A/N: Just a short note because it's 1.33 a.m. and I'm pretty tired. Thanks LorelaiAkaCoffeeAddict for proofreading even though you're very busy at the moment! And thanks to those of you who read and reviewed the last chapter. And of course, let me know what you think of this one!
Chapter 35 Relapse
The next day was a lot calmer for Lorelai. Even though it was Claire's first day, she could easily notice the difference. She had a week until they were leaving to pick up Rory and she knew that with Michel back and Claire to help them it wouldn't be a problem for her to leave for a few days.
She walked into Luke's at 5.30 and noticed it was still the same. The place was packed and Lane was serving. "Hey, where's Luke?"
At the same time she saw him enter the diner, holding Lucan in his arms.
"Hey."
"Hey." He walked towards her, kissed her and handed her the baby.
"It's busy."
"Yep as always. I would offer you a seat but there isn't one available. If you want we can go upstairs and have diner together? Lucan just ate."
"I was planning on eating fast and visit my mother afterwards. It's been a few days since I've been there and I want to tell her we're going to pick up Rory."
"Okay. But do you want to take diner home with you or eat here?"
"Here would be nice."
He nodded. "If you take Lucan upstairs I'll make us some diner and be up soon."
"Sounds like a good plan."
He walked into the apartment 15 minutes later. Lorelai was sitting on the couch playing with Lucan. He smiled as he saw the interaction between the two. "Dinner's ready."
"Good, I'm starved."
"Of course." Luke put the dinner on the table. "How was your day?"
"Great. With Claire there I got a lot of work done. She took care of the front desk and the phone so I could do paperwork and make the final arrangements for the wedding we have this Saturday." She stood up and walked towards the table as well, putting Lucan in her lap.
"I gave Lane and Caesar the evening off. They both leave at seven and it's just Jake and me. I figured I should give them off as much time as possible since they have to handle the diner by themselves a few days soon."
"That won't be a problem, they love to take care of the place by themselves."
"I know they do. But I feel bad leaving the diner with them and have some sort of vacation myself."
"They can have a vacation too right? Once we come back, just like I gave Michel some weeks off after everything he did for us the past few months. I feel kind of bad to leave the place with him, but that's why Claire will be there. He doesn't have to do it all by himself and we need this."
"Yeah, that's true."
"We will have a great time. I can't wait to leave." She smiled as she thought on their upcoming vacation. "I can't wait to see Rory's face when we're suddenly in front of her you know? She called last night to see how we were doing and it was so hard not to tell her. She knew something was up so I told her I was just tired. I'm not sure if she bought it though."
"I know how hard it is for you to keep a secret but it will only be for a week or so."
"Yeah, at least there's enough to talk about but it's hard to lie to her."
"It's not that you're lying, it's just not telling the complete truth."
"What's the difference?"
"You know the difference. Now eat, your fries are getting cold and you don't want that to happen. Plus, you don't want to keep your mother waiting right?"
"No I don't."
After dinner Lorelai went home to change. She looked at Lucan and saw he had a milk stain on his shirt so she changed him as well. She put some diapers in the bag and took a milk bottle from the fridge, putting it in the bag as well. She put the car seat next in the car and walked around to the drivers seat. The drive to Hartford went fast. There wasn't much traffic and they arrived at the Gilmore residence around seven o' clock. Lorelai took Lucan out of the car and walked towards the front door. She took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. Even though the relationship with her mother had improved a lot, she still expected the worse.
A maid opened the door. "Good evening Mrs. Danes. Come in."
"Thanks."
"Can I take your coat?"
Lorelai put the car seat down and took Lucan's coat off, then her own and handed them to the maid.
"Are your parents expecting you?"
"No, I just came to visit."
"Of course. They are in the dining room. I just served dinner. Do you want to join them?"
"No thanks, that's unnecessary." She picked the bottle out of the diaper back. "But can you put this in the fridge for me please?"
"Of course ma'am."
"Please, call me Lorelai."
"I would ma'am, but your mother wouldn't approve that."
"Of course. Dining room you said, right?"
"Yes ma'am."
Lorelai picked up the car seat and walked into the dining room. Emily looked up. "Lorelai."
"Hi mom. Hi dad."
"Good evening Lorelai."
"Lorelai, what are you doing her?" Emily looked at her daughter.
"I was wondering how you were doing so I thought, why not go by for a visit?"
