Hello all, it is us again. We are really amazed that we didn't get flamed yet, well not really. Someone mentioned something about Voldie being 20 years older than Wormtail, all I have to say to that is, eh, who cares. This story doesn't make much sense anyway.
You all can blame this chapter on the fact that Aubrey was listening to a lot of Ween and Tenacious D while writing it.
This chapter is also dedicated to: James or jacobimvonstyluss because he came up with the new title for this piece of nonsense. Very creative, man! Also, thanks for being Aubrey's beta, you're the best!
Disclaimer: We own nothing, except for the monkey, Bubbles and the plot, if you can call it a plot.
Warning: This fic is slashtastic, with lots and lots of hot, yummy boy on boy action. At least it will be someday. If you don't like that, don't go and get yourself addicted to this story and you know you will get addicted. There is no stopping it.
(Aubrey) A/N: Read our other stories. I have nothing really funny to say. Ok, I just thought of something. There is no plot bunny for this story, there is more like a plot snail or three-toed sloth. There is also, Jake, the guy inside my head who tells me to do things. He is in charge of the conflict this time. That's all. Aubrey signing off.
Alrighty then…..
Chapter 3: Twink
Dumbledore stood up and got everyone's attention. "Well with this new turn of events, I believe I will cancel all classes for the next week to celebrate. I also think that a party is in order. Head Boy and Girl will you meet me in my office in half an hour to start planning?" he asked. Then he got up and exited the room.
Thirty minutes later, Hermione found herself outside the gargoyle that guarded the Headmaster's office. "Fucking shit," she mumbled.
"What was that Miss Granger?"
Hermione spun around and saw the feared potions master behind her. "Sorry, Professor," she said. Then she continued to explain herself, "I don't know the password."
Professor Snape laughed. Hermione's eyes widened at this. Did she just hear right, did the most feared and hated man in all of Hogwarts laugh? And why is he grinning at her like a fool? "What is up with you, Professor?" she asked.
"I just never thought I would hear such language from you, Miss Granger."
"Well, then you don't know me very well. Just because I am smart, doesn't mean that I don't curse like a sailor. I do, by the way," she said laughing. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Can you fucking let me in already?"
Snape almost reprimanded her for swearing at him, but then he remembered he didn't have to be that man anymore. So he answered her, "Yes, I can fucking let you in." He laughed when he saw that she just about shit her pants at that comment. He turned to the gargoyle, and said, "Snickers."
The door started to open, and he joined Miss Granger on the moving staircase. When they were in the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore said, "Welcome you two sit down." Then after he offered the usual lemon drop, he said, "Severus, I hear you have ideas for the party. Why don't you and Miss Granger work on them together. I'll get Mr. Weasley to be in charge of decorations or something."
Snape smiled and said, "Sure thing, Albus. Miss Granger do you want to accompany me down to the dungeons and I will let you in on what I have planned."
"Sure," she replied still a little shocked at the sudden change in the Potions Master.
They left the Headmaster's office and walked down to the dungeons. Once there, Severus lead Hermione into his personal sitting room and invited her to sit down. As she sat, she asked, "What the hell has gotten into you, sir?"
"What do you mean?" He replied.
"Why are you being nice to me, Professor I mean I am a Gryffindor. You know, the girl that you have picked on for practically my entire Hogwarts career. I mean, what the fuck is going on?"
"If you must know. I am no longer going to have to live a double life. Do you understand what a weight that is off my shoulders?"
"I can imagine, sir. But, why?"
"Well, Hermione, it is okay if I call you that, right?" he asked and when he saw her nod, he continued, "I finally am free of him and the dark arts, and can focus on myself and making myself happy, instead of focusing on doing my part to save the world. Make sense now?"
"Ok, that makes sense, sort of. What would make you happy?" She asked.
"Well, many things. I don't want to be known as the greasy bat of the dungeons anymore for one."
"Well, that is easy. We wash your hair for a change and you don't wear so much black. And maybe go outside once in a while. What else?" She answered.
"Contrary to popular belief, I do wash my hair."
"Well, then you are not using the right shampoo," she said. Then she asked, "What are you using?"
"My own personal blend of stuff," he replied. Then he summoned the recipe. "Here you go."
"Professor, you are supposed to be one of the best people with potions, but you cannot brew a simple shampoo potion. You added silverleaf, which you stated here was supposed to get rid of hair grease and leave your hair silky and shiny. Instead, silverleaf, does the opposite. You probably want to add a little hydrangea bloom instead. Also, to give your hair excellent highlights you might want to add some columbine petals. Really, how long have you used this and not noticed that?"
"My, God, Hermione. You're right. And quit calling me Professor. While you are in my private rooms, you must call me Sev."
Hermione almost fell out of her chair in laughter. The dreaded Potions Master just told her to call him Sev. "Sure, Sev," she said sarcastically.
"Don't be cheeky," he said. "Anyway, you want to help me brew a new shampoo potion?"
"Sure, and while we're at it, we can talk about your ideas about the party."
They walked to his private lab, and she set herself up behind a cauldron. "Go gather materials, Sev," she said. "I'll set things up here."
