Fated Meeting

"To know is to forgive a failing twice
whether or not it caused any harm
to boldly go gentle is the lesson learned
and keep faith for a fourth time charm

'Til we leave this wheel we'll be growing
as the journey we take is never done
Hope not for forgiveness but redemption
for if you cheat the game is never won

I've watched my walls building 'round me
but I've torn down a few along the way
And as long as the wheel keeps on turning
I will find my redemption one day"

/Extract from the poem Only Human

Xander treaded warily towards Angel's old Apartment complex. He'd only been there once before, but that one time was vividly remembered. Of course this time he would really try to not stick a cross in the vampire's face as a greeting. Getting Angel on that fateful day was one of very few times when he had utilized the gifts the Hellmouth had granted him in order to track the vampire down. Now he relied solely on the fact that every moment of that race against death was etched in his memory including the exact location of Angel's home, what he had been wearing at the time and how powerful he'd felt with the Hyena so close to the surface.

Xander shook himself free. Why Angel had acted the way he had that day was a mystery to the young man, for a hero he had been very un-heroic under the circumstances. Why though, that was the question. His actions that day were some of the justification for Xander's later animosity, but were they the acts of a cowardly egotist or was there more behind that encounter? All posturing aside Xander had been able to see heroic qualities in the powers' champion later on and to some extent before that bellied the image projected on that day. Maybe the vampire simply had been afraid and seen the whole thing as doomed, but why? He was supposed to be a hero, but as Xander thought about it he realized that he didn't really know that much about the vampire in these early days and where had Angel been before coming here and what had he been doing? Xander wished he could have dragged more details out of Whistler before coming here.

The whole concept of the soulcurse had always confused Xander. If it worked in the way of fetching Liam's soul from heaven and then installing it in the vampiric body, why could Liam remember everything the demon had done and most importantly why should he be subject for judgment? After all it was 'the soul' that was seeking redemption and why should an innocent man have to seek redemption? Was Angel simply being used or was there more to this souled demon business than met the eye?

There was also the Spike situation to ponder. Spike had gone to Africa and fought for a wish. He supposedly got a soul out of the deal. The soul of William the Poet once more dragged out of heaven or a blank one? Had the vampire gotten a soul at all or just a shiny conscience? And what was the difference? Spike had been more human than any vampire Xander knew of before the so-called ensoulment. Then when he had returned to Sunnydale he had been a bit insane at first, but still largely Spike. If he had been ensouled with the soul of William from the 19Th century, shouldn't he have been more or less like William was back then? After all that's the way the possessions had worked on Halloween for example. And because he hadn't, did that mean that the demon and soul had simply merged or did it maybe mean that they had never been parted and being ensouled simply meant just having a more active conscience?

These were important questions, especially considering Angel's current cursed state. When the curse had lifted before Acatchla Angelus had been insane. That was what Spike had said later on when they'd stumbled onto the subject one night out shooting pool. According to him, Angelus may have been a remorseless killer who enjoyed mindfucks, but he wasn't insane enough to actually want to end the world. He was after all quite intelligent and knew just what bringing hell on Earth would do to vampires, it would put them on the bottom of the food chain, still above humans and some other supernatural creatures granted, but definitely not anywhere near the top and some of those older demons actually liked eating vampires. Carrion eaters? Xander wondered, but that was another thing he had always wondered about.

Were vampires really dead? It seemed strange if they were since they could still for example ejaculate and both Spike's and Angel's hair and nails grew. Also Xander didn't think that Spike had been as well toned as he was while still alive, being as he had called it 'a nancy boy' and then wherefrom did that sixpack come from? And speaking of stomachs, how could Spike eat human food as he did? A dead body shouldn't be able to process anything. The blood, okay, that was magic. So maybe all that could be explained by magic. Then maybe their bodies weren't in fact dead at all, but simply altered by magic. If that was the case, maybe a vampire's turning didn't actually require death as much as a weakening of the body and being infused by the magic power that vampiric blood contained. And hey, the turned had to actually swallow the blood when being fed so then they had to be alive and if vampiric blood was life giving, shouldn't that mean that they satyed alive? And maybe the vampires didn't die so much as simply went down in like a coma or something while waiting for all the magic changes to take place and if that was the case there was no reason why the soul should be gone totally and oh my god, this was giving him a serious headache.

Xander groaned at his own internal babble machine. Right, so he was a teeny bit nervous about meeting Angel. Who wouldn't be? Well, he was here now. No use to stall, it would just make his palms sweaty and his knees shaking and… Yeah okay, knocking now.

