Title: Whenever I Call You Friend
Anime: Magic Knight Rayearth by CLAMP
Author: mizamiko
Rating of Chapter: PG

Whenever I call you Friend: Chapter 3

***Eagle***

*What am I going to do now? * I wailed mentally at no one in particular. That question had been running through my head like a broken record, again and again. Asking for an answer that I was not sure I did not have.

*Wait? Isn't that redundant?* I smiled at my own thoughts.

*I have an answer but it is not one that I like. Why can't I admit to myself that I have already decided?* My thoughts wove, on and on.

I looked once again at the vid screen and reread the document. It was another case of corruption and greed, nothing that I had not seen before. A superior gone awry, drunk in her power over other peoples lives. It was a game for them, giving and taking all for greed, power, or revenge. It was something that had become a constant in my life, the distraction that I buried myself in. Being born in a very prominent political family had its curses and its hmm... perks? This was one of its curses, but right now it was a gift.

With a small burst of energy I tuned the vid screen off. I had to conserve energy, I was weary enough as it was without using up my natural supply of mental energy. Cephiro may have a near boundless supply around me, but tapping into it felt like a crime. It was one thing to use the treads to ones bidding, it was another to feed its energy into a machine. I was not going to start what had slowly destroyed my wold here. I was not about to drain a drop of energy from this world if it could be helped.

I closed my eyes and heaved a soundless sigh. I felt exhausted, and it was what, four or five days since he told me? I never knew that high emotions could drain me so much and that I would feel this weak. Though the nightmares could also play a big role in it. I did not think I had spent more than 2 hours these past few days in truly, restful sleep. To top it all off I didn't even know what I was going to do.

No. That was a lie, if I were to become a liar to myself, it bodes badly for my sanity. A person could lie his head off to everyone, but once he started to lie to himself...

Anyway, I knew very well what I was going to do. I had always known what I was going to do if/when this happened. But did I have the strength to go through with it? Would I live long enough to end it all the way I wished it?

Then the nightmares, what was I to do about that? I remember a faceless foe that would devour me. I saw a darkness where the screams of those I cared for echoed. Was it a premonition of what was to come? Could I change it? No, I was bound by the constricts of my peoples laws. My hands were more than just tied in this. To do anything would be to breach one of the oldest laws of my people. Did I dare to defy the codes I have lived by my whole life?

I was grateful that Cephiro had a powerful Supreme Yil. Guru Clef was the only chance Cephiro had in learning about what was to happen. If the Supreme Yil starts to take action against the nightmare, I could then act. Only if Clef acts.

I reached out and plucked a small white flower, It was from the newest addition to the indoor plants that adorned my office. Upon learning of my interest in plants, Umi and Hikaru had started to fill my office with small cylinders. I was glad Zazu was about when it had started to get crowded. Not just because of the "pots" mind you. Plants have an incredible capacity to transform energy to something usable by humans. In other words threads of energy, the Autozamian equivalent of mental energy. Between the two of us we were able to fix the clutter at the same time channel the energy.

It was easy to tell who was the one who gave what plant. Umi and Hikaru were certainly of different tastes. The pansy, the white chrysanthemum and the like were from Hikaru. The lilacs, whose flower I was told to give to a certain Kailu, and the lily which she said was what I was disregarding the language of flowers that is, were from Umi. It was a good thing that the "Ambassador of Autozam" got to keep a big office or else the room would seem to be overrun by plants.

I glared at the work that was left on my table and let a frown crease my face. This was not working. I had almost finished it all but it was not distracting me the way I wanted it to. I shook my head and turned for the door. I might as well relax a bit. The problem was not going anywhere, might as well think it through. As an after thought I left my cloak on a chair and picked the flower where I dropped it on the floor. How it got there I could not remember.

Setting a brisk pace I found myself in front of the indoor gardens gate in a matter of minutes. I pushed the gates open in a rush and threw my head back as the cool breeze hit me. I left the door open to permit the threads of energy to flow out int other parts of the castle. The door should always be left open, the windows above were not enough to drain the backlog of energy that these plants produced. Now I knew why Cephiro magic works using the will of the people alone. The amount of energy created by the land itself was so much that it didn't need a trained person to shape anything. A person's raw will could move the threads with no trouble.

