Chapter 18

Back to the past…

"Argh! I'm so telling my dad on you for hitting me, Granger!" said Malfoy, running away.

"I rock!" said the past Hermione.

"Harry!" lets run to Hagrid's hut and see ourselves!" said the not-past Hermione.

"Cool!" said the not-past Harry.

The non-pasts Harry and Hermione ran to Hagrid's hut and his near the pumpkins, spying on their past selves. "Hey lets go and tell them to ditch that joint!" said Harry.

"No damn it! We'll like kill ourselves or something!" said Hermione.

"Right…" said Harry.

"Harry, I'm going to throw these pebbles at your past self's head!" said Hermione.

"No way, damn it! Throw it to your past self!"

"And risk causing myself brain damage? Harry, I have to actually work for what I get, you get handed everything on a silver platter!" said Hermione.

"Hmm…well I guess brain damage would bring me more sympathy…okay…hit me!" said Harry.

The past selves ran out of the house.

"Does my hair really look that great?" said Hermione.

"Well compared to the other two movies, it looks excellent…hey when did you start caring about how you look?" asked Harry.

"It's called puberty, Harry!" said Hermione.

"Puberty sucks! Everyone is so self absorbed! Nothing worse then vanity could happen during puberty!" said Harry.

"Actually Harry…" Hermione said, handing Harry a book called 'Growing: It sucks'

"I think I'm going to be sick!" Harry said, as he skimmed through the book and began turning green.

"Yeah, now let's get Buckbeak!" said Hermione, slowly tempting the bird into the forest with dead animals. Harry and Hermione quickly escape into the forest/

"Okay, where the hell is that bird?" Fudge asked, annoyed.

"No idea…bring out some alcohol Hagrid, that way we can get drunk in front of Fudge and show what an irresponsible headmaster I am, pretty smart eh!" said Dumbledore, mysteriously.

"You mean that giant is a drunk too?" asked Fudge, "Lets chop his head off instead!"

"Remember-no-more-ious!" said Dumbledore to Fudge, the executioner and whoever else had witnessed that event.

"I guess we wait until we Snape, Lupin and the rest of the gang", said Hermione.

"Wait? Maybe we can sneak back to Hagrid's for some rum?" Harry asked.

"HARRY! RUM? RUM? Bring back some BEER instead, it's more sophisticated!" said Hermione, unimpressed at Harry's lame choice of alcoholic beverage.

"Fine!" said Harry annoyed, "Beer it is!"

A while later…

A full moon comes out…. "NO, LUPIN!" yells Sirius.

Lupin turns into a werewolf! "WOOF! WOOF!" yells the non-past Hermione, making a lame werewolf sound.

The werewolf ran into the forest!

The non-pasts Hermione and Harry look at each other.

"You're supposed to be the smartest person in the year!" Harry yelled.

"Run like hell, Harry!" yelled Hermione.

"Duh! That's obvious!" Harry said annoyed.

Harry ran deep into forest into the part where the past Harry had seen his 'father'.

Harry saw himself helping Sirius fight the dementors. "I really did see my dad!" Harry said to himself.

Author note: No you didn't. Get some chocolate from Lupin, Harry! Pronto!

And then Harry saw…himself! "Whoa!" said Harry, "It's me…wait wasn't I expecting someone else? Damn! I love myself to damn much that I forget about everything else!"

Harry and Hermione quickly meet up again and decide to ride Buckbeak to Sirius, despite the fact Harry has only ridden Buckbeak once, they have no seatbelts, and if they were to fall they would fall from an extremely high height at bone breaking speed…but hey, this is Harry Potter, everything seems to work out for him…except for his parents dying when he was young, him being an orphan, his nerd get-up, his boring and overly smart friends, his godfather dying in the fifth movie and so on.

"Sirius is up their, locked in Filch's office..." said Harry.

Harry and Hermione and Buckbeak approach Filch's…cage? What the hell?

"I didn't know Filch's office was a cage!" said Harry.

"He's gotten a bit crazier lately", said Hermione.

"Sirius, we're hear to save you!" said Harry.

"You look so much like your father, Harry", said Lupin.

"I KNOW! IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT ME LOOKING LIKE HIM! I ALREADY KNOW THAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT? FOR ME TO BECOME JAMES OR SOMETHING?" Harry asked annoyed, "and anyway, that comment was just so irrelevant to us saving you so just shut up and ride this flying bird to some secret place, okay?" Harry said, out of breath.

"Thanks for the help Harry!" said Sirius, breaking out of the bars, "I'll try to steal something for you as a gift of gratitude", said Sirius, hopping on the hippogriff, "Anything you want in particular?"

"A FIREBOLT!" said Harry.

"Consider it done, Harry", said Sirius.

"Cool! You're the best grandfather—I mean godfather—whatever! Anyway, it sucks I can't live with you…but that's just the way it is!" said Harry, "now about the firebolt…"

"Damn! I have to go, Harry!" said Sirius, zooming off on his hippogriff.

"He didn't even say goodbye…." said Harry, on the verge of tear, "he didn't even hear the details about the specific firebolt I wanted".