A/N: Again I want to start by thanking LorelaiAkaCoffeeAddict for proofreading!
Second I want to thank all of you who reviewed. Again, so many reviews for my last chapter. You have no idea how good it feels to wake up, check your e-mail and see that someone reviewed your story (instead you write yourself, than you know ;))
I started thinking how Luke and Lorelai would handle the big changes in their lives, and this is what I came up with. Please let me know what you think!
Chapter 25 Adjustment
It's been two and a half weeks since Luke and Lorelai took their son home. Luke went back to work at the diner and the town was used to the idea of having a little baby around and seemed to leave Luke and Lorelai alone now. Of course, when she was walking through town with the stroller, they had to look at him, but they didn't keep talking to her for minutes. They took a look and continued to walk after that.
They saw Richard and Emily once. It seemed like Emily had given in to the fact that the baby wasn't named after her husband, and realized that if she kept fighting it, that wouldn't make any difference, she would only end up not seeing him as much as she wanted to. Just like with Rory. She couldn't go through that again. But she also didn't want to come by too often, because they had to adjust to each other before adjusting to the rest of the family as well. Lorelai appreciated this a lot, but was happy the time her parents did visit, even if it was only once.
Luke was adjusted to the thought of being a father as well. He loved coming home to his family at the end of a hard day at work and take care of them. Of course he was still worried, but that's what makes a good father. He couldn't imagine a day without Lucan.
Lorelai on the other hand had more trouble adjusting. The first few nights Luke woke up when the baby was crying, but when he went back to work, he was so tired that he slept right through it. Besides, she was the one that could sleep during the day, so she was the one that had to get out and comfort him. She didn't remember that there was a time like this with Rory. She had always slept trough the night, from the beginning on. She went to bed after the last feeding, and didn't wake up until the next in the morning.
Lucan woke up usually about 2 hours after his last feeding and started crying just as long till someone picked him up. He didn't seem to tired anymore and when Lorelai put him in bed when she hadn't gotten him to sleep yet, he would start crying immediately. During the day, he slept, but the nights….
Again this night. Lorelai woke up when she heard crying coming from the baby monitor. She sighed and glanced at Luke, who was sleeping soundly. She got out and put on her robe before she walked to the nursery. She picked up the little baby, whose face turned red with anger. Desperately she tried everything to calm him down. She was exhausted and all she wanted was to sleep. Unfortunately, Lucan thought otherwise. She tried to feed him, but he wasn't hungry. She changed his diaper, but it wasn't that dirty. She even changed his clothes because maybe he was uncomfortable. After struggling for almost an hour she saw that he became tired again, but of course he kept fighting. He had some character, that little guy she was holding in her arms. He didn't do anything he didn't want to do, even being this small.
Lorelai was exhausted, but she couldn't get herself to putting him into the crib and letting him cry himself to sleep. She sang to him, she talked to him, she read him a book, but he kept fighting of sleep. It was 4 o clock and she knew that no matter how late he would go to sleep, he would wake up again at 6 because he would be hungry. Luke would already be gone by then, but even if he was home, she still had to get out because she was breastfeeding.
After walking around trying to rock the baby to sleep, she let herself fall down in the rocking chair Luke had made for her. Lucan started crying immediately when she stopped rocking him.
"Hey little fellow, mommy is really tired and I really want to go back to sleep now. We've tried everything here, I'm out of idea's." She rocked the chair gently in the hopes he would at least calm down again. She felt helpless and wished Luke was there to take over. But she couldn't wake him up. She had turned off the baby monitor and closed the door of the nursery so he wouldn't wake up from the crying. She found it important that he slept well, although with the helplessness she felt, it would be nice if he took over.
"Come on baby. Mommy is so tired. I need to sleep." She lifted the baby to her chest, holding him close to her, hoping, that that would calm him down. It worked a little because the crying subsided. As she kept rocking she felt her eyes close and in the end they both fell asleep.
