We get back to the house and dinner is being placed on the table. I haven't eaten a thing all day and the sight of food causes a noise to erupt from my stomach. Jess looks at me and laughs. A broad, sweeping , honest laugh. I don't know that I have ever heard him laugh like that and I want nothing more than to kiss him and tell him how beautiful it is. I will my stomach to make more noises, but we are soon eating and all chances of this are gone.

The awkwardness of the night before has faded and something new is in its place. Throughout dinner, I am trying to determine what this new feeling is. Only when I catch him watching me as I eat do I realize that it is some odd form of longing that is bouncing back and forth between us now. Not a longing for the way things were, but a longing for the way things will be, should be. It is the hope that we can surpass everything and make this work.

After dinner, Jimmy pulls Jess aside and I stand silently in the hallway while they talk in the kitchen. I try to catch as much as I can of their conversation, almost certain that it pertains to me. Jimmy is whispering but Jess speaks at a normal volume.

"We're fine, Jimmy."

Jimmy whispers something and I vaguely hear "she" and "not sick."

"No, she wasn't sick, okay? We were fighting but it's okay now."

And then at a slightly louder volume, "Look, don't try to be my father now. I don't need your advice. I don't want you advice. So, just let me handle things. Okay?"

Jimmy stops whispering. "Fine. You know, I took you into this house on a whim. I am letting you live here and do nothing just because you asked me. And this is how you're going to treat me?"

I am already cringing when Jess' voice comes booming through the kitchen doorway. "You were gone for seventeen years! You letting me live here for a little while is hardly a favor! And you're not my father! You've never been my father! Sleeping with the woman who happened to give birth to me hardly makes you my father!"

He comes out of the kitchen fast and angry and almost runs into me. When he sees me standing there, he stops. "You heard that?"

I nod and try to grab hold of his hands. He pulls them away and pushes past me, closing the door to his room. I am immediately following him.

I don't know why I'm knocking on the door. I know he will only tell me to go away. And I know I will only barge in anyway. But, I knock. There is silence on the other side of the door and I open it slowly. He is sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. When I walk in, he looks up at me and sighs.

I stand in front of him. "Jess…"

He stops me. "I hate him sometimes." He sort of mumbles it to himself.

"Sometimes?" I gently sit down next to him.

"He acts like he has some sort of right to tell me what to do. As though he was really my father. But, he's not. He knows he's not." His voice sounds fragile, breaking as he speaks. He won't look at me. He's embarrassed and I understand this. "I mean, he acts like this is some huge favor that he's doing me, letting me live here. But, it's not. It hardly makes up for what he did to me."

I move closer, placing a hand on his back just between his shoulder blades. The up and down of his breath feels staggered beneath my palm. "I know what you mean…sort of."

He looks at me then. His face is tired. "You do?"

"Well, not exactly. I just mean that my dad was also sort of absent for the majority of my life and when he comes back, he suddenly acts like he belongs there. With mom more so than me He acts like she's waiting for him. Whenever something goes wrong, he's back and wanting to be a family again. But, we've never been a family."

He thinks about this for a second and nods slowly. He sits up a little straighter and looks at me, smiling. He kisses me and it's quick and gentle. A thought occurs to me as he's pulling back. "You know, when you think about it, Luke has sort of been a father for both of us."

He laughs slightly. "Well, we'll probably be step cousins pretty soon. I'm not sure this relationship could get any more incestuous."

I kiss him this time, letting my mouth linger on his. His hand is on my cheek, his fingertips brushing against the back of my neck. His mouth tastes clean, like forgiveness, like beginnings. His hands are now moving south, exploring the space between the hem of my shirt and my jeans. His palms are rough just like I remember and I'm pushing him backwards. When his head touches the pillow, he pulls away and opens his eyes.

I hate that he opens his eyes.

"Rory…" I stop him, pressing my mouth to his. I don't want to discuss this. If it's right, if now is the time, if we should be doing this with Jimmy and Sasha a few rooms over. I am tired of rationalizing things.

But, he's pushing me away again, trying to break my mouth from his. I'm fighting it, pressing harder, running my hands over places I know he wants me to touch. He's responding, pressing his body tightly against mine. After a minute, he is once again pulling away.

I let out an exasperated breath. "Jess, I know. You think we should discuss this. Fine. Let's discuss this. But, I don't know if I can focus properly…" I realize then that I'm straddling him and I don't intend to move. This is going to be a painful discussion for both of us.

He is looking up at me, his face flushed and his lips swollen. "I just…don't want us to be rushing into this and then blowing up at each other afterwards. You know?" His breathing is erratic and I smile at what I've done to him, am doing to him.

"I understand completely. But, this is what we've needed. We needed to be in a place where neither of us could run from the other. That way we talk about things." I look at him and move my hips around a bit, watching his eyes half close.

"Yeah, I guess. So, you're sure this is…right? That it's good? You want this?"

"Oh, yeah." I lean down and kiss him again. He doesn't fight this time.

My hands are working their way under his shirt. The feeling of his smooth skin beneath my hands makes my heart beat quicken. This combined with his fingertips against the fabric of my bra almost sends me into cardiac arrest.

Suddenly, I'm frightened because he is shirtless and I am shirtless and his hands are working on my jeans now. I stiffen and he notices. He looks up at me with concern in his eyes. "You're totally sure you want to do this?"

I sigh. "I just…you've done this and I haven't. It's like playing chess with a chess master when you've only just recently graduated from checkers."

He laughs that beautiful laugh from dinner. Then, an abashed look falls on his face. "I haven't…you know…I mean, I've fooled around but never…this." He gestures around us. "And not with someone that I…you know…" And he chokes on the last word. "…love."

