The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 9:

When Miss Fowl's class convened on Saturday morning Jimmy had not yet returned. Cindy's anxiety at his absence and the prospect of being defended by Carl and Sheen were tempered by physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation. She had been up most of the night before but appeared to have not slept for at least three, as she had tried to learn courtroom procedure from Goddard, rehearsed her responses to possible questions from the prosecution, and worried about the consequences of the outcome of the trial. While the trial was by no means legally binding Cindy knew that it would lay the groundwork for any official action the school officials might choose to take should her peers find her guilty. Her trepidation only increased when she learned that Nick would be the acting prosecutor.

"That's just great," she hissed to Sheen, who appeared to be unconcerned. "Everybody who gets on the stand is going to say what Nick wants to hear just so they don't look like a nerd."

"No worries," Sheen assured her while playing his Game Unit Portable. "Under my withering cross-examination I'll make complete monkeys out of all of them."

"Yeah," Carl agreed. "With us by your side you're practically free already."

Cindy shook her head unhappily. "Practically isn't good enough. It's not enough to not get me convicted. Unless you can find out who really did it everyone will still be sure that I did it." She fixed a bleary eye on Carl. "Just what is it you're supposed to do if Sheen is going to be doing the cross-examination?"

Carl beamed. "Give him a second opinion on obscure legal points, or course. Oh and provide healthy nutritious snacks." He held out a brightly colored block of some substance that looked like plastic. "Want a fruit chewy? It's rhubarb."

At the moment Miss Fowl walked in, wearing a long black robe. Butch, who was standing by the door immediately called out, "All rise." The students in the room complied and he went on. "Criminal court weekend edition is now in session. The honorable and, may I say, extremely fair and capable Miss Fowl presiding."

"Zip it, Butch," Miss Fowl responded as the students go to their feet. "Don't think I've forgotten about that homework assignment you still owe me." She took her seat at her desk and announced, "Be seated." When the students has taken their seats again she turned to Nick. "Is the prosecution ready?"

"Ready," Nick replied in an almost bored voice.

"Is the defense ready?" Miss Fowl looked at Sheen, Carl, and Cindy.

Cindy looked at Sheen, who was still playing the video game, and then at Carl, who was working on the large wad of fruit chewy he had put in his mouth. "Would it do any good to say 'No'?" she asked.

Miss Fowl shook her head. "Not really."

"I didn't think so," Cindy sighed. "Let's get this over with. Like I really have much of a chance with this crowd." She glanced meaningfully at the twelve classmates who had been chosen for the jury, none of whom looked very friendly. "And considering that you were a victim, I'm not sure that being a judge isn't a conflict of interest."

"Cindy!" Miss Fowl reproached her. "Please remember that our system of jurisprudence is based on a clear and unprejudiced view of the facts in arriving at a verdict. The judge and jury in this case have a sacred duty to consider all the evidence in arriving at a conclusion, not harbor some preconceived notions as to what might have happened. As a judge I have full faith that your legal representation will have a good chance at acquitting you and that the jury will do its duty without prejudice."

"Thanks, Miss Fowl," said Sheen.

"But as your teacher I'd say not to get your hopes up." She rapped her desk with the ruler. "Prosecution will give its opening statement."

"Thanks, Miss Fowl." Nick sauntered coolly over to the section of the class that was serving as the jury. Once there he winked and smiled at the six girls who were members of the jury, causing them to titter and blush while the six boy members murmured quietly in awe at this demonstration. When the hubbub had died down, Nick said, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury…and especially you ladies…it is the intent of the prosecution to prove that the accused, Cynthia Vortex, did knowingly and willingly commit acts of theft against not her fellow classmates, but against her own teacher as well. While this sort of overt rebellion against established authority is kind of cool, it's not cool enough to really overlook. It is the intent of the prosecution to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, through both testimony and physical evidence, that the accused had motive, means, and opportunity to commit, not just one of these crimes, but all three. And if you don't bring in a verdict of guilty, my only conclusion would be that you aren't as cool as I thought you were." He bowed to scattered applause. "Thank you."

