The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 5:

Jimmy's house was about two miles from Lindbergh Elementary, which gave him and the other kids in his neighborhood the option of walking or riding the bus to and from school. Jimmy considered taking the bus so that he'd have a chance to test out his telemetric polygraph but decided that he'd rather arrive early at school rather than wait for the bus. It would give him the chance to examine the school for clues without interference or interruption from any of the teachers or other students. He also decided, against the rules of the school, to take Goddard along. As well as providing Jimmy with whatever assistance he might need in his investigation, Goddard would get Jimmy to the school far more quickly than walking could.

At the school Jimmy carefully searched the ground and the thick bushes just outside Miss Fowl's classroom. He had considered the possibility that whoever had taken the quasi-gold and Miss Fowl's pen might have dropped it out the window to avoid discovery in case Miss Fowl had conducted a search of the students or their desks. Even if the thief had recovered the items immediately after class the day before, there might be something in the bushes or on the ground to provide a clue to the culprit's identity. With Goddard's help and scanning instruments he carefully combed the area, analyzing the ground and lawn and intently scrutinizing every object he found. After nearly an hour he had found suspicious and decided that whoever had taken Miss Fowl's pen and his sample had kept it with them in the classroom. Unless, he thought, someone had been waiting outside to take it.

The possibility of an accomplice intrigued him. Thus far he had assumed only one person had perpetrated the crime, but it was possible that more than one person had been involved. It was even possible, he suddenly realized, that the two thefts were completely unrelated, and that the theft of Miss Fowl's pen had occurred when someone had recognized a perfect opportunity and had taken advantage of it. If so, the case was more complicated than Jimmy had first supposed.

"All right," Jimmy told himself, "let's concentrate on Miss Fowl's pen. No one heard anyone take Miss Fowl's pen. That means the thief either had a lot of practice moving noise, or didn't pass by anybody. Lets' see. Moving that quietly doesn't seem likely, which means that whoever took the pen was probably in the front row of the class. That would be Carl, Cindy, Libby, Shandra, and myself. Or…" Another possibility came to him. "Or it might be that the pen was never taken at all and Miss Fowl made the whole story up. She did say that she didn't have a lot of money. Maybe she was planning to sell it and was just using the first theft as an excuse to cover it all up." He frowned. "But if she was waiting for an opportunity to disguise take her own pen, it was extremely convenient timing for her."

"Hey, Jimmy. What are you and Goddard doing back here?" he heard Sheen say.

Jimmy looked up and was somewhat surprised to see Sheen and Carl approaching. A quick check of his wrist-comp showed that it was still nearly an hour before class started. "I'm just doing some research," he answered. "What are you two doing here so early?"

"Well, we couldn't wait," Carl said, barely able to control his excitement. "I solved the mystery!"

"You…you solved the mystery?" Jimmy asked, unable to hide his surprise. After nearly a day Jimmy's investigation had uncovered virtually nothing and he stared as though his friend had told him that Carl had built his own nuclear reactor. "You?"

Sheen seemed just as surprised. "Yeah, Carl. What do you mean, you solved the mystery?" he demanded. "You mean we solved the mystery!"

"Okay, fine," Carl conceded. "We solved it last night and I couldn't wait to get to school and tell you."

Jimmy just stood there mutely, unable to fully accept what Carl and Sheen were telling him. At last he said, "Well, how did you solve it? What actually happened?"

"It was something you said that got us thinking," Carl beamed.

Sheen nodded. "Yep. Once we knew that giraffes couldn't have woken up McDuff by screaming the answer was pretty obvious."

"McDuff?" Jimmy repeated as the situation began to dawn on him.

"Yeah," Carl nodded. "We should have realized it right away, but once you told us it was pretty obvious that McDuff couldn't possibly understand what the giraffes were saying because he was from Ireland."

"Scotland," corrected Sheen.

Carl shrugged. "Well, one of those places. Anyway, since McDuff couldn't understand what they were saying, we figured that the only way he could have known about the fire was if the giraffes were using some king of sign language."