Luke found them when he woke up at his usual time. He was surprised not to find Lorelai in bed next to him, and walked into the nursery. He smiled when he saw his wife and his son, sleeping together in the rocking chair. He noticed the exhaustion Lorelai's face was showing. He wondered how long she had been up that night.
He cursed himself for sleeping through anything, especially when it was his crying son. He wished he could do something for her, but she had to stay with the baby. He promised himself he would take off a day soon, so he could stay with Lucan, while Lorelai could catch up on her sleep.
He picked up the baby from Lorelai's arms and carried him to his crib. Very careful, afraid he would wake up. After he had made sure the baby kept sleeping, he walked towards Lorelai and picked her up as well, carrying her to their bedroom.
She stayed asleep, just as Lucan did. After he covered her with the blankets, he kissed her forehead. Then he took some clothes out of the closet and walked towards the bathroom to take a shower. Before he left he checked on Lorelai and the baby again. He turned the baby monitor back on and left after kissing both of them goodbye.
When Lorelai woke up again she had no idea where she was. She slowly opened her eyes and noticed that it was her own bed. She wondered how she got in there, because she didn't remember walking there. She checked the alarm clock and saw it was 6.30. Lucan was late this morning. She walked into the nursery and smiled when she found her son, still asleep. "How do you do that? First you keep me up during the night, and now you just sleep in?" She whispered. She went downstairs to make herself a cup of coffee, and smiled when she saw Luke had already filled the coffee maker. She put a pop tart in the toaster and it wasn't until 6.45 when she heard crying coming from the baby monitor, which she had taken downstairs with her.
She walked upstairs to feed him, and placed him back in bed so he could sleep for another hour and half or so. After that she went into the bathroom to take a long hot shower. She dressed herself and put on some make-up and went downstairs to read the newspaper. As expected Lucan woke up an hour and a half later, and she gave him a bath. After she dressed him she took him downstairs, straight into the stroller to go to Luke's for another cup of coffee.
He saw them coming far away, and didn't pay much attention to anything but them, until they were close enough, so he could help her get the stroller inside.
"Hey." He kissed her.
"Hey." She smiled when she pushed the stroller towards the counter and sat down on one of the stools.
Luke walked around and poured her a cup of coffee, still decaf of course.
"So," she said, as she sipped her coffee, "do you know how I got back in bed. Last thing I remember is sitting in the rocking chair, and next I know is that I wake up in bed."
"I found you and Lucan sleeping there so I put you both to bed."
"That explains a lot. I thought I was getting crazy."
"Not more then you already are." He smiled.
"Well thank you." She said, in a more sarcastic tone than intended.
"What's wrong?" He was worried by her reaction. Normally she wouldn't become angry at a joke.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to reply that harshly. I'm just a little tired, since your son thinks the night is the best time to wake up and not wanting to be in bed."
"He kept you up long?"
"For over an hour. He woke up at his usual time and I tried everything, but he kept crying and wouldn't go back to sleep. I even tried to change his clothes, because I thought maybe he was uncomfortable, but nothing worked. All I wanted was to, sleep you know. But he didn't . I was tired of walking around so I sat down in the rocking chair and I think in the end we both fell asleep."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Because you need to sleep. You're working the whole day so you need to sleep at night."
"Yeah, well so do you."
"Well, someone has to get out right? And I think that one is supposed to be me. I can rest during the day."
"But you shouldn't be the one that has to do everything. I'm here too."
She knew he tried to be kind, but she couldn't take that at the moment. She wasn't looking for compassion. "But you're exhausted Luke. Otherwise you would wake up as soon as you hear him crying." She gave him an angry look.
"Like it's my fault I can sleep through everything." He was hurt by her reaction.
"Well, it's certainly not my fault."
"I didn't said it was." He was speaking louder than he meant.
"I know. Whatever. I have to get out of here." She took the stroller with her and left the diner without saying another word.