Angel looked up from the book he was reading and frowned. Who on earth would be knocking on his door? It was exactly 46 minutes 'til sundown and he'd made sure the sewer entrance was barred as always so it shouldn't be a vampire and anyway, demons usually gave him a wide berth. Certainly none would ever be as bold as to disturb Angelus in his home? Well, maybe it was one of the neighbours. Great. Wonderful. Angel didn't do meet and greets or buy cookies or whatever the hell else they wanted him for. Maybe if he just ignored them they would go away. The knocking didn't continue so he settled down to read again when he heard the hand now tapping out a small melody on the door. No such luck then, well… How bad could it be? Angel sighed and put down his book with a mournful look at it before heading for the door and opening it.

He was greeted by the completely unexpected sight of a young man, possibly in his late teens, darkly handsome, clad in dark clothes and a blood red silk shirt. He smelt nervous, but not scared and there was a strong sense of determination over him. Above all he smelt human, with something else there, something that made Angel unconsciously lick his lips. That blood had to taste intoxicating he thought dazedly before taking a hold on himself, just to be shocked once more by the greeting he received.

"Hello Angel."

Xander smiled slightly only to frown internally at the predatory look that glinted in the brown eyes a moment before the vampire composed himself.

"Are you going to keep staring at my neck or invite me in?" He asked a bit snidely. Still staring at my neck, deadboy. Better not be. Future husband or not, you won't be sucking on nothing yet.

Angel blinked.

"Just why should I do that? Who are you?"

"I'm a friend, " Xander retorted and winked.

"You don't look like anybody I know boy and I don't need any friends."

Xander's smile broadened as he remembered Buffy's recitation of a similar conversation.

"Well, here is where I could say that I never said I was yours, but that would just be childish of me, not to mention untrue as I am if not your friend than at least on your side. As to who I am, that's easy. I'm Alexander Lavelle Harris, better known as Xander. What you should be asking though, is why I am and that way lies a very long and complicated story that is better told inside, yes?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.

Angel meanwhile was sniffing the air trying to see what else was nagging at his senses about the boy when he found it; a small scent of the slayer.

Maybe this was a friend of hers, but how the hell did he know anything about him either way?

After a moment's hesitation Angel opened the door wider and stepped out of the way.

"Cautious to a fault Angel? You should know already that I'm not a vamp." Xander said as he moved over the threshold and looked around. It was not exactly how he remembered it. There were a lot more books lying around and art supplies.

"If I'm correct about vampire senses you should have been able to smell the slayer on me by now since we hugged briefly before I left. I am her friend yes and I fight against the darkness as well, that's the ultimate reason why I'm here."

Angel that had just been about to spring on the boy after the mention of having hugged the slayer, something that he at first had interpreted as a threat, redirected his movements into a wide gesture with his arm towards the sofa, ashamed about his initial reaction.

"Why don't you have a seat, would you care for something to drink?"

Xander raised his eyebrow again, now in apparent disbelief.

"Are you telling me that you have something beside blood and alcohol to offer?"

Angel actually blushed at that.

Xander noted this with an inward smile while outwardly appearing cucumber calm. Another curious thing about vampires, they actually could blush. He hadn't seen Angel blushing many times out of embarrassment though. It was adorable.

"Well, no, actually. Just water and tea"

Xander smiled for real now.

"Then I'm fine, we can order in something later if it's okay with you. This will in most likelihood be a very long night."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…"

Xander sighed and drew a hand over his face while leaning backwards on the couch, making himself comfortable.

Angel was for a moment taken aback by this blatant disregarding for personal safety or decorum. The boy, no young man, he really didn't feel all that boyish was either very stupid or more than he appeared.

"Please sit Angel, as I said, this is going to take a while."

Angel seated himself in a high-backed lounge chair, his curiosity definitely peaked.

"All right, I'm seated, now talk."

Xander only nodded in response to the curt order.

"There are many ways in which to start this conversation and since it's going to be a rather lengthy one, I'll give you a short intro before going into detail. First off, I am or rather my soul is from a future that will no longer come to pass. There I was a fighter against the darkness along with, amongst others, Buffy. Because of various factors the world was heading for another apocalypse; however this one could not be stopped. I had a conversation with a mutual acquaintance of ours by name of Whistler. Yes the balance demon, working for the Powers That Be. Thanks to some sneaky bending of the rules I was granted a second chance to save the world, not by ordinary time travel, but by what Whistler called a full rewind. Meaning I wasn't sent through time, but the weave of fate itself was unravelled to this particular day.

