Ah, yes, another late chapter. All I can say is, at least its done and posted. I was sick and without the internet for five or six days now, so be happy that I even felt like writing. I wrote this instead of writing my english paper, which is more important, but since I have an A in english at the moment, I thought writing this instead of that would be okay for the moment.
I must say though, threatening emails and reviews that complain about my updating are not appreciated. I know, it takes a while for me to update, I have said this many times, but I cannot write any faster than I already do. It would be very much not possible, the life schedule makes it hard to even write as much as I do.
If people would check my profile then they would see that I post my chapter progress and update it once to twice a week, so you will know about how far I am in each new chapter. I mean if you go there and it says that a chapter is 75 done, than you should get the feeling that it could be updated at any time.
Anyway, there is one more chapter after this, though it is going to be very short, and the lemon will have to wait for a while, but I will post a link to it in my profile when it is done. I am going to be updating three or four more stories this week, so check my profile for those.
WARNING: The same as all of the others, it tends to not change, just my way of saying it does.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Inuyasha, The Summer Of My German Soldier, or the song used in this chapter.
As beautiful as fire against the evening sky
you fuel the lost desire- I no longer wanna die
Take me by the hand and see beyond the lies
Strip away the fences - leave me needing, leave me high
I know you're so solo, but I can't.
It has come. My birthday is today, and as soon as my father gets home tonight he is going to remind me of why he hates me so much. He always starts off with telling me of what I cost him. That I cost him a life with his one true love, even if all of the other days of the year he allows his wife to call my mother all of those horrible names, and even joins in on it. I use to think that by this time he would have killed me, and many times I had prayed for him to end my life, but now I want to live. I want to get out of here and live my own life away from him and his wife. I would like to be with Souta, but I know that it will not be possible, not until I have been gone for a few years and when I return they will not be able to do anything to me.
I did not want to get out of bed today, I thought that maybe if I rested the whole day then tonight would not be so bad, but I know that it is just whishful thinking. I know that I should have ran away a long time ago, and I had almost done it a few times, but the thing that kept me here was Shippou and Souta. Shippou did not want to leave because he thinks that his father is going to come looking for him, and I did not have the heart to tell him that he was dead, and Souta, well, I just did not have the heart to leave him like that. But now, I think that it might be the right thing, I just need to find a way out of here and find a way to get some money. I know that I have a few skills that could get me a job, but until then I need a way to live.
I also need to find Shippou and try to think of a way to tell him about his father. I know that it will not be easy, but it is something that I have to do so that we both may have a chance to move on and live better lives than what we would staying right where we are. There is only so much that I can do to take care of him without actually being with him. He needs someone to tell him what he can and cannot do, and to be there to make sure that he follows it. As of right now he does what he wants, even though he tries to listen, and if I was living with him then I would be able to keep an eye on him at all times.
Life was never ment to be this hard. I was suppose to grow up with my mother and father, having a happy family, but life decided that it needed to change that happiness into something else, something bad. Life took my mother away from me and left me with a father who hates me and a step-mother that could care less about what happens to me. Shippou is also a victim of life. Just because he was born with special features and strengths, he is hunted like he is some kind of dangerous animal. He is just a little boy, a little boy that deserves to have some good come to him, even through all of this bad.
I jumped up from my bed and found a bag that I been sitting at the bottom of my closet since I was ten. I never had a real need for it, not until today. I opened the bag and set it on my bed before I made my way to a pile of my clean clothes that I had forgotten to put up. I took the clothes and stuffed them in my bag along with a few pictures of my mother and Souta, I also threw in a few pieces of jewelry that was my mothers, I had never worn it before, but since I was leaving I thought it would be better to have it with me.
When I was done packing my bag I wrote a note for Kaede and Souta. I told them how much I loved them both and that I would miss them. I also told them to tell my father and step-mother that I would have been better off being raised by wild animals than by them, and that in a way I would miss my father, but my step-mother was the last person I would ever admit to missing. I signed the note and folded it, I then sat it on my desk and grabbed my bag. I went out my window because I knew that Kaede would be in the kitchen, and I did not want her to try and stop me from leaving. She always told me that my father did love me, but it would take some time for him to go back to the way that he was. She said that he was just hurting so much, because he loved my mother with all of his heart.
