Meeting an Old Friend

"See the truth that in my silence
rests forever in the dark
Plain to see for those who listen
piercing whisper, flaming spark

When in silence know me speaking
that is where you have my trust
When I speak friend then be wary
for I speak as speakers must

Tell a lie or tell a story
I say what you need to hear
Never trust someone completely
if peace is what you most hold dear

Heed my silence, but be careful
not to disregard my word
I speak when it is required
sometimes truth is what is heard

But if you need confirmation
listen to what I don't say
In the darkness when you stumble
this is what will lead the way"

/Unspoken (Trust Me I'm a Liar)

Finishing up his last set of push ups Xander went downstairs to put his videotape of tai-chi exercises to good use. Time's a wasting after all. He smiled grimly at his own humour. He had really wasted it the last go around that was for sure. Course he didn't know that the world rested squarely on his shoulders then, but really, since when had he deferred to fate anyway. Never was the answer to that question of course, being the wild card as Whistler so eloquently had put it. I wonder if he's retained his memories of the wish or if I truly am alone in this. Gonna have to tell Angel either way, deceit's never a good start for building a healthy relationship. God, listen to you. You've been at his throat for slaughter for years and now you're not just planning on hickeys, but tying the knot for good. Xander you really are a simple minded creature sometimes.

After his workout had been completed Xander felt a little better about his whole situation, that was until he'd gotten out of the shower and was picking out what clothes to wear. Donning himself in black slacks, a tight dark blue t-shirt and a red silk shirt he really looked like a whole other person. God, 8 years and so many sorrows. I've grown up, how the hell can I play to be a kid again? I know I did it before, but. Christ things are so different now it's not even funny. I don't want to be the goof. This is what I am now, this is who I was always supposed to be. They'll just have to accept this, cause I'm gonna be all that I can be and I'm making no fucking excuses either. The last part was actually spoken aloud as well and Xander winced slightly at his own grim face. Alright so there was some bitterness there. That wasn't so good. He had to remember that they were all so very young now. Things were only getting started. Sure Giles was not so much on the young side, but if Xander remembered correctly this had been his first slayer.

Gonna hafta stabilize the old geezer too, he's locked Ripper so far away it aint't even funny. We need all of him damnit, he's just gonna hafta find the balance. Hopefully I'll be able to help by taking on some responsibility. Somehow weaselling my way in and around and… Damnit, I have to go. Allright Xand-man. You can do this. Remember these are your friends. Although, Buffy don't know you half well yet and Willow knows nothing of this new you. Giles is hardly even familiar with me, Angel's just met the Buffster oh and I'm not supposed to know about these things before I met Buffy. Oh yeah, this is gonna be a riot. Allright time for the acting role of a lifetime to commence.

Xander stepped into the library at Sunnydale High and had to stop just inside the doors just to look at the place where he and the defenders of the Hellmouth had spent so much time together. He could practically see Buffy playing with a stake infront of one of the big tables while regaling some story about how stupid the last vampire she slayed had been. Willow would sit by the computer hacking into the coroner's report at the police station. Giles would be standing by the table over there, polishing his glasses. Oz would be sitting in a corner practicing some complex guitar accords. Cordelia would be sitting in a chair with her feet on the table, idly polishing her nails.

Shadows of a distant past that had yet to become. Memories of the strongest friendships that had yet to be forged. Betrayals, fights to the death, gossiping, researching he could remember it all standing here and a lump formed in his throath that he ruthlessly pushed back down. Don't cry Xander. You haven't lost any of them yet and if you play this right you won't have to for many years to come. But the trouble was that he had lost them in a way, because he had yet to gain them. For now, only Willow knew him since earlier years and now she didn't really know him at all. Giles, he'd hardly met. Buffy he'd talked to, but hardly more than that. Cordelia was still an insufferable brat and Oz had yet to step into the picture. And though Xander was prepared to do whatever to make sure that the reign of mankind didn't end this time around he was forced to see that for every change he made however small, things would change from what he remembered. He was after all the wild card and as such it was in his power to change fate. That was after all why he had been allowed to keep his memories of the previous timeline.

