Wow! So many reviews! And quite some bitter ones, too! Come now you guys...I know how frustrating it can be when one is awaiting the update of a story. On the other hand - cheer up because it's here!
For everyone who dropped in to say kind words about me and the story in general - thank you! I will reply as many as I can, but please do write your e-mail if you are not logged in. For everyone who was angry for the delay - eh...you are absolutely right! I have excuses - such as visitors from overseas and being sick for a few weeks and all - but I don't want to bore you with that. Apologies is all I'm going to say.
Now...we reach a much awaited confrontation. There is still a lot that will happen in the story...so enjoy it while you can.
"And so it ends," he thought as he listened to the rumble of stones crawling into place. "When, then, has it begun?"
He turned to give the man beside him a sidelong glance. Baeron stood, his long, sand blonde hair harshly cropped, his sun kissed face unreadable in the dimness of the house. The shock of seeing him in different attire, his gorgeous hair cut so short had been swift and painful. There had been no need to talk – Legolas had known right then and there that Baeron meant to leave Egypt and probably never return.
He sighed and waited for the rumble and shaking to cease. It did so, merely moments later, yet Baeron didn't move and neither did Legolas. They remained, listening to the emptiness. To the silent goodbye of another loved one. To the eerie whisper of mortality. Though a melody much used, it still felt sharp and tasteless.
It was many minutes later that Baeron walked out and his friend followed him. The moon stood full and bloating in the dark sky and the cool desert wind whipped the dunes. They walked out into the sand then climbed away from the house. Neither spoke, and for a long time there was only the slight shifting of their feet or their soft breathing. When they finally reached the summit, with Bentanta's tomb underneath them, Baeron sank onto the rock and Legolas followed suit.
A long time passed. Dunes shifted under the blue gaze of the moon, shadows of clouds preyed on each other. The desert seemed absolute and if one remained long enough, it became hard to imagine a place where life dwelt. This remote, isolated part of the world seemed to be both a haven and a prison at the same time. Unchanging, unbending, unconquerable it hummed in the silence of the night.
"How long?" Baeron whispered at length. "How long until the last living person forgets her?" Legolas didn't answer. Though his arguments on the matter held concerning why everything had come to this point, he could not help but feel awkwardly guilty. Another long moment passed and some animal hooted in the far off distance. "How long before I forget her?" he added with an almost inaudible whisper as his head hung to his chest.
Legolas pursed his lips and looked up to the star-dotted sky that was an incredible canvas on the Earth. He wanted to tell Baeron that it would be a few years. Maybe a few dozen. At worst a few hundred until he forgot Bentanta. Baeron spoke of undying love but Legolas had discovered that the only undying thing in the world was the longing for the past and the bitterness of its pull.
Baeron took a ragged breath and glanced up at the moon. "Never before," he murmured at last, "have I wished to be gifted with mortality as much as I do this moment."
The Prince turned to him, startled. Not for the first time, Legolas sensed darkly that he might have truly underestimated Baeron's feelings for the Egyptian princess. He wanted to say something – not knowing whether it would be a blame or condolences and kept himself busy by looking down towards the shadowed rocks. "We killed her, you know," Baeron added then and the Prince started, turned to find the hazel eyes of the other set on him. "Don't forget that, Legolas," he added with a low, dark voice as the words slowly fell from his lips and his eyes never blinked. "Don't dare to believe one day that it wasn't us. That she died by her own hand." The eminent threat and anger in that voice made the Prince take a deep breath, trying to keep his own emotions in check.
"Maybe you think I'm not hurt by this," he said finally as the cool desert breeze past by him. "I loved her, too."
"You," Baeron breathed suddenly, unfolding from his position like an animal ready to pounce and looking the other elf straight in the eye, "don't know what love IS!"
Legolas, taken aback by the hatred in those usually playful and respectful orbs only managed to glare back while Baeron stared at him and stared at him and finally, many silent and tense moments later, chose to slowly rise, give the Prince one last baleful look and then left, climbing down the mountain without turning back. He would never set foot on Egyptian soil after that for many centuries. Until he returned to this place to join Bentanta in her never-ending sleep.
Legolas remained behind, gazing at the star spotted sky for long hours, engulfed in deep thought. 'And so it ends,' he thought again, sitting alone in a place that held no life and no promise of it. Everything in Egypt felt suddenly rotten and stunk of death. Where had all the glamour gone? Where was the excitement he had felt when he first set foot on this enchanted land? The evaporation of pleasure only left distaste behind. "When, then, has it begun?"
The world seemed to be a tide of hope and the loss of it. Legolas Thandruillion walked in the twilight of his emotions, caught in a dance of opposites.
It is a strange thing – to have traveled so far and to have come so short a distance. He felt both ancient and as foolish as only the young can be, at the same time. How can one explain such a whirlwind, such a tempest? Perhaps no Man can and no Elf would try to.