Luke watched her leave and wondered what had just happened. 'Did I do something wrong? I thought I was just being nice…'
Lorelai went home very angry. She entered the house, but it was, of course all empty.She couldn't handle this. She was a hard working woman and now she had to spent all her time alone at the house. Of course there was Lucan, but he was sleeping most of the time. Except at night of course. The day before, she went to the Dragonfly. It was busy but they seemed to handle it very well without her. She only spoke to Sookie for a brief moment, and Michel complained about the baby being there. It hurt her that they didn't need her like she thought they needed her. Sookie had sent her home with the baby after 10 minutes or so, telling her that she needed to enjoy this period.
She had no idea where to go now. She couldn't go there again, but she couldn't stay home either. She felt like the walls were coming down on her, and now she was fighting with Luke as well. For a moment she considered going back and making up with him, but she wasn't ready for that. She was exhausted and needed someone to talk to. She wished Rory was here. She checked her watch, but she was still in class. She couldn't disturb her there.
Where else to go? She looked at her son and there was only one place that would come up to her. She picked up the baby and placed him into his car seat. After that she walked towards the car and put him in the passenger seat. She walked around to her side of the car and sat down. She closed her eyes for a while before she started the engine and drove away.
Half an hour later she parked her car on the Gilmore driveway. She walked around the car to get Lucan and walked towards the front door. Before she could ring the bell, Emily opened the door. "Lorelai?"
"Hey mom."
"What are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd show him where I grew up. Guessed the shock would be less now he's still so little."
Emily looked at her daughter and decided to let the comment go. "Come in, Lorelai."
"Well thanks, mom." Lorelai walked into the living room and set the carrier on the floor. After that she took of her coat and handed it to her mother.
"Tea?" Her mother asked, before she walked away.
"Decaf coffee?"
Emily nodded and walked away.
Lorelai kneeled next to her son and took of his coat. He woke up at the process so she picked him up. She checked her watch to see if he could be hungry already. Another fifteen minutes till its time to feed him.
The little boy opened his eyes. It was as if he was looking at his mother, although of course, she knew better. She smiled at him and whispered. "I'm sorry kiddo. I didn't meant to be so harsh to your daddy. I love you very much and I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night. I'm just so tired."
Emily, who was back in the living room, stayed far enough away so she could see the interaction between Lorelai and the baby, and Lorelai wouldn't notice her presence. She walked in further and sat down at the couch next to her. "He grows fast." She took Lucan's little hand in hers.
"He does?"
"Yeah, it's been a week since I saw him, and I can see he grew."
"Oh… didn't really noticed that."
"That's because you see him every day. Kathy will be here with the coffee soon."
"Okay, thanks mom." She looked at her son. "Here, you take him. He should get hungry soon, but I bet he likes to spent some time with you."
Emily took him gratefully. She watched her grandson as he lay in her arms.
Lorelai stood up. "Excuse me."
Emily nodded. "Sure, he's fine in here."
Lorelai nodded back and walked towards the bathroom. When she came back a couple of minutes later, she watched her mother holding her son. She was talking to him, but she couldn't hear what she was saying. She smiled and thought how happy she was that her mother wasn't angry anymore. She walked closer and sat down next to her mother again.
"Is he hungry already?"
"He's getting a little fussy, so he could be."
She took her son from her mother's arms and asked, "Do you want me to go upstairs?"
"No, you can stay."
Lorelai smiled as she opened her blouse.
Meanwhile at the diner Luke dialed their home number. After a few rings the answering machine picked up. 'She must be busy,' he thought. He tried again 5 minutes later, but again the machine picked up. He tried her cell phone, but there he got her voicemail. 'Maybe they are sleeping.' He checked his watch and decided to check up on them for a while. "Caesar, I'm going home. I'll be back in an hour or so."
"Sure boss."
Luke took his truck home. There he walked inside the house immediately, not noticing that the car was gone. "Lorelai?" He walked into the living room, and noticed the stroller there. He looked inside, but it was empty. He checked the kitchen, and upstairs later, but nobody was home. "Where are you?" He looked out the front window and this time did notice the car was gone. They decided that they needed a family car when Lorelai was a few months pregnant. Luke wanted to take away his truck, but Lorelai said she would take away the jeep. They argued about it for a while, and decided to go with Lorelai's plan. They found a nice car at the first shop they checked. They took a test ride and decided to go with it.
