Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this so-called story.
Hi, this is something I've been wanting to do for a while. I am picking these couples at random (I just love doing that). I am hoping to do this in one sitting. I just want to see if I can even do this. This will just be one fanfic rather than a series. And, to those who will want to point it out, I already know this will be my stupidest posting yet.
I promise I will get back to my other stories soon. I'm just in the mood to do this at the moment.
The Dumbest Romance Story Ever Told
By
Eileen (Psycho Tangerine)
One day, Zordon of Eltar reappeared in his tube. He had been dead for several years now. But up in heaven, he had all the time he wanted to read Power Ranger fanfiction. And he was getting tired of all the disagreements about who should go out with whom. So, he snuck back down to Earth, and fixed the Power Chamber just so he could take care of this little problem.
With a wave of his hand, a gigantic crowd of people appeared. Rangers, former Rangers, non-Rangers, villains, and former villains all stared at each other in shock and awe.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Zordon in a bored tone as they all began shouting, cursing, and fainting in shock. "For those who don't know me, I am Zordon, former mentor to the Power Rangers. For those who do know me. I am not really alive. I just snuck down here to take care of an annoying problem." He looked over his shoulder. "And I'd better do it quick before the Angel Squad realizes I'm missing."
Before anyone could interrupt, he continued. "For several years now, I have been reading Ranger Fanfiction. And it seems that these authors just can't agree on who should date whom. Well, I HATE all that variety. So, I'm going to just pair you all up the way that I see fit. And since there are so many male Rangers, I have brought in other female characters to make it an even number between guys and girls.
Zordon looked at his list. "Kimberly…"
Kimberly stood there mumbling, "please let it be Tommy, please let it be Tommy…:" over and over again.
"…you will now fall in love with Zack."
Zack wandered over to Kim with a grin on his face. "All right. I've got other moves to teach you besides Hip Hop Kiddo."
Kim groaned. "I think I'll be joining the Triforians' Gymnastics team for the next ten years."
Zordon read the next name. "Tommy…"
"Please be Kim, please be Kim. Oops, I forgot…uh, please be Kat, please be Kat…"
"….your new main squeeze will be Dana."
Tommy looked at the Pink LightSpeed Rescue Ranger. "Well, at least she's Pink. Not bad. My mom always wanted me to marry a doctor." He leaned in for a kiss.
'Smack!' You're going to needed a doctor if you keep that up, Buster," growled Dana.
"Ah yes, another happy couple. Trip…"
Trip just blushed and stared at his sneakers.
"You and Marina are the next couple."
Marina smiled with gritted teeth. "We'll have a lot of fun under the ocean."
"Are you kidding?" gasped the dismayed green-haired alien. "I can't swim. My jeweled forehead will disintegrate. We can live happily on Xybria, though."
Marina just snarled and whacked him off his feet with her big fishtail.
Zordon ignored this, and continued with his matchmaking. "Wes…"
"Please be Jen, please be Jen…"
"Vypra will be the one to catch your heart."
"But…but….she a villain…a demon!"
Vypra sidled up to Wes. "Yeah, and I can be a really bad girl just for you." She grasped his collar and started to drag him away.
"Help!" choked out Wes as he was pulled into a dark corner.
"My, my, my, we are eager aren't we?" Zordon chuckled. "Kira…"
Kira looked up in disinterest from her guitar. "Let me guess, it won't be Trent or Conner." She sighed. "Fine, just get it over with."
"…Shane's your man."
Shane glanced at Skyla reluctantly and stepped over to the Yellow DinoThunder Ranger. "Uh, maybe there's something we have in common."
Kira rolled her eyes. "Yeah, maybe I could start recording a CD called the Greatest Skateboarding Hits ever."
"Wonderful," commented Zordon. "Let's see…Princess Shayla."
The only response was a loud snore.
"Whoops, I forgot she was in another sleep. Wish I could've done that during my ten-thousand year wait. Oh well, Danny, go wake up your new love with a kiss."
"Ooh, just like Sleeping Beauty!" Danny enthused as he leaned in for a kiss.
'Whomp!' "You mean just like Pinnochio," retorted the now awake Princess who was grinning at the young man holding his now-swollen nose.