I stopped believing her. I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, but all it did was get my hopes up until my next beating. It was sad that I even believed her the first time, that I wanted a normal family so much that I would just ignore everything that I knew so that I could believe that I may get my father back.
"Sad and pathetic," I said to myself as I took one last look at the only home that I have ever known.
I knew that this would be the single most important thing that I would ever do, and it scared me. I would be leaving everything that I have ever known and go out on my own, with a youkai child no less, and try to live. This would prove to be an adventure.
I looked around the forest for Shippou, calling his name. He was not at home when I went by, and that scared me to no end. I warned him about going out alone, and he never seemed to listen to me. This is what I always worried about with him, he does not know exactly what is going on in the world. I tried to keep him safe, and that ment not telling him some things that I should have. If anything happened to him, then I do not know what I would do. He has been my everything for so long, one of the only reasons to wake up every morning. I cannot lose him.
"Shippou! Where are you!" I called out again, but there was still no answer.
Usually when I call for him, he would come running, his little arms open, ready for a hug. But today, he just simply is not here. I am not sure what to think, I want to believe that he is fine, maybe just gone for a walk and fell asleep somewhere, but I have this sinking feeling that he is not alright. I wish this war with the youkai would just end, it would make life much easier. Ah, the life thing again. Life has more twists and turns than some mystery novel, and I am getting sick of it.
"Shippou!" I called out again, tears now forming in my eyes.
I did not want to lose him. I all of a sudden just broke down, dropping to my knees on the forest floor. I could not help but cry, I could not stop the tears from flowing, no matter how much I wanted them to.
Take me away - cause I dont wanna lose control
Take me away- cause I don't wanna lose it all
Relieved of all the pain you let me see again
Delievered from my shame now and I am lost for what to say
Cleansed and pure and weak, I suffer when I dream.
"Kagome-chan? Are you alright?"
It was him, my little Shippou. I liked up from my spot on the group, right up into his little fact. He looked so worried about me, and it made me smile. I grabbed him and hugged him close to me.
"Hai, I'm fine. I was just worried when I could not find you," I said, drying my tears as I hugged him even closer to me.
I finally let him go after another minute or so, he looked so innocent. I never wanted to see him tainted by anything, I just want good things for him, but I knew that telling him about his father would crush him, but I have to do it.
"Shippou, there is something that I have to tell you, and I know that it will make you sad, but you need to know,"
It was so hard to look into his eyes and say this, I wanted to stop right there and just say nevermind, I came so close, but I knew that I needed to tell him sooner or later, and sooner is much better than later.
"What is it Kagome?"
"It is something that I should have told you a long time ago. Shippou, I know that you think that your father will be back soon, but the truth is, he died right after he was captured,"
It was the hardest thing in the world to do, but I did it. He looked so crushed right after I said it, but he had yet to start crying. It was like he was trying to hold all of his feelings in, and it was working, until a single tear rolled down his cheek. All of a sudden he grabbed on to me and started crying his eyes out, it reminded me of when my mother died. I stayed in my grandfathers arms for hours, just crying and crying until I could not cry anymore.
"Why?" was the only thing I could hear him saying through his sobs, and I did not know how to answer it.
He had lost his mother and father, and he is still just a young child. I do not know how to answer a question that I have asked myself on many occasions. I never got the answer that I wanted, and I do not think that I can find the answer by myself.
"Because, the world is a place filled with cruel people that do not mind doing bad things, just as long as they are not the ones being hurt because of it. They are cowards that do not care about anyone else," it was the only thing that I could think of to tell him, and I thinl in a way that I was answering my own question.
I held him for a while longer as he cried over the loss of his father, after a while he fell asleep, so I carried him back to his home so that he could sleep while I packed his things. We had to leave soon, my father would be looking for me once he got home.
Shippou slept on as I packed his few clothes and some food that I had brought the day before. We would need it until I could get some money to buy more. When I was done packing everything I watched Shippou sleep for a little while longer, he needed the rest. I figured that we could spare a little bit of time, afterall, once we got out of here we could move fairly fast. I knew this place betetr than my father did, hell, I knew it better than most people that lived in town. I have been wandering around since I was old enough to walk, I knew ways out of here that no one else would be able to follow.