This was made possible by the demon lord D'Hoffryn. He is, as you might know the lord of vengeance and justice demons. Why he helped with this was for two reasons that I know of, one reason of course was that the end of the world would be bad for business, the other was that he had lost one of his daughters to the closing of the Hellmouth, namely Anyanka, the patron saint of Scorned Women. Now because this was a full rewind, nobody but me will know about it. Neither D'Hoffryn nor Whistler should have any recall what so ever about this even if they lived outside of this dimension. As far as I can tell not even the Powers should be aware about my change in status at this time. I am what you could call a wild card, not a pawn on the board, but an independent player. That is why this whole thing was even possible at all, where I go, rules change. Prophecies are disrupted and anything can happen."

Xander silenced for a moment and took a peak at Angel through his lowered eyelashes. He had chosen his position with deliberation to look as unthreatening as possible and at ease. Angel was looking at him attentively with his hands clasped under his chin and seemed to be deep in thought.

"Are you with me so far?"

"I am." Angel leaned back slightly and nodded. "I'm not sure I believe you just yet, but please, continue."

"All right. I don't need you to believe me yet either, just as long as you listen. Now, as I said, nobody knows about this. You are the first and possibly the only person that I am going to tell this whole thing to. We have been allies for several years and I hope that that will continue. You are a chosen champion of the powers, but unlike the Slayer you have age and experience to back you up as well as power. You are looking for redemption, that above all is why I trust you to do the right thing. I know about your curse and roughly how it came about. Tell me Angel, do you know how the curse can be broken?"

Angel frowned.

"Broken? No, the gypsy might have said something about it but, unfortunately, or fortunately perhaps, I was a bit preoccupied with being in excruciating pain at the moment to heed much attention."

Xander shook his head.

"I knew it. Those damned gypsies were complete and utter morons. The curse can be broken by a moment of perfect happiness. If you experience this, your leash, as it were, will slip and you will most likely go insane as well. The reason I know this is because it happened the last time around and you came very close to awakening Acathla and bringing about hell on Earth."

"What?"

Angel was shocked to say the least. He couldn't even have imagined a curse this sinister.

"But… That's insane." He tried. "They would have been better off just killing me then to leave a trap like that. Without the curse I would have killed them all."

"You never go for the kill, when you can go for the pain. The gypsies are very vengeful, even today after all these years there is a gypsy on your trails. Keeping tabs on you in case the curse is broken. I don't know why they chose to do things this way, it's completely moronic as I said, but as it is you now have a destiny as a champion of the light. It might be that the gypsies were simply not allowed to kill you back then, but that's only speculation on my part."

"Who?"

Angel's eyes were golden and his voice deathly quiet.

"I will tell you when you calm down Angel. You need to hear the rest of the story first. Don't worry though, we'll deal with her. She's not really a bad person, I don't think. Just misguided. We'll get her off the Hellmouth after she gives us everything she has on the curse."

Angel nodded curtly.

"Fair enough. Continue."

Xander paused for a moment, trying to remember where he was going.

"All right. That's basically the first things you need to know. Now comes the part where I ask you for that glass of water cuz this is going to take a while."

Angel left his seat and headed for the kitchen while Xander tried his best not to ogle the vampire's backside too much. Damn, but hearing Whistler telling him that they should be mates all emotionally detaching barriers had just gone down. Now Xander actually permitted himself to look at the older man and what he saw was hot. Oh yeah. The people in Giles' books had called Angelus the one with the angelic face and they were definitely right on the money with that one. Angel was angelic, all over. Xander was very thankful that he had had an Anya and a Spike in his life for so long. Keeping his hormones in check had long since become second nature to him, thankfully. He could live without the humility of Angel smelling arousal on him right now. That could wait and most definitely would, unfortunately. Especially since he still needed to fix this whole curse thing.

Angel was standing in the kitchen just staring at the glass he was holding in his hand. Unseeing eyes glancing back in time to that fateful evening in Romania. Damn, but if what the young man had told him was really true, as he was starting to fear it just might be his life had just gotten a whole hell of a lot more complicated. He'd had it all planned so nicely: do the cryptic guy routine, get through the Harvest and stay in the background 'til the Master as destined killed the slayer. Then protect the Hellmouth until the next slayer arrived. Nowhere in there had there been a dark-haired boy with eyes that hinted at untold depths, with an intoxicating smell and stories of the future. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest, but he feared he didn't have a choice in the matter. Things had simply changed, you had to change with them or get torn apart by the storm.