He found no answers on the rocky hills. The whispering bamboo held no solutions. The moon was silent and somber. The long, untamed grass mute. Only after many hours of seeking did he recall what Confucius used to say – that all solutions loved to lie with the problems themselves, like pups lying with their mother. Only then –and with a very heavy heart– he realized that he would not find anything anywhere until he visited the center of the universe. The center of HIS universe...Irulan.
When Legolas returned from his overly long stroll through the rocky valley, Irulan and Russel still weren't back. Haldir had lit a campfire and Anne was sitting by it. She only glanced at him when he returned, his anger fairly cooled and then directed her looks to the flames, once more. It was somewhat dark and he was beginning to worry. He decided to seek them out.
He didn't have to look for long and in a few minutes of tracking through the thick bamboo forest, found them leaning against a rock in the middle of it, seemingly engaged in a silly discussion concerning who had actually cried while watching soap operas and whose eyes merely got wet. He watched them chuckle in hushed voices for a few minutes until he felt intrusive, so he cleared his throat to announce his presence.
Both Russel and Irulan were startled out of their reverie and blinked, looking in his direction. He stepped out of the shadows into the bluish moonlight. "It is late..." he began, his tone cautious. "I thought you might be hungry. Or cold."
Russel and Irulan exchanged a short look. Finally he sighed and got up, smoothing his cargo pants. "Thanks," was his cold reply before he walked towards Legolas and moved to pass by him. The other, though he stepped aside, spoke his name just as Russel was passing. Their eyes locked for a moment and Russel thought that with that look in his eyes and under the light of the moon, Legolas was so elvish that it would be impossible to think of him as something else. "I want to apologize. For my treatment of you." Russel didn't react. "I was wrong and I hope that you will find it in you to forgive me."
Russel gave him a long look and though he had been determined never EVER to forgive Legolas again (and poison his food or something at the first given chance), it was impossible not to be impressed –to say the least- when one faced the man in person. He opened his mouth, then closed it, not certain what exactly he should say. Legolas' blue gaze was not easy to hold, so he shifted a bit on his feet, scratching his beard. Thankfully the other man spoke once more before he felt forced to make a comment. "I know, of course, that it will not be easy for you to do so." The elf sighed and glanced shortly at Irulan before he continued with a more urgent and softer voice. "But...if you could put yourself in my place…!"
'Damn!' Russel thought and scratched his beard again. 'I should tell him that he is a freak of nature and that he should stay the hell away from Irulan!' Only the truth was that after his initial fury had faded away, he had replayed all his interactions with the elf and realized –to his own displeasure- that the motivation behind Legolas' hostility could indeed have been this sick story that Anne had fed him. And…well…if someone had convinced him that another guy was after Anne… He sighed in frustration and spoke before he could think and change his mind. "As a matter of fact…I can." The surprise on the elf's face made him clear his throat and add "I mean…I COULD. Try to put myself in your shoes, that is." He exhaled in frustration, damning the ability of the man to unnerve him like this and make him feel about five years old. "Look, the truth is, I thought about this...and...well, I guess if I thought the same of you and Anne...I would have acted a bit...rash, too."
Legolas smiled dryly. "I doubt that," was his late reply, accompanied by a sigh. To Russel's surprise the elf clasped him on the shoulder. "For all that matters – I think your admittance was the right thing to do, even though the manner might seem wrong."
Russel grimaced and nodded. He looked over his shoulder to Irulan who chose that moment to get up and walk in the other direction, deeper into the forest. "Do me a favor..." he said, his voice trailing as his eyes remained glued to her until she disappeared in the dark, "...don't let her get lost."
Only then did he turn around to look Legolas in the eye and the elf intuitively knew that he meant more than just the simple sentence he had uttered. He nodded in agreement and slowly extended his hand. Russel gave it a wary look, then met his eyes once more. A moment passed between them, then ended when the man took and shook the offered hand. "Thank you," he whispered to Russel and received a polite nod in return.
The man made as if to turn away then, but hesitated and faced the elf once more. "One more thing," he murmured, giving him a hasty glance. "That letter…I mean her goodbye-letter," he added with exasperation, waving his hand.
"Yes?"
"It was fake," he finished curtly, unable to find another way around it.
Legolas was very silent for a moment and his face remained unreadable. "Irulan never wrote a letter," the Prince said slowly and it didn't hold the tone of a question, but rather a dry discovery. Russel pursed his lips and nodded mutely. "So she never meant to harm herself…or say farewell to New York forever." Again, a mute nod. The Prince took a deep breath and watched the man before him massage his neck with unease. It was a surprise not to feel angry and Legolas was certain that if he gave himself enough chances and enough time, he would be very capable of anger. However, standing in the middle of a bamboo forest and knowing that you had already hit the bottom of the well, another deceit was not as terrible as it should be. As a matter of fact, he almost wanted to chuckle at the irony.