Luke was worried, Lorelai didn't mention going anywhere. She took a walk on occasion, but this was different. She had taken the car. He wouldn't have cared if she hadn't been so upset earlier. He picked up the phone and dialed the number of the Dragonfly. Michel answered and Luke asked if Lorelai was there.
"No." He hung up.
Luke became angry and dialed again.
"Dragonfly inn, Michel speaking.
"This is Luke. Have you seen Lorelai today, and don't hang up on me this time."
"No. Haven't seen her and that child today." Michel replied in his annoying voice.
"Can I speak to Sookie please?"
"Sure."
After a few seconds he heard Sookie's voice. "Luke?"
"Sookie. Have you seen Lorelai?"
"Not since yesterday, why?"
"I can't find her. She isn't answering her cell."
"She came by yesterday, but she left after 10 minutes or so. We were very busy." She felt guilty as she spoke the words.
"Can you ask her to call me if you see her?"
"Sure."
"Okay thanks." Luke hang up. 'Where else could you be?' He had no idea. He left her a note to call him when she came back, and went back to the diner, because lunch rush would start soon.
Lorelai changed Lucan's diaper when he was fed. After that she placed him back in the car seat. He immediately started crying so she picked him up again.
"Hey little fellow. This isn't your daily routine. You only do this during the night."
"Is he keeping you awake at night?"
"Yes, usually he wakes up about 2 hours after I fed him. He starts crying and won't stop until I pick him up. I tried everything, but he just doesn't want to sleep anymore. It takes over an hour before he falls back asleep again. And even then you have to make sure he's asleep and not just dozing off, otherwise he'll start all over again. He normally sleeps during the day, so I have no idea what's wrong with him. He's fed, he's all cleaned up and he's tired."
"He looks more like you than you think you know."
"What do you mean?"
"You were just like him when you were a baby. Even when you were really tired, you still fought to keep your eyes open. Afraid you would miss anything. Maybe he looks like Luke, but he definitely has your character."
"It's a good thing he looks like Luke."
"You where a beautiful baby Lorelai."
"I believe we argued about this before." Lorelai smiled.
"You look tired."
"I am. God I am. I worked hard but I was never this tired. How come I can't take care of a baby? It wasn't like this with Rory. I think I'm getting old. I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do anymore. He just keeps crying." She looked at the baby in her arms as tears made her vision blur. "I can't do this mom. I can't."
"Sure you can. It was like this with Rory. She kept you up the first few weeks as well, but the good things made you forget about that. You were so tired back then as well. And you didn't let anyone help you. But now you have Luke to help you. You have to let him help you Lorelai. You know he wants to."
"How do you know I won't let him?"
"Because I know you."
"But he's working at the diner the entire day. He's tired when he comes home. I can't ask him to get out in the middle of the night just because our son doesn't want to sleep anymore. He needs his rest. He told me that I should wake him but I can't mom. I just can't. I would feel guilty."
"You have to let him take care of you. You are exhausted and that can't be good for you" She took over the baby who seemed to calm down immediately.
"How do you do that?"
"He senses that your tense, that makes him upset."
"So now you're telling me that I make my son upset?" Tears were rolling down her cheeks now.
"Why don't you let me take care of him for a while and you go upstairs to rest? There are clean sheets on your bed."
"But he."
"He's fed, his diaper is cleaned, and he's going to be just fine. Take a few hours of sleep without having to worry about him. It'll do you good, and you'll see everything a lot different when you're not tired anymore."
Lorelai wiped away her tears and nodded. "Thanks mom. But are you sure you don't have to go anywhere? That you can take care of him?"
"I don't have to be anywhere but here. And we'll be just fine."