Shaking his head Angel filled up the glass with bottle water before heading back to the living room, a dire sense of foreboding lying heavily on his shoulders.

"Here you go."

Xander opened his eyes and locked them with the vampires'.

"Thank you. This is a lot to take in, I'm sure."

"Well, not as much as being told you're the champion for some celestial powers that decide that in order to be redeemed of your sins you have to go to the actual mouth of hell and fight against your peers while playing cryptic mentor to a 16 year old girl. But…you're getting there."

Xander nodded.

"It's probably just shock. When I'm done give it a few days and I'm sure you'll be freaked."
He grinned and Angel couldn't help but answer with a small smile of his own.

Xander's grin widened at that before he settled down once more to tell the story.

"Listen for this is a story of woe, a story of love and betrayel. Sacrifice and hardship, of heroes and powers beyond your wildest imagination."

It was Angel's turn to quirk an eyebrow at the young man's antics.

"Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. This really isn't a very happy story."

"That's all right, I guess that means I should brace myself?"

Xander smiled again.

"I like you. You're nothing like you were…"

Angel frowned.

"I'm not? I thought you knew me?"

"I didn't, don't, not that good. Lot's of things can happen on the Hellmouth and I think a few things made it so that you had few reasons to smile. Killing your sire being one of them. Then there was some other stuff too, but we'll get to that. Now listen up."

Xander's voice became assertive and Angel found himself sitting back and paying attention before he even knew he was doing it. Strange.

"It all started when I met the girl with the golden hair, Buffy. I found a stake she dropped and later overheard a conversation between her and our librarian Rupert Giles, known as Ripper in his younger days. Yes, I know about that, you'll hear more later too. Now, as I said I overheard the two talking about Buffy's destiny, one she didn't want. A destiny of darkness and demons, death and loneliness. I decided I wanted in. Call me crazy, but I just can't stand by when there's innocent to protect, evil to slay. You once named me the White Knight. That's basically who I was. Now, after I met Buffy thing proceeded as they did this time around with the Harvest and Jessie's death… "

Xander talked and he talked, skipping over some details, but not leaving out any big stuff that he could remember. As he spoke of the Master and Buffy's reurrection he regarded Angel stealthily under his lashes. The vampire actually cringed at the description of Xander's cross and stake threat.

Angel was in indeed shocked. I don't get it. A 16 year old boy shouldn't have been able to drag me down to the catacombs, I must have gone voluntarily for some reason, but why? He narrowed his eyes in thought as he looked at the young man. He seems formidable, if he was like this the last time around for him, if this isn't just a big hoax of course, but for now let's say that it's not. Then maybe the reason I went down there was to protect the boy, I must have realized he would venture out alone. All right, but why didn't I just knock him out and tie him up 'til the danger was past? Did I care for him? If I did, that might have been a reason for me to rather act as a coward than the cold hearted bastard I'm sure I was. Should this whole thing be true and I'm guessing it is, though I'm not about to stake my life on it just yet I probably don't have that high stocks with Xander right now. Or maybe I do, things must have gotten better or surely he wouldn't be here.

His horror grew though as he listened to Xander's recount of 'the Angelus incident'.

"So what you're telling me is that I went completely insane?"

"Yep, completely around the bend according to Spike."

Angel frowned. That didn't sound right. He might have been a sadistic bastard before the curse, but he certainly wasn't insane.

"Wait, Spike told you? I thought he was only sticking around long enough to betray me and get Dru out of Sunnydale?"

"He did on both accounts. He came back though. That's a later part of the tale though. Do you mind if we take things in order. I don't want to forget something important. We'll get to Spike, believe me."

"Fine." Angel sighed.

Xander gazed at him.

"Are you all right with that? We will get there, I promise."

Angel smiled slightly.

"It's fine really. I understand and I agree, you should take things in turn, it'll be easier on both of us."

"Right then. So anyway after the Acathla incident…"

As he listened to Xander's story Angel's respect for the young man grew enormously while his horror also grew concerning his own actions. Damn, just when the hell do things start to get better between us?

He hadn't realized that he'd spoken out loud until he noticed Xander gazing at him with an incredulous look on his face, one that soon shifted to something akin to wonder to finally land on sadness.