"I'm sorry," Russel added then and their gazes met once again. "Anne is…" he let out a frustrated sigh, "…she can be really…difficult." He gave the elf a wary glance. "Looks like she managed to drag us both to an imaginary mission."
Legolas gave a nod and to the other man's surprise, smiled a deft smile. "However," was the cautious statement, "neither you, nor me thought of checking the facts she offered us." The confusion on Russel's visage made him smile broader and continue. "Perhaps we WANTED to believe what she said."
Russel shrugged his signature shrug, obviously disturbed by that idea. Legolas received a last glance, then a polite nod, then watched the man shuffle his way towards the camp. Only after that did he turn to look towards where Irulan had disappeared. He took a deep breath and smiled to himself when his feet moved without further thought. 'Gimli should see me now!' he mused as the shadow of the bamboo fell on him. 'What a mighty Prince I make!'
Irulan walked, parting the wall off bamboo around her. He was being intentionally loud, striding after her but there was no need for that - she knew that Legolas would follow. He always followed. She allowed herself a few moments of silence, just to still her head and her heart. She had been thinking for hours what to say and how to say it…battling herself, fighting Russel…but now that he was right behind her, it seemed harder than imagined. It seemed much later when she finally stopped, gazing into the dark outline of plants.
"I dreamt of Baeron," she whispered out of nowhere and he stilled behind her. The moon was throwing specks of blue and white on her like flower petals and he watched her strained back, waiting for her to continue. "I THINK it was a dream," she added a long moment later. Again, he found nothing to say, so he stood in respectful and wary silence. "He said that I have changed." Her voice was deep and ragged and he could feel the emotion behind it. Still not daring to advance, he lingered where he was, trying to read her. "I don't think he meant it in a good way." She turned to face him then, and their eyes met.
Legolas thought then that there was something quite odd about the fact that Irulan and he had lived through so much in such a short time. Her eyes were full with expressions that only two lovers who had shared many, many years together would reflect. "We have known each other for only such a short time," she murmured, very slightly cocking her head, "and still...I can't remember a life without you, Legolas. Isn't that strange?"
Did she mean that in a good way? In a bad way? Her tone and her expression were hard to read. She didn't seem to be the fiery, passionate Irulan at this moment, at all. She seemed...too calm, almost. As if she was floating in a dream. Judging it to be the wisest course, he waited on.
"I mean," she said at last, taking a ragged breath and glancing around for the first time, "I mean I almost don't know you at all...but when I look back at my life, all I remember is the time I had with you."
He dared to smile a little, then. "Though my life has been far longer," he said softly, "I feel the same way about you, Irulan."
She nodded, as if expecting that answer. Crickets chirped around them and for a while all they did was to listen. Irulan looked at him for a long time. "Now you know how it feels to be manipulated by the people you love," she said suddenly into the silence. Her voice was very slow and cautious, but it hit Legolas with unforeseen force, nevertheless. His head snapped up and their eyes locked, but he found nothing to say in the face of the sorrow and hurt he witnessed there. "It hurts, doesn't it, Legolas?"
A long moment passed. He nodded, taking a ragged breath. "It hurts," he whispered, suddenly feeling the shame and the weakness returning full force. "A lot."
She took a step towards him and he clenched his jaws with the effort of keeping his feelings from pulsing out. The agony clawed his insides but he kept still from the outside. "Even though it was done with good intentions, it still hurts, doesn't it?"
He nodded again, then swallowed to ease the pain. Irulan cocked her head again and gave him a discerning look. "Were you never fooled like this, before?" There was surprise in her tone.
Legolas smiled a bitter smile. "Of course I was," he chuckled and bit his lower lip. "But," he sighed, locking eyes with her again, "never did I lose so much as a result of it."
It was only true. Who cared about the loss of political status or possessions or fame? It had only been surprising and often infuriating to find out that you had fallen for someone smarter and more cunning than yourself. But this time...this time there was something so much more important at stake and although Legolas had turned around and laughed at the past deeds with a light heart once enough time had passed, he found nothing funny about the fact that such seemingly innocent games had cost him Irulan.
He gazed into the green, swishing forest and took a deep breath. All the things he had done to save this relationship had, one by one, trembled and fallen like monuments founded on quicksand. He had been so sure of himself…so proud of his work. But the gods had laughed at his vanity and had sunk all effort into the sands of time. His mind drifted to sand and dunes and before he knew it, the memory of that awful day in Egypt returned to him. Almost at the same time, Irulan's words from her magazine article hissed in his head…
"Is there a way to defy the heart? The brain? Is there a path that leads out of this mass of meat that governs our lives, or does everything that enters it remain for all times to come - the good as well as the bad? Must all the seeds we sew into the tender earth of our spirits sprout? The weeds as well as the orchids? The poisonous vines as well as the lilacs?...
