Chap. 5

Warrior's Vigil

(lyrics by Evanescence)

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

He stood at her doorway. Slowly, he reached up and ran his hand across the engraved nameplate. Briefly, Brett wondered if they would take it off when this was all over. But he shook his head; if they survived, they would not take it off, because he would not let them. Brett would see it always, as a reminder of what he would do this day. Brett sighed; he knew he wouldn't need it though. It would stay with him, the same way it always did.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

All those friends he had destroyed, they never left him. He saw their faces in his dreams, and he knew he always would. It was the curse of being the warrior that he was. Sometimes, those you loved had to die by your hand, for the greater good. But he was tired; so very tired of all it. He wanted to be free of the voices, free of the guilt. But he never would be, and now he would add to it. Sighing, the bat entered her room. Looking around, he was struck by powerful memories of Raven. He saw all the spellbooks he had helped her to learn. The poetry she had read to him. For a moment, he thought he might cry. But grief would have to wait. He had to prepare for the dark task ahead of him. His memories would only weigh him down.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

Brett made his way over to her closet. Opening it, he reached in and pulled out one of her cloaks. Wrapping it around himself, he pulled the hood up, and walked over to her bed. Kneeling down in front of it, he folded his hands together, and closed his eyes. Looking as though in prayer, Brett called up all the memories he had of Raven. He remembered her reading, fighting, crying on his shoulder. And one by one, he locked them away in his heart. It was a skill he had learned long ago, when he had first began to fight this battle. He had learned how to lock away the memories and cover them in the blackness that was his birthright. For an hour, Brett sat silent, drawing away every memory he had of the girl. As he locked each one away, he became more and more numb. Later, when it was all over, he would let them out and be overwhelmed by them. But now, he needed them locked away, letting him be numb. For a time, hers' would be the most prominent face in his dreams. After a time, she would be just one of the many to whisper to him as he slept. But for now, she was just a girl, that he had to stop.

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

After some time, he heard a knock. The door swung open, and a voice said, "We're ready." Slowly, Brett rose from the bed. Pulling back the hood, he removed the cloak and placed it on the bed. He walked past the books, the statues, stopping at the desk. Reaching over, he picked up a letter opener. He looked at it for a moment, and then he hurled it at the bed. It landed in the cloak, right where the heart would have been. And nothing went through his heart; nothing was felt in his soul. He stood silent for a moment, and then said, "So am I." And then he walked off, to perform the duty that was his and his alone.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along