"I'm hoping we'll get it right this time around," he said with a strained smile.

Angel could only nod at that. Damn.

Xander sat there for many more hours talking and talking about life in Sunnyhell. They made a some pauses of course, ordering food and eating it. As they both ate, Xander some Chinese take-out and Angel his customary blood they spoke of other things like history, music and literature. Xander was amazed that Angel actually watched TV from time to time and Angel appreciated the young man's humour and astute observations about the classics. Xander also had some less gruelling anecdotes to share with Angel about his life on the Hallmouth which got the vampire grinning widely and actually laughing form time to time. Soon though, the brief respite was over and it was time to talk about serious things once more. Xander now began talking more about Spike, telling Angel how it was paramount that the younger master vampire got out of his Drusilla's shadow.

"You are Spike's sire, right?"

Angel nodded dazedly.

"I am. Will was my favourite childe."

"Huh, I though you were. He said you were, but he later told Buffy that Drusilla was his sire."

"Drusilla?" Angel was in shock. "Why would he do that?"

"Well, you weren't really on good terms at the time and he was trying to get into Buffy's pants. "

Angel shook his head.

"She really is trouble that girl."

A bright grin split Xander's face at that. Oh, yeah, he was so getting Angel this time around.

"Yep, now as I was saying…"

The hours went by and Xander kept on talking. As he spoke of the initiative and Spike's capture by them Angel lost his calm and his human façade. The demon part of it coming promptly to the fore as he heard of the suffering that his childe had been put through. Sure Angelus had been a bastard from time to time, but he would never do anything like what those soldier people had done. It was despicable, barbaric. As Angel paced the living room, growling and trying to calm down Xander just kept on talking, trying to appease the master vampire with some funny stories about things Spike and he had gotten up to and also some of the less funny, but more touching ones about the few times when the younger vampire had opened up to Xander during their stay together. Soon enough Angel had calmed down enough to put away his demon face, but he was still pacing the floor agitatedly. Xander ignored the pacing, figuring Angel'd have plenty of more reasons to be upset before the story had been told to end.

The story went on and on, almost as if it had gotten a life of its own. When he got to the last year or so before the fall Xander began to shiver and Angel went to bring him some tea, greatly disturbed by everything the young man had told him especially the amazing story of Spike with a soul. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind for now though to ponder, alright, brood about later on in peace. He'd probably go insane otherwise.

Later on Angel was once again amazed to see that he still hadn't reached his limit of horror and amazement of Xander's story as the man began speaking of the Battle with the First. Before starting this part of the telling Xander had risen from his seat and walked around the room a bit, doing some stretches and all in all just gathering himself before he reluctantly returned to his seat. Angel could tell that this was going to be bad. He just hadn't been prepared on how bad, bad really could get on the Hellmouth. His limit of comprehension had been reached now, he was simply absorbing what was said, a feeling of numbness settling inside of him. He could tell that most parts of this story had never really been voiced aloud before. Sometimes Xander would lose himself in the memories and his voice get rough with emotion.

At the end of the story Angel found himself sitting in the sofa with Xander. They were holding eachother while Xander spoke in a monotone voice. Long since having lost his want for jokes.

Angel felt completely spent. A part of him was silently hoping that this whole thing was just a figment of the young man's imagination, hell he'd even go for a nefarious evil plot rather than having it all be true. Which he was pretty sure it was. Oh, he new that there had probably been things left out or slightly altered, but in the whole he was certain that the story told this night was the truth. His head was spinning trying to sort all of the information, calculating actions that could be taken in advance to change some things and steps to ensure that others stayed the same.

Finally the final word of this saga had been said and Xander's voice, rough from too much talking whispered:

"I really need you Angel. I can't do this by myself. I mean I have the knowledge and I've already got some plans, but this… Gods Angel, what if I mess up this time too?"

Angel found himself at a loss for words at first so he just stroke Xander's hair and purred.

"We'll work it out and you didn't mess things up. You're a hero for fuck's sake. Gods, you're such a brave boy. So brave, so strong, you probably could do this on your own, but I'll be here for you and you for me yeah? We'll do things together and everything is going to be okay."

Angel tried his damndest to believe what he was saying though it was hard. Powers, but this was a heavy burden indeed. His soul cringed thinking about all the horror that the future could bring and he hadn't even lived it. Continuing to purr he sat there, holding his new friend. Don't need friends my ass. Angel, you need him.