A/N: Finally! the revelation is here and here's where it goes waaaay A/U!...hope you enjoy...If you do please let me know and leave a review...thanks :)

If All Could Be Told.

Chapter 4: Faraway Longing and Revelations Abound.

The next few weeks passed by in a blur for both. Hurt, stubbornness and purposely alternate shifts prevented any contact between the pair. Both were almost silent at work, robotically performing their jobs. Carter had had a surprise one morning, finding a box of his belongings in the lounge. Their co-workers had all noticed, and were keeping a watchful eye on them. On shifts where they had to be working together, exchanges were merely civil, tense and devoid of eye contact. Today proved to be the exception to this coincidental rule, they were both working on the same shift. Abby and Carter were professional enough to keep focused on their individual shifts. In spite of this, furtive glances had been stolen over traumas, each nervously checking to see if the other was okay. Gazes were avoided in corridors and elevators. All chance of communication was feared for its possible consequences.

Every time Carter saw her, something ignited within him. It wasn't the anger he'd expected to feel after these events either. He still felt for her as he had two weeks ago, as he always would. The apparent ruins of their relationship were not what scared him the most, it was their lack of friendship, now just as non-existent as their failed romance. No-one understood him on the level that Abby had and did. Now he had probably lost that, he suddenly felt very alone. Yet there was something about Abby, despite her smart and strong appearance, her façade of strength that he knew she used to hide her biggest vulnerabilities. She used it to hide her drinking before the smallpox scare and he was sure she still used it now. It hurt that she didn't want him to help her.

It was this same stubbornness and hurt that restrained him. Stubbornness that restrained him from talking to her, looking at her, reaching out to brush away that strand of hair from her face, touching her neck, touching the small of her back as they passed in the corridor, kissing her heavenly lips.

Abby felt all this too, she had however, persuaded herself that it would be better this way. She was so used to concealing feelings that even the strength of her love for Carter could be hidden, especially when it dared to come into contact with unwanted memories of her past. Not even Carter, friend-lover-soul mate had managed to get her to confess her deepest agony. Sadly, she knew no-one else would even get close.

Carter had just finished his break. In the ambulance bay he could see through the clear doors, chairs, busy and zoo-like. With Dr. Weaver absent chaos reigned. Abby was stood at the admit desk, her dark hair tied smartly back, revealing the pale nape of her neck. Its graceful curve having many a time been on the receiving end of his kisses. He wanted to go inside and kiss her right then. How could he...they weren't even on speaking terms...not conversationally anyway...he decided there and then, he had to start somewhere. He headed over to the busy desk as Abby turned to leave. Both caught each others gaze for the first time in weeks. Sadness and love wasreflected in her dark irises. He muttered a hopeful, "Hey". This awoke her out of her trance, but her eyes grew cold. She had ignored the flutters from within as looked at his handsome features, held with his shining look of concern. Abby replied with a monotonous "Hey" as she turned and quickly paced away. A single tear escaped down her cheek. This went unnoticed by Carter, in his hurt and bewilderment as he went to grab some charts.

Methodically, Carter scanned the board, whilst sifting through charts that had created a small pile. He successfully ignored Jerry who was making idle conversation, busy ensuring that the rumour mill ran smoothly. Carter's concentration was disrupted by the tail-end of the conversation between an irate Frank and a dark-haired, young-looking woman.

"Abigail Wyczenski, are you sure?" She asked politely, in a sweet tone.

"Look I'm busy, there is no-one here by that name" Frank snapped unreasonably.

At this, Carter headed towards the front of the desk, to behind who he could now see was a petite girl with a waif like stature.

"I'm Dr. Carter, do you need any help?" he enquired towards the girl, but it was Frank who answered first.

"This one needs all the help she can get" Frank murmured sarcastically.

The girl turned around and Carter gave a little cough of surprise. Piercing green eyes were framed by intrusive dark hair. They conveyed her annoyance of Frank who had resumed eating some kind of heart attack inducing snack. High cheekbones moulded her mouth into a wry pout. Carter realised he had stood in silence for a time and corrected it.

"I'm looking for Abigail Wyczenski" she said, "and the desk guy is an asshole" she said emphasising loudly the last part. This young girl, barely 16 or 17 exuded maturity from her sea-green eyes.

"Are you a patient?"

"No I just need to...is she here...I need to ask her..." the girls emotions surfaced and her youth graced her features for the first time.

"Yes, I'll go and see if I can find her" Carter's curiosity superseded any qualms he might have had about talking to Abby. If he was honest he was glad of the excuse for communication. He found her in the supplies cupboard.

"Abby"

On hearing his voice, she at first stayed still, not turning around. He hadn't expected her to. He carried on regardless.

"There's somebody at the admit desk to see you" he continued.

"Who?" She asked, in an unintentionally terse manner.

"I'm not sure, they asked for an 'Abigail Wyczenski' though"

She turned abruptly, her face had contracted with thought; Carter was sure he saw a flash of fear across her face.

"Its not Maggie is it?"

"No, I'd say that wouldn't I? – come out and see for yourself"

Abby obliged and followed Carter out of the supplies cupboard, his presence reassuring the unease that this unknown encounter was creating. The girl once again had her back towards him. Abby lagged behind awkwardly, Carter tapped the girl's shoulder to gain her attention.

