Summary: Takes place years after the game. Lloyd and Colette are married, and Sheena becomes depressed and reflects on her feelings. This is her journal. Lots of angst, Sheena self-loathing, as well as a bit of Colette hatred.
Pairings: Hinting of LloydxColette. LloydxSheena. Talk of GenisxPresea.
POV: Sheena's.
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Entry 1:
Ever since Lloyd and Colette got married, Lloyd has been acting differently towards me. I think it has something to do with Colette. He no longer talks with me for long periods of time, or teasing me about Zelos. I miss him being by my side… but now that I look back, he was never by my side.
He was at Colette's.
How he'd look at her… how he'd say her name. I knew it had to happen at some point. But my heart refused to let me believe that I didn't have a chance. I'm nobody to him. Nothing but a friend.
Usually that'd make me happy… but I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach…
Regret.
I never told him how much I loved him. How much I wanted him to love me back. I lost my chance when Colette admitted her love first.
I've been keeping my distance from them. The pain has been overwhelming. Even Zelos has noticed and has questioned me. I've even started avoiding him.
It makes me break down inside… to see Lloyd and Colette together and I often find myself watching from afar. I don't want to join in on the little things that everyone does together.
Even Genis has gotten Presea to like him. I often see them together, watching from afar, hoping…praying, somehow, Lloyd will see me like he once did. Even if not a lover, a very close friend.
Colette has been watching me ever since Lloyd and her got married. I can tell she can see my pain. But she never comments on it. Sometimes I'll see her staring at me sadly, like she believes my pain is her fault.
It is. It's all her fault. Her and her love for Lloyd. I knew it was there the moment I met them. The way she looked at him. The way she talked to him. The way she just wanted to please him, and if he was pleased, then she didn't care if the whole world was against her.
How can I compete to that type of devotion? How can I ever compete with the one who stole my one love? The one I tried to get to notice me as more than a friend and failed…? I can never be Colette. There is only one person in Lloyd's heart… the person I wish was me.
It was Colette.
It was all Colette's fault. Everything was Colette's fault. It's her fault that Lloyd doesn't love me, it's her fault that I feel the pain of being rejected.
I'm very ashamed of those thoughts, Colette had been nothing but a dear friend along the journey. But all the same, sometimes I wish that she hadn't met Lloyd. That Lloyd could be free to love me. That I could ease the pain in my heart.
But would that really make me happy? Am I that sort of person that I'm willing to make my own happiness at the cost of other's own? If so, I am not pleased with my new self. Perhaps this was me all along. Maybe their relationship has brought out the true me.
Maybe I'm not who I thought I was, who everyone else thought I was. How can I stop myself from becoming someone who will do anything to protect my happiness? How can I change myself?
How can I be someone I can live with through my pain?