Ages seemed to have stepped apart, revealing him sitting on the rocky hill, alone and separated from the world. He felt very much like he had felt then – small and unimportant. All his life he had been treated with importance. He had BEEN important and perhaps the only thing that made his duty, his life more bearable was the fact that in the end, he was good for something. That he was making a difference. That he WAS someone. Back then in Egypt that had been taken from him. And today once more, his importance seemed an illusion, a silly facade, merely a game of his mind. Who was he to ask for forgiveness? Who was he to make promises of amends?
"You are a gate to my past," he whispered at length. Irulan gave no indication of hearing him, still he continued. "I had so wished for you to be the gate to my future." Still she didn't respond and Legolas kept inspecting the forest around them, as if the dark shadows held the answers to his problems. "I feel old," he sighed, then chuckled, shaking his head. He should feel uncomfortable in laying himself bare to her like this, but as always, it felt only natural. "I am tired." He took a deep breath, the sharp tang of the bamboo clinging to his nostrils. "Everyone should have the right to step back, when the time comes."
Irulan watched him warily, not certain what he meant but eager to find out. He stood like that for a long time, gazing at the darkness, gazing at the bamboo, gazing at the moon. "I think now, it all happened for a reason."
"All?" she said finally.
He looked up, then, but gazed away again a moment later. "Baeron," was his sole reply. "Bentanta," he added a moment later. And finally "You."
"What do you mean, Legolas?" she whispered when he looked indecisive of continuing.
Legolas shifted on his feet, showing the slightest discomfort now. She waited out his silence. "Maybe it was the beginning of the end," he offered at last.
Irulan bit her lip. So much for cryptic elven speech. She took a step towards him and he looked up, this time meeting her eyes. "What on earth do you mean?"
"I mean," he sighed and pursed his lips, "I mean...I am tired. That's all I mean."
"Then...rest," she said with a slight shrug, feeling a bit foolish for the words, but having nothing else to offer.
"I think perhaps I will," he whispered, not tearing his eyes from hers.
There was something utterly dangerous in his eyes. It took a moment for Irulan to recognize defeat and it made her heart flutter. It was not a sight she wanted to see on Legolas. So she blurted the first thing that came to her mind. "You are a strong man, Legolas."
"I am tired of being strong," he said dismissively, waving his arm. He shifted again and it looked like he meant to leave, but couldn't bring himself to do so. "I am tired of a lot of things."
What could she say to that? Eternal life was, no doubt, something one could get VERY tired about. Irulan was not stupid enough to think that she could imagine how tired. "Is there nothing that...that...holds your heart?" she whispered, feeling alarmed by his words and not certain how to counter it. "I mean in life."
He looked at her for so long and with such an expression, that despite her efforts a blush crept to her cheeks. She stubbornly forced herself to hold his gaze, however. "You hold my heart," was the answer that took her breath away. He didn't seem amused by it, or even self-confident. In fact, it sounded sad. Irulan pursed her lips and held on.
After what seemed like a small eternity, the elf gazed away again and she let out a breath she was not aware of holding. Suddenly Legolas made if to turn away, hesitated, gave her a quick glance and decided to leave after all. She blurted the first thing that came to her mind "Where are you going?"
He turned back slowly. "Away."
She didn't know if that meant the forest, China or the world altogether but she was not risking it by some silly guessing game. "You will leave me behind?" Thankfully it sounded incredulous enough and the elf halted, turned to give her surprised look.
"I will leave you in peace," he managed a long time later.
"Don't go," she whispered when he tried to turn away once more and once more Legolas hesitated. Maybe because he didn't really want to leave but merely felt forced to do so. He remained like that, statuesque in the moving, clanking bamboo forest. It seemed absurd. It seemed unreal. And yet it was more real than anything else she could remember. It was Irulan's turn to chuckle and to shift with unease. "Why can't I say the things in my heart?" she managed finally with a broken smile. "Why do I always say the wrong words and never the ones I really mean when it comes to you, Legolas?"
Legolas, who was observing her with wary surprise tried to decipher her words. It was hard with his emotions hammering down on him. "Do you fear me, Irulan?" he murmured a long moment later.
"No!" she blurted, massaging her neck. Then "Yes." Their eyes met again and for one moment it felt silly to be standing in front of this creature and feeling normal about it. There was nothing normal about their relationship – never had been, from day one. "I fear you," she confessed at last. "But you know...I fear your loss, more."