He followed her order, and when he finished gathering the materials, he brought them to her. He sat back and watched her work. She looked up and asked, "What are your ideas?"
"Well, I have a few. We need to get a really great band, but since I have been out of the loop in that department for like my whole life, I was hoping you'd have an idea. Also, we could make it a dress up party of sorts. A couple of years ago, I found a potion that would change the taker into a costume," he said. "I have it around here, somewhere." He then started shuffling around papers on his desk.
Before he could find what he was looking for, he was interrupted by Hermione declaring she was finished with his new and improved shampoo potion. "Now, go wash you hair," she ordered. "I want to see how it works."
He obeyed and went to take a shower. When he was done, he hurriedly put on a pair of black trousers and a white button down shirt. He walked into his sitting room with his hair still wet, but he was also barefooted. "Here goes nothing," he said and pointed his wand to his head and whispered a drying spell. "It look okay?" he asked.
Hermione smiled in unspoken satisfaction. She said, "Fucking hell, we should market that stuff. It looks fabulous." She stood up to examine his hair closer. She ran her fingers through it, smelled it, and smiled at her brilliance. "I am a fucking miracle worker."
Severus smiled, but something happened when she started touching his hair. Something that hasn't happened in a long time, he felt desire for the girl in front of him. He didn't think about what he did, he just leaned in and kissed her. He was pleased when she didn't pull away in disgust. Instead, she was the one to deepen it. At this, he roughly pushed her onto the couch, and proceeded to have his way with her. Not that she complained.
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Just a few doors down, in the Slytherin common room, Harry, Draco, Blaise, and Pansy were sitting there chain smoking. Suddenly there was a peck on the window, and Harry stood up to open it for the owl that was franticly trying to get in. It flew directly to Draco, and he took the package and told it to go away.
He opened it, and fainted. Harry picked up the letter and read it aloud,
Draco-
Take care of Bubble for me, he has come to mean a great deal to me and I don't want him to get taken away from me by that gross, fake Michael Jackson.
Anyway, hope everything is well. Make new friends. Do you have enough socks?
Love you very much,
Daddy Lucius
Harry busted up laughing when he had finished. Suddenly he saw Bubbles. He was a very angsty ape in the corner, smoking a cigarette. "Good idea Bubbles," he said as he lit himself another cigarette.
When Draco came around, Harry said, "Twink, you okay?"
Blaise got a confused look on his face, "when did you start calling him 'Twink'," he asked.
"Just now. The pink hair and tie were what decided it. It is also derived from Tinkerbelle who was a fairy. Only real fairies faint."
Pansy laughed and said, "You're right. He is a Twink. Anyway, I gotta go get laid. I'll be back later," she said and she left the common room on the prowl.
"That is a good idea," Blaise said winking at Harry.
Harry looked at him and said, "Not in the mood." In fact he was starting to get sick of Blaise and his clingy nature. At first it was great, but now the man was always around. Blaise looked hurt at this comment and stalked his way upstairs to his dorm room.
Harry watched him go, and whispered, "Thank fucking god."
Draco's eyes shot open, and he said, "What the fucking hell? That is my best friend, and your boyfriend. What is going on?"
"Shut it, Twink, shit. Haven't you noticed that wherever I am Blaise is there? He is always there, smoking my cigarettes, and trying to get me in the sack. Hate to say this, but I think I am over him, and I haven't even broken up with him."
At that, Harry pulled a cigarette out and lit it. He offered Draco one, who did the same. Draco said, "What is the matter with him in the sack?"
"Nothing really, it is just always the same. He sucks me off, and I fuck him. No spontaneity," he said. "There is also the fact that no matter where I hide, he finds me."
"Have you told him this?"
"Yeah, I tried. He didn't listen," Harry said. "Draco, you cannot tell him any of this! If you do, I really will make you the girl you should have been."
"Don't worry, Potter, I won't say a word. But I have a problem."
"What is it, Twink?"
"This," Draco said, and kissed him. Harry kissed him back and took control of the kiss. There were all the butterflies he was supposed to feel when he kissed Blaise. However, with Blaise they weren't there.
Draco pulled away, and said, "Wow."
"Damn fucking straight," Harry said cockily.
"Shit, how are we going to tell Blaise about this?"
"We don't. We make him think that he is breaking my heart."
Draco perked up, "Wow, how very Slytherin of you. I like it. If Blaise broke up with you then it wouldn't look like I was stealing his boyfriend."
Harry kissed him and said, "You catch on quick, Twink. Anyway, I am going to go and make up with Ron. I think I have left him dangling long enough."
"Ummm… Potter, I think you should wait for a while."
"Why is that?"
"Because, when Pansy said that she was going to get laid, she was going to get laid by Ron. I hear he is a real stallion in the sack. To the boys, you're the sex god of Gryffindor. However, he's the sex god to the girls."
Harry's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe it. Ron, who tripped over his own feet, was a great lay. "Fine, what do you want to do then?" Harry asked Draco. "I, for one, don't want to think of Ron and Pansy doing whatever they are doing."
Draco laughed, "We could make out," he said.
TBCOkey dokey, there you go…. Now Review!