Jimmy just stared. "Sign language?" he asked. "I told you that the giraffes screaming couldn't have woken McDuff and your conclusion is that they used some kind of sign language to tell him about the fire?"

Sheen nodded vigorously. "Yeah! But it was midnight when they woke him up, so -"

"- so it would have been too dark for him to see what they were trying to say," Carl concluded triumphantly. "I mean, sign. That means that Omnipedia had to know that McDuff was lying."

"Case closed," Sheen crowed, bumping knuckles with Carl.

"Word that, homes" agreed Carl.

Jimmy buried his face in his hands while Goddard looked on in sympathy. When he finally re-emerged to face his friends, it took him several minutes to find his voice and even then it was dangerously strained. "Guys, that isn't the solution."

Carl and Sheen sounded amazed. "It isn't?" they asked together.

"No. It isn't," Jimmy reiterated, more firmly this time. "Sign language has nothing to do with it."

"Oh." Carl looked crestfallen, but tried again. "Well, then, how about Esperanto? Because if McDuff didn't understand Esperanto either, then -"

Jimmy sighed, trying to keep his voice even. "Carl, the story has nothing to do with sign language, or man-made universal languages, or talking giraffes, or llamas, or capybaras, or animals of any kind. The clue that solves the mystery is right there on the page. You just need to look a little harder."

"Look harder for what?" asked Libby, who had arrived at the very end of the conversation. As usual, Cindy was with her.

"Hey, Libs. Hey, Cindy," Sheen greeted the two girls. "You're here early."

"I thought I'd get in some aerobics in the gym before class," Libby replied. "Coach Grubner is usually here by now. I could use the exercise."

"Speak for yourself," Cindy grumbled with a yawn. "I don't see why you had to drag me along. I don't need any extra exercise."

Libby rolled her eyes. "Well, if the saddlebags fit…"

That brought Cindy wide awake and nearly to the boiling point. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you're getting a little flanky, is all." Libby shrugged. "No big…yet."

"Yeah, Cindy," Carl put in. "I mean, no offense, but it does look like you've been hitting the donuts in the cafeteria a little hard lately."

"Yeah? Well, donuts won't be the only thing I'll be hitting hard if you keep it up, so zip it!" Cindy snapped, shaking a fist under Carl's nose. Carl acquiesced without further comment.

"Look harder for what, Neutron?" Libby repeated.

Jimmy shrugged. "Oh, nothing really, Libby. Just for that one vital clue that will solve the mystery."

"Do you mean you were actually serious about all that detective stuff you were babbling about yesterday?" Cindy shook her head in disbelief. "Just forget about it, why don't you? I mean, Sherlock Holmes you are not. You aren't even Sheerluck Holmes, when you get down to it."

Jimmy hadn't been referring to the missing pen and quasi-gold but Cindy's blunt skepticism roused his stubborn streak. "Because I'm going to prove that no criminal is a match for the cold reason and uncompromising logic of scientific investigation," he retorted in annoyance. "I'll leave no stone unturned, no lead unfollowed, no suspect uninvestigated -"

"No audience awake," Cindy returned drily while Libby snickered.

"Scoff all you want." Jimmy glared at her for emphasis. "But just wait and see. Someone took Miss Fowl's pen and my sample of quasi-gold and I'm going to find out who, even if I have to investigate everybody that was in that classroom from now until graduation."

"Meaning us, too, I'll bet," Libby said coolly.

That startled Jimmy. "What?"

"Don't act so surprised." Libby fixed Jimmy with an icy stare. "You were following us yesterday after school, weren't you?"
"Well, I…you and Cindy were…that is…" Jimmy stammered uncomfortably. He felt uneasy for two very good reasons. The first was because he had been spotted following Cindy and Libby despite his best efforts to remain inconspicuous. The second, and more important, reason was his knowing that Cindy and Libby couldn't help but take offense at being followed. "I didn't mean anything personal by it. I just wanted to see what you were up to, is all."

Libby nodded at Cindy. "I told you I saw him. I mean, it was that or Woody Woodpecker with a dye job."

Cindy regarded Jimmy coldly. "You mean you actually thought that one of us could have taken those things."