"Why didn't you call first?"
"Because our schedule is so busy at the moment, it's hard to plan in advance. But I'll wait in the living room until your done."
"Nonsense, please take a seat Lorelai. We don't want to be rude Emily."
"Of course not. Sit down Lorelai."
"Thanks mom."
Lorelai sat down at her regular spot at the table, putting Lucan on the floor next to her.
"Why don't you take him out? He can't see anything from there"
"He's sleeping so he won't see anything anyway."
"Oh, I see." Emily sounded disappointed. Even though she saw her grandson a lot more then she saw Rory when she was little, after Lorelai ran away of course, she still missed him a lot.
Lorelai noticed the disappointed in her mother's voice. "I won't leave just yet. I took his bottle with me so if he wakes up later, I'll let you feed him."
Emily's face lit up. "That would be nice."
"How's the inn doing Lorelai?" Richard sounded very interested.
"It's doing great. With the good weather, business is better then ever. I even had to hire someone extra to get all the work done. The place is completely booked for the next few weeks and there are still calls every day from people that want a last minute booking. Most of them try to find something else, but others book a room for a few weeks from now. It's like with this weather, everybody feels like going away for a few days."
"That's wonderful. But you don't work to hard right?" Emily sounded concerned.
"No, that's why I hired Claire. There are so many tourists in town the diner is crowded as well. Because of that Luke and I hardly saw each other the past few weeks and that's also why I haven't been around here as much as I wanted to be. We both decided that it couldn't go on like this and hired help. Only temporarily of course."
"Of course. Seems like a very appropriate decision. You have to be there for your family as well."
"Yes I know, that's why I am going to take a few days off at the end of next week."
Her father looked at her in shock. "You're leaving your company alone in the most busy season of the year?"
"Only for a few days, to pick up Rory. You remember her, young woman, looks a lot like me? Rory?"
"I know who Rory is Lorelai, but she will perfectly capable of coming here by herself. She's done it twice before. You don't leave your business alone with your employees just because you feel like going away for a few days."
"My employees are perfectly capable of handling the inn by themselves."
"That's not the point Lorelai." He sighed. "Did you learn nothing over the years?"
"Where will Lucan stay?" Emily tried to change the subject.
"With us of course, he can't stay home by himself. He's a little too young for that. Maybe next year, but not yet." Lorelai sighed. 'How could I come here and think they would be happy about me bringing Rory home?'
"You can't take a baby on an airplane."
"I don't see why not. People take baby's with them on airplanes all the time."
"You always hear baby's crying on an airplane. It's not a place for them. People will look at you because of that."
"So what? I'm not leaving my son at home."
"You can leave him with us."
"You can't even take care of yourself."
"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. It's your father who thinks it's necessary to have a nurse around here to help me. I know that I can't do everything, but I will be perfectly capable of taking care of a baby. They're not that much work."
"You're wrong there mom. They are. And I'm sorry to say it but you're not so young anymore and in your current condition you won't be able to take care of a baby."
"Don't use that tone on your mother Lorelai. We'll let the nurse help us with the baby. It will be perfectly fine for you to leave him with us."
"That's exactly the way it was when I was a baby. You let other people taking care of me. I will not do that to my son. I'm his mother and I'm the one taking care of him. The only person who will help me to do that is Luke. It's useless to have this discussion because I'm not leaving him with you."
"I don't see why not Lorelai. You're a hardworking woman, there has to be someone around all the time to take care of him, and he shouldn't have to wait just because you have to answer the phone or because you have to check someone in."
"He doesn't have to. Plus, who was home for me when I was a kid mom? It certainly wasn't you. I'm there for my son and I'm not leaving him with some stranger. I don't see why we're fighting about this because this is between Luke and me. We discussed this during my pregnancy and we agreed to take care of him ourselves. That's how it is and that's how it will be. There's nothing you can do about it. And I don't care if you find it inappropriate because that's none of your damn business."
"He's my grandson Lorelai, of course I can tell you how I feel about it."
"No you can't mom. This worked perfectly fine when Rory was a baby and it works perfectly fine now. You can't tell me that it's wrong because it isn't. But you know what, forget about it. I thought things changed. I thought that we could have a normal relationship where you are happy for me. I knew it was too much to ask for. After the wedding and how it's been when you got in the accident, I knew it was too good to be true. Forget about it mom. I do this all the time and I don't want it anymore."
