Part 6: Six o clock chatter

Some how we get into my office, and Pacey closes the door, and pulls the blinds down over the windows. Jack is holding me in a hug on the couch, and Pacey sits next to us on the edge. "God, I feel stupid, you guys must think I am a completely helpless." I say, trying to stop the sobbing that seems to have overtaken my body. "I can't believe you even found that?"

"You're not helpless. I talked to Gretchen today, and I told her I was worried about you, and she asked if it was because of the book she sent you." He is watching me for a moment. "You know I thought I had you cracked Doug, but seriously I don't think it was until recently that I actually knew you. I mean the whole good son act makes sense now. I can't believe you guys didn't tell me."

"It was almost 30 years ago Pace. He hasn't touched any of you guys…Oh God!" I put my head in my hands. "I didn't want you to find out; you don't know how many nights I prayed he kept his vow!" I try to move, but Jack seems to have me held tight.

Peaking through my hands, I see Jack and Pacey share a look. "I didn't mean to sound like I was yelling at you. I'm sorry." He takes a deep breath, and rubs my shoulder. "It just scares me. I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want to find out you jump off the water tower or something. Especially now, when we are so close."

I look to the carpet. I can't believe this; I shouldn't have let him know. It seems everything is going wrong now; I am never going to be able to fix this. He is going to think I am weak, and think less of me. And all the thoughts about me being a failure and a bad brother, and a bad son, and a bad police officer, and a bad human being are going to come true. I feel myself begin to shiver violently. "Oh, God! Oh God!" I murmur to myself not sure what to say. This is going to blow up in my face, like every time I reveal a true part of myself and not the cookie cutter image everyone thinks me to be.

"Hey Doug, you need to breathe." Jack says quietly. He pulls me into a tighter embrace. "You're not a bad person, and we don't think you are weak, we are just concerned about you. And you're obviously very uncomfortable talking about it, so if you don't want to we can change the subject."

Pacey moves off the arm of the couch, and gets up going to the file cabinet. He opens a drawer and pulls out a hospital blanket that had been there for ages. "Jack is right; we don't have to talk about this now. I am sorry. " Jack moves a little, and Pacey wraps the blanket around my shoulder. "Obviously, even though it ended almost thirty years ago, you are still affected by it."

I decide to make a break, since Jack has temporary let go off me.I pull myself away from Jack, and move to the edge of the couch, wrapping myself tight in the blanket. I must look like a complete moron. And I wonder sometimes why I am alone, and why I am never going to leave Capeside. I sob into the couch arm for awhile.

Pacey pulls me into a hug after a few seconds. "I didn't mean to upset you this much, I am sorry."

"Not your fault" I murmur, trying to pull away, but he is almost as determined as Jack was a few se

"At least he can still talk." Jack jokes softly; his hand is rubbing my back.

"I feel horrible that you both are here. This is my problem and my dysfunction…"

"Don't. We know what you are going to say?" Jack says very calmly, "it is okay to ask for help. Even if we can't fix the problem, we can listen to you, about anything you want to talk about."

"I don't want to talk about anything. I just want to be left alone."

"I have a better idea. " Pacey stands up, he goes to the desk, and I hear him writing something. "Come on. We're going somewhere" He says, after pulling off a piece of tape on the dispenser on the desk.

"Umm…" I really don't want to go anywhere.

Jack pushes me up softly, so that I am standing on my feet. He gets behind me so, I can't sit back down. His hand is resting gently against the small of my back.

"Can I ask where we are going?"

"We're taking a sick day."

"I can't…" I wipe my eyes, trying to get the tears from stopping. "I am the sheriff."

"Today, you are Doug, and he is not going to be the sheriff. He is going to be Doug." Pacey comments.

Jack takes my hand, and gives me a small nod. "You can just be plain Doug for one day, can't you?"