It didn't take Ben long to realise, after they brought Jenny home, that despite her best efforts in the hospital, Evelyn was not naturally maternal. Whenever Jenny cried, she would carry on with what she was doing and leave her to scream while he would hurry over immediately to soothe her. She pretended not to hear her daughter crying in the night, so he got up to feed and change her. Whenever he came home from work, more often than not, the apartment was in chaos and Jenny would be screaming while Evelyn was doing something else. Without the constant support of nurses, she seemed to be falling apart spectacularly.
"Evelyn, she's crying!" he found himself saying in despair when he walked through the door every night.
"I know, I can hear her," Evelyn snapped back, "I've been listening to her all fucking day!" This particular evening she was standing ironing Jenny's array of babygros. "She's been crying like that for hours!"
"Have you fed her?"
"Of course I have! But if you think she needs more, you feed her!" It had become of particular convenience to Evelyn that she hadn't been able to breastfeed Jenny.
Ben lifted her up and immediately felt his daughter's wet backside, "She's soaking!"
"Change her then," Evelyn said quietly. She kept her head down and continued ironing.
Ben fought down his temper and took Jenny into the bedroom to change her. "It's ok, sweetheart," he said to her, "Daddy's here to look after you." His daughter's brown eyes swam with tears, "It's ok." He expertly took off her babygro and soaking nappy, wiped her dry and then put a fresh nappy on her. Then he held her to him and walked back into the living room. Evelyn was putting the ironing board away. "Evelyn…"
"What do you fancy for dinner?" she interrupted him, walking into the kitchen.
"I don't really care about dinner. I care about the fact that you don't seem to be taking the slightest interest in our daughter."
"Don't be ridiculous," she said, her back to him.
"I'm not being ridiculous, I'm being honest," he retorted, "When Jenny was in the hospital you were all over her, cuddling her, changing her, feeding her…"
"So?"
"So, what's changed now we've got her home? You were excited about it, you were happy. What happened to finally having the family you always wanted?"
"Look, I'm sorry, ok?" she turned back to face him, "I'm sorry I'm not as natural with her as you are. I'm sorry I don't seem to be taking to motherhood the way women are supposed to!"
"It's not about being sorry," he told her.
"Can't you take some more time off work?" she asked, her face begging. "I mean, it's so much easier when you're here…"
Ben paused. He had spent two weeks at home after Jenny had been discharged, but any more personal time had been frowned on.
"You're either a shit-hot ADA or you're a househusband," Bowyer had told him sharply, "Your choice, Stone."
"Evelyn, you know I can't take any more time off," he replied, "I've got work to do, cases coming to trial…"
"Oh and of course my life now revolves around raising your child, doesn't it?" Evelyn snapped, "Never mind the fact that I used to have a career too."
Ben opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off by a loud banging at the apartment door. Shooting a furious glance at his wife, he hugged Jenny to him and walked across the room to open it. When he did, he saw a sour-faced man looking back at him and lounging against the doorframe. The visitor made no move to speak, "Can I help you?" Ben asked.
"Looking for Evelyn," the man replied in a low voice.
"Who are you?"
"Is she here or not?"
"I'm not telling you until you tell me who you are?"
Evelyn suddenly appeared at the door behind him, "Jake!"
"Evelyn."
Ben looked between the two of them, "You know him?" his tone was slightly incredulous.
"He's my brother," she said calmly.
"Your…?"
"Come in!" Evelyn seemed suddenly to be overtaken by a dose of high delight. She reached across and practically pulled Jake inside. He shrugged away from her and looked around the apartment suspiciously, "You like it?" she asked him.
He shrugged, "It's all right."
"Oh come on, Jake," she chided him, "It's a palace compared to…" she broke off as he turned angry eyes on her, "What's wrong?"
Ben stood watching, still holding Jenny who was watching fascinated.
"Mom croaked," Jake said simply.
For a moment, Evelyn seemed suspended in time, staring at her brother, the only movement being her steady blinking, "What?" she asked after a moment.
"I said, Mom croaked," Jake repeated, in a tone that indicated he was annoyed at having to say it again, "Last night."
"How?" Ben heard himself say, but neither brother nor sister tore their gazes away from each other.
"Dad found her passed out on the couch," he told her, "he thought she was just knocked out." He didn't elaborate.
Evelyn nodded her head slowly, "I see." There was an uncomfortable pause, "This is Jenny!" she exclaimed suddenly, "and my husband, Ben."
Jake cast a sour expression in the direction of his niece, "Cute," he said. "Funeral's on Wednesday. St Matthews. Thought you'd like to know." He turned to the door again.
"Wouldn't you like to stay?" Evelyn exclaimed, hurrying forward and putting her hand on his arm, "We'd love you to, wouldn't we Ben? Especially since you came all this way."
