The Return of Sherlock James

by Gary D. Snyder

Chapter 10:

Sheen paused to put a piece of gum in his mouth and then, chewing it slowly like a plug of chewing tobacco, moseyed slowly up to where Libby was sitting. "Howdy, Miz Folfax," he drawled in a thick Southern accent.

Libby stared at Sheen with more uncertainty than usual. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"I'll be asking the questions here, Miz Folfax," Sheen answered through his thick wad of gum. He turned, spat a large blob into Miss Fowl's wastebasket, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"She-e-en!" Miss Fowl squawked in protest. "What do you mean by spitting like that?"

Sheen appeared baffled by her answer. "Well, golly, Your Honor, I don't see what your kicking about. It went right into the spittoon."

It took Miss Fowl nearly a m inute to regain her composure. "Sheen, I want you to remember three things during this cross-examination," she finally informed Sheen. "First, you're chewing gum, not tobacco. Second, that's not a public spittoon, it's my personal waste paper basket. And third, there's no chewing gum in class!"

"But we aren't in class, Your Honor," Sheen pointed out. "This is Saturday, remember?"

Sheen's argument stymied Miss Fowl, but only for a moment. "It may be Saturday, but it's still my classroom."

"Courtroom," everyone chanted together.

"Whatever. You will conduct yourself in a dignified and acceptable manner, counselor. Expectorate again, and I will hold you in extreme contempt."

"You mean…" Sheen started to say.

Miss Fowl rapped her desk with her ruler. "Hock another and you're history!"

Sheen considered this and sighed. "As you say, Your Honor. My apologies to the court." He turned back to Libby. "Miz Folfax, isn't it true that Libby Folfax is not your only alias?"

As tired as she felt, this roused Cindy's curiosity as well as gaining the attention of everyone else in the room with the possible exception of Carl, who was sorting this fruit chewies by flavor. Libby fidgeted uncomfortably. "I don't know what you're talking about," she replied bleakly as Sheen walked slowly away and stopped to stand before the jury..

"Then let me refresh your memory," Sheen called over his shoulder as he hitched up a pair of invisible suspenders. "Isn't it true that you are also known by such dubious monickers as Princess Funkenstein, Puff Momma, and the Gangstress of Love?"

Libby snorted in disgust. "No one ever called me that!" she objected.

"Well, not to your face," Sheen admitted. He returned to stand before Libby and leaned forward. "But let me refresh your memory with a certain incident last Saturday evening. And please remember that you are required to answer truthfully. Isn't it true that that during the 8 PM showing of the Thrilling Three – which was a horrible waste of talent, by the way - that you allowed your date to call you -"

Every eye was on Libby as she leapt to her feet. "It wasn't a date! We just ran into each other at the theater!" she shrieked. As the classroom buzzed with speculation she turned to Miss Fowl. "I object, Your Honor!"

Miss Fowl rapped on her desk to restored order. "You can't object. You're the witness."

Libby swung on Nick, who was leaning back in his chair. "Then why aren't you objecting to these questions?" she demanded.

Nick shrugged easily. "Hey, I'm only human," he explained. "I'm just as curious as the next guy." Cindy gave him a look of disgust.

"Miss Fowl," Libby pleaded, "is this line of questioning really valid?"

Miss Fowl deliberated briefly before admitting, "I'm afraid that I must concur with the witness. What is the purpose of this unorthodox, albeit admittedly provocative, line of questioning?"

"I merely wish to establish the character and credibility of this witness, Your Honor," Sheen drawled. "As the only professed eyewitness to certain alleged actions of my client, I contend that it is imperative to clearly establish the integrity of her character and the veracity of her testimony."

"What?" asked Nick.

"He wants to make sure that Libby isn't lying about Cindy having Jimmy's gold," Miss Fowl explained. She rapped her ruler on her desk. "Although the court agrees with the defense that all testimony be carefully evaluated to ascertain its truthfulness, I must rule against him in this line of questioning. The high moral character of the witness is well-established, and in the absence of any evidence to the contrary all testimony of the witness must be accepted as being truthful and complete."

Sheen looked disappointed but said only. "Very well, Your Honor. I withdraw my question." He stood motionless for a moment as he appeared to reconsider his strategy. "Now then, Miz Folfax," he resumed, "I may be just a simple country lawyer, but there are some points of your testimony that are somewhat unclear to me."

L:ibby, having barely escaped a potentially humiliating situation, did not appear very kindly disposed towards Sheen. "Such as?"