But if things didn't play out the way they did before the people he had come to love over the years would be affected as well. Would he still retain his friendship with Willow when he had changed so much, to her seemingly over night? Would Buffy want to be his friend when he was so serious about the fight now, her being tired and scared of her destiny and somewhat full of herself? Would Giles still think of him as the son he never had when Xander wouldn't be the goofy, young kid that always kipped a joke in the face of danger? How would Cordy come into the fight this time around when he wasn't there to be her boyfriend and verbal sparring partner? What would happen with Oz? Was there a way for Xander to prevent the young musician from turning into a werewolf and if he could, should he do that? Knowing that Oz would become a great asset to the LA team after having learned to control the wolf within, could he meddle with destiny like that? He could. That was the problem. He could literally play god and that was one of the scariest thoughts Xander had ever had. That was sooo dangerous. Gods, he'd have to be sooo careful to always choose the right path, but prioritising between his friends and the fate of the world, this time he would make the right choice. The Hellmouth would be protected and that was the end of it. But please, Powers That Be, please let me keep my friends… Please don't let me be all alone in this. I remember that line too well. The slayer is always alone. A Champion is in the end, always alone. I can't take that!
Xander forced himself to calm down, now was not the time to panic. He had a plan, a good plan, this would work out, there was no alternative. There is no try, Xand-man. There is only do or do not and you will do this.

Having resolved his feelings and aligned his thoughts with the purpose that had brought him here he went to the back rows of the library shelves to see what occult books were out in the open. Seeing that most of the usual ones where and some of the unusual ones as well, he went over them all with his fingers, muttering a small detection spell that Giles had thought him while he had helped doing inventory in the magic shop to make sure non of the books were warded. Being satisfied that they were safe he checked upon what languages they were in and what dictionaries were available. Having done this also he took a deep breath and headed for Giles' inner office. Hoping to catch the watcher for a private chat before meeting the rest of the scoobies. Core group, Xander, remember that, not the scoobies. Alright, hope he falls for this.

Knocking on the Watcher's door he was relieved to hear the faint –come, from within. Alright, here goes nothing.

"Giles?"

"Mr. Harris."

Giles returned to his seat behind the desk, surreptitiously stashing away a stake that he had held in his hand. It was done so swiftly an untrained eye wouldn't have caught the movement.

"Is there something I can do for you?"

"Please, Giles, call me Xander and yes there is or rather I was wondering if you had some time to spare for me, I need to speak to you before the others arrive."

"I see."

Giles blinked once and gestured to a chair in front of the desk, a chair full of books.

"Just put the books on the desk, carefully and please have a seat."

"Thank you."

Xander smiled slightly and after having closed the door firmly he removed the volumes with utmost care before seating himself.

"I have some things to tell you and I'm not really sure how…"

"Is this about Miss. Summers?"

"In a way it is, but in a way it isn't. It's mostly about me and…the fight against darkness."

"I see."

Xander could see that his former mentor was confused and he mentally sighed. This was going to be so much harder than he thought, sitting here and treading a fine line between truth and lies before the closest thing he'd ever had to a father figure. But, it had to be done.

"I had to stake my lover last night."

Xander looked quickly into his former mentor's eyes before studiously turning his gaze to some of the books lying on the desk and around the room. When he continued to speak his voice was unbelievably clear and he felt detached from what he was saying, the pain still raging inside was held in check by years of practice.

"His name was Jessie, he had been taken by that blonde vampire the night before and turned. He told me there was nothing wrong with him, that he felt amazing so strong and free and when I looked in his eyes I could see that it was still him somehow and he wanted me to join them, become a vampire too so I guess he still loved me or something."

He laughed bitterly at that. Yeah right, vampires didn't love, not normal ones. There would always be exceptions to every rule of course, like Spike, but all in all, vampires where monsters.

"Still wasn't really him though, not really, I knew that. I had the stake raised before me ready to strike, when someone collided with him from behind and he fell on to me. I guess it could be considered a comfort that I didn't deliberately drive the stake through his heart since it technically was an accident, but that's only half true cuz as I said, I held the stake ready. I was going to do it, kill my lover, or what was left of him at any rate. He looked so shocked when it pierced his heart, Giles. Like he couldn't believe I had actually done it. His eyes where just so big and beautiful right when he turned to dust, like you wouldn't believe… He didn't look like a monster then, not at all. It didn't feel like I was staked a monster. It felt like I had just killed my lover. I don't want anyone to ever have to go through something like that so I'm here to tell you that I want to fight against the darkness like you do, like Buffy does. I can't turn away now and I won't, not when I know what's out there. I have to do my part to protect the world and everybody else's loved ones now, knowing the cost of ignorance I can't do anything else. I'm in Giles, all the way in, for the rest of my life."

At those last, solemn words Xander locked eyes with the older man and tried to convey to him his sincerity.

Giles looked stunned for a moment and then deeply regretful.

"I am so sorry for your loss, Xander. I really am, but the life of a demon hunter is a perilous one and you are, if you'll forgive me, only a high school boy. Assuming I were to condone your continued presence in the 'fight' as you so strikingly put it. What could you do?"

Now, here was what he had been waiting for. The opening. This was where history would change forever. This was what he had planned.

