If All Could Be Told.
A/N: Here's Chapter 2! Hope you enjoy it...please review and let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I still don't own ER!
Summary: Carby. Abby has a painful secret. Will this hidden truth have the potential to break their relationship apart. Plenty of angst, a smattering of romance, an abundance of friendship and a revelation.
Chapter 2: Argument
Cloudless sky and fair weather set a deceptively serene scene. The congested bustle of Chicago's rush hour had plagued their EL journey and the busy chaos had both surrounded and spilled into the ambulance bay. Despite this cacophony of noise and activity, it did not distract them from each other. Fingers entwined and bodies as close as physically possible, their pace reduced to a slow linger. The familiar glass doors despite their pace came unavoidably close. Carter stopped abruptly, pulling Abby gently to face him. His hand ran lightly up the arm not holding his own, reaching her shoulder, her neck and then her cheek. He watched her eyelids flutter closed as his lips descended onto her own in one last kiss, their last chance to take in every inch of each other before their shifts would end. His stomach entered his throat during the battle of lips and tongues as Abby felt a jolt up her spine as his hands caressed her neck and face. He pulled away reluctantly with a sigh, resigned to working an ER shift, but not once did he pull his gaze away from her beautiful brown eyes.
Entering the automatic doors and fighting through the waiting area chairs, they finally reached the admit desk. Before parting Carter leaned back into Abby, nibbling her neck, her ear and then whispering, "You're beautiful."
A crimson tinge spread across Abby's pale cheeks. She really hated compliments. From anyone else she could just shrug them off, but Carter was different, such was the sincerity soaked in his eyes. A surge of love rose from inside her, but so tainted by confusion, denial and fear she found herself enable to reciprocate the emotion etched into his features.
Carter watched her avoid his gaze; it made him intensely sad that she couldn't accept what was clearly so true.
"Don't..." she began as the blissful mood soured.
"Why not?" Carter questioned in an annoyed tone that was unintentional, yet betrayed his burgeoning feelings of frustration.
Boy, she was hard work sometimes, he was getting peeved, but love was supposed to be challenging, right?
"Because...because" her reasoning floundered.
"Because why?" Carter continued to pester.
"Forget it" She swiftly stormed into the lounge leaving Carter, stunned and pissed off at the admit desk.
Consequently, the two spent the rest of the day avoiding each other – mostly on Carter's part really, he needed time to ponder what was going on. His day managed to get worse however, as County was host to a number of difficult cases. Two traumas had come in and neither patient had survived hiking his stress levels up a number of notches. At worst he had found himself snapping at a young boy who wouldn't keep still, so he could get a blood draw.
"Thomas, don't cry, its okay" he tried to make amends as the mother of the bawling boy eyeballed him angrily in the background. Carter spotted the easier option, "Pratt" he called, "Can I pass this patient over to you" Pratt, already carrying a large pile of charts looked unhappy. He opened his mouth to protest cockily but was cut off abruptly by Carter.
"I'll take a couple of those off of your hands." as he said this Pratt's face brightened.
"Sure, that sounds like a fair swap. Thanks Doc."
Carter ducked into the lounge for a much needed break. Grabbing a much needed coffee, he gulped down the hot brown liquid in two seconds flat. Distractedly, he moved his frustration onto the polystyrene cup, picking it to bits furiously. He didn't hear Susan enter behind him.
"Hey, what did that poor cup ever do to you" She said cheerfully. Carter self-consciously put the cup aside, but sat in silence.
"Is everything okay?" she probed with evidentconcern forher friend.
"Yea, fine" he lied with a false brightness.
Susan saw through his reply, Carter had seemed tense and snappy all day and she had even seen him being brusque with patients. It was out of character for him and she didn't buy it for a minute, "Come on Carter, you've been walking around the hospital, like a bear with a sore head. Whist a certain brunette nurse that we all know and love is going around in exactly the same foul mood...I wonder what that equals"
"That Susan Lewis is nosier than we initially thought."
"Ouch!" she replied.
Carter decided to talk to her, she knew Abby well, and was one of her best friends. Maybe it would help.
"Everything is almost wonderful" he began. "I love her, Susan. We're having a great time together. I also know her pretty well - and I can't help thinking that she is hiding something from me. All I want to do is to help her because it's making her so sad. I've asked her about it, but it just sparks arguments. One of which happened this morning."