"Isn't that sweet? Bridge…"
"Who, me? Or do you mean you're looking for a bridge to cross after all this. Because if you are, there's the Brooklyn Bridge, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bridge over the River Kwai, London Bridge…"
"Shut up you babbling buffoon…you get to play with Alyssa."
Alyssa skipped up to him. "Hello!" She said enthusiastically.
Bridge yanked off a glove and read her aura. "Auuuuugggghhh….too sweet, way too sweet. Getting tooth decay…."
Alyssa laid him flat with one of her karate moves. "Jerk."
Zordon flinched and then continued. "Sam…"
The newest Ranger…well, point of light…flitted forward. "I can't believe I get to do this also. I don't know how I'll ever…"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Zordon looked at his list. "Well, what do you know…you get Skyla."
"Whoohoo!" they both cried as Skyla also turned into a point of light. The two specks of light began chasing each other around the Power Chamber's ceiling light.
ZAP!
"Ewww, I forgot I had that bug zapper installed after Alpha let in those space moths." Zordon sighed. "Oh well, let's hope this next couple has a happier ending. Ashley…"
"Please be Zhane, please be Zhane…" she finally noticed Andros' glaring stare. "Oopsie, I mean, please be Andros, please be Andros."
"Your snooky bear will be Eric."
Ashley walked over to the scowling Quantum Ranger. She then poked at him. "You're human."
Eric glared at her. "You really need a new pickup line. Besides, I work alone!"
"Which is why the Myers line will never continue," snickered Zordon. "Justin…"
"Whoohoo!" cried the pre-teen enthusiastically. "I'm gonna get to score with a woman!"
"And that lucky lady is Kelsey."
Kelsey took one look at the younger Ranger and fell to her knees. "No! Anything but that! I'll scrub the dandruff off your baldhead! I'll skate around the world in the buff for charity! I'll get all the male demons back and make them my harem! I'll…"
"Just stay on your knees like that, Baby," said Justin as he gave her a quick kiss.
The Power Chamber was filled with the sound of the Yellow LightSpeed Ranger's retching.
"The perfect couple. Now, Tanya…"
"I like frogs, if you know what I mean," said Tanya threateningly.
"Well, you'll be liking 'Frogger,' now…for you and Ethan are a pair."
Tanya looked doubtfully at the Blue DinoThunder Ranger as he focused on getting to the next level on his newest handheld game. "Oh, great, and just what good is this geek-boy going to do for me?"
"I can use my skills to make you the best music video ever," stated Ethan, not even looking up from his game. "It'll sell a million records. Unlike that piece of junk you guys recorded that last time."
Tanya stared at Ethan. "Hi, there, lover." She leaned in and kissed him.
"Yes! High score!" yelped Ethan waving his game in the air. He looked at Tanya. "Oh, that wasn't too bad, either."
"What a sweet talker. Maya…"
Maya swung by on a vine…
"Where the hell did that come from?" Zordon growled. "You get…"
Maya swung by again.
"…to date…"
Maya swung by again.
"…Alex."
Maya hopped off the vine and headed for the futuristic Ranger. "I…I…don't feel anything from him," she gasped.
Alex just stood at attention staring straight ahead. "We have more important things to think about. There's no time for fun. The world is in danger!"
Maya leaned in and kissed him.
Alex blinked. "Ah, screw the world!"
"Lovely. Next! Blake…"
"Please be Tori, please be Tori," said the Navy ThunderRanger with little hope.
"…you get to escort Cassie to the next dance."
Cassie walked up to Blake. "Hmmmm" she said as she studied him. "Would you be willing to wear this?" She held something out to him.
Blake took the Phantom Ranger costume in dismay. "You really do have a one-track mind," he sighed.
"Yes she does. Lucas…"
Lucas gave one of his 'cool' grins. "Yes? Who's the lucky lady?"
"…you get Tommy's former ski-bunny, Heather."
Heather glared at the tube. Then she looked at Lucas. "Hey, do you like to ski?"
"Do you like to race cars?" asked Lucas at the same time.
"Let's go ski down the slopes in a race car!" They both screamed enthusiastically as they ran out of the Power Chamber arm in arm.
"Don't forget your seatbelts!" Zordon called after them. "Mike…"
"Quickly! I can't hold on much longer!"
