A/N: Sorry about the lateness of this chapter, it was being difficult. But at least the title should be starting to make sense. :) Hope you all enjoy.

Chapter 8

No one had ever cried in Hiei's arms before; he had no idea what to do or how to comfort Yukina, though some form of comfort was obviously required. He wanted very badly to just run away, but he had learned from a few arguments with the fox that people generally reacted poorly to being run away from when they were upset. He couldn't risk Yukina becoming angrier with him than she was already bound to be, but he didn't know how to comfort her. So he just stood there.

After a moment, Yukina looked up at him with unshed tears in her eyes. "Do you truly wish nothing to do with me, then?"

Hiei was dumbfounded until she continued. "Can you not even hold me, brother?"

Now Hiei realized what he was supposed to have done. Belatedly he closed his arms around Yukina's waist. Her proximity was almost physically painful, but determined to do at least this much right, Hiei pulled her closer and tilted his head as he had seen Yusuke do to Keiko, resting his cheek on her hair.

Yukina began to cry harder. Hiei nearly pulled back, convinced he'd done wrong - maybe he shouldn't have been imitating Yusuke, maybe the cheek thing was only for lovers - but Kurama insisted that sometimes tears were a good thing. Maybe these were good tears.

Kurama.

No. Hiei wasn't ready to think about that part of what Yukina had said yet. One crisis at a time. Besides, she had undoubtedly misunderstood him. Kurama could have anyone he wanted, his ningen fanclub at his ridiculous school was proof enough of that. With everything Kurama had to offer, and everything Hiei didn't, the idea of Kurama wanting him was laughable.

Don't think about it. Focus on Yukina instead; this may be the last time you get to see her, if she sends you away.

The thought sparked tears behind Hiei's eyes, but he didn't let them fall or even fully form. He had learned the art of stopping tears in childhood, and since then the only person he'd let see him cry was -

Dammit, fox, get out of my head!

Hiei felt with relief that Yukina's tears were subsiding. They were already standing in a small pool of the precious hiruseki stones; he couldn't wish for her to cry any longer, even if the end of the tears meant she would come to her senses and send him away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yukina asked, wiping her eyes on the edge of her kimono.

For once Hiei didn't try to evade the question; the gravity of the situation deserved a direct response. "Because I didn't want you to have to know the kind of person I was."

"I don't understand."

"I wanted," Hiei said slowly, for every word was painful, "for you to be able to think your brother was someone good. Not like me."

"What do you mean, not like you?"

"A killer," Hiei said bluntly, since Yukina was forcing him to spell it out. "A jerk to my friends. A criminal."

Yukina shook her head impatiently. "That's what Kurama said you thought but I thought he was mistaken, I didn't think you could be so oblivious. Don't you know I don't care about any of that?"

Hiei thought he might stay permanently rooted to the ground with shock. "What do you mean you don't care?" he said flatly.

"I meant I don't care," Yukina repeated. "I don't think you're a bad person. I am honored to have you for a brother."

Hiei actually felt like laughing. "Have you gone mad?"

"Why would Kurama love you if you were such a bad person, Hiei?"

Hiei shook his head quickly. "Kurama doesn't love me, not like that. You misunderstood. He couldn't."

"Why couldn't he?"

"Because, I..."

Hiei trailed off to find Yukina watching him with a knowing look. "For the same reasons I couldn't want you?"

"Well... yes."

Yukina shook her head unhappily, turning away from him slightly. "If you only knew, Hiei," she said softly. "If you only knew how much you are loved."

Silence descended. Hiei couldn't find any words to say; his throat and lungs had seized up, and he was actually struggling not to cry. It couldn't be true, what she had said. Yukina saw everyone as more loving than they really were; nobody loved him... and he didn't want their love... he liked being alone.

So... why was he fighting back tears at the mere thought that he could be loved?

"Kazuma figured out that you were my brother," Yukina said quietly. "That's why they were talking about all this. Kurama made him promise not to tell me. He said... he said you were afraid I would reject you."

"You can't possibly have been envisioning me when you went searching for your brother," Hiei said quietly.

"Can't I have?"

"You deserve someone better."

Yukina moved closer to him and took his hands. Hiei didn't want to touch her, it made the threat of tears so much more real, but he couldn't manage to pull away.

"You mean the kind of brother who would have searched for me when I was kidnapped?" she said softly. "Someone who would have killed anyone to reach me, but who let my captor live because I asked it? Somebody who would have done anything, broken any law, endured any pain, for my sake? Somebody who had to fend for himself from birth, who was surrounded by the worst kind of criminals and yet remained honest and honorable enough to wind up in Koenma's employ, working with the Spirit Detective to protect Earth? Is that the kind of brother I deserve, Hiei?"

Hiei managed to force a few words past the massive block in his throat. "I've done horrible things..." he choked.

Yukina put her arms around him lightly. "And I forgive you for all of them."

Hiei couldn't speak anymore. He fell to the ground, Yukina falling with him - or maybe she had fallen, and pulled him down with her. And then he was lying there with his head in her lap, her hand gently stroking through his hair, as the tears of many years finally fell from his eyes.