A/N: Thanks for reading and if you like it...or loathe...please review :)

Disclaimer: ER and its characters do not belong to me...but Jess does!

If All Could Be Told

Chapter 5: Running Scared and Exposed Pain

Heavy clouds caused the sheets of water to pour torrentially on the darkened streets of Chicago. Carter thought about Abby's mindset, she wouldn't have taken the EL; there would be too many people around to see her in her emotional state. So, he drove his Jeep along the likeliest route, scanning every soaking pavement intently, hoping he'd find her. She was sure to be drenched, he thought, as the rain drowned the streets.

The wipers on his window-screen were working overtime. There were many silhouettes, walking the streets of Chicago; he finally came across her the only one without an umbrella. The rashly quick pace with which she had left the ER had slowed to a snail-like dawdle. He pulled up a little way further along the street and waited for her to wander by.

In his rear mirror, he could see she was near. He got out of the Jeep, and headed towards her. She didn't see him at first. She was soaked to the skin, wet hair sticking to her face, clothes dripping. He could hear her shivering, as she looked up and spoke, "I told you to leave me." Her voice was flat and without expression.Tiny as she was, she managed to push past Carter's strong frame. As she went by, he noticed a sodden paper bag in her hand bearing the name of a nearby liquor store.Once she had stepped away from Carter, he turned suddenly, gently catching her arm but holding it firmly.

"Don't…" Weariness and warning was plainly evident in her tone. Her head turned to face him.

His eyes travelled from his hand, up her arm. Familiar fluttersrose as he took in every inch of her and stopped as his eyes met her brown irises.

"I can't just leave you"

Seeing the intense compassion in his eyes broke her soul in two. He cared so much, now it was different, he knew, yet he didn't know enough. She was afraid he would hate her, once he knew the whole truth. Her thoughts focused on him, his care and compassion. She was confused, hurt, scared, the weight of all the worry and events of the day made her knees buckle and she began to fall.

As his arms came around her tiny frame, the constant trickle of tears inseparable from the raindrops that streaked her damp face. She grasped on to his comfort, drowning in the hug he offered her. Although Carter knew Abby, he had never once seen her as emotional, she hadn't let him. He had always encountered her strong persona, the Abby that talked, loved and fought, lashing everyone with her biting wit and deadpan sarcasm, even when her eyes betrayed her turmoil. Now, the vulnerability of the strongest person he knew absolutely terrified him. Abby had never seemed to be further from herself than now. He stood holding her tightly for a while. As the rain pelted harder, he lifted her up, carrying her to his Jeep.

The journey to Carter's house commenced in silence, Abby stared out of her window, and her red eyes still not finished shedding their tears. Carter perturbed by the events, concentrated on his driving, as they arrived, he glanced over to see her snoring softly, emotional exhaustion had taken its toll.

He carried her in, gently waking her. She had a shower and changed, performing these tasks robotically, fatigue causing her to fall asleep soon after. He watched her chest rise and fall with peaceful snores; once again his heart was tugged by the thing that was hurting her so much. Now he had been enlightened he began to wonder what she'd been through. Was there more for her to tell, and would she let him in?

Abby awoke, her usual morning hazes made her forget at first where she was. As she came to her senses she remembered all the events from yesterday, her stomach sunk to the floor. She felt afraid all over again, her past was haunting her still. She dressed silently, as she opened the bedroom door, she saw Carter, horizontal on his cream leather sofa, his legs hanging off of the end. She smiled slightly at this sight. After her sleep, she had regained her composure at least. Carter would want to talk, to know. She wanted to stay, but the voice that in her head told her to run, and to leave. Stepping quietly through the room, she began to undo the door chain as quietly as possible.

The chain was temperamental and stuck fast. Abby scrabbled desperately with the metal, which didn't work as quietly as she would've liked.

"Not staying for breakfast?" A voice travelled over her left shoulder. He had heard the chain. She turned slowly around, cursing the door chain in her head. "Don't you want to talk about yesterday?" As wakefulness returned to him, so did his concern it urged him to persist, to try and get Abby to talk.

"Nope, I'm fine now" She pretended as her heart protested otherwise.

"You have a funny impression of 'fine'" he was beginning to get annoyed, after all he had done, she still wouldn't talk to him. She saw the flash of anger in his eyes where concern usually rested. She felt guilty and ashamed. He didn't stop, he had opened up a long-silenced source of annoyance, "Whilst we were together, you cried on this very sofa, and ignored my offers of help, last night there was a different Abby, I know you're hurting, about Jess, about something. I care about you...dammit I love you. Let me help you"

He shouldn't care so much, she thought. She was selfish and bad...Jess was the embodiment of all her selfish acts and a reminder of her pains.

"Please...Don't" she whimpered sadly.

"No" he raised his voice slightly; she saw his jaw-line tense up. It did that when he was being serious or angry. She loved that she could tell this, read his expressions like this. Her mind travelled back to the moment, he was still talking.

"...I'm not leaving you alone after…everything; you can't say anything to make me think you're okay. I know you're not, please talk to me..."

Abby stared across at the figure in front. If he hadn't have had such severe bed-hair, brown tufts sticking up in an undisciplined but rather cute manner, that contrasted the look of vehemence on his face, she could have walked out there and then. His capacity, to care, to feel for people amazed her, she viewed it with both disdain: she considered it a weakness to wear your heart on your sleeve and envy.

Looking at his stubborn expression of concern, she was tired of fighting. Maybe if she told him the truth, he would hate her enough to leave her alone, alone with her thoughts and alone with her past.

She began to mutter quietly through his speech, "Okay"

"...What?"

"I'll tell you"

"Everything?" He arched his eyebrows in surprise.

"Everything" she sighed.