Walls

Chapter One

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

-Matchbox Twenty

Raindrops crackled against the glass of the bedroom window, each impact seeming to echo in the eerie silence the midnight hour brought with it.

Kit stared dully out the window at the dreary October blackness, his open manual in front of him on his desk. He watched the patterns of water on the window shift as the rain ran down the glass, leaving a small trail behind it; a veritable network of droplets.

It had been three weeks since he had last talked with her about 'them'. It had seemed so easy at the time… she had been cheerful and content as she sat with him on Tiana Beach, the cold Atlantic waters lapping gently at their feet.

-flashback-

"…what does 'love' mean to you…?"

She blinked, then turned her attention back out to the sun as it doused itself in the orange-hued waters.

"Well," she said slowly, tucking a stray bit of hair behind her ear. "It can mean different things."

"Uhm… well, what d'you think of when that word comes to mind?"

She shrugged and laid her head on his shoulder. "I dunno… but going back. What does it mean to me… uh… I guess it means finding someone you can trust, someone who cares for you… someone you know in your heart you can be with forever."

He gently put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. "Mmm... and do you think you've found that person yet?"

Another blink, and she sat up, pulling her hair back over her shoulders.

Looking up, he was surprised to see a frown cross her face for a split second, but then she grinned.

"You'll see in time…"

-end flashback-

­­He sighed, rubbing his eyes with one hand. Damn it, where had he gone wrong. All he had tried to do was to make her happy… to feed the fire that was their relationship. Now he wondered if he had smothered it with too much attention.

-flashback-

"So where do you think we're going… as in like… uh… more-than-friend wise."

Looking disgusted, she closed the bedroom door on Dairine and her latest boyfriend and turned to face him, her countenance changing to one of discomfort.

"Um…"

He waited, watching as she chewed on a corner of her lower lip, her gray eyes searching the floor for an answer.

"Neets?"

She didn't even look up.

"…Nita. Neets. You okay?"

He was starting to worry. Ever since about a week ago, she wouldn't talk about their relationship. If the topic arose, she would promptly change the subject; if it was impossible to change, she would shut her mouth.

He hated it. She was putting walls up around herself, and he still didn't know why.

"Nita?"

Her gray eyes flickered from the floor to his face, then to the clock down the hall.

"Don't you have to be getting home?" she asked.

Kit blinked, surprised, and felt his heart hit the floor.

"I guess so…" he said, his gaze fixed on Nita's face, scrutinizing it for answers.

"So… bye."

"But…"

She turned and walked into her room, closing the door behind her.

-end flashback-

He had sent her an apology note, tried to make mind contact with her, but she kept blocking him She refused to answer the note, shielded her thoughts…

Kit felt something trickling down his cheek, and brusquely wiped it away. He refused to cry, even after she had put him down. It wasn't gonna happen.

Forcing himself to hold back what he had been keeping inside of him for three weeks, he sniffed and turned his radio on. Matchbox Twenty couldn't fail him.

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

- flashback-

She had grinned and poked him as he belted out the opening lines. "What a lie…"

Glaring at her, he made a dive at her, knocking her over backwards from her perch on the footboard of his bed. She squeaked in surprise as he smacked headlong into the headboard, then tumbled off onto the floor, clutching the growing lump on his head and moaning.

She knelt beside him, striving to hide a grin. "You okay?"

He cocked an eye at her. "Does it look like it?"

With a laugh, she kissed him solidly on the cheek and stood up. "C'mon, gettup you idiot…"

-end flashback-

He couldn't take it any more. This was killing him… why the hell wouldn't she tell him what was wrong?

"Powers help me…"

Another fat tear trickled down his face and fell with a muffled click onto his desk.

The frigid October rain pattered up against the bedroom window, each impact seeming to echo in the eerie midnight silence…

A/N: I'm baaaaaack… updates for my other stories are definitely on their way. I'm duly sorry for the wait I put you guys through.

And… -Disclaimer- I don't own Matchbox Twenty, nor do I own the YW series.

Pity.