A/N:

Just so you know, having fuelled myself with a haggis supper on Monday, and Stovies on Tuesday, all washed down each night with Irn Bru (I kid you not, and it wasn't even deliberate, I must be subconsciously getting into this a bit much) I have virtually completed the whole thing, and I can't wait to post the last few chapters…

This is already about six times longer than anything else I've ever done. So keep it coming Emma and everyone else, I need all the help I can get!

I'll shut up now.

Glossary:

HDU - high dependency unit, not quite ITU.

Red rings – Royal Navy Medical Officers can be identified by the red rings around the sleeve between the yellow ranking rings on the uniform.

Chapter 9

"Carson, oh, sweetheart!" his mother's voice was heartbroken and she sobbed desperately.

"Mum!" Carson almost shouted down the phone. "What's happened?"

Carson heard another voice on the line.

"Let me, auntie. Here, it's OK…Carson?"

Carson's heart was thumping out of his ribcage, his mouth dry as sandpaper. "Craig?"

"Carson, God, man, I'm so sorry. It's your dad." His cousin sounded drained.

Carson swallowed painfully. "What's happened?" he repeated lamely.

"Stroke, Carson. It's awful bad. He's in the Southern. Last night. My mum went up with Auntie Mary. I just brought them back."

"Oh Lord. What am I going to do?"

Craig knew it was a rhetorical question. "I don't know what you can do, Carson. He's in the HDU. The Consultant doesn't expect him to regain consciousness. I'm so sorry, man."

Carson took a moment to gather himself. "Listen. Thanks, Craig. I appreciate you being there for them. I'll…see what I can do. I might be able to swing something. Give mum a hug for me will you? I'll call later if I can."

"You've got it, Carson."

Carson slowly replaced the sat-phone, and leaned against the bulkhead, shutting his eyes.

0o0o0

Carson walked down the gangway, but stopped halfway. He turned, looking back at the perfectly proportioned ship. She was beautiful to Carson, and the lump in his throat wouldn't go away. He hoisted his pack further up his shoulder and made it down onto the pier. He could see some of the crew, miles ahead, shouting and laughing as they headed ashore. For them, it was a chance to let their hair down for a few days. For Carson, it was the end.

The wiry young man with red hair was running back from the main group towards him. "Come on, boss. We need to send you off proper, like. You are coming to the pub first aren't you?"

"Sorry, Jack. I can't face it. I'm just going home."

"But…so that's why you said goodbye already?" Jack's face was fallen.

Carson nodded sadly. "I'll miss you all. We were good, weren't we?"

Jack grinned. "The best, mate. Friggin' best. Come and see us sometime…" he called over his shoulder as he turned and ran to catch up the others.

After his dad's funeral, Carson had given notice that he would not renew his commission. He wanted to be at home with his mum, but there was a small part of him that knew he would be transferred from Ocean after the naming ceremony this weekend. Some Commander would be brought in to take his place now she was preparing for her trials programme. That might break his heart too. He'd done his bit, earned his red rings. Now it was time to go home.

Carson had to wait for another hour before he could board the train that would take him in the opposite direction from the way he wanted to go. He could then get off in Lancaster, and get the train that would carry him all the way to Glasgow. No wonder the Navy likes Barrow, he thought, wryly. No-one in their right mind would bother to try to get there just to cause trouble. He used some of his waiting time wondering how they had persuaded the Queen to go to the trouble of getting there for the naming ceremony. The Captain had been disappointed that Carson had not stayed for the big day.

"One more day, Lieutenant. Won't you stay?"

"I can't sir. Even if I renew, I won't get to stay. You know that. I can't face it."

"Mmm. I'm not so sure Ocean will be mine much longer. It's a bloody shame."

"Thank you sir, for everything."

"It was a pleasure, Carson."

0o0o0

It was dark by the time Carson reached the house. When he actually had to use his key to get in, he was beginning to worry a little. He rushed through to the living room, and found his mother fast asleep in the armchair by the fire. He smiled in relief at the peaceful sight. It was only ten o'clock, but waiting up had obviously been too much for her. Carson got a blanket from her bed and tucked her in, before heading for the kitchen to satisfy his growling stomach. As he busied himself making a sandwich, he couldn't help feeling the emptiness in the house. Being home hurt more than he had thought, but he knew he was in the right place.