A long time passed. Though her best efforts, all the words that came to her mind seemed foolish and unnecessary. The forest around them whispered and the bamboo branches drummed in the stillness of the night with an odd rhythm. It seemed as good a setting as any to walk away from war and destruction and try to remember a time when there was peace and love. "I have tried not to love you," she whispered finally, inspecting her feet. "Believe me, I really tried." She smiled a wry smile and glanced up at the elf who tried to reply in the same fashion, but failed at it. "I failed." She chuckled a little, almost embarrassed. "I failed utterly." Irulan sighed, her voice becoming a mere murmur in the sea of swish and sighs, "And I hated myself for it. I thought myself weak. I hated you. It was easier than facing the truth." A very long moment passed and in her mind Irulan relived the times she had spent with him last summer. The elf stood a few steps away, quiet but his attention fixed on her, heavy and solid in its intensity.
"I came here to find myself. To leave you behind for good." Again she halted, the words like beads inside her throat, refusing to come out. Why did it take this much pain to reach relief? Just to ease it, she chuckled again and shook her head. "I know now that this is impossible." She forced herself to look him straight in the eye after that. "I still love you. Despite everything. And I think I always will," she added almost with a whisper.
There it was. Irulan dared an inhalation of relief. The truth -as ugly, plain and naked as can be- was finally in the open. Maybe this meant that she was a weak woman. Maybe it meant that she had no pride. But that mattered little at this moment. Because it was the truth and it overshadowed every silly, glamorous lie by far.
Barely a moment later he spoke, his voice almost lyrical and sad. "Do you remember the day in Rome?" Irulan took a deep breath and closed her eyes. How could she forget? It seemed so recent...and yet a lifetime ago. At last she nodded slowly. "I realized many things that day." She looked up finally, meeting his sparkling gaze. The bamboo sighed around then and a gust of warm air caressed her face. Irulan had long ago realized that Legolas had this peculiar ability to make the atmosphere around him strangely...unreal. She wasn't sure if he did it intentionally, but she doubted it. 'Maybe it is his emotions streaming from him and affecting me,' she had thought, before. Or maybe it was the plain fact that she was madly in love with him. But she liked to think that there was something deeply magical and beautiful about him and that it shone at moments like this, painting a dull and rather silly setting with colors of enchantment. Such was the incident now as she gazed up to his eyes and Legolas looked back with an expression she didn't feel fit to read.
He sighed shortly and continued. "I realized that I have wasted a lifetime belittling and ignoring love. I understood with your words that I have lived a lifetime taking satisfaction in the fact that any woman would bend to my will and desire me and that this was all a man could wish to have. That this was what love was all about." Irulan swallowed and tried to keep his heated gaze. It was no easy task. "Everyone has loved me for the wrong reasons, Irulan," he said finally and she held her breath. It felt incredibly sincere and intimate to be sharing such a confession. "I want you to..." he hesitated momentarily "...I want you to love me...for no reason at all."
She swallowed slowly and walked up to him. Something shifted in the air between them and her steps faltered momentarily as her pulse quickened despite herself. The last time she had felt that had been with Baeron, at the final time they had Shared and she recognized it immediately. She would recognize it anytime, anywhere. It was the sensation of an elf shedding all pretense and leaving all safe covers and havens behind to stand open, pure and naked. Her heart pounded on with the realization and she felt her throat dry up as she finally arrived before him and dared to look up.
"Baeron used to say that we are all toys of Fate," she offered with a whisper, "Do you think it's true, Legolas?"
He took a ragged breath and lifted his hand to gently cup her cheek. The fact that Irulan was merely a child next to him was heavy and acute in the air around them. A sadness came over him at the fact that despite that, he held no answers. At least none she wanted to hear.
"Don't we have a say in things at all?" she pleaded, her eyes locked to his, begging for a denial.
"I don't know," he said finally, unable to delay the disappointment any longer. She pursed her lips and watched his hand descend to find hers. "Perhaps Fate brought you to me," he said finally, his long fingers entwining with hers, "But the choices were mine, Irulan. Both the right and the wrong ones." She met his eyes again and the love he felt for her became something almost surreal in its volume and sharpness.
"I made choices, too," she murmured finally. "And mistakes."
He nodded, feeling somewhat sad and not really sure why that was. "Fate can not force me to love you or you to love me. Fate can not urge me to want you as much as I have wanted you." Irulan watched a small, sad smile bloom on his lips. "It has thrown you in my way –or me in yours– but the rest is our tale."
A long string of minutes passed before Irulan nodded to herself. "You are right," Irulan murmured at last. "It's not being with YOU that makes me suffer. It's me. My fears, my indecisions, my...everything."
"And mine, too," he said gently. A long moment passed between them and Irulan wondered if he had laid some sort of spell on her. Though a rational part of her mind refused to believe that Legolas would ever abuse his power or effect over her or any other mortal like that, she thought that it was clearly miraculous that a certain understanding and also a strange relief washed over her at that realization. 'Fate hasn't made choices FOR me. I made them,' she thought, a slight frown settling on her face. How could one's regret become suddenly such a source of relief? How could one enjoy the mere thought that she had messed up but that it was not so bad because she had done so solely by herself and she was free to do so, again. She nodded unconsciously, feeling both miserable and at the same time, happy to know that at least it wasn't the divine powers torturing them, but themselves. Finally, smiling at the oddity of it all Irulan looked up to find a similar smile on his lips.
