a while back I tried to break myself out of the writer's bleh. (Distant cousin of writer's block) I gave you all a meme to give me pairings, objects, and such. I haven't finished all those. Given my writer's BLEH is back with a vengeance times a thousand (seriously)...I'm trying again.

this one's for storydivagirl who asked for:

Sheppard
on a puddle jumper

"Hero's Fool"

The fifth sighting of Ford in as many months had proven to be as fruitless as the other four. Each time, he'd shown up during a Wraith culling, each time the Wraith had taken losses, and each time disappearing before reports could make it to Atlantis and a team dispatched. McKay had taken to grumbling, Ronon simply sat there with an implacable expression and said nothing, Teyla...Teyla had suggested that, in his own way, Ford was making sure they knew he was okay.

John wasn't sure he cared. Oh, yeah, he was glad to know Ford was still alive and, apparently, hadn't betrayed any secrets to the Wraith but...

But he didn't care. It wasn't the objective he wanted. Sure, it made Weir and Caldwell just a little less grouchy. Okay, so Elizabeth wasn't grouchy per se but she always seemed to relax a little when those reports came in. That was important to him. She put so much on her shoulders, he didn't want her carrying this one, it was a burden all his own.

It was only too easy to picture Ford's cousin, hear what she'd said, and followed quickly by Caldwell's condemnations. In those moments with their words in his head, he couldn't help the thought which inevitably whispered through his brain. The traitorOus thought that, maybe, they were right. Maybe it would be better off for them all, Aidan included, if he'd shot him.

Except he was sure. They wouldn't be. He'd spent enough nights haunted by the ghost of Marshall Sumner to know better. It was easy for Caldwell, even easy for Ford's cousin, but John knew from experience it wouldn't be that way for him and it certainly wouldn't be that way for Ford's grandparents. The ghost of their grandson was not something he was willing to curse them with. Not if there was a chance...He didn't care if the whole damned universe thought he was playing hero.

Sitting in the pilot's seat of a puddlejumper, looking out into the gateroom he caught Elizabeth's eye and shook his head, watching her face fall. There was a chance...

But it was a chance growing slimmer with each passing day.

fin.