Lorelai nodded again and walked upstairs to her old room. She didn't think about how weird it was to be there, climbed under the covers and fell asleep almost immediately.
Lorelai woke up 3 hours later. She felt a lot better. She found her mother reading a book in the living room. The baby was sleeping in his car seat.
"Hey."
"Hello. Did you sleep well?" Emily looked up from her book.
"Yes, I feel a lot better now. Thanks mom."
"Your welcome. I'm glad I could help."
"I better go home now. Lucan will wake up soon, being hungry. And Luke has no idea where I am. He might get worried when I don't show up for dinner."
"He eats every three hours right? And it's been 3 hours since he ate so he must wake up soon. It's half an hour drive, so why don't you stay here until he wakes up. And you can call Luke so he knows where you are."
"Sounds like a good plan." Lorelai picked up her purse and noticed her cell phone wasn't on. She turned it on and a message arrived on the display that she had 6 new voicemail messages. She listened to them. They were all Luke's. That's when she realized how worried he was. She dialed the number of the diner and he picked up at the first ring. "Lorelai?"
"Yeah it's me."
"Thank God. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm at my parents house. I just had to leave and well, I thought I'd show Lucan where I grew up. So he can get used to it and the shock won't be so big later." She used the same joke she used with her mother earlier, hoping that would make it a little easier for him.
"I tried calling you and you didn't answer so I went home but you weren't there. I left you a note to call me and you didn't call me back and you didn't answer your cell."
"I'm sorry. My cell was accidentally turned off and when I got here I was just so tired. I fed Lucan and my mother sent me to bed afterwards. I just woke up. I'm staying here until Lucan ate again. I'll come home after that okay?"
"When will that be?"
"An hour or so."
"I'll meet you there? I'll take the evening off so we can have diner together at home?"
"I'd like that." Lorelai smiled. She felt a lot better.
As promised Lorelai was home a little more than an hour later. She found Luke in the kitchen preparing diner. She placed the car seat on the table and walked up behind him, putting her arms around his waist. "Hey."
"Hey." He turned a little so he could kiss her.
"You still mad at me?"
"No. You still mad at me?"
"No. I'm sorry Luke. I…"
"Shhhh…." He placed another kiss on her lips. "It's okay." He stirred the pan and put the spatula down. He turned around and looked at his son. "He's okay?"
"Just fine. He fell asleep before we left my parents driveway."
"Well, it is very long." Luke smiled.
"No arguments here." Lorelai smiled back. "I think I'm taking him to his bed upstairs and take a shower. Do I have time for that or is dinner ready?"
"No, take your time. We can eat whenever you're ready."
"Thanks." She kissed him before she picked up the car seat and headed upstairs.
That night Luke and Lorelai where laying on the couch, watching a movie together. After a few minutes Lorelai turned it off though. Luke looked at her curiously.
"What's wrong?"
"Just… can we talk?"
"Sure." He sat up so he could look at her.
She did the same. "This morning in the diner, you where right."
"What do you mean?"
"I was tired. I've been up every night for the past two weeks and I did sleep a little during the day, but only a little at the time, sometimes even making me more tired instead of less. And the truth is I didn't want to bother you with it. I decided that I could handle it myself. I run an inn, so I can handle a baby as well. But…" She stopped and looked away.
He turned her chin so she had to face him again. "What?" He prompted.
"I don't think I can do this alone anymore, Luke. I can't. I'm getting too old for this."
He shook his head. "You don't have to. Where did you get the idea that you have to do this alone? We're in this together. I want to be there for the two of you. I can get out during a night as well. You don't have to do this alone Lorelai. We're married, remember?"
"I remember. It's just…. I'm not used to this you know. I'm used to doing everything by myself and I forget that you're there, too."
"You shouldn't. I can leave the diner to Lane and Caesar for a day. All you have to do is ask. And even though I don't wake up when he cries, that doesn't mean that you have to get out every night. We have to come up with a system so that you won't be so exhausted anymore, because I don't want you to be."