"Lorelai."
"No, let me finish. I came here tonight to check on you and to tell you that I'm going to pick up my daughter after she's been away for a year. I know I've seen her a few times in that period but she will come home permanently now. It's different this time. I wanted you to be happy for me, I wanted you to tell me 'That's great Lorelai. I hope you come by as soon as you come back because we missed Rory too.' But forget it." She stood up and picked up the carrier, walking towards the door immediately. She ran into the maid who was just about to enter the dining room. "Can you please get me my coat now?"
"Of course ma'am."
"Lorelai wait." Emily stood up and followed her. She wasn't going as fast as Lorelai because her body was still weak.
Lorelai was almost out of the door when Emily reached her. "Don't leave, I want to talk to you."
"There's nothing to talk about anymore mom." And with that Lorelai left.
Lorelai went straight towards the diner, knowing Luke would be there. He saw her when she parked the car in front of the diner. He noticed the look on her face and knew something was wrong. He checked his watch. 8 o' clock. She walked into the diner seconds later. "Hey, you're back early." She walked straight past him, not saying anything. She walked upstairs to the apartment. "Jake, I'm going upstairs for a while."
He followed Lorelai and saw her on the couch, cuddling the baby close to her chest. He saw the tears shining in her eyes. He sat down next to her. "What happened?"
Her lip trembled as she stared to speak. "How could I think things were different Luke? How come I do that all the time, fall for it all the time. Am I so stupid?" She shook her head. "I really thought it was different, I though they were happy for me and were approving the things I do in my life, that they were even proud of me." She let a sob escape. "But no, of course not. How could I think that? Am I really that stupid Luke?"
He looked at his wife and whispered. "You're not stupid, you're the smartest, most amazing woman I know."
She started sobbing when he said that, she leaned against him, carefully not to crush Lucan between them. He could feel her body shake and he tried to sooth her. He stroked her hair and whispered comforting words. It took her a while before she calmed down enough so she could talk again. But at the same moment Lucan started crying. "He's hungry. I better feed him."
"Let me heat up a bottle okay?"
She nodded and stood up to change his diaper.
After the bottle was warm Luke motioned to Lorelai to hand him the baby. She complied. They sat down on the couch together as Luke started to feed Lucan.
Lorelai leaned back into the couch, closing her eyes. Luke watched her and the sad and tired expression she had on her face. He wanted to ask her what happened but he didn't want to push her. Although he knew he couldn't help her as long as she didn't tell him what had occurred at her parents' house.
After a few minutes he noticed her breath had become even., she has fallen asleep. When Lucan finished his bottle Luke put him in the bassinet. He walked towards Lorelai and laid her down on the couch. She opened her eyes. He kissed her "Go back to sleep." He watched her as she closed her eyes and fell asleep again immediately. He went downstairs to help Jake in the diner.
It was 9.30 when Luke and Jake had the diner cleaned up completely. "You can go home now Jake."
"Okay thanks."
"How was your first day?"
"It was great. I really enjoy working here."
"Good. I'll see you again tomorrow morning then."
"Absolutely." Jake went into the storage room to get his coat. He appeared again two seconds later and walked out the front door. Luke locked the door behind him and turned off the lights. Then he walked upstairs to get Lorelai and Lucan.
Lorelai was still asleep on the couch. He kneeled down next to her and kissed her forehead. "Lorelai."
Lorelai slowly opened her eyes. "Where am I?"
"The apartment. You fell asleep when I was feeding Lucan."
She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and suddenly remembered what happened. "Oh yeah."
"Come on, let's go home."
"What time is it?"
"9.40."
She nodded. "Let's go home." Luke helped her up and went to get Lucan's stuff. Lorelai put the baby his coat on and put him in the carrier, all of which didn't wake him up. They walked downstairs together and outside they both realized that they each had a car there. "Meet you at home?"
"Can we leave the truck here? I don't feel like driving."
"Sure, no problem. I can walk here tomorrow."
He put Lucan on the backseat of the car as Lorelai sat down in the passenger seat. After Luke was done he walked around to the other side of the car and sat down. He looked at Lorelai, who was staring out of the window, her expression blank. He put the key in the ignition and started the car. Before he started driving he moved his hand to Lorelai's knee and squeezed it. She turned her head towards him and smiled slightly.