"Uh…sure," Ben replied, although he wasn't overly keen on the prospect of Jake staying any longer than necessary.
He needn't have worried, "Was in the neighbourhood. Gotta go," Jake said by way of answer. He stepped forward to the door again.
"How's Dad?" Evelyn asked, her voice strangely quiet again.
Jake turned and faced his sister, "Drunk." He didn't say anything else, but disappeared out of the door as quickly as he had come, leaving Ben and Evelyn staring after him.
Jenny began to fuss in her father's arms, which seemed to bring them both back to reality.
"You ok?" Ben asked.
"Yeah," Evelyn said, slowly closing the door, "I always knew this day would come. My mother's been a drunk for most of her, and my, life. I just never…" she broke off, "Wednesday…" she hurried into the kitchen and looked at the calendar, "That's two days from now." She turned back to face him, "Will you go with me?"
Ben wanted to say no, he couldn't. He had to go to work to help pay for the medical bills they owed. But her face was full of pain and need that he found himself nodding instead.
SSSS
"Another day off, Stone?" Bowyer had said, "You really gotta get your priorities straight."
"It's one day, Patrick," he had argued, "it's my wife's mother's funeral. Have a heart." Bowyer had huffed and puffed, but he didn't want Wentworth to accuse him of being insensitive, so he told Ben to take the day.
That was how he found himself turning into the car park of St Matthews church in a rundown area of Cambridge. Evelyn had sat nervously twisting her fingers together for the whole journey and hadn't said a word since they had entered Massachusetts.
He pulled into an available parking space and turned to his wife, "How you feeling?"
"Fine," she replied shortly. Her eyes were darting all around the car park, as if afraid to see someone she recognised. She was dressed simply in a black skirt and jacket with a black top underneath and her face was pale and drawn. She had said little in the days since her mother's death despite his attempts to draw her out. For someone who had had so little contact with her mother in recent years, Evelyn seemed particularly affected by her death.
"Let's go," Evelyn said suddenly, opening the car door and climbing out. Ben followed suit and kept pace with her as she strode across the car park towards the church doors. When they stepped inside, he felt her reach for his hand.
Jake was standing just inside the door talking to a group of people. When they saw Evelyn and Ben, they immediately fell silent and stared.
Evelyn stepped forward and planted an air kiss near her brother's cheek, "Jake." He didn't reply, nor did he introduce the people standing with them. Ben watched as Evelyn nodded to them as if she knew them, then she turned and made her way into the chamber of the church.
The funeral was clearly poorly attended with only a few people scattered around. Near the altar, Ben could see two people sitting side by side, a man and a woman, and he followed Evelyn as she made her way towards them and climbed into the row behind.
"Hi Dad," he heard her say lightly.
The man in front turned stiffly in his seat and looked at them. His face was wrinkled and droopy, giving him a hangdog look. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands were shaking. He didn't say anything in response.
"Hi sweetie," the woman said, leaning over and kissing Evelyn on the cheek, "Glad you could make it. This must be your husband," she gestured to Ben.
"This is Ben," Evelyn said, "Ben this is my Aunt Jackie. My mother's sister."
Ben shook her hand, "Pleased to meet you. I'm sorry for your loss."
Jackie made a face, "Maggie's been a lost cause for years. I'm not surprised." She smiled sympathetically at Evelyn, "How's your little one coming on?"
"Fine," Evelyn replied, "getting bigger every day. Her…grandmother's looking after her," she stumbled slightly over the word.
"They grow so fast," Jackie observed, "Enjoy them while you can."
Any response Evelyn might have been made was drowned out by the slightly off tune noise coming from the organ. The small assembled party stood up and Ben glanced over his shoulder to see Jake and some of the people he had been talking to at the door, carrying the coffin down the aisle to the altar. They passed by and placed the plain wooden casket on the small trolley. Jake then came and sat down beside his father, casting Evelyn and Ben a mistrustful look as he did so.
The service was mercifully short. The priest droned on about being 'taken home to the Lord' and 'receiving eternal rest' Ben had been prepared for Evelyn shedding tears, but she sat stiffly by his side, never uttering a sound.
When it was over, Jake and the other pallbearers stepped forward and carried the coffin back up the aisle, followed by Mr Sanderson, Jackie and then Ben and Evelyn. Outside, they watched as the coffin was loaded back into the funeral car to be taken to the nearby cemetery.
Ben and Evelyn followed in their car. "I never knew you had an aunt," he said conversationally.
"You never asked."
He didn't ask her any more after that. The service at the cemetery was equally brief and then, Jake came striding over.
"We're going back to our place, if you want to come," he said shortly, pushing past them.
Ben looked at Evelyn, "Do you want to go?"
She paused, as if weighing up whether it was a good idea or not to return to her childhood home and then nodded slightly, "Yes."