"Oh for the love of…stop hanging from the edge of the garbage shoot, you moron, and get over here and meet Morgana."
Mike yanked himself up. "Who?"
"I'm new, okay?" Morgana ogled him. "You're cute. I can be just like a little girl for you."
Mike backed away. "I don't need another younger sibling. Leo's bad enough."
Morgana flickered into her Mora personality. "You WILL have tea with me…NOW!"
"No way! I already spent six months trapped in a cavern. I won't spent sixty years trapped in prison for getting involved with a minor!" He ran away as Mora/Morgana chased him.
"Give Cindy Sunshine a kissy!" came the wicked little girl's voice.
"Isn't she adorable?" asked Zordon. "Hmmm…Trini…"
Trini paused in her Preying Mantis kata. "I'm ready. I won't get upset and lose my honor no matter who you give me."
"Whatever, Bug-girl. You get Dustin."
Dustin ran up to her and knocked her over. "Like, I'm really sorry," he apologized as he helped Trini up. "Like, I forgot I wasn't on my motorbike, Dude. And like Dude, you are the coolest Yellow Ranger ever! Well, like, Dude, I'm Yellow too, but I'm a guy, see? And when I saw all you ladies wearing Yellow, I thought to myself: 'hey, Dude! Sentai's really messed up on those colors. I bet the other, like, Dudes are all laughing at me! But I just remembered that there was some alien water Dude who also wore Yellow. So, like, I guess I'm a cool Dude according to like, the aliens, but then again…"
Two seconds later, Dustin was landing against the wall. "To hell with honor," sneered Trini as she wiped her hands together.
Zordon didn't reply. He just continued with his list. "Katie…"
"Oh, I hope he really likes my family. I really, really hope he likes my family…"
"…meet your new boyfriend, Commander Cruger."
Cruger stepped up in annoyance. "Look, I don't have time for this. I have a world to save from Grumm. Besides, I'm already married." He suddenly broke into tears. "Aisynia!"Katie squealed in delight. "Ooh! A doggie! A cute widdle doggie for me to cuddle and play with!" She picked up the now-protesting SPD commander and ran out of the room with him.
"Ahhh…another happy couple. Joel."
"Angela, it's got to be Angela," said the Green LightSpeed Ranger with his usual overconfidence. "She's my wife, after all."
"Well, well, well, you get Angela…"
"Yippee!"
"…Zack's former girlfriend."
"Awww…oh well, how'd you like to take a spin on my plane?" Joel grinned at Angela as he pulled some flowers from behind his back.
"Just don't buy me pearl earrings." Angela yawned in boredom as she took the flowers.
"Okay, the next person to get a love life is Jason."
Jason pulled the pins out of his Emily voodoo doll. "Finally, I'll take anyone other than that former cheat of a girlfriend. Imagine sending me that postcard from the Amazon. And I thought Ernie was cool."
"And your lovely lady is Kat."
"Meow!" Both Kats purred.
"…uh…Hilliard."
The Pink Zeo/Turbo Ranger sidled up to Jason and purred. "You're cute."
"Agggghhh! Not another blonde! Too many memories!"
Kat hissed at him.
"Uh, nice Kitty, nice Kitty." Jason quickly patted her on the head as she rubbed against him.
Zordon rolled his eyes and continued. "Merrick…"
"Oh, wow, Merrick. Who do you think we're going to get?" asked Zen Aku.
"Me, not we. And will you PLEASE stop following me everywhere?" asked Merrick. "It's really getting annoying."
"…Nadira is your dream girl."
Nadira pranced up to him. "I like long walks in the park, and fancy jewelry, and flowers, and expensive clothes, and if you don't give me what I want, I'll tell my daddy!"
"Big deal," murmured Merrick. "Ransik isn't evil anymore."
"Maybe not, but he's still an overprotective father. He'll make you a soprano in no time."
"Point taken," squeaked Merrick.
"Next, Sky…"
"I want to be Red!" called Sky as he ran up eagerly.
"You're really paying attention, aren't you? You're getting Delphine as a girlfriend."
"What do you think of living underwater on Aquitar?" asked Delphine as she approached the Blue SPD Ranger.
"Can I be the Red Ranger?"