Susan listened sympathetically before tentatively answering, "I know she loves you... but we both know how hard she finds the whole 'talking about feelings' concept. Maybe you should let it rest, for a while at least. You're both pretty happy the rest of the time, right?"
"Oh yes" he replied "But I don't like to see her like that, I'm not sure if I can..."
"You might have to" Susan concluded, "I better get back out there. Weaver's radar is bound to pick me up soon and if she finds me hiding out in here I'm not sure if I'll be finishing my shift tonight, see ya Carter."
She turned to leave at the same time as Carter muttered, "Thanks Susan."
Quiet as it was Susan caught it and smiled. Those two were so complicated; both had been through so much. They love each other, but someone or something always seems to get in the way. She sighed as she thought through this, hoping that eventually her two friends would get the 'happily ever after' that they deserved.
Heavy with fatigue, Abby leant against the admit desk and sighed wearily; earlier, an old lady had arrived in a fairly healthy condition, but crashed in the ER, passing away shortly afterwards. She'd also had to change her scrubs. Twice, those kids in Exam 3 had just kept on throwing up. To make matters worse, the only spare pair she could find were pink ones that she detested.
After a skilful slalom through the ER to avoid Dr. Weaver and Carter, she headed up to the sanctuary of the roof clutching a coffee and searching for some fresh air and altitudeto clear her head. Once up there, she promptly lit a cigarette, the ash flared a hot red as she sucked in the dose of nicotine it willingly provided. She smiled at the irony, her notion of 'fresh' air being the smoke of a filthy stick of tar. She grasped the Polystyrene cup tensely, the breeze, magnified by the height of the building, blew her unruly hair in a dance over her petite facial features as she contemplated her earlier argument with Carter. She did love Carter, and that scared her. She also found talking about feelings impossible, preferring to hide whenever possible. It was rooted in fear of being hurt and disappointed, to some she seemed detached and methodical but on the inside she was far from cold.
Telling him, played on her mind, should she? If she loved him and he her, surely he would understand. She peered into the muddy dregs of her coffee for enlightenment before remembering with an amused sigh that it was tea leaves that were supposed to solve such dilemmas. She anticipated that his reaction would be disgust, he would judge her and she wouldn't be surprised if he hated her. She couldn't and decided to keep her secret for fear of losing him and the chance at a relationship they had been given.
Once again, the darkness's that existed in her past were suppressed; she sincerely hoped that she could keep them deep within her soul. The ER's knowledge of her mother and family were enough to deal with. She was good at keeping her secrets hidden, it was better than facing the pain. These thoughts had bought ever familiar tears streaking salty lines down her face, at least she was alone – no-one could see her weak alter ego. That only led to questions, leading to a truth that was tearing her apart. The chill on the roof enveloped her and began to get too much;her thoughts so muddled she couldn't stand to think any more. She threw away her spent cigarette and immediatelylit another, after two heavenly puffs, felt ready to return to the craziness that was an ER shift.
The ER slowed after Abby and Carter's respective breaks, but a steady flow of patients and severe lack of traumas prevented them from crossing paths again. Neither of them had cheered up any, Susan noticed in exasperation.
"Hey Abby" Susan had caught up with her in the drug closet. "Any Haldol in there?" she continued. Abby looked up, her eyebrows arched questioningly.
"Curtain two" she clarified "a lady who apparently is affecting all the electricity in Illinois. Anyway she won't let us hook her up to any fluids. Psych hasn't come down yet – she got distressed and kicked Yosh somewhere tender."
"Ouch" Abby sympathised, she reached high and grasped the small glass vial "There you go."
The two women walked down the corridor together, Susan tried the same tack she had with Carter earlier.
"Are you okay, you don't seem yourself today?"
"Yes I'm fine" Abby knotted her brows together in a frown, then plastered on an impressive fake smile "I'm sarcastic, pessimistic, normal, old me."
Susan sighed inwardly. Abby was an expert at pretending, but her soulful eyes always gave her away – or as they were at the moment, soulless. She gave up reluctantly.
"Okay, wish me luck, Psych better be here soon. Good job I'm not male" She said trying to lighten the mood, but only drawing a half-smile from Abby.
"Oh I don't know…it could always be arranged, you know" Abby noted dryly. Susan replied with a wide smile.
She watched Abby walk on with some concern, but with a feeling of helplessness. Seeing at first hand Abby's unwillingness to open up stirred up her sympathy for Carter and simultaneous worry for both of her friends' relationship. She was merely left to hope that they would work it out.
Please let me know what you think... :)