I smiled; this garden was truly beautiful. One could almost forget that one was indoors. It has never ceased to amaze me. Nothing like this could be found back at my native planet. It was so alive, so lush and green. In more ways than one I might add, as I adjusted my sight to remove the floating threads that obscured the scenery. Ah! The double visions due to mental energy can be such a pain especially in an energy filled world. So much energy within reach, energy that for the life of me I would hopefully never have to use. I had no wish to make another Autozam out of Cephiro.

The garden, it was the perfect place to clear up ones troubles. A place to think, to be alone and just be ones self. Even if there were other people present, the place was large enough that one can have a bit of privacy.

I touched my hand against my chest. That pain that centered on my chest was present again. No, I don't think its angina pectoris, if only it were just that. Then everything would be easily cured. But it was nothing so simple. Once again I wished I was Umi, screaming my frustration.

It was a joy to simply sit at the lip of the fountain. The splashing of the water against the smooth stone had a soothing effect to my tired body. It would have been a joy had this "dilemma" had not happened.

This fountain, this garden they held so much memories.

So many good memories...

*****Lantis*****

So many good memories...

This place held so much happiness for the two of us. This was where we were together the most, after he woke up, a haven of sorts.

I loved this garden. It was a place where I could think. And the fact that he liked this place too was an added reason for me to like it even more. But right now, it did not seem to be the place of happiness that it once was. It felt cold and stifling, it was nothing again, just another place in the castle. How things change, lose importance, when your heart had just been given a very sharp blow.

I watched him when he entered. A delicate figure, now sitting on that large monstrosity that was making too much noise in my opinion. He looked so calm, serene, as if lost in a dream, filled with peace. Yet, as I looked closer, I could see the weariness in his posture. He looked tired.

Those dreams... He had made little of them when I found out one night that one had awoken him. It would have been alright had it been just that but there seemed to be more to it. Those dreams haunted him. I placed a ward in his room to tell me if ever he was suddenly disturbed again. What I learned disturbed me instead. It seemed like he barely slept anymore, and I did not know when it all started.

It was just like him not to tell anyone. I was supposed to be his best friend and yet nothing. I had to resort to magical means to find out such things. First he told me he has found "the one", then I found out that something was troubling him without my knowledge. I had no idea who was being more stupid now. Was it I for worrying over him when he has proven time and again that he didn't need me or anyone? Or was it him for trying to take on everything by his lonesome? I did not know, so I needed to think it all through.

I wished to think things over and the garden had offered a good enough place. I was glad I had decided to stay a while longer. To watch him relax, or at least try to, may not help me think but it offered quite a distraction. A very welcome distraction.

He had lost his cloak somewhere and seemed so thin and frail in his dark shirt.

*Thin and frail? He is a match for you with a sword in his hands.* I thought wryly remembering all the fencing lessons with Eagle. I may have won most of those but he had given me a run for my money in each one. I had simply overpowered him or used a technique he had yet to see.

I had always placed him to be one who was weak and fragile. In some ways he was, but in others he was as tough as a blade made of escudo, strong and resilient. And he could be just as ruthless as a blade coming down for the kill, a side that I knew very few see. Eagle could be as merciless as a mercenary, as they say, when something got in his way.

*Square headed* as I remembered Geo called him, never understood why. A trait that we share he had said to Eagle.

He did not look all that cold now. I doubted that he really was as heartless as he lets everyone on. Like when he was in his more merciless moments. He would not speak of it. But I knew that the whole time he was attacking, he thought he was betraying a trust that I had given him. In a way he thought he was hurting me. Every moment he had been asking for my forgiveness. So much like Hikaru, he wept only when he was alone.

I cared for him. As a friend first and foremost and any choice he makes concerning our relationship, I would respect.

When he said that he loved me years ago, I became confused. I loved him, I didn't think I could deny that, he was the closest friend that I had. But his confession then of loving me in a different way was not one that I had expected to hear. I had asked him, I knew I could talk to him and open my self to him, if he was gay, a homosexual. He had said he didn't know, that he only knew he loved me, cared more for me than he has ever cared for anyone else he has ever met. I had asked if he was attracted to women, a silly question to ask now with Hikaru and...No. No use going there. He had answered yes. He said he does get attracted to women and what he felt for me was different.

*How could it be different? *

*****Eagle******

*How could it be different? * I asked myself. *How could the attraction that I felt for Hikaru be different from what I felt for Lantis? *

Undoubtedly I liked Hikaru, not the same way I liked some women that I have met, but still, I was attracted to her.