Nick returned to his seat and Miss Fowl nodded at Sheen. "The defense may make its opening statement." When Sheen failed to respond, Miss Fowl cleared her throat. "Does the defense wish to make an opening statement?"

Sheen continued to work his Game Unit, oblivious to Miss Fowl's question, Cindy elbowed him savagely in the ribs. "Ow!" he cried, and then glared at Cindy. "Thanks a lot, Cindy. I was this close -" He illustrated with a small gap between his thumb and forefinger. "- this close – to getting that magma cannon. Now I have to start all over again."

Cindy returned his glare with a murderous look of her own. "Will you put that stupid thing away and concentrate on this trial? I'm this close -" She mimicked Sheen's gesture. "- this close – to getting expelled from school! Now get out there and defend me, you idiot!"

"Does the defense wish to make an opening statement?" Miss Fowl repeated impatiently.

With a heavy sigh Sheen put down his portable video game and trudged to the front of the class. "The defense does have an opening statement, Your Honor." He looked across the expectant faces of the jury and appeared to be deep in thought. "My client is clearly an unreasonable and short-tempered martinet and I ask that the jury take into account just how strongly I must believe in her innocence to put up with her unwarranted behavior for me to even defend her."

Cindy stared open-mouthed at this before raising her hand and spluttering, "Your honor, I object!"

"You can't object," Miss Fowl countered. "He's your attorney."

"And that's another thing I should object to. Why am I saddled with Neutron's trained chimp act? Why can't I have someone who knows what he's doing?" She pointed to Nick. "Like him?"

Miss Fowl looked almost embarrassed. "Well, Cindy," she cackled, "the truth of the matter is that your friend Cindy couldn't really be your attorney, and aside from Jimmy, Sheen, and Carl none of the other students really wanted to do it."

That stunned Cindy. "No one?"

"Considering the evidence, they didn't think you had much of a chance." Miss Fowl looked sympathetically at Cindy. "I'm afraid that unless Jimmy shows up, they're really all you have."

Cindy sat numbly as Sheen took his seat next to her. No one here except Carl and Sheen believed that she was innocent or willing to stand up for her? She sneaked a peek at Sheen, who was again playing his video game, and at Carl, who was licking the residue off the wrapper of his fruit chewy. She had never held them in high regard, and the most she had been able to feel for them until now had been amused tolerance. This somehow changed things. She still knew, or at least strongly believed, that the two were complete morons, but she thought that she understand Jimmy's unswerving loyalty to them a little better. She was so deep in thought that almost missed Miss Fowl's next words.

"Prosecution, please call you first witness."

"Thank you, Your Honor." Nick took his place at the front of the classroom next to the witness stand. "I call Elizabeth Folfax to the stand."

Libby obediently took her place on the witness stand. Because this was not a real criminal trial she was not sworn in, but Miss Fowl still cautioned her to give full and truthful testimony. Once that was done Nick began his questioning.

Nick gave Libby a friendly smile (a little too friendly, Cindy fumed). He picked up the lump of quasi-gold lying on Miss Fowl's desk with the other items that had vanished and showed it to Libby. "Miss Folfax, do you recognized Class' Exhibit A?"

Libby examined the evidence carefully before answering. "It looks like Jimmy's sample of fake gold."

"Thank you," Nick nodded as he returned the golden sample to Miss Fowl's desk. "Now, Miss Folfax, were you present at the time the first item was stolen?"

"Objection!" Sheen called out.

"To what?" Miss Fowl asked.

"Speculation on the part of the prosecution. This court has not yet established that the items in question were, in fact, stolen," Sheen promptly answered. Cindy looked at him in shock. For the first time it occurred to her that Sheen was actually trying his best (whatever that might be) to win for her.

Miss Fowl pondered that and nodded. "I'm sorry, Nick," Miss Fowl apologized, "but I'm going to have to sustain the objection."

"You can't take his side over mine," Nick objected, looking offended. "I'm…I'm cooler than him."

"While that may be, I'm afraid that we still have to decide this case on its actual merits. Please withdraw the question," instructed Miss Fowl.

Nick looked sulky and resumed his questioning. "Allow me to rephrase, Miss Folfax. Were you present at the time the first object…disappeared?"

"I was," Libby answered.