Delphine pressed a button on her morpher, causing Aurico to demorph on Aquitar. "Sure," she replied as she gave Sky his morpher.
Sky tossed his old morpher aside then morphed into the Red Aquatian Ranger. "See you later, losers!" he called just before Delphine and he teleported away.
Zordon turned the page on his list. "Cole…"
"Ah, I am ready to read the pure heart of my true love," said Cole eagerly.
"…and Scorpina are next."
Cole turned and concentrated on the villainess. "No! I can't…I can't read anything in there…there's no love…no heart…no…oh wait…I'm getting something." He paused and stared at her incredulously. "Zedd, Rita, Baboo, AND Squatt at the same time? I'm impressed."
Scorpina instantly grew into her scorpion form. "I'll squash you like the little worm you are!" she screeched as she stomped after Cole as he ran out.
"Hey! Don't break the doorway!" called Zordon. "Oh, well, Zhane…"
"Astronema…Astronema…" Zhane winced at the glare pressing on his back. "I mean, Karone….Karone…"
"…you get to have your love affair with evil with Trakeenah."
Trakeenah marched up to the Silver Space Ranger. "Just don't be late for any dates or I'll do more than blow up your flowers," she snarled.
Zhane pulled out an alien looking cellphone. "Hello? Kinwon?" he asked into it. "I'll take that volunteer job running the nitroglycerin factory on that distant KO35 outpost after all."
"What some won't do for love," smirked Zordon. "Now, Aisha…"
"Finally! It's about time I got a romantic interest of my own! All I ever heard was 'Kim this' and 'Kim that,' when it came to the guys."
"Well, wait no more. Hunter's your man."
"Yeehaaa!" cried Hunter as he sped by on his motorbike.
"Show off!" called Aisha. A big lion chased after Hunter. "Hey! I think Simba likes you!"
"Whooooooaaaaaa!" shouted the now-distracted Crimson ThunderRanger just before crashing into the wall. He rolled away from the bike just as it caught fire. "Agggghhhh! Stop that! I'm not your dinner!" he yelped as Aisha's pet began to lick him.
"I'll take care of that!" cried Aisha as she donned her junior firefighter outfit and ran up to the blaze with her handmade fire extinguisher.
"You two can figure out what you owe me for that wall later. Elizabeth…"
No one responded.
Zordon sighed. "I mean Z…"
"Yes? Yes? Yes?" The three Z's looked at each other. "Hey! Cut that out!" they each ordered the other. "I'm the real Z. I get to have the boyfriend!"
"…you get to be with Carlos!" shouted Zordon over the noise of the three Z's rolling on the ground pounding each other.
"Wanna hear about the time I won that soccer game all by myself?" asked Carlos excitedly. "Wanna hear about how I got to be a blood sucking vampire? Or how I got to be a big slimy bug?"
The two fake Z's looked at each other. "He's all yours!" they said to the real Z as they jumped back into her.
"Thanks a lot guys!" moaned Elizabeth as she rubbed her bruised arm.
"And the next pair is Conner…"
Distracted by the sound of his name, Conner knocked the soccer ball he had been kicking around into the tube. "Sorry!" he apologized.
"Watch it!" warned Zordon. "I've got two more payments on this thing! Now go see Cassidy."
"What?" asked Conner.
"Hi, Cassidy Cornell, here," began Cassidy who was holding a microphone. "I'm on location in a place called the 'Power Chamber,' where the former Power Ranger mentor named Zordon has reappeared and decided to pair up all the Rangers with each other and some of us non-Rangers." She stepped up to Conner. "I'm here with Conner McKnight, the Red DinoThunder Ranger and now my boyfriend. Conner, how do you feel about this momentous occasion?" She held the microphone out to Conner's face.
"Uh, Cassidy?" began Conner, who was now heading his ball.
"Yes? You have something to say to the public?"
"Are you even aware that you are using a plastic toy microphone from a dollar store?" He lost control of his ball. CRASH! "Uh, sorry about that one also."
"Ah, forget about it. It's not like Alpha was doing anything in this story, anyway." Zordon cleared his throat and continued. "Tori…"
"Well, since Blake's taken, could I at least have someone who doesn't have a dark past as a former evil Ranger?"
"Not really. You're dating Ryan."