"Well, as I recall, you testified that my client last had Jimmy's sample," Sheen replied.

"That's right."

"And from whom did she obtain it?"

"From me," Libby answered. "Shandra passed it down her line of desks, then it came up mine, and then I handed it to Cindy when I was through."

"I see," Sheen nodded. "So it was according to the standard method of passing things in class. That is very clear. Thank you." He paused to think about this. "And you also testified that Jimmy invited the class up to demonstrate how he had created the sample in question?"

"That's right."

"What were you doing at the time/"

Libby looked uncertain as though not sure what Sheen was asking. "Listening to Jimmy, I guess."

"'Listening to Jimmy'." Sheen moved slowly away, his hands behind his back, as he considered this. "So your attention was on him when he invited everyone up to the front of the class?"

"Yes."

"And that's when everyone went up? So that, as you testified, there was no one to take the sample from my client?"

Libby nodded slowly. "Yes."

Sheen turned to face her. "Including yourself, of course."

"Well, yeah," Libby replied. "I mean, I went up with the rest of them."

"So," Sheen drawled as he returned to a position directly in front of Libby, "as I understand from your testimony, you handed Cindy Class Exhibit A. Then you watched Jimmy, then he invited everyone up, and then everyone, including you, went forward?"

"Umm…" Libby seemed apprehensive, as if expecting some kind of trap. "Yes, that's pretty much what happened."

"So, in fact, there was some period of time between when you last saw my client with the sample and when you contend that there was no one to whom she could pass the sample?"

"Well…"

Sheen's voice became relentless. "And as your desk is in the front row of the room, isn't it also true that you could not have seen who was and who was not still in their seats when you yourself moved forward?"

"She had the sample!" Libby protested. "I saw her with it!"

"Oh, I am very sure of that. But wasn't that actually when you first gave the sample to her, and not later when everyone moved to the front of the room?" Libby looked confused and Sheen pressed on. "You testified that you had already examined the gold and passed it to Cindy. Having already had a chance to see it, was there any reason for you to keep watching it? Isn't it actually true that, as you testified, you were watching Jimmy and not Cindy at the time?"

"Objection, Your Honor!" Nick called out. "Defense is harassing the witness."

Before Miss Fowl could rule on the objection Sheen leaned forward with all trace of amiability gone from his face and voice. "Are you sure that Cindy still had that sample?" he demanded, his face only inches from Libby's.

Libby squirmed, looking almost frightened. "Well…" she began in a weak voice.

"That's enough, Sheen," Miss Fowl informed him.

"Are you sure that Cindy still had that sample?" Sheen pressed, more firmly.

Miss Libby pounded her desk. "You've made your point."

"Are you sure that Cindy still had that sample?" Sheen demanded one more time, his voice very nearly a snarl.

Miss Fowl hammered her desk, breaking her ruler. "That will be all, Sheen!" she snapped. Despite Miss Fowl's admonition Sheen stood his ground, saying nothing while Libby fidgeted beneath his withering glare. The room was totally still, so quiet that everyone could hear the popping as Sheen chewed his gum and the faint rustle as Carl unwrapped another fruit chewy. Finally Libby broke the silence.

"I may have been mistaken," she reluctantly admitted. "She might not have had the sample anymore when everyone went to the front of the room."

There was a sound of rushing air as each student exhaled the breath he or she had been holding during the wait. Even Cindy found that she had stopped breathing and gulped air. For the first time she really believed that she had a chance of winning the trial.

Sheen gave the unhappy Libby a sympathetic stare and nodded. "No further questions for this witness, Your Honor," Sheen remarked. "Oh, wait. Just one more," he corrected himself. "Did you want to see Dancse With Penguins with me tonight? And please remember you are still required to answer truthfully."

If looks could kill then the glare Libby gave Sheen would have disintegrated him. "I would sooner rot in -"

Miss Fowl had discarded the broken fragments of her ruler in the waste basked and pounded her desk with her stapler. "This is not really a criminal court, people," she reminded Libby, "so let's try to keep it civil."

Libby's face worked in frustration for some time. At last she managed to get out, "No, thank you."

Sheen shrugged, long-accustomed to the rejection. "Okay, that's all," he said.

As Libby left the witness stand and Sheen returned to take his seat, Cindy stood up. "I've changed my mind about my representation, Miss Fowl," she announced, pointing to Sheen. "I want him!"

End of Chapter 10