Author's Note: This chapter suffers from ESS-- that's Extreme Shortage Syndrome…or maybe it's Extreme Stupidness Syndrome…you tell me. It doesn't really matter anyway.

Chapter Five: A Pointless Little Interlude

The mess hall was a scene of absolute chaos. In Neelix's absence around unofficial snack-time (approximately 1530 hours), the crew had been forced to find their own refreshments. As Neelix had neglected to even begin to prepare anything, his pantry had taken a severe raiding. Several crewmembers had even gone so far as to try to fill in the temporarily vacant post of Head Chef, and had put out widely assorted snacks on the countertops.

There was a good deal of very loud arguing, a prodigious clatter and crash as three people got locked in the pots-and-pans cupboard, and even a minor shoving match in progress about which platter went where. Luckily, the three platters in dispute were simple crackers, amateurishly sliced cucumbers, and an unidentifiable Delta Quadrant native food that had probably been identifiable before Ensign Molina had taken a shot at preparing it- none of which were very spillable. If it had been soup--or leola-root stew—the galley would have been more of a mess than it already was.

Five minutes later the galley looked like a food fight had taken place. Though one hadn't, there was certainly the possibility.

Captain Janeway stopped short in the open double doors, shocked and borderline furious. She'd been stopped by an ensign stationed in Engineering on her way down to approve Paris's new program. Engineering was baffled by a problem with a minor but essential subsystem. Torres was unreachable by commbadge, as the problem was the communications system. The ensign had been trying to find the chief engineer, but the captain was a brilliant engineer too.

She'd spent a good half-hour up to her elbows in computer parts and a slew of leaking gel-packs, and was feeling a lot more sympathy for B'Elanna and Harry than she had an hour before. Tired and annoyed, she'd forgotten all about the holoprogram and dragged herself up to the mess hall in search of a cup of coffee or maybe three—or four—or maybe an entire pot of real coffee, not Neelix's latest coffee substitute.

"Attention!" she yelled. The entire complement of the mess hall screeched to a stop, many still holding snacks, drinks, or plates. Even the people stuffed in the cupboard stopped clattering around. She shot them all a death glare, and was spitefully pleased to see most of them go over the edge from nervous to 'gulp, we're doomed'.

"This is disgraceful," she continued at her normal volume. She didn't have to shout when she had everyone's full attention. "Every one of you will clean up this room completely and restore Neelix's galley to its original condition. I ought to put each and every one of you on report and assign you to scrubbing conduits for the next week, but I don't think there are that many conduits on board." She scanned the room as if memorizing faces. "If the mess hall is not in pristine condition by the time Neelix returns—wherever he is—I will write up the report after all. Get to it."

She stalked over to the replicator without another word, listening with malicious satisfaction to the immediate hustle behind her.

"Coffee. Hot. Black. Now." She growled at the replicator.

Unfortunately, what materialized was a steaming mug of slightly sparking bio-gel.

Author's Note: ESS stands for both. Definitely.