triangle . . . well, that'll all be solved shortly. My fic's ending (then'll come the sequel) but I will resolve the triangle by the end of this story. And . . . that's all I can say without giving away the ending, so I hope you liked this chapter!
Brontesgirl: thanks, and I hope you liked this chapter!
Lani: lol, you sound like me after my basketball games! I come home completely wiped and exhausted and my fingers just like pound the computer keys almost nonsensically . . . haha, I say that too much too.
Jaggurl: I've got a lot of family (HM) scenes in my sequel cuz this fic is almost over (and I wipe tears off my face) so you've got a whole new story to look forward too!
Odakota: I know – I love those jokes! 'How many spooks does it take to screw in a light bulb?' – I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. lol
Southernqt: ah, so close to being done! But seriously though, I hate hurting Jake . . . he's such a nice guy. And my motto on how the world should work: bad things do NOT happen to good people! Yes, I may be an idealist, but who cares? We'd all be happier if this rule was in play . . .
Vhosek malacath: lol, and as much as I WOULD like the story to go on forever – I have less than five chapters left! Yes, I'm certain of this, less than five . . . but I've got a sequel, how's that for you?
Kd: lol, I would LOVE to answer those questions for you, but then you would have no reason to read! Yeah, I like Clay in my story too . . . this is how he should have been on JAG, instead of going off and hooking up with Mac (unforgivable!) and about your pleasant surprise . . . we'll see. I've had the ending in my head for a long time, hopefully I won't get too many flames . . . lol
Julie: this story's ending in less than five chapters (translation: if you don't like it, don't read. Doesn't make a spot of different to me).
MiDushiNoSushi: yes, I understand what you mean – it's very easy to picture Jake as Harm because we can relate more to Jake just as we can Harm. But then again, you have to think about it this way: Vera and Clay have known each other since Vera started out – so have Harm and Mac. Jake has had a previous relationship with Vera – Harm had not had a previous relationship with Mac but Clay and Harm knew Vera and Mac through their various "others". And in the end Harm ended up with Mac . . . so who knows? To answer your unspoken question – yes, I've given a lot of thought to this. But that doesn't mean Clay will end up with her . . . I'm just comparing them both to Harm. And I understand what you mean . . . you tell the people you love things that you wouldn't normally tell anyone else. And she's told Jake a great many things that she hasn't told Clay – and vice versa. On some levels, Vera will always love both of them.
TV Angel 711: I know, that's what I keep telling my friends . . . they just can't understand that attraction of JAG. Like, how weird can you get? LOL, well – TLWL's kind of on pause for a minute until I finish Full Throttle . . . I just want to get it all out before I move on with that story.
Shalimar2: thanks, those parts were my favorite too – and I hope you liked this chapter.
Starryeyes10: thanks
Froggy0319: I had the intention of creating a few father-son moments – but with school now I'm crunched for time, I REALLY want to get my chapters out and I'm almost done FT. How does a lot of father-son moments in the sequel sound?
Dansingwolf: lol, I think I'm out of the writer's block! For Full Throttle at least . . . I'm ending it in less than five chapters! Yes, I'm pumped . . . and scared, and everything all at once. Ending FT is nothing like how I ended EL . . . I guess cuz this story is so much longer. Or just because it's different. And as lovely as it is for me to write a love triangle (I really do like writing them) I hate ending them because after they go on for such a long time, I get attached to each character, even though I know which ones are supposed to end up together . . .
FoxyWombat: lol, you and your neighbor sound like me and my friend. She writes for Tamora Peirce and as much as I've TRIED to get into them (and I have – I've read seven of her books) they don't do much for me . . . just like she's seen a couple of episodes of JAG and said 'they're not bad' (this includes Full Engagement) so we read each other's work . . . knowing enough about each subject to follow along (though she knows more about JAG than I do TP – I talk about it way too much) . . . actually I talk too much in general. LOL
Pissed Off Poet 1: ah, I start school in (does the count down) nine and a half hours. Fun fun fun. And I know what you mean, Clay's kind of . . . stiff. As nice as he is, he's very square whereas Jake is smooth. Again, you'll get your ending to the triangle . . . lol, I'm just hoping there are minimal flames. Half – okay, a third of the people are rooting for Clay and two thirds for Jake.
Concrete Angel Lullaby: omg, you like the Tangled Webbs too? I love those eps – even though I did not get the shipper ending I so badly wanted. They came on just last week and of course I had to tape them – it was my duty. On the other note, you want Vera to feel guilty? Lol, our minds work very much alike . . . I remember in the tenth season of JAG when this other woman started talking to Harm I was very much hoping that Mac would come in right at that very moment so she would get jealous, fight with Harm, and then they'd make up. LOL, it's gotta get rough before it gets any easier . . .
Strawberry Kittens: lol, I do that all the time . . . I'm reading something, get really into it, and then I start talking to my monitor. The last time I did this I was actually in class and I swear I was getting the weirdest looks from everyone. And yes – I swear, that's what Harriet's name really means. lol, DPB put a LOT of thought into her name before creating Harriet.
Eggy weg: yeah, lol – Clay's not too good at expressing his feelings in words. He's an action man, though I don't suppose he can help it, being CIA and all . . . still, pity on Jake's end.