A/n: Damn chapter's been messing with me. Now I have to do an A) and B) type thingie. I'm trying on a new small little plot twist concerning Xander's story. I'm leading up to it here, but the actual twist will be in part B which, you have my solemn word, will be updated a whole hell of a lot quicker than this part. Also after this part things will speed up a little. Or, yeah, a lot. ;-)
As always, feedback is very much appreciated and thank you once again from the bottom of my heart for all of your lovely comments and e-mails, you really make my day each and every time, I hope you know that.
Enter Purgatory part one
"Do the lies haunt you tonight?
Their blackness seeping through your soul
Screaming in uncaring silence
Think blood will make you whole?
Do your deeds taunt you tonight?
Those thousands of mistakes you let be
because you couldn't dare to face them
Think blood will set you free?
Then you've entered purgatory
where the walls are unbreachable
Where no one will show you mercy
and freedom seems unreachable
Welcome to purgatory
Where no one will hear you scream
Where your cell's been made for you
And your rescue's but a dream
Does the future daunt you tonight?
Doomed to watch the liquid sands
run through the hourglass of regret
Think blood will wash your hands?
Then you've entered purgatory
where the walls are unbreachable
Where no one will show you mercy
and freedom seems unreachable
Until you forgive yourself…"
/Enter Purgatory
Xander sighed and closed his eyes while tipping back in his chair and rubbing a hand over his face before stretching his arms above his head to get some circulation back flowing in his neck and shoulders.
"And the Thalse'man is the last step in the purifications ceremony to render a heart of Mesti harmless. It can also be used as a means of getting someone to tell you the truth, only problem is that it's an equal opportunity spell which means that both you, the one you're interrogating and anyone you come upon during a 14 hour period will tell the truth . On the upside though, it's not a compulsion to speak it only hinders you from lying. This on the downside of course means that it won't actually force anyone to talk, just to speak truthfully if they do so it's not really reliable to use in dire emergencies or in an interrogation situation. I figure it could probably be used wisely though if you're afraid that you have a traitor in your group. Now, Rupert my man. We seriously need to take a break. Too much reading of obscure texts even as straightforward as these are in comparison to some I know makes Xander a very unhappy camper. I need to move. Let's sparr."
Giles looked up at the use of his given name , but didn't comment on it.
"Very well Xander. I can clearly see that you have a very keen grasp on demonology. I must confess that I doubted your prowess, but you do seem to have studied quite a bit. However book learning alone does not make a watcher or as you say, a demon fighter so I think it is indeed time that we see what else you can do. How about you start to do warm-ups, I will join you shortly."
"Sure G-man."
Xander froze at the unintentional use of that old name, but Giles simply raised an eyebrow.
"G-man? Really Xander, I have nothing against you calling me by my given name if you feel so inclined, but G-man? I'm not a teenager nor a gangster or a secret agent."
Xander nodded.
"I know, sorry. It's just the way I sometimes talk with people I socialize with. I understand if it's not acceptable to you. My apologies, I will try to not call you that if it offends you."
Go Xander with your grown up ways!
"Thank you."
"However…" Xander continued as Giles turned around to head towards his office.
"I do think that it might be worthwhile to use more anonym names in the group at least outside in the streets since I can imagine that working as vigilantes of a sort is not the sort of job you want people knowing your real name and address in. Of course the vamps turned from this school might still know who we are, but that's easier to handle than demons en masse coming to our doors at night."
Giles turned with a troubled look on his face.
"That may very well be a sound idea Xander though I do not think that two people would constitute a team. I am a watcher after all; I do not go out on patrol. That is the slayer's job that she is most suited for I assure you."
Xander blinked in absolute astonishment. He didn't know if he should berate himself for thinking too far ahead or curse out Giles for even suggesting that he shouldn't be a part of the slaying and world savage as well. He opted for the second though since he was right about the names and he knew he could talk Giles around to a more active approach to the slaying. He'd been known as Ripper for a reason after all.
"So… No group activity? If I hadn't been here you'd be sending Buffy out alone every night fighting the nasties without support, much skill or knowledge. Sending the only slayer you've got out on the Hellmouth? By herself? You do know what would happen if the Hellmouth should ever be opened, right? Maybe it needs to be spelled out to you, huh? End of the world as we know it that's what'll happen. Return of the age of demons. And watcher man, it won't matter then if you're the teenage boy who sees, a blonde little girl with superpowers or a freakin' watcher who doesn't think it's his job to watch somebody's back! Newsflash Rupert. If the world goes, we all go!"
Xander sucked in a deep breath and held his tongue from further scolding. Damn mouth, always getting the better of him. He hadn't meant to come on quite that hard. But this attitude had always grated on his nerves. This 'thing' where people thought that it wasn't their responsibility to save the world. It was everyone's responsibility damnit!
