Glass and Roses

DISCLAIMER: I do not own JTHM or any of its characters. I do not own Jhonen Vasquez. I do not own anything.

CHAPTER V

Devi entered the room with two bottles of coke and a glass of milk. Handing the milk to Bryker, who slurped it down, she set the glass bottles down on the table. Johnny scooped it up, looking it over before drawing a long swig from it. Devi watched him closely for a minute, then took a drink from her own glass.

Bryker's coy smile was back on his face. "I...gotta go fix something in my room. It was nice to meet you, dad." That's when the whole picture hit him. Johnny's back stiffened. Dad? He'd never thought of himself as a dad type. For some reason thinking of himself as Bryker's dad seemed much more serious than Bryker as his son.

"Dad?" He whispered breathlessly, too shocked to blink.

Devi snickered. "Yeah. First time he called me 'mama' was a bit of a scare. Don't worry. It doesn't mean you're old."

Johnny tried to smile, but it wavered almost immediately. Dad? He couldn't be a dad. He hadn't acted the dad role for the past five years-and he suddenly wanted to. Was it because he wanted to make a better impression than his dad ever did, or was it just to get close to Devi? He glanced over to her-desperate to prove the latter wrong, but seeing her watching him with a shimmering glass bottle to her full red lips made him wonder.

"I miss you Devi." Silence greeted this outburst. Devi didn't seem surprised, scared or upset by this news. She simply set down her drink and folded her hands in her lap.

There was another moment of quiet, and Johnny was about to continue when Devi whispered, "I miss you too, Johnny, but..." Her voice trailed off as if it were a butterfly that she let go. Johnny shook his head. He knew what she was going to say, but he didn't want her to say it. "But I can't help but wonder if you're ever going to go back to-" She cut herself off and made a violent gesture with her hands.

Johnny lowered his gaze. "No." He whispered emotionlessly.

Devi continued seamlessly, "And it scares me, ya know? Now that I have a kid...I can't trust- "

"I understand." He interrupted, almost coldly, squeezing his eyes shut, "And I'm truly sorry. I want to give it all another shot. You and Bryker. I- I know you probably won't approve of it all, but I...I really want to try."

Devi said nothing. "Honestly? No weapons?"

Johnny shook his head. "No..." He closed his eyes, seething to himself "No weapons." This was obviously hard for him.

There was quiet for a moment and then Johnny said unexpectedly, "I'm still so sorry for-for that night...I shouldn't have had so much to drink...I wouldn't have done it if-" He shuddered and shut his eyes. "If I'd known..."

"That I was so drunk I didn't remember my own name?" Devi smirked. Johnny said nothing, tears weighted down his eyelashes. "Johnny, don't..." Devi said calmly, reaching out to touch his face. Johnny shrunk back quickly. He was obviously regressing back to never wanting to be touched again. Devi sighed and dropped her hand. "Johnny...you weren't exactly sober either, you know. It...it took a long time for me to realize this, but it's nobody's fault. Not yours...not mine, not the bartender's."

Johnny remained silent. "Look, Johnny, stay here tonight, okay?" Johnny looked up sharply, but didn't face her. Devi continued in a concerned tone, "I'll sleep on the couch and you can take the bed..."

Johnny shook his head, getting to his feet. "No...no I should go."

Devi grabbed his hand, deliberately ignoring his wince as if she'd sliced it off. "No. Stay on the fucking couch if you're not going to sleep, but stay, alright?" Johnny cleared his throat but was quiet. Devi's glare bored into him. Johnny let his gaze drop to his steel-toed boots.

"Okay," he agreed, "I'll stay here."

Devi's glare softened and she let go of his hand. "Good. ' Night, Johnny C." She muttered, getting up and walking up the stairs to her room without another word. Johnny stood, petrified, in front of the couch for almost ten minutes.

"Good night, Devi." He finally whispered, sitting back on the sofa and watching the staircase in stunned silence. "I know you're there, Bryker." He finally whispered, remaining absolutely stationary.

There was a groan. "Sorry, dad." A smile flickered on Johnny's lips. After the shock wore off, it didn't sound so bad.

"Go to bed, Bryker." He grunted. He heard small footsteps drag down the hall and saw a flash of purple disappear though the door at the end of the corridor.

There was another half-hour of silence when Johnny heard a sharp cry. His ears perked up. "Devi?" Utter stillness greeted him. "Devi, are you awake?" He stood up and climbed up the stairs to her door, leaning close to it, listening in. A long hush, followed by a sharp, loud whimper. Without thinking, he threw the door open and stepped inside.

Devi laid restlessly on the bed, struggling around the sheets nosily in her sleep. Johnny watched her motionlessly as she rolled from side to side of her bed in sleep-induced angst. He opened his mouth to wake her, but shut it again.

"She does this sometimes."

Johnny wheeled around, seeing the soft shadow of Bryker in the doorway. "She...what?"

Bryker nodded. "She has nightmares, still...she gets kind of loud sometimes. It's a good thing I don't sleep often." Johnny smiled, but it faded almost immediately.

"Are they about...are they about me?"

Bryker shrugged. "I dunno. We don't talk about them. I'm not sure she even realizes I hear her at night."

There was a moment of silence and Johnny finally murmured, "Could you...hold on a minute, Bryker? I'll be with you in just a...just a second."

Bryker's white teeth shone brightly in the pale moonlight. "Sure, dad. No problem." He departed instantly, a quiet whoosh of air following after him.