I'm smiling idiotically at him. "You love me. You said it. You can't take it back." I lean down and kiss him softly, my bare breasts pressing against his chest. I back away from him and examine his face, his jaw line, his eyes, the way his bottom lip pulls to the side, the way his hair curls around the tops of his ears. He is beautiful, truly beautiful.

When he speaks, his voice is soft, "What are you thinking about?"

"The reasons I love you."

He puts his hands behind his head. "Oh yeah? And what are they?"

"Well…" I bend down and kiss the corner of his mouth. "You're good looking."

"Superficial reasons first. And, thank you."

I kiss him straight on the mouth. "You're strong, brave, but weak underneath it all."

"So, you enjoy that I put on an act?"

"No. I meant, you have layers. You're an onion. I have to fight to find certain things out."

"So, I'm challenging."

I kiss the other corner of his mouth. "Yes." My mouth moves to his jaw and when I make my way back towards his lips, he kisses me. It is full of fervor and for a minute I can't breathe.

Our lips disconnect and I sit up again. "Say it. Really this time, say it."

He squirms beneath me for a second but then he is looking me right in the eye with a smile slowly spreading across his face. "I love you." There is a feeling of liberation in our next kiss, as if all the horrible things of the past can no longer touch us. We are invincible within our love.

We spend hours with the door locked, touching and tasting. He is gentle with my body and every movement is slow and tentative. He looks up at me with questioning eyes every few minutes and I nod furiously, biting my lip.

Exhaustion comes eventually with slow kisses and lingering touches. We fall back on the bed next to each other and attempt in vain to catch our breath. We are both smiling now, big satisfied smiles.

I turn my head toward him, letting my chin rest on his shoulder. "Thank you."

He looks down at me, grinning. "Thank you? That's what you have to say after that?"

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Definitely not thank you."

"Fine. How about…I sure got a bang out of that."

"Who are you? Holden Caulfield? And please don't say that I just 'gave you the time'."

"Oh, you gave me the time alright."

"Great, I think I'll give old Jane a buzz now."

I spring up in the bed, suddenly.

"Rory?"

"I have to call my mom." I am scrambling for my clothes, scouring the floor for my underwear.

"That's what you're going to do now? Call your mother? Wow. Of all the post-coital activities…Don't you at least want a cigarette first?"

He's watching me as I put my bra back on and I start to blush. I find the phone knocked off the nightstand, lying off the hook on the floor. I pick it up and pull my shirt over my head.

"Well, I certainly feel underdressed now."

I sit down on the edge of the bed and he scoots over closer to me. His hands are under my shirt again. I move away while I dial the number, but he moves with me. Now his mouth is on the small of my back and the phone is ringing. I begin to regret my decision not to put my jeans back on for this call.

"Hello?"

"Mom!" I scream it at her because his hand has worked its way up my thigh and found an old friend.

"Rory? Are you okay? You're not being attacked by beach bums are you? Just throw the volleyball back!"

I get up from the bed and he sticks his lower lip out at me.

I stretch the phone cord as far as it will go and take the phone into the hall with me, closing the bedroom door slightly. "No. Sorry. It was just a…thing. So. Hey! How are you?"

"Gooood. What's going on over there? Get the whole Jess thing worked out yet?"

"You could say that." I look up and down the hallway to make sure no one is in hearing distance.

"What else could I say?"

I take a deep breath. "First of all, you could say that Jess told me he loved me. And that he got into a fight with Jimmy and opened up to me about their relationship. You could also say that after the whole opening up thing, we…uh…."

"You what? Don't leave mommy hanging here."

"We did…it." I instantly regret the way that came out.

"You did what?" I can almost here her grinning over the phone. She enjoys making this painful for me.

"You know…It."

"Held hands? Watched a movie? What?"

"We had sex!"

"Oh! That 'it'."

"Yes."

"Well. How was it?"

"Mom…"

"I'm just curious."

I sigh. "Fine. It was amazing. Fantastic. The best three hours or so of my life."

"Whoa. Three hours? He sure has some stamina."

"We didn't just…you know, do that. Not just the one thing."

"Oooooh. Well, that's more than I needed to know. Was he all, uh, suited up?"

"Yes. Anyway, I started taking the pill again."

"Good. That's….good." She is silent and I hear the familiar clanking of dishes in the background.

"Mom? Are you at Luke's?"

"I might be."

"I can't believe we just had this conversation while you're sitting in Luke's. Who heard you?"

"Relax. No one's here. Except, well, Luke, of course."

"Oh, no."

"And he wants to talk to Jess right now."

There is an audible struggle for the phone before Luke's voice comes over the line. "Rory?"

"Luke. Hi."

"Is he around?"

"Yeah. Just a second."

I go back into the bedroom and he is lying in bed, reading. I hold the phone out to him. He gives me a puzzled look. "She wants to talk to me? Oh, you must've told her how fantastic I am and now she wants to have a go."

"No. It's Luke. She was at the diner."

He sits up and takes the phone from my hand. "Luke?"

I listen to his side of the conversation.

"I did not force myself upon her." He rolls his eyes. "Yes….Yes…YES…Oh, wow, that's a whole lot of Luke I didn't need to picture in my head…Well, you were describing it!….Alright…Jimmy is Jimmy…Yeah. Look, I wanted to apologize for leaving the way I did, for screwing things up…Yeah, okay…Bye, Uncle Luke."

I crawl into bed next to him as he tosses the phone onto the floor. "Aw. That conversation sounded almost touching."

"Yeah, except for when he was trying to describe his first time to me."

"You apologized."

"Yeah, well, he deserved an apology."

"Yes, he did."

I put my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. After a minute of lying peacefully, his mouth is against my ear, his warm breath whispering against my skin. "I'm sorry."