A/N: You better not be reading this without reviewing the other one...
Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that...
Episode 4: Didn't we do this before?
Teaser:
(Int. Attic. Piper, Prue and Leo are looking through the Book of Shadows.)
PRUE: I'm telling you I saw the spell here!
LEO: Prue, we all know Grams was crazy at times, but not even she was crazy enough to do a spell to bring Phoebe back.
PIPER: Can I ask why we're bothering with this? We have the power of three. We don't need another sister.
LEO: No! That's in "Charmed". This is "Charmed! If you can still call it that..." the base of the show is having the four sisters.
PIPER: Ah here's a spell. (Reading.) "Come lost sibling, I summon you now, return to the manor before I have cow?" (To Prue) Who the fuck wrote this?
(In a display of lights a woman appears in the room.)
SHANNEN: Tiffany Amber Thiesen!
(Roll credits. Alyssa has been removed from them, and Tiffany has been added. Also added, Tom Welling. Not sure why. Fade in: Shannen is throwing a fit.)
SHANNEN: Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke?
ALEX: (Off screen.) Listen, she's here to replace Alyssa, not you.
SHANNEN: But she did replace me!
TIFFANY: Are you ever going to let that go?
ALEX: (Off screen.) The shooting has begun! We'll talk later. Action!
(Leo and Piper look on as Prue walks to the woman.)
PRUE: And you are?
PRECIOUS: Precious. Precious Halliwell. You guys know me as the former Source Of All Evil.
PIPER: Wait a sec. Alex you did this before!
ALEX: (Off screen.) I don't know what you're talking about...
PIPER: The first time you started this crappy thing! Then you just kept bringing sisters in!
LEO: I remember! There was, Precious, and Paris, and Pureness, and Patience, and Pepper-
ALEX: (Off screen.) Guys, that was a long time ago. Hardly anyone remembers, and no one will notice. Now can we please do this?
PIPER: (Not really caring.) Oh my God, we got another sister.
LEO: This is unbelievable
PIPER: Not really. Our mother was a dirty ho.
(Patty fades in.)
PATTY: I resent that!
PIPER: Well, you were. Plus, Precious father is Satan.
ALEX: (Off screen.) Piper, you're not supposed to know that yet!
PIPER: I'm not going to waste my time on old scenes, this show is crappy enough. Precious is mom's first kid. She gave her up to Satan cause if would've been weird for her to fight her own father. She has the same power as Prue and can shimmer and orb for reasons unknown. There, now everyone knows her past. Now if you excuse me, I have babies to feed.
(Piper exits. Leo gives everyone an apologetic smile and follows. Patty fades out. Precious and Prue stand in awkward silence. Let's make it more awkward! Paige orbs in.)
PAIGE: Wow, tense much?
PRECIOUS: She just feels threaten that we're always way better characters than her.
PRUE: That's it!
(Prue TK's them to the wall. She then astral-projects and two Prues stand to fight. Paige and Precious stand back up.)
PRECIOUS: Let's kick her ass!
PAIGE: Yeah! Old expensive and irreplaceable lamp!
(Paige TK-orbs said lamp on Prue's head. Precious kicks Astral-Prue in the face. both Prues stumble and bump into each other collapsing on the floor. Precious and Paige high-five and exit. Astral-Prue fades out.)
PRUE: Ow.
(Cut to: Kitchen. Everyone's eating pancakes.)
PIPER: Hmmm, pancakes.
PAIGE: Indeed.
LEO: You know, I wonder what did happened to Phoebe.
ALEX: (off screen.) Brian!
BRIAN: What? The audience will wonder!
ALEX: (Off screen.) Not if we ignore the problem. Remember how you guys face out any memories of Prue in Charmed? Well, we're going to do that here!
HOLLY: He's just trying to date her again.
ROSE: Ew! Dude!
BRIAN: Holly! You said you wouldn't tell people!
HOLLY: Cry me a river, Krause!
TIFFANY: And I thought Tori Spelling was hard to work with...
ALEX: (Off screen.) Guys! For Piper's sake! I wanted to do a tender family scene!
(The cast mumbles and resumed their characters. Tom Welling walks in shirtless. All drool.)
TOM: I still don't understand what my character is supposed to do.
ALEX: (off screen.) Tom, Tom, Tom, you keep doing what you do best and leave the writing to me, ok?
(Zankou flames in.)
ZANKOU: Hi! Just stopped by to tell you that from now until the season finale I'll try and steal the Book from you guys.
PAIGE: Wouldn't it have been better for you to NOT tell us?
ZANKOU: Um... look! Alyssa Milano!
(All turn to see. Zankou flames out.)
PIPER: Damn! The old Alyssa's behind you trick!
PRECIOUS: Well it looks like we're going to have to guard the book.
PIPER: Whatever...
LEO: Where's Prue?
PAIGE: Who cares?
LEO: Good point.
PIPER: Can we just end this waste of an episode already.
ALEX: (Off screen.) Well, if no one has anything else to add-
ALL: NO!
ALEX: (Off screen.) Fine. Testy much?
(Fade to black.)
End.