"All right, Giles. I'll level with you. I've not exactly been spilling all about what I know about demons and such. I actually do know, a lot, about them and some about magic too. I'm not big on the magic though, not yet, but I'm learning. I want to go slow you know. The reason why I didn't try anything yesterday was because I'd never used it in a situation like that before and I wasn't sure how it would have worked. But I would have tried something if I thought that Buffy was losing, I promise. And it's not like I knew about demons and the Hellmouth as such, I mean. I know about it in theory, but I never knew it was real before. I just like reading about stuff like that, you know."

Xander mentally cheered at having somewhat cut down on the babble. So he wasn't entirely coherent, but that was to be expected.

"This is quite unexpected, Xander. What exactly have you read about demons and their kind and where if you don't mind me inquiring have you seen these texts?"

"Oh I've read all the books in the back shelves in the library, some I have read here and some in the town library and some texts on the net as well."

"Not all of those books are in English, Xander."

Giles looked kind of suspicious.

"Ah, no they're not."

Xander tried to look suitably sheepish.

"Some are in Latin and Sumerian and Greek, I've come across some funny looking laguages too that I think may be really old or something cause I have only been able to translate them by using sources on the internet, which if you think about it is real funny in a way. Or…maybe they're demonic? I guess since demons do exist it's only natural that they should have languanges too… "
Giles took off his glasses and started polishing them. Way to go, Xand-man, you've completely taken him by surprise!

"As a matter of fact, there are several demonic languages, some of which can be found in books, though I do not know how you could have come across them…"

Suddenly he put back the glasses on his nose and gazed steadily at Xander.

"So you speak these languages then?"

Giles asked in Latin.

Xander shrugged.

"Well not that good, I mean I can read them and stuff and I'm pretty good with Latin, but you don't really get opportunity to speak any of the other languages you know."

"I suppose that you are right about that."

Giles kept regarding him through his glasses and Xander felt an uncomfortable need to squirm or start to babble, but he kept quiet and forced himself not to start to fiddle with anything.

"Yes, well are you going to explain? What do you know, what have you read and regarding magic, what have you done?"

Xander blinked. This was easy. Way easy. Hadn't Giles been more stuck up than this? Xander thought he had been, maybe he'd been wrong, this was after all the same man that had been able to somehow level with Buffy the very epitome of anti authority. Giles had been young once and had had a somewhat stormy past so of course he could be reasonable and certainly he understood loss and the need to fight back against the darkness, he was a field watcher after all. And of course now that Xander had knowledge and magic, the ballgame was totally different altogether. That felt a little bitter, but Xander squelched that feeling. He couldn't blame this Giles for times that would never come and as Whistler had pointed out, he was as much to blame as anyone. Sure it would be nice if you could just be appreciated for being human and wanting to help, but could you blame a general for looking to strong allies in times of war? You really couldn't.

"Well, I don't know if everything I've read is true of course, but I know some demonic characteristics and how to kill various types, some demon and vampiric lore also. Quite a lot about legends and stuff, especially African ones. I know you should never use the word 'wish' out loud, heard some gory tales about that from people, for example there's this Vengeance Demon I came across in a book that makes scorned women's wishes come true, I think her name's Anyanka. And yeah, some other odd stuff. I know the basics of magic and some odd spells, some protection spells, I came across one or two that could be used to ward off demons from your homes. One I think was especially for disinviting vampires, is it true that they have to be invited before they can enter a house?"

"Yes that is quite true."

"Wow, I'm never inviting anyone inside my home again. Do you think a simple gesture would work instead or would that count as inviting as well? Do welcome mats and such count?"

Xander almost had to smile at the bewildered expression on the watcher's face. He wasn't really being fair, he knew that. But it was better that they knew as much as possible about protecting themselves from the get go. Waiting around for someone else to think of things could very well get one of them killed.

"Yes. I do believe Welcome mats count as an invite. Anything where the actual words are present I think. However a simple gesture should not be dangerous in this aspect."

"Okay, cool."

Xander beamed.

"I also know a few more heavy spells, but as I said, I haven't delved too deeply yet. Magic is dangerous if misused and should be treated with respect, don't you think? By the way, do you know of any way to check if people have any aptitude for magic? I've been sensing something from Willow I think, but I don't know. Maybe you would like to check us out, see if we could be of any use to the cause, you know."

He tried to look suitably eager and serious at the same time. Quite a feat if he did say so himself.

"Well, I'll certainly look into it, Xander. Anything else?"

"Yes…well. Yeah."

Xander paused. This was the tricky part.