"Yes. No. I mean, yes, you could have taken them, but no, I didn't really think you did. I just wanted to get more information, is all." The reasoning was as perfectly sound as it had been yesterday, but somehow sounded flat to him now. "I had to start somewhere, and the sooner I knew for sure it wasn't any of you the happier we'd all be."

"'Knew for sure'?" repeated Libby, sounding increasing hostile. "If you wanted to know for sure, why didn't you just ask us?"

"Wouldn't you have trusted us?" asked Sheen, who was also becoming offended.

"Of course I would have!" Jimmy protested. "But that's not how investigations work. We're friends, but I need to collect facts, not feelings!"

"Well, here's a fact about friends and feelings," Cindy told him. "It's a fact that I'm not feeling very friendly right now."

"Yeah, Jimmy," said Carl. "That's not very nice. I mean, I thought friends trusted friends."

"Well, I do. But…but…" Frustrated that he was unable to get his point across, Jimmy decided to go on the offensive. "Okay, look at it this way. I trust you all, but doesn't going to a fancy jewelry store and ordering some expensive merchandise on the very day some valuable items go missing look just a little strange? That's the kind of thing I wanted to clear up, for your own sakes if nothing else."

Cindy was unmoved. "And what if you couldn't clear it up? Would you still trust us?"

That hit home. As Jimmy pondered that point, Libby spoke up. "And I repeat: why didn't you just ask?"

Jimmy shrugged helplessly. "Okay, I'm asking now. Why did you go?"

Cindy brought her nose within an inch of Jimmy's and glowered at him. "Why? I'll tell you why, Mr. Big Brain Private Defective. Miss Fowl lost something very dear to her, so Libby suggested that perhaps we could get something to replace it and try to make her feel a little better. That's why."

"But…the money?" Jimmy's asked in a very small voice.

"We were planning to ask everyone to kick in a couple dollars," Libby answered. "We were going have it engraved and present it to her as a gift from the whole class."

"Oh," was all Jimmy could say.

"Yeah," Cindy said sarcastically. "I guess the only things that all your brilliant deductive reasoning can come up with are suspicious motives instead of possibly noble intentions. It really sounds like you trust us."

"Well, a premise of criminal investigation is to initially suspect no one, and yet suspect everyone," Jimmy argued weakly. "I guess I might have overdone it…a little." He sighed unhappily and tried to think of some way to rectify things. "Look, I'll tell you what. Since you're taking up a collection, I'll put in the first couple dollars. In fact, make it five."

"Forget it," Libby shot back as she and Cindy turned away. "We wouldn't want you to be a possible accessory to any potentially criminal activities." As they headed towards the gymnasium Jimmy heard her say, "Instead of aerobics, Cindy, want to punch the bag? I feel like hitting something right now. A lot."

"Sounds good to me," Cindy answered.

Jimmy watched them go, feeling miserable, and then turned to Carl and Sheen. "Guys…" he began.

"You know, Jimmy," Sheen said, "you were always the smartest guy I knew. I always wanted to be more like you. But if being smart means I have to start thinking that all my friends are thieves I think I'd rather stay dumb and be held back a few more times." He also turned and walked away, still talking to himself. "Well, maybe just a couple times. I want to take wood shop while Mr. Dremel is still teaching here…and I don't know how much longer I can take Miss Fowl writing depressing things on my homework…"

Carl only stared in sad silence at Jimmy, which was far worse to Jimmy than the all the offended anger the others had exhibited. "Go ahead and say it," Jimmy finally told him. "Whatever it is, I deserve it."

Carl simply shook his head and walked off in unhappy silence while Jimmy watched him go. When he was alone Jimmy dug the telemetric polygraph from his pocket, turned it on, and aimed it at himself. "James Isaac Neutron," he said slowly, "is the biggest jerk in the world." He then examined the smooth waveforms rolling across the screen and looked down at Goddard, who was looking up at him sympathetically. "What do you know, Goddard?" he smiled, even though his vision was strangely blurred and his voice sounded oddly hoarse. "It really does work, after all."

End of Chapter 5