"I don't want to be either." She paused and after a few seconds she said "I went to the inn yesterday…"
"I know, Sookie told me."
"Sookie?"
"I called her when I couldn't find you, I thought that maybe you where there."
"Oh.. yeah… they didn't need me there Luke. Michel was complaining about the baby being there and Sookie sent me away within 10 minutes, telling me they could handle things without me and that I should go home to enjoy my time with him. They don't need me there. What if they will never need me again? I love taking care of him, but I need to work as well. I feel like the walls are coming down on me. And they didn't want me there, not even just to look around.
And you don't need me at the diner. When I came there after Sookie sent me away and I tried helping you by serving people, you sent me away as well. That just upset me…" She had to swallow away the lump in her throat. "And I just upset my son as well. My mother told me so. He was crying so I picked him up, and he kept crying and crying. So she took him from me and he stopped. So he doesn't even need me. He just cries when I hold him Luke. I don't know what to do. My mother helped me this afternoon and that was nice, but I don't know what to do…" She couldn't speak anymore as she was crying now.
Luke took her in her arms and felt her sobs. "Shh.. it's okay Lorelai. It's okay." He had so much he wanted to tell her, but she had to calm down before she could listen to him. Speaking now would only take things the wrong way.
After a few minutes he felt her calm down so he pulled away just enough so he could look at her. He used his thumb to wipe away her tears. "Lorelai, we need you. We all need you. I need you, Lucan needs you, Rory needs you, the Dragonfly needs you. We all, with the exception of Lucan, wanted to give you some time to adjust with him, instead of running around helping us. But I like it when you are around in the diner, and so does Sookie at the inn. She never meant to send you away. She told me she would call tonight, and I bet she would love it when you step by there tomorrow, just to catch up. You can leave Lucan with me at the diner, so you can talk without him disturbing you. Michel will be Michel so I have nothing to say about that.
And Lucan. He needs you. You're his mother, and he needs you. I think you were upset and that's why he became upset as well."
"That's what my mother said."
"Than I guess she was right. I'm here, you know that right? I know that with Rory you had to do it all alone, and you did a great job raising her. But you don't have to do it alone anymore. You know that, right?"
"I do. I do." She tried to smile, but another tear found it's way down her cheek.
"Let's make a deal. Tonight, when he wakes up, you wake me up. We'll need some kind of schedule so we both get enough sleep. You take one night, I'll take another."
"But what if he gets hungry?"
"Did he ever wake up hungry?"
"No. He just wakes up and isn't tired anymore."
"And maybe if we change his schedule a little we can get him to sleep in later, and maybe we can get him to sleep trough the night as well in the end."
"That would be nice."
"Until than we just take turns okay?"
"I'd like that. But you need…"
"Lorelai."
"I'd like that." She gave him a real smile now.
"And we can get him a bottle. If he wakes up and does want something I can just give him some water. Water is good right?"
"Water will be fine. It has to be bottled water though."
"Of course." He looked at her and saw the sparkle in her eyes he loved so much, and missed the last few days. "So we're okay?"
"We're better than okay."
"I'm glad." He kissed her. "How much time before Lucan wakes up again?"
She checked her watch. "An hour and a half."
"That's just enough time to finish the movie." He took the remote and turned it back on. She snuggled up against him and they enjoyed the movie. Just when the credits rolled down the screen, they heard crying coming from the baby monitor.
"He has perfect timing." Lorelai smiled.
"Yes he has."
"Let's go upstairs, take him to bed with us?"
"Sure. And then you have a nice long night of sleep ahead of you."
"You know, that sounds absolutely wonderful."
"That's how it will be."
Lorelai stood up, and Luke did the same. He picked up the baby monitor in the process. There was still crying audible. "Yeah yeah, we're coming."
"Hey Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you believe that there was a time when he wasn't there to control us?"
"Honestly I can't."
"Neither can I."
Lorelai turned of the light, and Luke put his arm around her shoulder and together they ascended the stairs, where the baby was waiting for someone to pick him up.