Giles face looked grim and his lips were drawn into a thin line. He wasn't looking at Xander though, rather he was looking to someplace off to the right of Xander, but far away from here. Lost in thoughts most likely, but of what Xander didn't know. Perhaps he was reminiscing about his days as Ripper or maybe he was thinking about what he'd been taught at Watcher College. Not wanting to disturb in case it was an important thought process Xander opted for heading over to the work out part of the library and warm up.
He did some stretches and started up a tai-chi routine, but was still aware enough to notice when Giles had come out of his musings to join him in the ancient warrior dance. For a moment there was peace in the library as they synchronised their movements, but Xander soon ended the workout, knowing he had more things to prove and a short time to do it in.
Fact of the matter was, he needed Giles to trust him and fast. There were so many things that needed doing and Xander was pretty sure that him 'coming-out' as a player would lead to even more bad things heading their way. There wasn't much he could do about that though. Potential disaster lay in this new direction but in the other timeline disaster had been and would have been inevitable. Out of two bad things you choose the one that gives you a fighting chance Xander mused as he turned towards Giles and made a slight bow. The older man bowed back before clearing his throat and speaking.
"I see that you know some of the martial arts, but do you have any formal training and before we begin it would be preferable if you could tell me at what level you believe that you are competent in fighting?"
Xander tried to keep his eyes from rolling at his old comrade in arms before answering.
"An uncle of mine was in the military. I know some military hand to hand. I know tai-chi as you can see as well, but mostly I guess you could call my style street fighting. It's a mixture of whatever works basically. I've been trained to take down stronger opponents. Angel seems to think that's the best way to work when you're young like me."
"Angel?"
"A friend."
At the moment anyway.
"I see… Well then have you ever been in any real fights?"
"Oh yeah…"
Xander answered with a gaze inwards to all the gruesome memories he carried. A flash of the last battle in Sunnydale came to mind before he ruthlessly pushed away the memory into the furthest reaches of his mind.
"I don't want to talk about it though."
"Of course."
Giles voice was a bit too congenial and Xander had to stifle a sigh. Why'd he have to be so damn smart anyway?
"Well then. Shall we begin?"
"Yeah, let's."
They worked out for a while, but Xander felt very uncomfortable. Neither Giles or Buffy had done very much sparring with him over the years. Frankly he was amazed at the sheer stupidity of not training both him and Willow in fighting. The only times he'd actually gotten to spar was when he was acting as a partner for Buffy's workout and that was for her benefit not his. He's acted as a training dummy more than anything else. Which honestly would have hurt him a lot if it hadn't been for his Hyena enhanced physique. Something that Buffy had never picked up on. Then again, she wasn't the brightest girl around. No, bad Xander. She had her moments, you know that. She was just a bit self centered. You can't fault her for not seeking out deception amongst her friends.
So no, he hadn't actually gotten into a lot of situations where he'd have to pull his punches. Which meant that even though he'd integrated some of the soldier memories with his own and he'd watched and learned he wasn't used to sparring. He mostly only used the stuff when in an actual fight and there the objective was to kill or incapacitate. Pulling his punches was not something he was used to, neither was the lack of adrenaline from a life threatening situation. Which all in all put him in an awkward position while training with Giles. Though he wasn't clumsy per say he didn't exactly get many points as he always had to keep reminding himself to take it easy. He left himself open for attack when he hesitated to strike, stumbled when he remembered that his kick might break the other man's leg and so on. This was a problem and he knew it.
All right, so maybe he got some things right, but Xander knew that his performance wasn't enough for Giles to seriously recognize him as someone who could hold his own in a fight with opponents four or five times stronger and faster than him. This worried him as he remembered all too well the times when he himself had been injured or gotten someone injured because they protected each other. If Giles and Buffy didn't trust him to take care of himself they might take unnecessary risks to protect him in a battle and that wasn't on the agenda. Things were supposed to run smoothly, that's the way it was supposed to go and Xander didn't know how to handle this new problem with the information he had dished out. Somehow he had no justify his abilities with something more than sparring with a friend for the past year, especially since he didn't seem to be able to spar all that well.
The sparring soon came to an end and Giles seemed to gauge him with an unreadable look, one that Xander only due to his previous experience with said look could recognize as puzzled, worried and suspicious.
"All right then. That will be fine. You're rough around the edges certainly and your style is very much street fighting or perhaps, 'anything goes' martial arts. Your strength and reflexes could definitely use some additional work however and some… polishing of your methods might be beneficial. Do you do any katas beside the tai-chi?"
Xandre could smell the trap that was being set. He could fight, but he couldn't spar. Logic suggested that most of his training was doing katas, but since he hadn't in fact been officially trained he didn't know any real ones. Not enough to fool Giles at any rate, which meant the trap was successful. Still, maybe he was just being paranoid…
"Not any real ones, no. I have this training regiment that I do, that I've come up with myself, but nothing formal. I'd like to learn though. Knowledge is never wasted you know so I might be joining up with the local dojo…"
"Yes, that would be a good idea. Well then, I think we will go to weapons next. Do you have any experience working with a quarter staff?"
