Part 5: Shattered Silence

A/N : This part has a plotline that is connected to my story Boxed In, but you don't have to read it to understand the section.

He is watching me, patiently as I finish my cereal, and he finishes his. We have been sitting this way for 15 minutes. He scares me, in a good kind of way. It is like I have butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I haven't felt that way about anyone for a long time. And he also scares me in a bad way. I am not sure where to begin. I have grown up since I was 8 with the belief I had to do everything that people tell me, and that I am supposed to be a man. According to my father, men don't shed tears, they don't get sad, and they don't talk to people when they are having problems that seem like what any normal woman would go through.

He finishes his cereal, and he leans towards me slowly, and wipes away some milk from my face. I set down my mug, finished, and watch him. I have to fight the urge not to pull him into a kiss. He seems to feel comfortable with me, like he has known me for years. Well, he has known me sort of as Pacey's brother, as member of the Capeside police. But he seems like he really knows me, like no one has known me for a long time. He moves his hand away from me, and I reach for it softly. "I don't know what to say, but do you think you can just sit here and hold my friend like you said your friend did."

He smiles. "Sure. I told you before we don't have to talk about anything you feel uncomfortable to talk about."

I hear someone outside, and instantly get up, feeling guilty to investigate. He sits calmly, watching me with caring eyes as I walk out the door to see what it is.

My brother is standing near the office door, pretending he is looking for something. He seems out of place in his chef's uniform, mainly because it makes him seem like he is better than Capeside and this small police station. I know one day he will be able to get out of this town, and do something great.

"What is it little brother?" I ask, pretending that I am annoyed. I begin to walk towards him.

"I know I ask Jack to come over and talk to you, but I was worried about you." He frowns. He is holding something behind his back. He pulls it out, and I know instantly what it is. "What is this?"

"A book." I say, glancing instantly to the floor. I didn't think he was going to find it. I don't really want to explain to him why I have it. I wanted to bury that part of me, but it has been getting harder to do lately, especially since I notice my temper flaring up at odd times.

"A book on adults who were abused as children? Is this for research, or is there something I need to know?" I glance at him sideways, he looks scared. And I get the feeling that he has started to suspect he never knew me.

"It's not for research." My eyes drop to the floor again, I feel the color in my face rising. I didn't want him to find out. I know as a kid, he got a lot of lip from dad, but I didn't want him to ever find out he could have got worse. Even thinking about this is making me feel like I am going to cry. I bite my bottom lip trying to close it in.

"What?" His voice sounds far away.

I notice that Jack is at the doorway of my apartment.

"It was before you were born, I didn't want you to find …" Words fail as tears begin to sting my eyes. I feel like the ground below me is crumbling. Pacey pulls me into a tight hug, not saying anything. And I feel Jack next to me, rubbing my back concerned.