Yes, I am aware that the entire premise of this story is extremely silly.

Without further ado, I bring you:

The Disclaimer!

I do not own this Sailor Moon.

It is not mine, this grand cartoon.

Would I, could I if I tried?

Would they sue me if I lied?

Not if I tried, sued if I lied,

no Sailor Moon, not my cartoon.

I do not like green eggs and ha--

Wait a minute. . . that's not right. . . .

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Night of the Killer Bunny Slippers

By Jessyca Thornbrook

Chapter One

Tsukino Usagi was just dozing off when she first heard the noise. She barely noticed it the first time. The second time it was a bit louder—or closer. A soft rustle, and something like a small animal breathing. "Luna, um tryn uh slee..." she mumbled into her pillow. The noise stopped.

Only to begin again a few minutes later. "Lu-NA!" Usagi groaned exasperatedly, sitting up in bed. "What's wrong with. . ." she looked around the room, ". . . you? Luna?" The cat was nowhere in sight. In fact, she had been missing since before dinner. It was nothing unusual—Luna often went off by herself—but if she wasn't back yet, then what was that noise?

And what was that white thing on the floor? Usagi felt that sudden chill which one sometimes gets when, waking in the night, one sees a strangely shaped shadow in the room, something definitely not belonging to its usual landscape. And when one gathers the nerve to switch on the bedside lamp, it turns out to be a jacket thrown over a chair, or a shopping bag forgotten in the corner by the door.

Or in this case, a pair of bunny slippers. Usagi rolled her eyes at her own foolishness, then turned out the light.

"Yeesh. One night at home alone, and I start to freak out over every little thing." Her parents were spending the night at a nice hotel for their anniversary, and Shingo was staying with a friend. Naru was supposed to have spent the night with Usagi, but had gotten sick at the last minute, and it had been too late to call any of her other friends. "Besides, they'd think I was scared to stay alone or something! At least, Rei-chan would. But I'm not! So there." She rolled over, punched her pillow a couple times, and closed her eyes resolutely, determined not to imagine any more noises.

The soft fwhump of something landing on the foot of her bed, however, was definitely not her imagination. "Ugh. Luna, it's about time!" Click! On went the light. Usagi turned, and—

"AAAH!" Luna was still nowhere to be seen, but sitting at the foot of the bed, distressingly near her own feet, was a fluffy, white bunny slipper which had definitely not been there a minute before. Its red plastic eye reflected the lamplight steadily, its acrylic fur moving only slightly in the breeze from the half-open window.

Usagi stared at the innocent-looking piece of footwear, her mind scrambling for rational explanations and coming up empty. Finally, with a trembling hand, she reached carefully over to her bedside table and picked up a Sailor V manga, keeping her eyes on the slipper the entire time. Still moving slowly, she rolled the manga into a cylinder. She leaned forward, stretching out her arm and trying to stop her hand from shaking, took a deep breath, and prodded the slipper with the rolled-up manga.

And it lunged! A mouthful of shiny white fangs appeared out of nowhere and sank into the paper with a snarl. Usagi screamed, and kept on screaming as she leapt out of bed. In her terror, she held onto her makeshift weapon with a death grip, and the fuzzy monster held on to the other end with equal tenacity. Usagi jumped around the room, trying to shake the terrible creature off, but it kept its hold, growling and snarling horribly the entire time. Finally, in a sudden burst of common sense, she flung both monster and manga out the window.

She just stood there in shock for a few moments, before collapsing back onto her bed with a sob. It was gone, it was gone, it was gone. She was all right. She should get up and close the window—though unless it could climb trees and/or fly, it wasn't getting back in that way.

Wait a minute. . . didn't bunny slippers come in pairs?

No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than she heard a low growl behind her.

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Chiba Mamoru was exhausted. Despite the gratitude he felt toward his professor for getting him permission to study after hours in the library, eleven o'clock really was way too late to be staying at school after an already long day. It was all he could do to focus on his driving at the moment.

He was dimly aware—well, okay, more than dimly—that he was nearing the street where Tsukino Usagi lived. Why this obviously unimportant fact should appear with such clarity in his drowsy mind was a mystery. Of course, where Usagi was concerned, inexplicable reactions on his part were nothing new. She had the most bizarre effect on him. . . maybe he should write his psych paper on that! The research would certainly be interesting. . . .

Okay, driving! Focus on road. Police officers unlikely to accept long-distance Usagi-rays as reasonable excuse for running red lights.

Um, when had he decided to turn down her street? Mamoru sighed and shook his head. He really needed to get home.

Suddenly, something darted out in front of him. Before his mind had even registered that it was a person, his reflexes kicked in. He slammed on the brakes, screeched and skidded to a stop just inches from the figure that had frozen in his path, and sat clutching the steering wheel and muttering "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," like a lunatic. For a moment, he wondered if he'd had a heart attack—he'd felt like his heart was about to explode for a moment there. It was almost like the pain he felt when Sailor Moon was in danger, but he hadn't transformed, and the pain was gone now, though he felt so shaky he wasn't sure he'd be able to stand up if he tried.

All these thoughts fled immediately when he looked up and recognized the small form trembling in his headlights. He was out of the car in an instant.

"Odango? Are you okay? Usagi-chan!" She seemed immobilized with shock, and he grabbed her shoulder, shaking her slightly. She looked up at him with huge, terrified eyes.

"Ma—Ma—Mamoru?" she gasped out, and suddenly flung her arms around his waist, burying her face in his solarplexus. Stunned, Mamoru stroked her hair awkwardly, wondering why his heart was pounding harder now than it had been a moment ago.

"Usagi, what happened? Why are you out here—in your pajamas?" He noticed she didn't even have shoes on. "Where are your parents?"

Usagi raised her head, and the story came tumbling out in a single breath, so fast he could barely understand it. "There were monsters in my room and they looked like my bunny slippers but they were alive and they had teeth and I threw one out the window but I didn't see the other one and it bit me!" At the last words, she held up her right hand. Blood trickled from undeniably toothlike marks on the back of her hand below her little finger. A matching set like a lower jaw were on the corresponding side of her palm. Mamoru took her hand very gently in one of his own, examining the wounds.

"What did this? What on earth is going on here?"

"It's like I said—" Usagi began, but Mamoru's practical side chose that moment to take over.

"Wait, you can tell me while we get this bandaged up. You have a first-aid kit in the house?"

"No way am I going back in there!" Usagi almost shrieked. "That's where they are!" Mamoru opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by a horrible sound from inside the house. He'd heard cats fighting before, but this one sounded almost like a human screaming.

Usagi screamed too. "LUNA!" And without a moment's hesitation she dashed back into the house.