When they got home Lorelai walked upstairs to their bedroom immediately. Luke watched her as she climbed the stairs and wondered what happened that she was so upset. He took the baby out of his car seat and walked upstairs as well. He went into the nursery to put the baby in bed. Lucan still hadn't woken up. After that Luke walked into their bedroom and saw Lorelai laying on the bed, staring into the darkness.
He lay down behind her and put his arm around her waist. "What happened Lorelai?" His voice was soft.
"It was okay at first. We had a talk about how busy the inn was and that I hired Claire. Then my mother mentioned that it was okay that I hired her because I have to take care of my family as well. I replied by telling her that that's why I am going to take a few days off at the end of next week because we are going to go London to pick up Rory. Then my father started complaining that it's inappropriate to leave your business with someone else during busy season and my mother complained about how inappropriate it is to take a baby on an airplane. They offered to look after him while we're in London."
"What?"
"That's not all. I replied that I won't leave him with them and suddenly the conversations leads to the point where my mother starts talking about how inappropriate it is for me to take Lucan to work and she sort of implied that I should hire a nanny to take care of him during the day."
"She said that?"
"Not in those exact words, but it's definitely what she meant. Or maybe she meant it even worse, that I should quit my job. You pick yourself."
"I'm sorry Lorelai." He sighed. "I'm so sorry."
"What for? It's not like you did anything. It's just the way my parents are and I can't believe I fall for it again. I want things to change so badly that I started to believe that it could actually happen. Boy was I wrong."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that Luke. None of this is your fault, or even mine. Except from the fact that I let myself believe that things could change. Promise me that the next time I think things have changed, you tell me that they aren't capable of changing? Promise me that Luke."
He shook his head. "How could I do that?"
"To protect me from making the same mistake over and over again. I really thought…. never mind, I don't want to talk about it anymore."
He watched her and knew she had to talk about it even though she believed she said enough. "You know I'm here for you if you do want to talk about it right?"
"I do. You're always here Luke. I don't need my parents as long as I have you." She turned around in his arms to face him. "I love you."
"I love you too. And I will be here for you."
"I know that. That's about the only thing I'm completely sure of in my life."
He smiled. "Even when we fight?"
"Yeah. We only fight because we love each other right?"
"How?"
"Well, you can fight because you hate someone but you can also fight because you love someone, because you care you know?"
"I think I do."
"Good. Do you mind giving Lucan his last bottle? I'm kind of tired."
"Not at all. I would love to."
"Thanks. Do you mind staying here for a while, holding me until I fall asleep?"
"Absolutely not." He turned on his back so she could snuggle up against him. He put his arm safe around her and kissed her forehead. After a few minutes he said, "Things will be okay, you know that, right?"
"Mhmm mmm." Luke smiled, realizing Lorelai already dozed off.
The next morning Lorelai was ready to leave for work when the doorbell rang. She put Lucan's coat down, surprised to who would be in front of the door this early. She was even more surprised when she opened the door and saw who was on the other side. "Mom, what are you doing here?"
"Can I come in please?"
"Of course." Lorelai stepped aside to let Emily in. Emily handed Lorelai her coat and walked into the living room. She was standing next to the playpen when Lorelai entered the living room. "What are you doing here mom?"
"I wanted to talk to you. I don't like how we left things last night."
"Neither do I but this is exactly how things are mom. I'm happy about something and want to share it with you, and then you pull a stunt like that. Every time mom."
"I'm sorry Lorelai. I didn't meant what I said."
"I don't believe that. You should have seen the look on your face. You meant every word." Lorelai shook her head. "And that's the worse part mom."
"But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it."
"No, you shouldn't have." Lorelai's voice sounded bitter. "I can't do this anymore. I expect you to change, I expect things to be different but they are not. And a part of me is happy that you turned into your old self again, but I liked the woman you were right after the car accident. I liked all those conversations we had without fighting, without you disapproving the things I do. I can't think that you changed and then find out you haven't. I don't want that anymore because it hurts to much."
"I'm sorry Lorelai."