I could not help but to think of Sesshoumaru and how he had gotten out of town without anyone seeing him, but then again, he is a youkai. Even with his strength weakened, he could still move around better than most humans. It was hard not to think about him though, he had been gone for what seemed like forever, and I miss him. I have been missing him from the second that I realixed he was gone. He was my only real friend, not family, but a friend. I looked out the window and saw that the sun was brightter than it was when I first got here, which ment that it was around lunch time and that we would need to be heading out now. I walked over to where Shippou was sleeping and lightly shook his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked up at me, so I smiled at him and reached down and picked him up.
"How about we go on a little trip?" I had never talked to him about it before, and if he did not want to go, then I would have to stay here with him.
"Where to?"
A good question. I had not thought about that before. There were a lot of places that we could go, but I did not pick one.
"Anywhere but here," it seemed like the perfect answer, because it was the truth.
"Okay,"
We made our way through the forest, the only place that gave me any comfort since my mother passed away. I would miss it, and in a way I would miss my home and my room, but then again it was a relief to leave. No more beatings and no more having to listen to the step-monster call my mother those names. It is the begining of a new reality for me and Shippou, and who knows, maybe once I am gone for good my father will realize what he lost and he will feel guilty that he drove me away.
Shippou rode on my back as I walked as fast as I could through the trees. I knew that he was till tired and I did not want him to slow us down until we got far enough away. He would have to use his powers to hide his youkai features from everyone, but it would not be a problem since we are going to stay out of towns as much as we can. We will hide until this stupid war is over, and then, we can live like normal people, right out in the open.
I need to find a purpose- I need to feel you needing me.
By the time we got to the otherside of the forest it was already getting dark. The forest had always seemed to go on forever, I had only made it to the otherside a few times, and that was only when my father and step-mother were gone and Kaede was watching me for the night. She would fall sleep before I even had to be home, so she never knew when I would come in late. I did not know which way to go after this, it was like a fork in the road, and if I went the wrong way then everything I went through was for nothing. When I got to the forest edge I still did not know which way to go. To the right was town, so I knew not to go that way. So which was it, to the left or keep going straight?
"If you go left then you end up at a dead end, and if you go straight then you end up at another forest. It really is quite lovely, a nice pond and some very nice fruit trees,"
I spun around as fast as I could, almost falling while doing so, but not caring when I saw who was standing behind me.
"Sesshoumaru," it was him, he had come back, well that, or he never really left.
"I remembered that I never said thank you for your help,"
I did not know if he was serious or if he was just making an excuse to have come back here, but either way, I was happy to see him. I smiled as I sat Shippou down, and then ran and hugged him. He seemed surprised, but after a second he hugged me back.
"You are very welcome," I whispered to him as I hugged him as hard as I could, I did not want to let go just incase this was just a dream.
I finally let go of him, and I looked up into his eyes, he was still there. This was not a dream, and that made me want to smile even more than I already was. He came back, for what reason I do not know why, but that he came back was all that I cared about.
I know you're so solo, but I can't.
"Where are you going to now?" I know I really should not ask, for it was none of my business, but I could not stop myself.
"I do not know as of yet. Where are you going?"
Who knew those words could cause me to feel the happiest that I have been in a very long time.
"I am not sure, but maybe we could figure it out together,"
Take me away - cause I dont wanna lose control
Take me away- cause I don't wanna lose it all
Pure and weak, I suffer when I dream
Cleansed of me, I suffer when I dream
Because I want you to stay, you take away the pain
I want you to stay, I need you here to keep me sane
Take me away - cause I dont wanna lose control
Take me away- cause I don't wanna lose it all
I want you to stay- you take away the pain
I want you to stay- I need you here to keep me sane
Heh, yeah, not that great, The last chapter is already done, it just needs to be looked over to make sure that I tied everything together, we would not want any loose ends hanging around. I will answer some questions in the next chapter, just some things that have been asked through the chapters that I kept forgetting to answer. I would have put this as the last chapter, but I could not force myself to write anymore. I wrote the last chapter the day after I wrote this, and now that I look at it, it makes more sense to have them seperated. Plus, I really wanted to make some people mad, sorry I had to do this to the nice reviewers, but the bad reviewers needed to be punished for being greedy and mean. The last chapter will be up within a day or two..