"Hey, here she is" Carter said, nodding his head towards Abby. The girl looked Abby up and down and stood in silence for the longest time. Abby meanwhile stood just as nervously at Carter's side. The girl eventually broke the silence.

"My name is Jessica...well, Jess..."

Carter watched Abby's face contort with a mixture of emotion, fear and pain as the girl muttered the words Abby didn't need to have confirmed,

"You're my mom."

Carter was winded with surprise; he glanced from Abby towards Jess and back again. He should have seen it, it was obvious. Jess was what a teenage Abby would have looked like, just as Abby was a thirty-something, slightly less crazy Maggie. Her hair, her pout, her petite figure, her sarcasm...but there were those green eyes, where Abby had chocolate coloured pools. His thoughts tracked back to the situation, god, Abby had a daughter. She hadn't told him. An emotion rose into his chest – not quite anger, but hurt and realisation, was this the secret? and why hadn't she told him? He didn't know when, how, why or the answers to any of these questions – and didn't know if he would ever find out. The shock and surprise caused an awkward silence to descend upon the three, but it was Jess that broke it.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked assertively, the question obviously pointed at Abby.

Carter interrupted at this point, it probably wasn't a good idea to eavesdrop, despite the shock of the situation and his concern for Abby, and he was unsure whether she'd want him to be around.

"I should go" he said "Leave you two to catch up"

Abby had a shell shocked expression, she'd imagined this moment many times, with fear and with hope. All though she'd been able to suppress this secret from others, there was not a day where she didn't think about it and about her daughter Jess. She looked at the young girl in front of her, she was more beautiful than she remembered, but she had been tiny then. She was surprised that she looked so like her, and hoped she hadn't inherited any of her bad traits; hopefully Jess had been lucky, there were a lot of them. She looked up at Carter her eyes pleaded with him not to leave. She felt scared for herself, what did Jess think of her, and scared for her daughter, what had she been through and scared of Carter's reaction.

Her thought processes where whirring with this, she murmured her reply to the wide eyed girl stood I front of her. "Yes" she stated simply.

"I realise you're at work right now. Can I meet you sometime this week?"

Carter was again surprised at the girl's maturity, her plans were stated in an unnervingly cool and clinical manner, and not a trace of emotion was revealed on the outside at least, except for her glistening eyes.

"Yes" said Abby, still too shocked to find an alternative phrase.

"On Saturday, at noon? At that café outside here" Jess said referring to Doc Magoo's.

Abby nodded affirmatively; convulsively she reached out to touch Jess's pale cheek.

"You're really here" She whispered slowly. Then, catching her emotions, she abruptly pulled her hand away.

"Saturday then" said Jess matter-of-factly. She turned and walked a couple of paces away before turning back and saying, "Thank you"

They both watched the girl retreat, thorough the ambulance bay until her dark head of hair completely disappeared. Abby stood still, eyes wide, seemingly numb, the secret that she had tried to hide from everyone and herself. The thing that caused her torrents of pain and tears, the thing that had torn up many a relationship had overtly declared itself to the audience of the ER and worst of all, Carter.

He was still by her side, watching and waiting for her to speak. Instead she just stared outside into the ambulance bay, her eyes sad, brimming with tears that she wouldn't allow to fall. Carter couldn't bear the obvious pain he could see in her eyes and broke the silence.

"Abby" he said gently.

His voice bought, reality crashing back around her, Jess had been, here, everyone else would soon know what Carter knew. The concrete exterior she had built up felt very fragile. She was reminded of her past self – whom she thought awful, the memories of this person causing her untold pain. Her insides screamed as she fled to the lounge, grabbing her jacket, oblivious to Carter chasing and calling her name. He followed her, but she continually ignored him.

"Carter" she began nastily, but rebuked herself as her emotions rose, her tone became pleading.

"Please leave me alone"

He ignored this request, and followed. She turned, tossing back her dark hair and putting her hand on his chest. She raised her voice as it cracked, full of emotion.

"Leave me alone!" was the second attempt.

Her pace quickened, she too headed out of the doors into the ambulance bay. The second person Carter had watched retreat this way. He was left to himself to protest the last part.

"But it's pouring outside!"

Susan meanwhile, had entered the ER from the elevator, having chased up some missing labs. She had arrived to see Abby rushing out of the hospital, in an uncharacteristically emotional manner. She looked toward Carter who looked like he too had been hit himself by some sort of emotional pick-up truck. He answered the question read from her concerned expression, "She's not okay, Susan...I can't say, someone will fill you in" He thought about the state she was in, someone had to help her, or at least to try. Despite what had happened between them, he still cared enough to do so. Cared, if Carter admitted it, he still loved her. His mind went through all the stupid things she could possibly do, from drinking a brewery... to a scarier, unthinkable situation. He shook those thoughts from his mind. He had to find her. Fast.

"I've got to go" said Carter, Susan nodded.

"Will you cover for us?"

"Yes, of course...let me know" her took on a tone of worry. She felt a flutter of unease at what she had witnessed.

"Thank you"

Carter hurriedly changed and bolted out of the hospital, leaving a concerned Susan in the dark.