"I highly doubt that. I know it's different that you show up to apologize, normally you just call and tell me how highly inappropriate it is for me to walk away the way I did. My answering machine would be filled with messages from you. But I can't let myself think that you changed because I know I will get hurt again later, to find out that this was a one-time situation and that things will be the way they were again. The more you recover the more you fall back into old patterns. And I don't say all this happened after the car accident because it happened after I got engaged. Things became better after that, but now… were back to way before that mom. And I don't like it. I'm not sure if I want you in my life anymore if things are like this. And I can't believe I'm saying that because…"
Emily was having difficulty breathing. She was holding her chest and let herself drop down on the couch. Her legs couldn't carrier her anymore.
"Mom. Mom what's happening? Mom talk to me."
"It hurts." Emily's voice sounded weak and Lorelai started to panic.
"Mom where does it hurt." 'Nice Lorelai, her chest hurts, it's obvious.'
"Here." Emily started coughing. "Help me, please."
Tears filled Lorelai's eyes. "Hold on mom. I'm getting some help." She ran towards the phone and silently thanked Luke for always putting the thing back into its carrier. She dialed 911.
"911 emergencies, how may I help you?"
"My mother, she's having difficulty breathing and her chest aches. She's been in a car accident a few weeks ago and her heart stopped then. I don't know what to do."
"Calm down ma'am. Tell me your name."
"Lorelai Danes, but I don't see what this has anything to do with my mother."
"Mrs. Danes, we will send an ambulance to your house right away. But you have to calm down and listen carefully to what I'm saying okay?"
"Okay." Lorelai took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "Okay…."
"Good. You have to stay with your mother and make sure her airway stays open. And it's important that your mother stays calm. You understand me?"
"Yes. I'll do anything I can."
"Very good. Open your front door so the paramedics will be able to get into your house without a problem. Then go to your mother and make sure she stays calm."
"I will."
"Good. The ambulance is on its way, it should be there within five minutes."
"Thank you." Lorelai hung up the phone and turned towards her mother. "You're going to be allright mom, I called an ambulance. You're going to be allright." She dialed Luke's number while she walked to the front door.
He picked up at the second ring. "Luke's."
"Luke, my mother is having trouble breathing and she's having pain in her chest. I think she's having a heart attack."
"Lorelai, where are you?"
"Home. I called an ambulance so it should be here soon but I don't know what to do Luke."
"I'm on my way. Try to stay calm okay."
"I will."
He had already hung up. Lorelai walked back to Emily and sat down next to her. "The ambulance is coming mom."
Emily nodded, the panic readable in her eyes.
Lorelai took Emily's hand in hers. "Everything will be okay mom. You're the strongest woman I know. You have to try to stay calm. We both have too."
Emily nodded, seriously trying to stay calm, but that's hard when you can hardly breath and your chest is hurting. She started to feel nausea as well and her hands started shaking. "Please help me."
"The ambulance is coming soon mom. Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay." Lorelai tried to keep her voice strong and confident but had trouble doing so.
The first one that entered the house was Luke. "Lorelai?" He ran into the living room and found the two women on the couch.
"Luke." Lorelai jumped up and put her arms around Luke.
"What happened?" Luke whispered so Emily wouldn't hear him.
"We were arguing and suddenly she grabbed her chest and her breathing became hard. I don't know what to do Luke." Lorelai panicked again.
Her lifted her chin and made her look him in the eyes. "You have to stay calm okay. For your mother."
Lorelai nodded. At the same moment they heard the ambulance approaching.
"I'll go outside okay, you stay with your mother."
"Okay." Lorelai turned around towards Emily. "There's the ambulance mom. Everything is going to be okay now."
Luke and Lorelai were waiting in the waiting area for some news. "Luke, this is all my fault. If I hadn't yelled at her like I did, if I had just accepted her apology…. It's all my fault." She looked defeated.
"This is not your fault Lorelai. Don't blame yourself on this okay?"
"But I…"
"No buts. This isn't your fault. You have to try to stay calm until we know something. I know how hard it is, but you have to, okay?" He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.
"Thank you for coming with me." She swallowed.
"Hey, don't even start there okay. Just don't."
She nodded, as she had to blink away a few tears. They remained silent for a while, until they saw Richard enter the waiting area. "What happened? Where's your mother?"
"They're doing some exams dad." Lorelai pulled away from Luke and sat up straight. "She came to my house this morning. We argued about what happened yesterday and all the sudden she's having difficulty breathing and her chest starts to ache. She was all pale and shaking and… I called an ambulance and they hooked her up on a monitor and some oxygen and took her to the hospital.. Luke and I followed them because they wouldn't let me ride in the ambulance with her. I called you on the way to the hospital."