I owed her much, for her saving my life, though I knew it was more for herself that she did so. And she had said as much. She said she did not want to regret again, didn't want to cry again and it was wrong for me to give up. She accused me of not believing in those that cared for me. She told me to of think about how they would feel after what I was about to do. I wanted to fight for my life then but I felt so weak. I wanted to spare her but I could not. I was spent from my fight with the sickness, too weak, both mentally and physically. I have always wondered why she would want to be like such a weakling, one who is incapable of even helping himself when it counted.

Lantis, he had no need of me and he held none of the fascination that Hikaru had for me. My "boyfriend" Geo called him and to my chagrin, it had stuck. It was as if we were not of the same gender. Ridiculous, right?

I didn't care for Lantis like I did with women and not like with Hikaru either...

Lantis...

Hikaru had charmed you with her strength and her fragility. She was so brave, taking it upon herself to hold all the blame. The blame that she thought would be directed to all of them that had a hand in killing your brother. Yet she was still but a child of fourteen who hid her tears where no one would see them. You fell for those beseeching eyes. But what happened?

Was this "new love" you have found the one you said you were looking for?

******Lantis******

You had been gazing at that flower for the longest time.

I worry for you, when you lose yourself this way. I had no idea on what you saw and I had no wish to pry by reading your thoughts uninvited. I dislike seeing you this way and I could not leave you in this state.

I made the leaves rustle to warn you of my approach. I then watched that open look of surprise turn into that of welcome as I neared. Your face was aglow with a smile when I was but halfway across the distance. Where else in this universe will I have such a reception? Where else will it matter enough for me to care?

I kept my face devoid of emotions, of my relief whenever I see you welcome me this way. Did you know you have that effect on me? I hope not. You would have a heyday teasing me to death.

"Lantis! Finished with the surveillance you had to do?"

"Yes." I responded as I stopped before him. "Is there something bothering you?"

I watched him. Reading his moves, wondering if that ever-present smile ever left his face.

"No more than the usual."

I looked at him and tried to see through that mask of his. It remained warm and smiling, it remained impenetrable, but I knew something was amiss. I sat beside him and let my carefully made mask drop. I let my concern for him surface and for a moment his own mask slipped. I doubt that he really meant for me to see his pain, but it was there, for one brief moment. I believe I caught him by surprise. In a blink of an eye, it was gone and he was standing.

"It's nothing. Really." He answered in an overly bright voice. He was smiling so animatedly when he faced me again. I knew that it was another one of his acts. He would rather not tell me. He never liked to worry other people, he never like to burden them with his problems. Other than myself, I knew of only one other person Eagle would ever confide in, and that was Geo. But Geo wasn't here, after he assumed command of the NSX Geo had been running to and fro between the four planets. I doubted he would arrive anytime soon, and before then Eagle would have worried himself to a thread. He might confide in Zazu, but he tended to protect Zazu when he can.

I stood and walked towards him. I knew he would not divulge anything if he didn't want too. So I did the only thing that I could do. I gave him what little comfort I could give.

"You have been working hard lately. Plenty of meetings with Guru Clef and the others, concerning Cephiro and Autozam, had you staying up late. You are also up real early in the morning to help in the reconstruction. Maybe you should take a day off tomorrow." I said while sliding my arm to rest over his shoulders. I walked him towards the garden door and lead him out to the hallway.

"You know Lantis. That was probably one of the longest lines that I have ever heard you utter since I woke up. Other than when your talking with Hikaru that is." He said as he started to giggle.

I nodded.

"Care for some tea?" I offered.

"Will there be sweets?"

"Yes."

"Then lets go." He answered, practically glowing at the prospect of sweets.

"My room then." I answered back.

I pulled him closer for a moment and closed my eyes then we went on our way towards my room. We were together now, only for a moment. For the briefest twinkling, we could spend some time with each other, alone. I knew it would not last long. I had to find out what's bothering him. Solving what's bothering him won't lessen my problem, but mine can wait.

These brief interludes, they would end all too soon I fear. I didn't know what would happen next, yet I fear it was nothing good. I didn't know what I could do and what I should do but for now I would content myself with this.

For now, this would have to be enough. For now..

***end part 3***

Disclaimers: All characters belonged to their original creator, CLAMP, I just commandeered some of the characters for a night out into my own demented world.

Note : Thanks to the UAWC or SW for reading through this particularly long version of the third installment. Thanks to Cleo-chan for checking out the first part of this installment.

**** May 1, 1999****