Okay everyone, I am so sorry for not updating sooner but my computer was acting up, and I couldn't get on the net. But I'm updating now!
Plus a big thanks to Chibi Blue Angel, Rose Muto, Soon-to-be-Yami'sgirl, COOL ONE, Irite4uall, Icy Sapphire15 and Chained and Torchered for reviewing. Sorry to keep you guys waiting for so long!
Disclaimer: Still don't own Yugioh. Don't own Snow White. Don't own Band-aids. Don't own the coconut gag.
Warning: Bakura is an evil little bastard so the castings are a little…odd. That is, Snow White is being played by a guy. You have been warned.
Explanation of Theatre terms: (Note I'm only doing this once!)
Bio-Box – The box where the director and the lighting and sound technicians control the show from.
Stage left – The Actor's left
Stage right – The Actor's right
Italics – Narration (done by Erin)
"Okay everyone!" Erin announced, "First up is Snow White! Bakura, casting please!"
The white haired yami pulled a notepad out of his pocket and started to list off names. "Good Queen - Serenity, Evil Queen – Me," he then bowed, "Snow White – Kaiba, Huntsman – Joey, Dwarves – Yugi, Ryou, Marik, Malik, Tea, Tristan and Duke, Prince – Yami and the rest of you can go get stuffed for all I care."
"You have to be kidding!" Kaiba death-glared Erin.
"What?" Erin looked as innocent as possible. "Bakura did the casting, not me. Plus, you'd look good in a skirt."
"Now get out of here! There are people coming in twenty minutes!"
The curtains opened up to reveal a big set. Stage Left was a castle, where Serenity was sitting in a gorgeous long sleeved red dress, sewing, and Stage Right was a forest, with the Dwarves' house very Stage Right.
Once there was a Queen, who more than anything longed for a daughter. One day, while it was snowing, she was sitting by a window sewing. She pricked her finger and drew blood.
Blood dripped onto the stage floor and Serenity wailed, "I really pricked my finger!"
Inwardly groaning, Erin said, "Could someone please get the girl a band-aid? And then can we get on with this? I want to see Kaiba in a skirt!"
After Tristan and Duke had finished fighting over who had the 'right' to give Serenity her band-aid, (Joey won), and the show went on
After looking at the blood on the snow, and the ebony window-frame the Queen said;
"I wish I had a daughter as white as snow, as red as blood and as black as ebony wood."
Mokuba then expertly dimmed the lights on Serenity.
Soon after, her wish was granted. A daughter was born with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. She was called Snow White. Soon after her birth, the queen died.
The lights then came up again, revealing Bakura in a long black dress, with fake black fingernails and heavy black makeup, in front of a long floor length mirror.
A year passed and the king married again. But his new queen was a bitch who believed she was the sexiest beast to walk the earth. Everyday the queen faced her enchanted mirror and said;
"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"
And every day the mirror replied;
"You are, queen, the sexiest of them all." Mokuba replied over the voice over.
And the queen was pleased.
Years past and Snow White grew into a very sexy young woman.
Kaiba then entered Stage Left, wearing a blue mini dress, black strappy heels, a black wig and red lipstick. Meanwhile, the bio-box (and the audience) burst into laughter.
"Go Kaiba! You're so sexy baby!"
"Blue is defiantly your colour, oniisan (1)!"
Anyway, one day the queen looked into her mirror and said;
"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"
"Queen, you are very sexy, it's true,
But little Snow White is way sexier than you!"
"Amen to that!"
Meanwhile, Bakura was throwing a trade mark fit. "How dare that little slut take my title! I'll get her!"
"Remind you of anyone, Kaiba?"
"Could you just shut up?"
"Huntsman!" Bakura yelled. Joey rushed on, dressed like a, well, huntsman.
"What do ya want, yer majesty?"
"Take that little brat, Snow White, into the forest, and kill her. And bring me back her heart, lungs and liver as proof."
"It shall be done." Joey then grabbed Kaiba by the arm and dragged him to the forest.
But when it was time for the huntsman to kill Snow White, he was so moved by her sexiness that he let her go.
But, on stage the reality was different. Joey was hitting Kaiba over the head with his wooden axe, yelling, "Die Kaiba! Die, die, die!"
"I said he let her go!"
"DIE!"
"Damn it Joey!" Erin then pressed a button that drenched Joey in 5 litres of water. He then stopped pummelling Kaiba.
"What'cha do that for?"
"Just let him go already!"
"Alright, alright. Get out of here, moneybags."
Just then a boar ran past. The huntsman attacked it, killed it and cut out its heart, lungs and liver, and took it to the queen.
