Chapter 4 (Justified Insomnia)

Daisy brushed her teeth in silence. There was no point in hurrying; it would be a while before the other two settled. Juliette and Shelby were bickering about the contents of the stew they had eaten that night. She herself had found it tasteless and chewy, like gum that had been in her mouth for too long. The food would once more taking getting used to.

She looked at herself in the mirror and thought that Peter was ignorant and stupid, in an ignorant caring, male type of way. It would be so easy to slit your wrists with a shard of broken mirror. There had to be some safety mechanism, perhaps it wasn't glass at all. She ran a hand through her hair and went into the bedroom; she could brush it in the morning. There was little point anyway. It would be tangled after sleep, or the restlessness she anticipated. She got into her bed, staring blankly at the wall across from her.

The one bed was still empty. Soon a new Cliffhanger would join them, and good luck to her. For a moment Daisy wondered if her sentence at Mt. Horizon had helped her at all. If there was hope? If she was profoundly dysfunctional and deeply disturbed. It was euphemistically put as being a troubled adolescent. Not teenager, not child, but adolescent.

Shelby came in to the room and got into bed. "You're quiet tonight."

Juliette bounced in and slid under her covers. "Isn't she usually?"

"Not this quiet."

"I have nothing to say." Daisy said and rolled over. "Goodnight."

"Night." Juliette said.

"I'll get the light." Shelby said.

Soon the room was in darkness. Juliette fell asleep quickly, purring like a kitten in her dreams. At least someone had found peace. Shelby rolled over several times and them there was no more movement, no more sounds, except the usual night noises that came from outside. A grunt from her best friend told her she was asleep.

Slowly Daisy rolled onto her back, so as not to wake the other two. Her bed had a tendency to squeak. Now she could be alone with her thoughts. There would be no one to interrupt and she could rationalise her position.

Helen Woods had caused a whirlpool in the wild rapids of Daisy's head. She kept on filtering in and Daisy constantly felt as though she had been kicked in the stomach. She was unsure of whether or not to allow her thoughts to explore Helen, or whether she should keep them confined within the tight boundaries of her brain. She could, if she tried hard enough eradicate it completely.

Should she? But it was unlikely, that she invest her brainpower in Helen, what would she call it, interest? infatuation? Ezra had a definite crush on the young woman, and her interests could be validated and based on her relationship with the boy. It could be brought down to support. Spying for her friend. Underground Daisy, working for her own interests.

But he was right. Helen was flawless. Daisy found her, as a whole fascinating. She was attractive, quick thinking, insightful yet hid herself within herself. Don't we all? Daisy smiled to the shadowed ceiling. And how old was she? Mystery. Wolfwoman. No, not Wolfwoman, Helen. Helen Woods. She could see her qualifications, her diplomas. Psychologist extraordinaire.

She knew that the councillor's cabin was just over a hundred yards away, and that her lights had still been on the last time she had checked. She sat up and peered out of the window above her bed. Darkness. Helen had retired. Images flashed through her head. Helen lying in bed, as peaceful as a woman could be. Daisy saw herself standing over her bed and asked herself if that qualified as a fantasy. If you could, what would you do? She thought.

She found her thought patterns disturbed. But, according to so many people, that was what she was. Was this a side effect of being withdrawn from the majority of disturbed people? Society? Why was she there? To re-define her non-sexuality? No, to get help. And that is what Helen was there for, to help, to cure her. Selfishly, only her? No, Daisy was just another student. Nothing special. Helen probably looked at the Cliffhangers as an assignment, a job. Something in which she had no choice. All the same, it was unlikely she would look at her councillor in the same light. Daisy felt confused. She was totally unsure of what to make of her thoughts.

Helen found herself awake two hours after getting into bed. This was not a good start, sleepless nights in the new environment already… But she knew exactly what was wrong. She was trying her hardest to bar her thoughts from wandering there, but they would, if not in the waking hours, then in her dreams. Daisy.

She was behaving in an unprofessional manner. She was a councillor, a teacher, and she knew she was developing a crush on the dark, Ms. Lipenowski. She was there to teach the students life skills, not develop a crush on the first intriguing young thing to come across her path. Actually, that was forbidden.

But was it? What if she kept it to herself and allowed her mind to take her to hidden depths of fantasy? What if she allowed her body to succumb to Daisy? Who would know? She briefly though of the consequences of allowing her feelings to develop, but brushed it aside. She could brush it off to infatuation. Nothing serious. The schoolgirl crush she had missed out on. She knew she would never dream of taking it further. Not only would that ruin her career, but also what would it do to Daisy? It would terrify her; it could ruin everything Peter and Sophie had built within her. Do not pursue the lost. But what if you yourself were lost? Wasn't there a saying about the blind leading the blind? It would be something like that. Daisy, blind to her affections leading her into another realm of being. She felt silly. She felt ten years younger. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Perhaps her position amongst all the troubled students had warped her mind. But it was too soon to take effect. In a month or two she would look back on her thoughts and laugh.

All she was certain of is that spending any more time with the Cliffhangers would lead to a stumbling of a deeply personal kind.