"Oh," said Tori. "Well, I'm sure he's over it by now." She turned to the Titanium Ranger. "Hi, I'm Tori, and I'd like to…"
"…help me get revenge on my father who let me fall into the arms of a demon?" asked Ryan with a maniacal laughter. He then collapsed on the floor. "Daddy! Daddy! Why didn't you want me?"
"Oh…go jump off a cliff," growled Tori.
"I already did! You go play in the riptide," retorted Ryan.
"Gladly!" Tori grabbed her surfboard. "I'm out of here!" With that, she left.
"Hmmm…I'll have to work on those two. Leo…"
Leo ran up to Zordon and ripped his shirt off. "I'm all ready!"
"Lovely," groaned Zordon. "He's all yours, Hayley."
"Do you know how to make morphers?" asked the DinoThunders' resident genius.
"Huh?"
"Well, do you know how to create Ranger vehicles?" Hayley queried.
Leo posed. "Who cares about that? Don't I look hot with my shirt off?"
"Do you know how to get dressed?" asked Hayley with a disgusted look on her face.
Leo frowned and quickly put his shirt back on.
"Yep, that will work. Jen…"
Jen looked disinterestedly at Zordon. "It really doesn't matter who I get. I'll just have to leave him for the future anyway."
"Not really," stated Zordon. "I'm bending the rules so you guys can stay here. And you can stay with Chad."
"Great," moaned Jen. "I get to hang with the guy who hallucinates mermaids."
Chad who had been approaching Jen quickly hid the mermaid costume behind his back. "Mermaid? What mermaid?"
"Nice save there, Waterboy. Oh, Andros…"
Andros looked around. "Look, can you keep this low?" he whispered. "My ship's got a virus and Deca's become insanely jealous of anyone who's with me."
Zordon continued as if he hadn't even heard. "…your love interest is Kat Manx."
"Shhhh…" hissed Andros nervously as the alien cat woman began to purr at him.
"I can invent you anything you'd like…anything…even if it's a bit kinky," she purred suggestively.
"Hush!" hissed Andros desperately. "Deca will hear you!"
"Deca!" shouted Kat. "You're already cheating on me with someone named Deca? Why of all the lousy two-timing….Yeowww!" she screamed as a beam came through the skylight and struck her. "What the hell?" she complained as she rubbed her behind.
"I told you so," grinned Andros.
"Someone close the skylight, please," requested Zordon. "Not too many left now. Billy…"
"Yeah, yeah," yawned the Blue genius as he looked through his overflowing little black book. "I'm losing track of all my girlfriends."
"Just stop bragging and go see Angela Fairweather."
"Really? I bet she's no genius like Marge."
Ms. Fairweather sauntered up to Billy. "I'll have you know that I'm the one who developed the morphers and Zords for the Lightspeed Rangers."
"So, that's where the missing plans from the TurboRescueZords went to. Anyway, I bet you're not as adventurous as Laura."
"I went and married Joel. Can't get crazier than that."
"Hmm…you've got me there. But, can you be as insane as Violet?"
"She already admitted to marrying Joel," interrupted Zordon.
"Ah, yes," replied Billy. "Well, can you live underwater like Cestria?"
"Uh, yeah, I live on Mariner Bay. And that's underwater."
Billy smiled in interest. "Good enough for me. Want to go calculate some figures together?"
Ms. Fairweather smiled in reply. "I thought you'd never ask." They headed off to a corner together.
"Enough of that," said Zordon. "Or we'll never get this done with. Taylor…"
"Oh no. I'm not getting involved with another jerk. I can't believe Eric only wanted me around to polish his Quantasaurus."
"Well, I hope TJ is more to your liking."
"I doubt it."
"I like to drive fast cars." announced TJ as he approached Taylor. "Wanna take a spin in Lightning Cruiser?"
"Well, I…"
It's got a radar detector in it."
"In that case, I'm driving." Taylor followed TJ out of the room as she pulled her cellphone from her pocket.
"I guess not all Rangers have good judgment," commented Zordon. He winced at the sound of screeching tires. "Oh well, Cam…"
Cam looked up from his laptop. "Now what? Can't you see I'm busy here? I've got to reprogram this before Lothor attacks again." He continued to grumble about Yellow Ninja Rangers and their propensity for downloading viruses.
