A/N: Here's one more cause I'm nice. Review individually.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that…

Episode 7: That ratings episode!

Fade in:

(Int. Attic. Shannen and Alyssa are bitching, as usual.)

ALEX: (Off screen.) I don't see what the problem is.

SHANNEN: You want us to make out!

ALEX: (Off Screen.) So…?

SHANNEN: We're sisters for fuck sakes!

ALEX: (Off Screen.) I know that you twit, that's why the script says Alyssa and Shannen are making out, not Phoebe and Prue. I'm not a pervert.

SHANNEN: Still, I'm not going where haft of Hollywood has been infected.

ALYSSA: Excuse me! At least my ex's don't have a sex video with Paris Hilton!

SHANNEN: Oh you do not want to go there, bitch!

ALEX: (Off Screen.) Guys, I'm sorry to put you in this position, but we need the ratings. I took a little time off and I'm worried people aren't watching this anymore. And everyone loves lesbian action. You know all about that Pheebs.

ALYSSA: Yeah, I know. I mean, shut up!

ALEX: (Off Screen.) Let's just start this. If it gets uncomfortable, we'll stop.

(Cut to credits. Fade in: Living room. Piper and Paige are hanging.)

PAIGE: Thanks for hanging with me.

PIPER: Oh no problem. (Under her breath.) I couldn't find something else to do.

PAIGE: I mean, ever since Dan died by that mysterious shooter I'm all conflicted and lonely. I really need to set my life straight.

PIPER: Speaking of Straight, do you know who no longer is?

PAIGE: Leo?

PIPER: No! God no! Why do people keep asking if he's gay?

PAIGE: The fact that he has sex with Cole from time to time may have a tad to do with it.

PIPER: Oh, but that's Cole. Not even GOD could resist Cole.

PAIGE: hmmm, Holly/Cole action. That's hot.

PIPER: Indeed. But, getting back to what I was saying, Shannen Doherty has gone gay.

PAIGE: (Snapping fingers.) Say what?

PIPER: Yep. She's gayer than gay. She's the gayest woman in the whole gay town.

PAIGE: So who is she dating?

(Cut to: Magic school. Cole and Phoebe are there.)

PHOEBE: I know your secret.

COLE: Prue told you, huh?

PHOEBE: Why couldn't you just be honest with me?

COLE: Is not easy for a man to admit he likes to wear pink thongs.

PHEOBE: Cole, you're not a man, you're an evil disgusting demon. (She moans.) Let's have sex!

(Drake walks in.)

DRAKE: I'm back.

PHOEBE: Drake! My love!

COLE: What about me!

PHOEBE: I'm hot for you both equally.

DRAKE: Cool. So, orgy anyone?

ALEX: (Off screen.) Cut!

PHOEBE: What? It was just getting to the really good part!

ALEX: You go prepare for your big make out scene. I'll put someone that actually deserves to be with these to guys at once.

(Alyssa exits, grunting. Brian walks in.)

ALEX: Ok, boys, let's make this hot. Action!

DRAKE: Cool. So, orgy anyone?

LEO: Yes please!

COLE: I'm in!

ALEX: Excellent. Cue holly!

(Piper walks in with a whip.)

PIPER: Who's been a bad boy?

ROSE: Alex, this is sick.

ALEX: Hey, whatever keeps the ratings up. Now let's move to the big lesbian kiss scene!

(Cut to: Piper's bedroom. Shannen and Alyssa sit on the bed.)

SHANNEN: (forced.) Oh, Alyssa, you have opened my eyes to hot lesbian sex.

ALYSSA: Well I'm very sexual.

SHANNEN: I need your sweep taste on my-I'm so not saying this!

ALEX: Damn it, Prue! It was a good shot!

SHANNEN: I'm not kissing her!

ALYSSA: Ditto!

ALEX: Fine. Would you settle for a mud fight?

SHANNEN: Can I have weapon?

ALEX: Of course.

ALYSSA: Can I?

ALEX: No.

(A mud bath appears in the middle of the room. Also, a bunch of middle age old men. Prue and Phoebe get in the tub. Prue gets a chainsaw.)

PRUE: Die, whore, die!

Old man: Sexy!

(Cut to: P3. Paige is at the bar getting hammered. The Black Eyed Peas are playing in the background.)

WILL I. AM: What you going to do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

FERGIE: I'm going, going to get you drunk. Get you love drunk of my hump.

PAIGE: They're playing our song… Oh, Dan.

(Andy sits next to her.)

ANDY: There, there.

PAIGE: Thanks for being here, Andy.

ANDY: No problem. So, when's Prue coming?

PAIGE: She's not.

ANDY: Oh. (Getting up.) Well, I have to get up early tomorrow…

PAIGE: You're dead.

ANDY: Doesn't mean I don't have a life.

(The laugh track plays. Paige and Andy look around confuse.)

PAIGE: Where did that come from?

ANDY: Magic?

(Paige slaps Andy. Fade to black.)

End.