SSSS
The Sanderson family home looked as if it hadn't seen a lick of paint in at least a decade. Paint was peeling from the windows, the garden was overgrown and the windows looked dark and dusty. Ben got out of the car and paused, looking at it. It was so different form the house he had grown up in.
"They had better things to do then keep it looking pretty," Evelyn's voice broke into his thoughts and he turned to see her watching, a slight angry look on her face, "Drinking, for one."
"I didn't say anything," he replied.
"You didn't have to," she said, "I know what you're thinking. Not as good as casa Stone, huh?"
"That's not…"
"Forget it." Evelyn strode towards the front door and Ben had no choice but to follow her.
Inside, a faint musty smell hit him and the first thing he saw was Mr Sanderson sitting on the sofa holding a large glass of what looked suspiciously like whisky. He was staring into space, and didn't look up as they entered.
"Drink?" Jackie appeared beside them.
"Yes," Evelyn said desperately, "What have you got?"
"Silly question sweetie," Jackie laughed softly, "this is your folks place, remember?"
Evelyn smiled wanly, "Of course." She took a vodka tonic from her aunt.
"Uh, no thanks," Ben said when he was offered, "I'm driving."
Jackie snorted, "That ain't never stopped anyone in this family." She turned back to her niece, "have you spoken to anyone?"
Evelyn shook her head, "I'm not sure I want to."
"Don't blame you," Jackie said, before excusing herself to go and speak to some other arrivals.
Evelyn downed her drink in one. "Steady on," Ben joked.
She glared at him, "Don't start."
"I'm not."
"This is my mother's funeral. The least you can do is stop patronising me like some stupid little girl!" Her voice was low, but tinged with anger.
"Evelyn, I didn't…"
"Evelyn." They both turned and saw Mr Sanderson hovering unsteadily behind them.
"Dad?" Evelyn looked at him and Ben was sure he saw fear in her eyes.
"A word," he said, before pushing past them into the kitchen.
Evelyn paused, then handed her empty glass to her husband, before following her father inside.
Ben made to follow her, but Jake appeared suddenly beside him and prevented him from opening the kitchen door.
"Stay out," he said, in menacing tones. "It's family business."
Ben wasn't about to allow himself to be psyched out by a punk. He had to put up with it almost every day as it was. "Evelyn is my family," he told Jake.
"Not here she isn't," Jake replied, "Whole different life here Mr ADA." His tone was now mocking, "You really think that by buying her nice clothes, helping her get a good job and setting her up in a nice apartment you can change who she really is?"
Ben was intrigued and more than a little irritated, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You can take a person out of a place, but you can't take a place out of a person. Evelyn will always be about this." He gestured around the grubby living room, "and you know it." He poked a finger in Ben's chest, "So, leave them alone."
Out of courtesy, seeing as it wasn't his house, Ben did as he was told, but he hovered nervously at the door until it opened again and Evelyn re-emerged. Her eyes were red.
"Can we go now please?" she asked, hurrying over to him.
"Sure," he replied, taking her arm, "are you all right?"
"I'm fine," she snapped, "please, let's just go."
They threaded their way through the remaining guests until they reached the front door. Ben noticed that Evelyn didn't say goodbye to anyone, not even Jake whom he saw watching them from a distance as they left. Once back in the car, Evelyn let out a long shuddering sigh.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Just drive," she told him.
He put the car into reverse and backed out of the space before pulling out into the street. They drove in silence for a good twenty minutes before she spoke again.
"Promise me, you'll never make me go back there."
"I didn't…" he started then stopped, "I promise." He glanced at her sideways, "What happened?"
She shook her head slowly, "I don't want to talk about it. Memories, remnants of a life I don't belong in any more." Ben remembered what Jake had said. "A life I never want to go back to," she continued.
He didn't say anything, wanting her to go on, wanting her to open up. But she didn't say anything else the whole journey back to New York. When they got back home, Mrs Stone was eagerly awaiting all the juicy details and was sorely disappointed when Ben thanked her and told her he would call her at her sister's later. She left, thoroughly distempered.
Evelyn hadn't even looked at Jenny when she came inside. Instead she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a drink, standing sipping it while looking into the distance.
After checking that Jenny was ok, Ben came into the kitchen beside her, "Are you sure you're ok?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied wearily, "I'm fine." She turned and leant against him briefly, "I'm sorry I took you there."
"I'm not," he said with false brightness, "It gave me the chance to meet the rest of your family."
"A joy for you, I'm sure." She stepped away and moved into the living room.
"Evelyn…" Ben asked after a long pause, not sure whether he should, but dying of curiosity, "What did your father say to upset you?"
Evelyn's shoulders seemed to slump slightly as she faced away from him. She turned slowly and regarded him with sad eyes, "Times Square, Ben. Times Square."