"You're uncle's stuck in one of Mesagog's jars at the moment," sighed Zordon. "So, just go meet Dimitria…Oof!" he gasped as Dimitria squished into the tube with him.
"Did you not realize that I also have to appear in this tube?" asked the annoyed Inquirian.
"Now, how am I supposed to date someone in that thing?" asked Cam in annoyance.
"Why can you not live in here with us?" asked Dimitria.
Cam looked at her strangely. "You've got to be kidding me." He stuck a cable into the side of the tube and pressed several buttons on his laptop.
"What are you doing?" questioned Dimitria. Two seconds later she was out of the tube.
"I just altered my cyber creation program to download you into a cybernetic body," replied Cam.
"Hey! What about me?" pleaded Zordon as Cam and Dimitria headed off hand in hand.
"The world's not ready for head to bounce down the street on it's own," Cam called back over his shoulder.
"Ah, she'll probably question him to tears, anyway." Zordon attempted to scratch his head by rubbing it on the tube. "Now, who's next? Ah, Kendrix…"
"Yes?" The Pink Galaxy Ranger ran up eagerly. "I can't wait! I mean I almost got to go out with Leo, but that stupid Psycho Pink made me into a ghost. Ever try to kiss a guy when you have no body? It just doesn't work."
"Well, you get to have a second chance with Max."
"Oooh…you loved Leo," teased Max. "Leo and Kendrix sitting in a tree…k…i…s…s…i…n…g…" He danced around for a few seconds.
Kendrix glared at him.
"Hey! Do you like bowling? We could go bowling tonight. Or maybe we could go to the carnival. The carnival is so much fun!" Max jumped around excitedly.
"Oh, why did I ever decide to come back to life?" moaned Kendrix.
"Said the lovestruck woman." Zordon turned the next page on his list. "Rocky…"
"Finally, I never thought you'd get to me. Why can't I get a love interest just for once? Why can't people see that I'm not just a buffoon?"
"Karone, he's all yours."
Astronema stepped up and zapped Rocky with her wrath staff. "What's the idea of pairing me up with this annoying buffoon?" she questioned as she turned her weapon towards Zordon.
"Oh…uh…uh….let's just continue," sputtered Zordon. "Carter…"
"Quickly," snapped the Red Lightspeed Ranger as he donned his firefighter gear. "There's a three alarm fire in one of your town's abandoned warehouses!"
"Who cares? It's just an abandoned warehouse. But maybe you can take Cestria with you."
"Sorry, I'm not allowed to take dates on my fire engine," explained Carter.
"I happen to live on a water planet," said Cestria. "If you let me ride with you, I'll talk to my leaders about letting you have all the water you want for putting out fires."
"And how would they send it here?"
Cestria blinked. "Haven't you ever heard of rain?"
"Nice try," replied Carter. "But everyone knows rain comes from angel tears."
"Ah, it's nice having a break from a genius boyfriend." Cestria ran after Carter as he headed out to the fire.
"Ah, true love. Adam…"
Adam looked shyly around. "D...d…d…don't stick me with another domineering woman. I can't take the pressure!"
"Ah, just suck it up. And meet Kapri."
"Hey!" began the former villainess. "It's about time I got a guy! What does everyone see in Marah anyway? I mean I'm just as pretty as she." She turned and glared at the now cowering Adam. "Aren't I?"
Adam mumbled something.
"Answer me!"
"Yes, you are very pretty," agreed Adam in fear.
"And I'm definitely smarter."
"Smarter, definitely smarter."
Kapri eyed Adam gleefully. "And I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you and you will serve my every whim for the rest of your life."
"And you're the…" Adam frowned as he read the large signs the remaining Rangers were holding up. "What? Your Uncle is gone? You're not an evil space ninja anymore, but a clumsy beginning ninja student!" He suddenly flipped up to Kapri and flung her over his head. "Now, who's the boss?" he asked the now cowering woman.
"Definitely the best way to begin a relationship," commented Zordon. "Sigh, this is just taking forever. Oh, Sydney…"
"Look, whoever it is had better be up to my parents' standards. Because there's no way they're going to pay for me to marry some loser." Sydney brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes as she waited.
"I hope Kai's up to your snobbish standards."