Legolas, finding himself in a rather much unexpected and unforeseen setting, reached down and pulled both her hands into his. There was an incredible heaviness in his heart and he felt like if he dared to walk away, to turn around now, he should not stop walking and walk right into the ocean and wave goodbye to life. He felt that if she refused him now, she might as well refuse him forever. That there was simply no point in the game of persuasion or the insistence on the hunt, any longer. He felt that if this story ended today in China, it had ended for all times to come.
It was a surprise to realize that he didn't want that to happen. Incredible but Legolas, who had always believed life to be a burden, that he had chosen the longer and far heavier road, that he had never WANTED this burden to be loaded to his shoulders, found himself longing for more time, for more breath, for more opportunities. He inhaled softly, smelling the scent of the bamboo once more. It promised life. The pulse of her hands in his promised life. Everything promised life. He found himself in awe and in need of that.
If it had been a less grave moment, he would have laughed like a child at his discovery. After millennia, he still had the fire and the strength to continue! That is…and with that, his eyes fell on her once more…if she would accompany him. If she could be persuaded.
He decided to do some last, silly heroic deed. He dared to hope.
His grip on her hands became stronger and he pulled them up, meeting her eyes again. "We can do this!" he whispered harshly. "Together, we can." He looked at her, expecting a reply to that. His eyes reflected her own hope as well as anxiety, fear and boldness. "I am NOT giving up!" he insisted when she remained silent. "I WILL not give up, Irulan."
Irulan bit her lip when her heart broke into a gallop. In this place and time, she felt the reasons for their former break-up melting into the background. Why exactly had she left Legolas? She wasn't certain now. Why had she refused his advances? No particular reason came to her mind. She remembered feeling caged and being stubborn. She remembered feeling too proud and at times, too weak. But in the end...she could not remember why she would turn her back to life and choose the absence of things, simply because it felt safer.
The truth was, a life without Legolas was perhaps safer, but it was also incredibly dull, empty and pointless. He drove her mad at times, true. He broke her heart at other times - no denying that. But he was right in this much - she could choose freedom and remain all alone, or she could choose him and face the hectic road of an affair. It had been HER mistake to think that true love would come natural. ANY relationship meant effort and sacrifice. Any relationship meant ups and downs. But who on earth would be stupid enough to say that it wasn't worth it, in the end?
"What do you say?" he said slowly a moment later. "We can wipe the slate clean. We can try again." He hesitated before he briefly touched her hair, then grasped her hand once more. "We can set the battlements on fire."
Irulan blinked up at him, seeing him in a new light for the first time they had ever met. This was a man who had crossed half the globe to find her, even though he must have expected a rather harsh refusal. This was a man who had proved her over and over again that he regretted his mistakes and he would do his very best to make up for them.
The passionate love she had always felt for Legolas suddenly showed a hue she could not recall seeing, before. In a dark forest, surrounded by the resonating symphony of bamboo, in the farthest corner of the world, Irulan quite unexpectedly understood that Legolas would never intentionally disappoint her, lie to her, cheat on her, betray her, use or abuse her. Legolas would never force her into anything and he would put his life at risk to follow out a simple promise to her. He would never feel threatened by her career or by her independence and he would never force his own lifestyle or culture on her. Neither would he imprison her and shun her from sunlight.
All in all, she was as safe with him as a daughter would be with her parent. He loved her exactly in that unrelenting, ever-forgiving and always giving way that only family was capable of. Passion was an incredible thing and she could not imagine a time she would feel less excited merely by the sight of Legolas. But for her, the friendly, true and gentler love was a promise of much greater worth – it meant a companion in life. It meant someone she could trust and lean on. It meant someone who would hold her hand and steer her out of the mist.
Yes, Legolas would most probably always dominate her life in an intentional or unintentional fashion. If he had had the capability of changing for her, Irulan was certain that he would have done so a long time ago. Since he was still crushing potential admirers against brick walls, and flying thousands of miles despite her rejection, it was pretty obvious that he would be as adamant about her as ever. But -she sighed and gazed up at his figure waiting under the faint moonlight, so utterly still and twice as anxious- wasn't it a price worth paying? Who wanted a cut-out, molded model of their most idealistic dreams, anyway? Perfection was boring and she knew that if Legolas had been EXACTLY as she wished him to be, he would never be as attractive, irresistible and irreplaceable as he was now.