"I can kinda sense things. Like danger and stuff you know if someone's coming up from behind, that sort of thing. And…this is hard to explain, but I…I know things. I can see things, in my dream you know and sometimes just a flash while awake. It's really confusing sometimes. Like when I meet someone and I can see what they're like and sometimes it's more than that. Sometimes it's like premonitions and other times I simply know things, with crystal clear certainty. Things I shouldn't be able to know and I see things, like opportunities or pathways in destiny or whatever you would like to call it. Different directions that things could run in. Like with that Vampire, the vessel. I know his name was Luke and that woman that took Jesse. That was Darla, she was sired by the master and in my dreams… I saw Buffy meeting with a dark haired man in an alley, it was the one she told you about, the cryptic one… I couldn't see his face, but I know he was a vampire, with a soul. And there's more too… I've dreamt about so many things like a blond vampire and a dark-haired woman in lace driving into town in an old Desoto with blacked out windows. I saw a young boy that vampires bowed down to and I saw something evil dwelling underneath the Earth, I think it was right underneath this library. It felt like the thing was trapped somehow and it smelled of death. And I saw a woman turn itnto a praying mantis, a man turning into bugs, a girl starting to fade away before people's eyes and… God, I don't know… There were so many things… Maybe it's nothing, but I think it is, something and I think it's important. "

Xander could practically hear the silence in the room, as if it had a sound of its own somehow. He gazed at Giles and tried to gauge his reaction to these last statements. Would he be believed and would this cover story be enough for everything that was to come? If this didn't work he was going to have to come clean and that might be disastrous right now.

"That, certainly sounds astounding, Xander. Perhaps you are a seer of sorts, if this is real than it could be of magnificent use to us here at the Hellmouth. The watcher's council would be very interested to hear about it if it were…"

"Whoa, whoa…"

Xander could feel a chill travelling down his spine at the excited words.

"Don't go overboard please, now I wasn't going to mention this but I don't think that your Watcher's Council is all it's cracked up to be. I've felt and seen some funky stuff about it, like people in black killing humans and little girls being drugged and forced to fight a vampire afterwards. Now, maybe I've misinterpreted what those images mean, but it still doesn't fill me up with confidence so I'm gonna have to put my foot down and say that nothing about me must travel through the channels to your Council just yet."

He raised a hand to forestall any indignant protests.

"Now, I know that they are your employers and you feel a responsibility to report back to them. All I ask is that you wait until I am out of High School at least. Please, Giles. I am not a slayer. I'm young and I am choosing to spend my youth fighting evil, please don't bring more into this for me to handle. You may trust the Council, I do not, what I am doing though is trusting you with my secrets and so I'm asking you to not abuse that trust. I have no obligation to work with you and I could go on my own merry way and try to find other ways to fight, you don't know what you would loose if that where to happen, so please… Do the right thing…"

After that last little speech Xander was quiet. This was it, he thought. This was the point of no return. If he felt that his 'trust' would be breached he would have to go to Angel and sever the ties with the core. He was too young and too inexperienced in wielding his power to take on the Watcher's Council at this time.

Giles had once again taken off his glasses and was polishing them furiously. Xander would have paid a great deal to know what was going on in the older man's brain at that time.

Finally the glasses where once again placed, on the table. Okay, this was new. Xander rested his wary eyes on the spot were they lay before he let his gaze travel upwards to lock with the Watcher's. Ripper's eyes That was his first thought. Those are Ripper's eyes. Now, what's going on.

"Xander."

He swallowed at the use of his name spoken in such a patient voice.

"I do not think that you are telling me all there is to know, however I do believe that your wish to help is sincere and that you could be of great help here on the Hellmouth. You are quite correct about the Council, though they exist for a noble purpose some of their methods are shady at best and I believe that they might want to use you for their own purposes should they find out about your, uniqueness. I will therefore honour your request not to mention it as such in my future reports and if or when my feelings on the matter change I will consult you before sending in a report, on that you have my word. I believe it would be best if perhaps you would start to keep a dreambook to help remember those dreams that you see as prophetic or otherwise noteworthy and then show it to me so that we might better be prepared for any future trouble. But now I am afraid that time is running short for our conversation. I believe your friend and my charge have all arrived outside. Perhaps we should join them?"

"Yeah, of course. Thank you Giles, thank you for believing in me."

"Think nothing of it my boy. However, should you by any chance prove to be other than trustworthy and endanger my slayer I will become quiet unpleasant I assure you."

Yep, that was pure Ripper. Almost like getting the shovel talk from Willow.

"I trust that you will do what you see as right, Giles. As will I."

Yes I will and I can only pray that when the truth does come out if it does and it probably will because secrets that are buried are never buried deep enough it seems, at least on the Hellmouth. I hope that you won't do something drastic, like say…try to kill me.