"Staff, some sword work, using a battle axe. Angel's a real history buff –very much into the arcane."
Xander could practically see the gears turning in that old watcher brain at that additional new and unexpected revelation. Damnit, this isn't working! There are too many coincidences, to many conveniences and inconsistencies. Giles was never stupid. The best lies are the ones that are so close to the truth you can hardly separate them. I'll have to tell him the truth somehow without telling him about the time travel. I really don't get why it would matter in the end to the war whether or not this was a full rewind, but Whistler did say not to tell and he should know. Anyways. Even if Whistler okayed it I still couldn't tell them. It would make things too difficult and they wouldn't understand why I do the things I'll do. They won't understand about Dawn or Spike. They won't understand about killing Ben or taking down the Initiative and they'll want too many things that I'm not prepared to tell them.
I'll have to talk to Whistler before I do this, but I think it's the best solution. I tell the truth and leave out the time travel. It should work. I'll have to talk to Angel again about setting up a meeting. Hopefully he's already gone to see him, fullmoon or no, Angel always did have control issues. Probably a master vampire thing. Spike had them too after all. 'Course they could both be paranoid, but nah. Fuck I'm getting a headache, didn't know that not babbling verbally would force my mind to take up the slack of inane prattle as Giles used to call it. Right, speaking of Giles, he's talking to you moron, sharpen up!
In the meantime Angel was all about connecting with his inner beast as he held up the Balance Demon known as Whistler by the scruff of his neck.
"You have two seconds to explain to me why I didn't know that the curse could be broken?"
"Broken? What?" The Balance Demon moistened his lips.
Angel would have none of that and pressed the nervous smelling demon harder into the wall.
"Talk, Whistler or Powers or no, you will hurt."
For a moment he thought that the demon would persevere, but after a moment, which granted was longer than two seconds, but that wasn't really the point as long as he got an answer, the demon spoke.
"Frankly, you should have known Angel, you were present when the thing was cast after all, and if your memory failed you…well. The powers don't really have any need for a happy vampire champion. You're supposed to be miserable Angel, so you'll keep focusing on the mission. Personally I think it sucks, but I'm not the one who makes these decisions."
Angel roared and threw away the demon in disgust and anger, opting to use his fists on the brick wall instead of flesh as he smashed into it repeatedly till he finally noticed the pain from the bleeding and stopped. Simply stopped. For a long while he just stood there with his forehead pressed to the bloodied wall, silently muttering to himself.
Lorne moved very quietly towards the Balance Demon and gave him a helping hand to get up off the floor. Whistler started to move for the door with cautious movement, but stopped at the silent command from the vampire.
"Don't even think about it Whistler, we still have some things to discuss."
He turned and offered a tight smile.
"Why don't you take a seat."
"Angel, I've got other things to do you know. Being your punching bag isn't all that I do for the Powers."
"I didn't punch you and I'm sure you're right now sit"
The voice of the master vampire that Angel still was despite his guilty conscience rang true and strong and both demons found themselves sitting on the couch before they had much thought on the matter.
Angel winced at the terrified expression on the anagogic demons face and apologized.
"I'm sorry Lorne, I'm not mad at you. Please feel free to go and take care of your other duties. You don't mind if we occupy this room for a while longer do you?"
"No worries Angelcakes. Take however long you wish, I'll be out by the bar. It's was good to meet you. Please feel free to use any of my facilities for as long as you need. Good bye."
The green demon rose and did not as much run to the door as walked there hurriedly.
Whistler gazed at the closing door with a wistful expression before turning back to his controlled, but in all likelihood still enraged champion and sighed.
"All right, Angel. Start talking, I do have places to be."
Angel rose an eyebrow at that, but seated himself in a lounge chair not far from the couch and facing the door.
"Do you have any way of knowing it it's safe to talk in here?"
Whistler frowned.
"How safe?"
"As in I came to the place I was not supposed to come by for another couple of years unless it was bigger than an apocalypse so can I talk without even the powers knowing about it?"
That revelation was followed by a tense silence as Whistler seemed to way the pros and cons of his answers before talking. Finally he seemed to come to a decision which he shared with Angel in toneless voice.
"It's safe. It's one of the few places that are that's why I gave you the address. Now what the hell is so wrong that you don't even want the powers to know about it?"
Angel smirked.
"Oh, come on Whistler. You of all people know that the Powers play the game by their rules and break them when they see fit without too much concern about other things than their bloody war."
"I don't believe I've given you that much reason to think that I considered the powers any less than perfect, well except for the soul business."
"No, you haven't. But Xander has."
The Balance Demon's eyes widened at that and that was all the confirmation Angel needed to know that at least there was a story here.
"Yes, I know about him. A player, not a pawn huh?"
Another smirk and Angel could smell a change in the Demon's scent once more, this time into fear and a not so small hint of anticipation.