"Depends." Sydney looked at Kai. "Do you like buying expensive things for other people? Namely me?"
Kai gulped. "Well, uh, I guess I don't really need to save my paycheck for food and clothes. After all, I only own the one GSP uniform."
Sydney sidled up to him. "Oh? And will you spend all your free time with me? Rubbing my feet and buffing my nails?"
Kai smiled at her. "Sure, who needs to cook? I'm sure I can afford take-out everyday. And I'm sure the Guardian won't mind if I pass that Lost Galaxy book on to someone else."
"Oh, yes I would!" called a disembodied voice.
"So," Kai looked into Sydney's eyes. "What do you say we just go somewhere private and…ooofff." He doubled over from Sydney's blow to his stomache. "What the hell was that for?"
"Are you kidding?" asked Sydney angrily. "I don't WANT a boyfriend who just agrees to do whatever I want. That's boring!"
Zordon looked at his list with a yawn. "I hope we're nearing the end. Trent…"
Trent looked threateningly at Zordon. "Thanks a lot, you just ruined my concentration on this new sketch I'm making of your shiny head."
"I'm honored, I think. Maybe you should draw your new girlfriend, Kelly, next."
Kelly looked at Trent thoughtfully. "Need a job?"
"Uh, no. I already work at the Cyber Café." Trent continued his sketching.
"Oh, well that's okay. Would you like me to sponsor you in some extreme sport?" Kelly held out several application forms.
"Nah, I don't do that kind of junk." Trent tore his sketch out and taped it to the wall.
"Well, do you uh…uh…" Kelly looked flustered. "I don't know what else to ask him," she admitted to Zordon who was studying the sketch appreciatively. "All I know is how to work and sponsor people.'
Zordon shook his head. "I've really got to get this show's writers to put more dimension in some of these characters. Well, we're down to the wire. Jack…Jack….Jack put those down!"
Jack sheepishly stuck all the old Ranger suits back into their display cases. "Sorry, force of habit."
"Well, just for that, you're going to be with Divatox."
Divatox walked up to Jack in her new non-villainess outfit. "Oh, how wonderful. First, I get my sister back. And now, I get a boyfriend."
Jack stepped back and folded his arms. "So, I take it that you don't have an interest in being a pirate anymore?"
"Oh, my dear boy, why would I ever go back to that life?"
Jack leered at her. "No more treasure? No more gold? No more jewels?"
Something in Divatox's face flickered. "I…I ..don't need such things anymore. Not when I have people who care about me now."
"No more ordering idiots like Elgar around? No more being the Pirate Queen and lording it over everyone around you? No more power? No more riches?" Jack goaded her.
"Aaaaaahhhh!" Divatox pulled her old mask from her pocket and stuck it on her head. "Go load the ship! We're heading for Fort Knox!" She stomped out of the room.
"Ah, she's every thief's dream," sighed Jack as he followed her. "What?" he asked the shocked people. "It's not like there's any money in being a Ranger."
"Oh, whatever. Now, last but not least. Damon…"
Damon pulled himself from under the console. "Repairs are done."
Zordon glared at him. "Knock it off. I didn't ask you to fix anything. Just take Marah out, okay?"
"Eww, he's all greasy," complained Marah. "I'm not dating him. Not even if he's the last guy on Earth."
"Well, he's the last guy in the Power Chamber," stated Zordon.
"Really?" Marah paused to consider this. "Well, I guess he'll be cute one he has a shower." She pulled a loofa and a bar of soap from somewhere. "Come on, let's get you all cleaned up."
"Oh no, no one gets rid of my lovely grease," said Damon as he backed away from the determined woman. He turned and ran.
"Come back here!" called Marah as she chased after him. "Let me at least get rid of the gunk in those fingernails of yours!" They both ran out of the Power Chamber.
"Well, that's it," announced Zordon. "Now, every fanfic writer will have to use these couples and these couples only." He looked up as the Angel squad appeared and took him away.
The remaining characters all looked at each other. Then they all shook their heads. Then they went back to whomever they were actually interested in rather than whom Zordon had paired them with.
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Well, that's it. Not counting breaks this took me about eight hours to write. Not as quick as I had hoped it would be. Now, it's after 3 a.m.. I'd better post this and get some sleep.