"I can't believe this is happening again." Richard let himself drop in one of the chairs and rest his head in his hands."
"She's going to be okay dad. She's really strong, you know that."
He nodded, and then looked up. "It's all your fault Lorelai. She went to you to apologize. She asked me to take her there and I wanted to come with her but she didn't allowed me. She said she would call me when I had to pick her up again. She was doing perfectly fine when I dropped her off, and I'm sure you didn't just accept her apology. This is all your fault."
Lorelai's eyes filled with tears at her father's words. "Dad, I'm so sorry."
"You should be."
"I didn't meant for this to happen. I don't want to fight with her. I'm so sorry. I... I…" She couldn't talk anymore. She stood up and walked away.
Luke shook his head, trying to swallow away his anger. He failed. "It's not her fault Richard. You can't blame it on her. She was the one trying so hard to calm Emily down and she was the one that called an ambulance to get her to the hospital as soon as possible. You will not blame this on her, it's no-ones fault this happened. Understand?" His voice became louder with every word. "Understand?"
Richard looked up and shook his head. "I… I'm sorry it's just…"
"Tell that to Lorelai. I'm going after her and leave the baby here. He's asleep so he won't be any trouble. Just keep an eye on him."
Richard nodded and watched how Luke went after his wife.
Luke found Lorelai outside, her shoulders shaken by sobs. He had to swallow away the lump that appeared in his throat by the sight of that. He walked towards her and put his arms around her, pulling her in a tight embrace. He said nothing, he just held her.
After Lorelai calmed down a little she pulled away so she could look at Luke. "He's right you know."
Luke took her face between his hands "No Lorelai, he's not right. He's not."
"But he is. I caused this. From the second I saw her on our doorstep, I knew I wasn't going to give in. After last night… I just didn't want it anymore. I wanted them out of my life and thought that would be the perfect solution. I was wrong, I caused this." She turned her head away.
"Look at me." She hesitated but turned her head towards him again. "I've been there Lorelai and trust me, it's not helping anyone, not you and not your mother. And your father didn't meant what he said, he's just upset like you are."
"Can we go back inside? I don't want to be here when they have news about my mother."
"Of course. Let's go."
Hand in hand they walked back into the hospital and towards the Emergency Room's waiting area. They saw a doctor standing next to Richard. They quickened their pace. "Doctor? How's my mother?"
The doctor turned around. "I was just explaining to your father that your mother had a panic attack. It's common that if someone has been seriously injured, he or she is afraid that when it finally goes better, things will get worse again. That's most likely that happened to your mother. I can't promise this will never happen again, but we'll let her talk to someone about the accident. It's obvious your mother is a strong independent women who thinks she can handle anything herself and doesn't talk about her feelings."
"So, if I understand correctly she's afraid she'll get hurt again?"
"Yes."
"So it's not my fault?"
"You did everything you could to help your mother. The next time this happens you can help your mother by making her breath in a paperback. I know it may sound weird, but it will help her to calm down."
"A paper back?" Lorelai nodded, taking in the information the doctor told her. "I was arguing with my mother before this happened, can it be that it had anything to do with that?"
"That's not most likely. I assume this wasn't the first time you argued with your mother so it would have happened before. I think she was angry and her breathing quickened because of that and that's when she panicked. But this has nothing to do with you. It's definitely not your fault."
Lorelai nodded again, still not completely sure, but willing to believe the doctor. "Thank you."
"No problem. Your mother wants to see you now."
"Okay thanks." She turned to her father. "Do you want to go in first?"
"No, I have to talk to the doctor and sign the release forms, you go. And Lorelai, I'm really sorry for what happened earlier."
"I know dad."
Lorelai walked into Emily's room and when she saw her mother in the big white bed, the events from a few weeks ago came back to her. She pushed the thoughts out of her mind soon and walked closer to the bed. "Hey mom."
Emily opened her eyes and smiled. "Lorelai."
"I'm so sorry mom."
"Don't be. This is not your fault. The doctor said I had a panic attack."
"I know. You scared me mom." She pulled a chair towards her and sat down.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about what has happened Lorelai."
She knew her mother wasn't talking about the panic attack anymore. "I know mom, me too. I went to far."