This, of course, didn't mean that she would accept his gentle tyranny. Most probably they would have many foul fights in the future and certainly a lot of cutlery was doomed to fly in the house. But yelling your lungs out about why the hell he had gone out and arranged a vacation when he absolutely knew that she had work to be done was, in the end, more fun than sitting at home, sipping tea and knowing that no surprises awaited you for the upcoming next year.
'Everything deserves a second chance,' she thought as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Her dream with Baeron slowly unfolded in her mind, then. 'I can not give up,' she thought as merely moments later his arms enveloped her and his warmth sizzled through her from head to toe. 'I will dust myself off and try again.'
"I want to try again," she mumbled into his shoulder a long moment later.
Legolas didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply held her and closed his eyes to enjoy the moment. The words seemed unreal, absurd and surreal all at the same time. It was one of those moments a person envisions for half a lifetime and when finally faced with it, can't be certain if it's another product of imagination, or this time the real thing. "So do I," he whispered back, trying to breathe deeply and feeling something squeezing his heart with incredible force.
He kissed her hair, embracing her stronger. He had come here certain that he had lost her forever and, instead, she was in his arms and he was given a second chance. Unwillingly his gaze drifted up to the stars. 'Even now, is my heart a toy for the gods?' he thought, feeling a lump forming in his throat and not knowing whether it was due to frustration or acute happiness. He embraced Irulan as if she was both his shield from that terrible possibility and the one he wanted to shelter, at the same time, and concentrated on the heart beating against his chest. It was a promise. It was the end of solitude. The end of torturous longing. The end of battle. If this was what defeat felt like, he was ready to lose over and over again.
She stirred then and slightly pulled back to look up at him. "We have so much to talk about!" she chuckled with slight embarrassment and discomfort.
Legolas did not loosen his grip as he gazed down at her. "Later," he whispered with a husky voice.
She hesitated, not certain if she should protest or not when he slowly leaned in and kissed her forehead. Irulan closed her eyes as his lips remained on her skin and sublime warmth filled her from head to toe. It was the sizzling of his emotions, she knew and she breathed deeply to let it wash over her as easily as possible. When she felt like the heat was so stuffing that it would leave her breathless, she risked trying it again "But…"
Legolas smiled as she trembled slightly in his arms. Irulan was cursed to be ever the rational one. But he was not in the mood to allow words and explanations steal the moment from him. He leaned in and placed his lips on hers, the feeling of surprise and shock at his own boldness only a distant buzz at this point.
He pulled back slightly, their eyes met and he read the wonder in hers, knowing it reflected the same sentiment in his. Her taste slowly bloomed in his mind like some sort of madness that blocked everything else out. Suddenly everything in his head went blank and all that Legolas could think about was how long he had waited to do this. The hours grew into days and became gigantic weeks and enormous weeks as he was gazing down at her and all the frustration, the longing, the want, the passion that had accumulated throughout that time came down on him, brutally driving everything else away.
He barely had time to recognize that familiar, incredible need and his weakness in the face of it before he bent to its will once more and pulled her face to kiss her properly. Irulan momentarily stiffened in his arms with surprise but he cupped her head in both hands and didn't allow her to pull back. He broke into her like water breaking through a damn and she finally gave in and allowed the violent rush of nature that came over her. He kissed her as if his life depended on it and when her hands glided around his back to embrace him a thrill like no other came over him. He pulled back to tilt her head the other way and before a full second could pass, he was kissing her again. It was a rough, demanding kiss but Legolas doubted that he could be more gentle if he wanted to. He doubted that he could stop himself from anything at the moment.
Irulan broke away and gasped to breathe again. She stumbled a little back but Legolas was too agile and he followed suit, pulling her into another kiss before she could utter a protest. Which was bad, because she already didn't feel much like protesting and the crumbles of her rationality were determined to vanish from the scene as quickly as possible. Again she tried to slap herself into sense and pushed away once more. Something akin to a growl came from Legolas and she only found time to utter his name before he pulled her face close once more, stunning her with his lips and his tongue. Irulan moaned into his mouth as the warmth and pleasure that was emanating from him engulfed her further and further and she felt more than tempted to throw all caution to the wind and let her desire decide all.
Legolas, on the other hand, was not in a much better condition. It had been so long! Too long. There had been too many nights he had imagined kissing Irulan like this. The scale was tipped from the beginning and his rationality was doomed to fail. His hands grasped her waist and he pulled her almost roughly against himself, ignoring her moan of protest. How could Irulan know that she had just saved his life? That this taste was the taste of salvation and rejuvenation to him? She had no way of knowing and he had no chance to explain.
She staggered back again and tripped on something and didn't have the air in her lungs to scream a warning before she tipped and fell. Lucky for her Legolas was not as clumsy and grabbed her arm, breaking her fall. It gave Irulan the chance to breath and she didn't allow him to pull her back, but sat down. An awed chuckle rose from her throat and she laughed a little before he followed suit and glided to the floor to kneel before her, gently straddling her leg and pushing his knee between them. Her laughter vanished and only the panting remained at the look of his face. Irulan bit her lip and tilted back a little, supporting herself on her arms.
