Chapter 13 (The Cliffhangers)

She had no time for a break. All she wanted was a cigarette. She could hear Auggie and David arguing, the Cliffhangers were on their way. She got up and moved the chairs back into their original circular formation. The Cliffhangers came in, taking their seats. Helen rubbed her temples, but realizing she shouldn't show frustration in front of the group lowered her hands. Ezra gave her a concerned look.

Daisy sat a few chairs away from Helen, her arms folded. She looked very upset and drained. Once more Helen felt the urge to go to her and hold her. For the first time she realized the magnitude of what she was doing. They had to talk, in private.

"Hey guys," she started and was met by seven different hellos. "I hate these rooms," she said, "Feels like an alcoholics anonymous meeting." They all giggled. "Well, I'm sure you guys know why you are here."

There were seven weak affirmations. "So?" she asked.

David was eager to answer. "She's hot." He said throwing Daisy a glance, "And the fact that she's gay is just so much more hot."

"But you haven't got a chance with her, man." Auggie said. "She's a dyke."

"She says you guys get along well." Helen interrupted, flinching at Auggie's choice of word. She also wanted to avoid an argument.

"Oh yeah. I'm glad she's here. It's a difference from the rest of this dull group." David smiled, letting his comment settle on the group.

Auggie rolled his eyes. "I don't like her, there is something not right there, man. Not just her being…"

"There is something not right with all of us." Daisy said, avoiding Helen's eyes. A pang of guilt hit Helen. She once again wondered what she was doing. Was she putting her own needs ahead of Daisy's? she was supposed to be selfless, but she was human. Very human, she thought.

"Back up, guys. One by one, I need to know how you feel about her, we'll start with you, Juliette and move around in a circle." She said, looking at Juliette who was sitting to her left.

"She makes me very uncomfortable. I'm living with a lesbian. I feel like she's going to jump me all the time. I don't feel safe, Helen. It's like she was thrown into our group because there is an empty space. I wish Catherine was still here."

"I can understand what you're feeling, I need to know these things so that I can tell Peter."

"She can stay with us," David said. "I wouldn't mind."

"Shut up, man." Auggie said, it was his turn to speak. "It's not right, you know, being gay. It's like unnatural. That girl has issues. She should be locked up, not set loose in Horizon to perve on girls with this idiot." He nodded towards David.

"Okay." Helen said. His anger was probably fueled by Juliette's discomfort. Auggie's obvious homophobia would be an obstacle, but not one she could work on in her situation. "Scott?"

"I'm with Augustos on this one. She doesn't fit in, she puts the group on edge and we're forced to live with this. All she talks about is girls, not something I want to hear from a girl."

Daisy was visibly squirming. The groups obvious distaste at Beatrice's sexuality left her isolated in whatever she was going through.

"I don't have a problem with her being gay," Shelby said. "I just don't like her."

"You don't like anyone." David quirped.

"Enough, David" Helen said. "Why don't you like her, Shelby?"

"She gets here and tries to take over the room, it's like it's her palace or something. She's so loud and constantly in our faces about how gay she is and about how hot this girl is and how she wants to do this to that girl. The worst is when we're in the bathroom. She makes it obvious that the other girls might be in the shower and how naked they are. I'm close to slapping her mouth shut. That is our room, we've been there longer, she should fit in with us, not the other way around."

"Daisy?" Helen asked gently. Daisy had withdrawn herself and looked small on her seat.

"What Shelby said." She mumbled.

Helen didn't want to push her, she looked at Ezra, inviting him to speak.

"I don't mind her. She ignores me all the time, so whether she's here or not doesn't make a difference to me. But if she's upsetting the group, I vote her out."

"This isn't a vote. I can't do anything, it's up to Peter, but I will inform him of how you guys feel. Anything else?"

The Cliffhangers shook their heads. Helen had noticed how they were sapped of energy and resented Beatrice for it. She had become very fond of them all, and didn't want to see them unhappy and uncomfortable. "You guys can go." As they got up to leave, she called Daisy to stay behind. She awkwardly stayed behind, asking Shelby to make an excuse for her in the kitchen where they were due for chores.

Daisy stood at the door, as though ready to flee. Helen felt another stab of guilt. "Are you okay?"

Daisy shrugged.

"Confused?" Helen asked.

"I don't know."

"Please sit down," Helen almost begged. Daisy walked across the room and sat next to Helen.

"I…" she started, but hesitated, blushing. She looked at Helen questioningly.

"Don't know what's going on?" Helen offered. "Between us?"

Daisy nodded. "I've been meaning to talk to you, but I can't get to you alone, and now Beatrice…" she said the name with such venom, Helen was taken aback. She realized that Horizon was not the place to pursue whatever she was pursuing with Daisy.

She reached out for Daisy's hands and took them in hers. "Beatrice is a walking issue, you're not meant to know that, but I don't want to talk about that, I want you to talk to me, Daisy."

"There are a lot of things to talk about."

"I know, and I understand you're confused, and so am I. I can get into so much trouble if we get caught, and I don't want to damage all the progress you've made since coming here. To be honest, I feel terrible about what I have done or might be doing to you."

"So you regret it?" Daisy looked stung.

"No. Not at all." Helen felt her voice lowering to a more intimate tone. "I'm not supposed to be doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Getting involved with and falling for a student."

Daisy blinked. "The same could be said for me."

"So now what?" Helen asked. She felt like a school girl, unsure of herself, looking to Daisy for answers she knew she was expected to have.

Daisy squeezed her hands involuntarily. "I need you to answer that."

"I can't have what I want." Helen said. She felt relieved being able to talk to Daisy alone, but at the same time she was very confused.

Daisy stood up to leave, her eyes showed her hurt. Helen held onto her hands, looking up at her, her stomach knotted at how beautiful Daisy was and how volatile the girl must be. Daisy smiled weakly. "I kind of feel like Beatrice. The whole teacher student scenario."

Helen knew she was right, but at the same time how wrong she was. She had an idea that Beatrice was pushed into her situation, she knew she would never push Daisy into anything. She knew she couldn't clarify it for Daisy, her session with Beatrice had been confidential with only Peter to report to.

Daisy pulled her hands away and Helen rose and walked with her to the door. They said nothing, but Helen had a vague idea that Daisy was trembling. When she lay in bed later that night, she wasn't sure what had possessed her to do what she did. She simply acted.

She took Daisy in her arms, feeling her tense and resistant in her arms. "Daisy, I don't want you to be confused but I don't want this, whatever it is to end." She kissed her cool lips gently and she felt Daisy stiffen even more. "If you want anything to continue you know what I want."

Daisy trembled. "I want this." She whispered so softly Helen barely heard her. She lowered her face to Daisy's and kissed her, finding her mouth open and receptive to her kiss. Daisy wrapped her arms around Helen's neck and pulled her against her, stepping back until Helen had her pressed against the wall. Helen felt her belly surge with lust and pressed harder against Daisy, kissing her harder.

Helen pulled away reluctantly. She looked into Daisy's eyes and saw them burning with the same want she herself felt. "We have to go."

Daisy nodded.

"I will see you later." She promised.