"I understand, and you are right. After the accident, or actually even before, when we fought about your wedding day, I promised myself I would change. But recently I started to fall back into old patterns and yesterday, well you know how it was. And I'm sorry. I promised myself it would never be like that anymore between us. And I broke the promise to myself, but what hurt more was that I hurt you. I'm so sorry Lorelai."
"It's okay mom. I'm sorry too."
"You have no reason to be sorry. I've been awake the entire night last night and realized you were right. I'm proud of you for the way you raised Rory and for the way you're raising Lucan. You're an amazing mother Lorelai. I wonder how you learned it because you didn't got it from me."
"Mom."
"No, it's okay. I can't change what happened in the past, but I can change the future. I don't want to live with regrets. I don't want to wake up one day, realizing that I did everything wrong in my life."
"You didn't mom. You just never understood the choices I made in my life, you didn't understand that I wanted different things then you wanted."
"I had dreams too, just like you when I was younger. I let those dreams go when I married your father, but you and I are more alike then we both want to admit. And we both know it. The truth is I was jealous of you Lorelai. You are doing what I always hoped I would. You say what you think and do what you want to do. And that's the way you raised your daughter too."
"You do the same mom, you tell me how much you disapprove the choices I made." Lorelai smiled as she said that.
"That's different. You know how it was with your grandmother, I never fought against her, and I never told her what I thought even though she hurt me. And you tried to teach me the way you handled things, how you learned not to care. And I'm so proud of you for everything you did in your life Lorelai. When you were sixteen and got pregnant, I saw your entire life falling apart. But it was mine that fell apart, not yours. You learned to go on with your life and reach your goals or reset them if it was necessary. You did things I never did."
"And Rory does things I never did. That's the way it's supposed to be right? I want my kids to get more then I did and I'd lie if I say I was never jealous of Rory. I was jealous so many times when I saw that you two got along well, and I realized I could never have that. And I was jealous when she went to college. But then looked around to what I had and realized it wasn't bad at all. I'm happy with what I have. I have two amazing kids, an amazing husband and a great job. What else could I want?"
"Honestly, I wouldn't know."
"And what do you want to be different mom? You have dad who loves you a lot, you have your friends and you have your job. I know not everybody thinks of it as a job, but it is to you, and you love doing it. You survived a major car accident and you got the change to change the things you want different in your life. And you don't have to be afraid of relapse mom, because you can do anything you want. That's what you taught me as a kid."
"I did teach you that, didn't I?"
"Yes you did. I let all the bad memories push away the good ones, but there are good memories too mom. There are. And from now on, let's think about the good things and the future and leave the rest behind us? What do you think?"
"That's a perfect idea."
"I thought so." Lorelai smiled.
"I'm glad you're finally bringing my granddaughter home." Emily suddenly remember where there fight was about. "And you're right to take Lucan with you. I regret that I didn't spent more time with you when you were a kid. I missed you, you know?"
"I missed you too. And I can't leave my son behind. The whole reason we're going on this trip is to bring our family together, and I can't do that without Lucan."
"No you can't, and you shouldn't."
Lorelai stood up and gave her mother a hug. "I love you mom."
"I love you too Lorelai."
The women pulled back and turned around to see Richard standing in the doorway.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"A while, but I didn't want to intrude a nice mother/daughter moment."
They all smiled.
"Are you ready to go home Emily?"
"More then ever." She turned to Lorelai. "Come by next week before you go to London okay?"
"I will, I promise."
"Good. And you should bring Luke and Lucan with you."
"If Luke can leave the diner alone he'll come along, but Lucan will be there for sure."
"Good. See you then Lorelai."
"See you mom."
Lorelai walked into the waiting area and Luke stood up the moment he saw her.
"Let's go home hon, my mother is going to be just fine."
"I told you so."
"Yeah you did. And we're going to be fine together too. We had a really great talk, and I have a feeling that everything will really be different this time."
Luke smiled as he thought back to yesterday when she begged him not to let her think things could change anymore. 'Promise me Luke' He knew he couldn't then and he couldn't do it now. He believed people could change. He knew he changed a lot the past few years. And he knew it was hard for a woman like Emily to change, but that didn't meant it wasn't possible.
"What are you thinking?"
"Nothing. I'm just happy everything worked out okay." He moved to pick up Lucan's car seat, and then he took Lorelai's hand in his. "Let's go home." And that's what they did.