Very slowly his hands reached up to cup her face again and he pulled her in for a slower and gentler kiss. "Stop," she whispered.
Legolas smiled and entwined his fingers further into her hair before he caught her lower lip. "If you say that you want to try friendship first, I will kiss you until you faint," he whispered into her ear before he gently nipped at it.
Irulan jumped slightly at that and moaned despite herself when he placed a hot, open-mouthed kiss behind her ear. "No…," she stammered, then chuckled again "we did an awful job of that."
He broke away momentarily and gave her a long look as his thumbs drew circles on her cheeks. "NEVER leave me again," was his heated whisper.
Irulan smiled despite herself with both intimidation and amusement. "You know I can't promi-…"
This time he kissed her until her arms refused to hold her up and she sank onto the forest floor, an eager Legolas moving to trap her below him. He suckled her lower lip, then broke away to gaze down at her again. There was a playfulness and definite joy in his gaze, but it didn't suffice to hide the lust underneath and Irulan swallowed softly, hoping that Legolas was sane enough not to go any further in the middle of a bamboo forest when they had barely made peace. Despite his apparent wishes, the touch on her face was gentle. "I will make you happy, Irulan," he said slowly, his eyes never leaving hers.
"I know," was her sincere reply.
Something drifted between them and Irulan stilled, feeling the veil on his emotions slowly being pulled away. She had no clue how one would describe such a feeling, but she was certain that this was what Legolas was doing. The overwhelming sensation of love, hope and joy poured through her while the elf watched her, a cryptic expression on his immaculate features. She gasped and struggled underneath the overload, but found no way of escaping it as she lay pinned underneath him. The pleasure bordered on pain in its intensity and she buckled underneath him, feeling tears building in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak his name, but found nothing to say as the sensation ripped through her. He watched her a few moments longer, then leaned in and kissed her slightly on the lips. "Hush," was he said before he leaned his forehead on hers and slowly the feeling subsided and faded away.
She took a loud, ragged breath and tried to return to reality. Her entire body tingled and burned as Legolas kissed her cheek and buried his face into her neck. "Never leave me again," he repeated almost inaudibly.
Irulan spent the next ten minutes trying to discover how much of her brain had burnt to ashes and whether she should thank Legolas for the experience, or kill him. When she was certain that she was not crippled yet, she took a deep breath and gazed at the bamboo dancing above them. Suddenly their current position reminded her of something and a smile hit her lips. She raised a trembling hand to his hair and began a slow caress. He stiffened, then relaxed again and a moment passed. He, too, must have remembered because she felt him smile against her neck, then press a long kiss to it.
"Do not kill Anne," he murmured after many minutes.
She sighed and shifted slightly below him. "I won't. If you kill her first."
Legolas chuckled and raised himself on his elbows. "I should, shouldn't I?" he said dreamily and brushed his lips against hers. "But I doubt that Russel would thank me for it." When he spoke again, there was gravity to his tone. "I owe him too much already."
Irulan cupped his face and pulled him down for a more throughout kiss. For a moment he replied with a heated kiss himself, then, to her surprise, he pulled back. "Irulan," he growled, almost with frustration, "I am trying to gather my wits." She smirked with amusement. "Stop me now," he added a moment later, his tone low and dark, "Or do not stop me at all."
She stilled, caught off-guard by both his passion and the thrill it sent through her. They stared at each other for a while, unable to blink and waiting for the other to make a move. Irulan, who was certain that all that kept Legolas at bay this moment was the fact that he would never move without her consent, didn't know if she should feel threatened or excited by that. But she knew that despite all her own want and excitement, she had not waited so long to love Legolas while she embedded her head in mud and scratched her back on stones and roots. The smile she offered at the end was sympathetic. "Consider yourself stopped, Legolas."
He groaned with disappointment and dropped his head to her shoulder again. "You shall certainly pay for that, Irulan," he growled and just when she thought that she had caused him true hurt, began to chuckle. He kissed her neck again and shifted to lie beside her, pulling her for a tight embrace. "Are you cold?" he whispered, caressing her back. Irulan shook her head and held back the urge to say that she was burning alive. "Then let us stay here a little longer."
She nodded mutely and mumbled "Let's," as the bamboo continued its song, uncaring for whatever transpired in the world underneath and between it. She listened to it for a long while, thinking of Legolas and thinking of herself. Had she made the right choice? Had she made the wrong one? She placed her hand on his chest and felt the faint vibration of his beating heart. 'I have made the ONLY choice,' she thought dimly before she drifted into sleep, light as a bamboo leaf.