"And who was that object last seen with?" Nick continued, only to be interrupted again.

"Objection!" Sheen said.

"Now what?" asked Miss Fowl and Nick together.

"I must point out that the prosecution ended his question with a preposition. Also, he used the nominative form 'who', rather than correct grammatical form called for in this case, namely, 'whom'," Sheen explained triumphantly. He noticed Cindy's quizzical stare and whispered to her, "Some subliminal lesson experiments that Jimmy was testing. I haven't completely gotten over them yet."

Miss Fowl rapped her desk with the ruler. "Objection overruled. This is a court trial, not a grammar rodeo. Proper language is not at issue here." She added in a quieter voice, "Unfortunately."

"Yeah," Butch agreed, shaking his fist. "If I wanted to be learning stuff on Saturday, I'd be in school." He paused and looked around the classroom. "Oh, right," he added, as his shoulders sagged.

Miss Fowl rapped on her desk again. "Please continue. And the defense will restrict all objections to matters of legal merit."

Nick cleared his throat and gave Sheen a venomous look, as though daring him to object one more time. "Let me rephrase again. And this had better be the last time I have to do it," he added in a loud voice. "Please tell the court whom last had the item before it vanished."

Sheen started to raise his hand but lowered it slowly at Miss Fowl's icy glare. Libby looked briefly at Cindy before she reluctantly answered, "Cindy."

"And how can you be so sure?" Nick asked.

Cindy squirmed and answered reluctantly. "Because I was in my seat right next to her at the time. When she got it, Jimmy called everyone up to the front of the class to watch how he had made it. She couldn't have passed it to anyone because no one was there to take it from her."

"I see." Nick walked coolly and deliberately towards the jury section. "And in the confusion of people scrambling towards the front of the class, Cindy could easily have pocketed the queasy gold without anyone noticing, could she not?"

Before Libby could answer Sheen again interrupted. "Objection, Your Honor!"

"What was wrong with that?" Nick demanded. "I said that perfectly!"

"Objection on what grounds, Sheen?" Miss Fowl asked.

"Prosecution's comments are speculative and call for a conclusion on the part of the witness," Sheen insisted.

Miss Fowl sighed and nodded. "Objection sustained. Prosecution will restrict himself to the facts of the case. Let the record show only that that testimony alleges that Cindy Vortex was the last person to have Exhibit A before it vanished."

"Yes!" Sheen exulted, capering about in delight. "The Sheenster 2, Nick 1! In your face, Nick!"

"Order in the court!" Miss Fowl demanded, rapping sharply and insistently on the desktop with her ruler's edge. "Defense will refrain from performing victory dances in the courtroom, at least before a verdict is reached."

Sheen quickly composed himself. "My apologies, Your Honor. I will try to remember."

"You'd better," scowled Miss Fowl. "I will not have this courtroom turned into a circus, even by a trained chimp act." She nodded at Nick. "The prosecution will please continue its examination."

"No further questions, your honor," Nick replied and resumed his seat.

"Very well," Miss Fowl said. "Does the defense wish to cross-examine?"

Sheen nodded and stood. "We do, Your Honor," he answered promptly. He leaned over the desk, picking up a sheaf of papers, and whispered, "Relax, Cindy. Just watch me tear her testimony to shreds."

"Oh, joy," Cindy nodded, her tired face impossible to read. "I can hardly wait."

End of Chapter 9

Author's Notes:

This would have been posted sooner, but I've been spending a lot of time developing this story as well as working on other needful projects. I'll try to pick up the pace, but more than likely most new postings will be on or around the weekend.

I had planned to have the courtroom scene take up only one chapter, but decided to expand it to do full justice to Carl and Sheen. As fun as it is to write Jimmy and Cindy, I find Sheen and Carl's antics much more entertaining at times, as well as the odd doings of Hugh Neutron.

One goof I realized is that in Chapter 4 Jimmy mentioned that the next day would be Wednesday, but then in Chapter 5 had it actually be Friday. This was not a clue to what was happening. It was just the sort of error that creeps in when you edit too much. Despite that, I'll let the story stand as it is. I've actually seen worse in published stories that I've enjoyed, so I'm in good company.