May 13th, 2004

Alex's world was crashing around her. She had lost her baby. How could someone love someone so much who they had never met? Alex's heart felt like it had broken in two. She couldn't stop crying. She was so depressed and DK couldn't understand why.

He wasn't being as supportive as he should be. Maybe he didn't feel the same thing Alex did. He didn't carry the baby. He didn't feel it slip from his body. He wasn't there. Derek stood in the doorway watching Alex.

"Are you going to get up at some point today?" He asked. Alex pulled the blanket tightly around her.

"Leave me alone." Alex mumbled. Derek growled and stepped into the room.

"You've been in this goddamn bed for almost two weeks. I know the doctor said to take it easy for this is ridiculous." Derek said. Alex looked at him.

"I'm trying to grieve." She said.

"Oh please." Derek said. Alex narrowed her eyes.

"You don't think I should grieve for the baby?" She asked.

"Sure I do, but this is too much." Derek sat on the edge of the bed. "You didn't even know the baby."

"Yes I did!" Alex gasped, "It was inside of me. I knew it."

"Fine, but this isn't healthy. You need to get out and maybe go back to work." Derek said. Alex shook her head.

"I can't. I feel so incomplete." She whispered. "I want to give him a name, Derek?"

"Him?" Derek looked at her.

"I know it was a boy. I can feel it in my heart and soul." She said, "I want to give him a name." Derek shook his head.

"That's ridiculous." He said.

"No it's not." Alex whispered. Tears started to well in her eyes. "I need to give him a name. I need closure."

"You're being unbelievable. It doesn't need a name." Derek said.

"God!" Alex snapped as she got out of bed, "You're being unbelievably cruel today."

"No I'm not. I'm just having you face the fact, Alex." Derek said, "We have a daughter who needs you. you miscarried. So what? We can try again soon."

"You are such a fucking asshole!!!" Alex cried grabbing her jacket, "You can face this fact, Derek Kelly! I hate you!"

* * *

Alex walked down the sidewalk sniffling. God, how could Derek be such an asshole? Now, she was alone and crying. She sat on the bus stop bench and started to cry.

"Alex?" Jimmy stood by the bench, "Are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay, Doherty??" She sobbed into her hands.

"Hey. Hey." He sat down next to her, "What's wrong?"

"Derek is an asshole and I hate him." She said. Jimmy smiled.

"I've been saying that for years." He winked and took her hand, "Come on. This is my apartment. let me make you some tea."

"O-Okay." Alex whispered. She followed Jimmy into the apartment building and up the stairs. See? Men could be nice.

"Did you give it a name?" Jimmy asked as he unlocked his door.

"M-Mason." Alex said, "Was it so bad for wanting to give the baby a name?" jimmy shook his head.

"No way. I think it's a fantastic idea." he said, "Make yourself at home."

"You don't think it's creepy?" Alex asked sitting on his couch.

"No." Jimmy frowned, "Anyone who would think that is an ass. Is that what DK said to you?" Alex shook her head.

"No...But he hinted at it." She sighed softly. "This is all my fault."

"No no. It's not." Jimmy sat down next to her. tear started to flow from Alex's eyes again.

"Yes, it is, Jimmy. I w-walked into that burning h-house. I should have told Johnson. I sh-should have been put on desk duty." Alex sobbed.

"You should have done this. You should have done that. You can't do this to yourself, Alex. Mason left and it wasn't fair but it wasn't your fault." Jimmy said. He wrapped his arms around Alex.

"Wh-WHy does Derek have to be such an ass?" Alex whimpered, burying her face into his chest. Jimmy sighed.

"Because he's a guy. He doesn't know how to handle his emotions so it comes out as stupidity and anger." he said.

"M-My baby is dead, J-Jimmy." Alex sobbed. Jimmy took her face in his hands.

"But it's not your fault." He said firmly.

"Y-Yes it is." She sobbed. Jimmy pressed his lips softly to hers.

"No, Alex." He whispered, "It's not." She stared at him out of shock. He wasn't being mean to her or telling her she killed Mason. he was just being there for her. Alex leaned over and pressed her lips to his. Her kiss was filled with want and need. Jimmy wasn't going to stop her. Alex clung to him and kissed him harder. She needed him to make her feel good.

"Jimmy..." Alex mumbled against his lips. Her hands pulled his shirt from his pants.

"Alex, are you sure you want to do this?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes." She said. Jimmy didn't need any reassurance. He yanked his shirt off and threw it on the floor. Jimmy would make her forget how much of an ass Derek was.

* * *

Alex shifted in her sleep. She heard a telephone ringing. She grunted as she started to come to.

"Hello?....Hey, DK....You called Walsh before me?...That's okay...Yeah, she's here. She needed some place to stay and she didn't want to go to her mother's house." Jimmy said into the phone. He glanced at Alex, "All right...Do you want to talk to him?"

"I guess." Alex mumbled and sat up. She took the phone. "Hello?"

"You could have called me to tell me where you were." Derek said, "I was scared shitless all night." Alex glanced at the clock. It was seven in the morning. Oh yeah, her and Jimmy had sex twice the night before.

"It's nice to know that you care sometimes." Alex yawned.

"Lilah misses you." he said. Alex's face softened.

"I miss her." Alex said.

"Are you coming home?" Derek asked.

"Are you done being an asshole?" She asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry, Alex." He said, "I know how much you're hurting. We just need to talk more." Alex smiled softly.

"I'll be home in twenty minutes all right?" She asked.

"I love you." Derek said.

"I love you too." Alex said hanging up the phone. She looked at Jimmy as she grabbed her shirt, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Derek what happened last night."

"Don't worry. I won't utter a thing." Jimmy said watching Alex get dressed.

"Thanks." She muttered.

"If you ever need anything, Alex, just holler." He said. Alex gave him a look.

"Oh I'm sure." She went to the door, "I'll see you at work." Alex walked out of the apartment and ran her hand through her hair. God, what did she do?

* * *

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