Snow White then ran through the forest for hours and hours, until she saw a cottage. She went inside and saw that it had seven little chairs, with seven little knives and so on and so forth. It was also very dirty.
"It looks like seven mini-Joeys live here!"
"I HEARD THAT KAIBA!"
So she decided to clean up.
Kaiba 'cleaned' the house, i.e. he got the cast members who weren't going anything to do it for him.
Then she went to sleep in one of the little beds.
Of, course, the bed was made for someone of Yugi's height, so Kaiba's legs were poking out the bottom.
Late that night the owners of the cottage come home. They were seven Dwarves, who had been working all day at the mines. When they saw that their house was clean, they were shocked. When they saw Snow White, they were even more shocked.
All the dwarves were dressed as garden gnomes by the way.
"Who the hell is this?" Malik asked.
"How should I know?" his hikari replied.
"She's so sexy!" noted Ryou.
All the other dwarves looked at Ryou, shocked.
"What? It's in the script!"
"We have a script?" asked Yugi.
"Yes we do! Now get on with it!" screamed Erin.
"Um, Erin, it's your line." noted Tea.
"Oh, yeah."
When Snow White woke up she was shocked to see all the strange midgets-
"Vertically challenged people!" screamed Yugi.
Vertically challenged people looking at her. However, she told them what had happened, and they agreed to let her stay if she'd do all the housework that they were too lazy to do.
"I agreed to WHAT!"
"It's in the story Kaiba!"
Meanwhile in the palace…
"Here you go your majesty!" Joey chucked a pig's internal organs at Bakura.
"Thank you." Bakura then proceeded to eat them.
In the bio-box, Erin muttered to Mokuba, "Do you think he knows they're real?"
To which the younger Kaiba replied, "Do you really think he cares?"
Then the queen asked her mirror;
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"
"Queen, you are very sexy it's true,
But deep in the woods were seven dwarves dwell,
Snow white is still alive and well,
And she is sexier than you!"
When the queen heard this, she was angry because she knew the huntsman had tricked her.
"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!"
So, she made a very poisonous apple, dressed like an old woman, and headed for the house of the seven dwarves.
Meanwhile, the dwarves were leaving for the mines.
"Snow White, whatever you do, don't talk to strangers!" Yugi said.
"And don't leave the house!" Duke added.
"After all you're our friend and we have to look after you!" Tea yelled.
Everyone one onstage and in the bio-box anime fell.
After that, the Dwarves walked off. And then Bakura, dressed like a hag, walked on.
He knocked on the door. "Apples for sale! Apples for sale!"
"Go away, you old hag! I don't want to talk to you!"
"Just have one! It's free!"
"FREE!" Kaiba, being the miser that he his, stuck his head out of the window.
Bakura then gave him the apple.
"How do I know it's not poisoned or anything?"
Bakura took a big bite out of the apple. "Like this."
"Hey, Erin, how could Bakura survive the poison?" Mokuba asked.
"It's really easy when you're already dead."
So anyway, the very silly Snow White took a bite out of the apple. As soon as it touched her lips, she fell into a deep sleep. And as in all good fairytales, it could only be broken by true love's first kiss.
When the dwarves returned home to find Snow White 'dead', they were over come with sorrow. They built w coffin made of glass, so everyone could see how dead sexy she was. Then one day a handsome prince was riding through the woods…
Yami 'rode' on stage, in his Pharaoh outfit . Well, he was miming and Odion behind him was bashing two coconuts together.
When he saw Snow White in the coffin, he was overcome by her sexiness. So he rode up to the coffin and kissed her on the lips.
Yami, in reality was trying to get away.
"Yami! It's only a kiss! It won't kill you!"
"Yes it will!" Kaiba screamed.
"Shut up! You're supposed to be dead!" Erin pressed a button that caused a sand bag to wack him on the head, and knocked him out. "Now come on, Yami!"
"I don't really have a choice do I?"
"No. By the way Mokuba, you may not want to see this."
So, hurriedly, Yami kissed Kaiba, then ran away to wash his mouth out. By the time he came back on stage, Kaiba was conscious after Erin had dumped a ton of water on him.
After that, Snow White woke up. And so Snow White and the prince rode away to his Kingdom and got married.
Meanwhile with the queen…
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is the sexiest of all?"
"Queen, you are very sexy, it's true,
But the new queen is sexier than you"
"New queen? Who is this new Queen?"
"Snow White."
"WHAT!"
The old queen was so overcome with rage that she jumped out the window and killed herself.
And everyone else lived happily ever after.
Especially me since I got photos of the whole thing.
"WHAT THE HELL!"
"GIVE THEM HERE!"
"See ya!" Erin then ran off as fast as she could.
(1) Oniisan – big brother.