Naruto arrived in the forest. Kakashi Sensei, Sasuke and Sakura looked over. "Hey, Naruto. I just finished telling your teammates about the tournament, and they're up for it. But we need two more people."

"I could fight!"

Kakashi looked over. Edward was sitting in a tree, looking down at them. "I'm not all just temper-and-alchemy. I can use martial arts, just… Y'know, not as good at Cynthia."

"Who…"

"His name's Edward." Sasuke said, summoning his chakra and walking up the tree. He sat next to Edward. "He's a self-loving alchemy freak from Amestris."

Edward fumed and clapped.

Heh.

He tapped Sasuke's head protector and turned it into a miniature toaster. "Take that back and maybe I'll fix it."

"Man you're short." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Weird, really."

Edward clapped, fuming again. "I've always wondered what I could transmute a HUMAN into! Maybe a pig, or a jackass! All I'd have to do is rearrange some of your internal organs…"

"Ohh, touchy about being short, are we?"

"Yeah, you could say that about Ed."

Edward glared down. "CYNTHIA!"

"Relax, Ed." Cynthia laughed and blew hair from her face. "Turning into the fearsome Lalaurana has its advantages! I can heal just as fast as you, and falling on some spiny rock isn't gonna become a huge injury. Now." Cynthia pulled her halberd from a bush. "We're going to fight in this tournament, and ain't NO ONE gonna stop me." She pointed her halberd at Naruto. "And when I say it, I mean no one. Now Ed, fix Sasuke's head protector, and let's go find where this thing is."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

It was the next morning, and Cynthia's team was baffled. The tournament was JUST LIKE the Chuunin exam.

"Once again. We have to make our way through the forest and find the tower."

"BUT!" Kakashi held up a finger to make a point. "This is a different area. This is training area 26, called 'Hades woods.'"

"I'm not even going to ask." Edward sighed. "So, we have to find some tower, huh? Seems simple enough."

"No." Kakashi's bored eye fell on Edward. "This is much more dangerous than Death Forest. There are more creatures, and fewer teams. Killing is allowed. And Gaara is entering with four other people, not his usual group."

"Oh, Hell." Naruto sighed. "Alright, plan: Avoid all conflict…"

"Wow. Great plan." Sakura muttered. She looked around at all the other teams.

Only six teams?

"There are only six teams competing?" She asked.

"Apparently." Sasuke replied. "Come on, let's get to the gate. Let's go, Kakashi Sensei."

"Well, um…" Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "I'm the host of this tournament. So that means I start it… Meet you there!"

He ran off.

"That was…" Edward shrugged. "Weird."

"Welcome to my tournament." Kakashi began slowly. He counted. "Thirty people? I was hoping for a bigger turnout. Oh well. This is simple, just like the Chuunin exam. Except you present yourselves to your opponents. Oh, right, killing is allowed. Death overall is allowed. Naruto team, please come to the front and present yourselves and your weapons."

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura presented themselves, but it was not so easy for Edward and Cynthia. Cynthia did fine, but Edward was a little timid.

"Um, well, yeah. I'm Edward. I'll freaking break the face of ANYONE who calls me short, INCLUDING Kakashi…" Here he glared at the Sensei. "And I don't live here. Just here for the month. I don't have any weapons, really. And I have no skill with ninjitsu or whatever at all. But if you want to fight you'll be surprised. Cynth?"

"Yeah, yeah…" She muttered. "Ed, I forgot my halberd…" She winked. "Could you make one for me?"

"Sure." He caught her idea. If they didn't think he was strong, this would prove it. He clapped and made one from the ground. It looked and weighed exactly the same as her original halberd.

"Thank you." She pulled it up and hefted it onto her shoulder. "The name's Cynthia Lalaurana Suhn. Skills? Eh. I'm a martial artist, Ed is too, but he just forgot. My weapon of choice is…"

Here Edward began to think. What exactly did Cynthia know about her halberd?

"An eighteenth century steel blade halberd, weighs 2,582 pounds and will hurt a Hell of a lot if I bash you with it."

"Don't you think you're overdoing it?" Edward whispered, nudging her.

"Shut up."

"Right."

"I'm the only heir to Lalaurana's school for indiscriminate grappling, and I've been training hard to meet Lalaurana's standards." She scanned the crowd, wondering if she should say anything more. Her eyes fell on Gaara. Her eyes switched from mild to hard, giving him a 'You mess with fire, you might get burned.' Glare. Gaara remained emotionless, but his eyes returned the glare.

"Training does not mean anything unless you can use it." He said simply. The words reached Cynthia like wildfire.

Her eyes flared and her halberd shifted. "Really. I guess you've had a lot of experience."

"With many victims just like you."

"AARGH LET ME AT HIM!"

Edward grabbed one arm and Naruto grabbed the other. Cynthia grappled with them to get at Gaara, her halberd digging into the ground to help her pull.

"Feisty girls like you are usually the first to go." Gaara commented. "You are far too strong, and you do not know how to harness it. Therefore, I consider you weak."

"If you say that ONE MORE TIME I'll cut off your hands and put them on your feet!"

"Number one!" Edward grunted. "I'M the only person who can possibly do that. Number two, do you want to get thrown out of the tournament? He's not worth it. He's scum. The scum from the very hell we know. Just like…" He had to say it… "Just like that THING me and my brother created when we tried to bring back our mother. He was a mistake, just like that. God shouldn't have made him."

"Ooh, religious, are we?" Cynthia hissed.

Edward laughed. What he said surprised everyone. "I don't believe in improvable concepts like God. I have met what you might call 'God.' He stole something very dear to me. And yet, I still don't believe in him."

"Ed…" Kakashi began, but Ed went on.

"Now you listen here, weirdo!" Edward said savagely, pointing an accusing finger at Gaara. "I have met God. Maybe I didn't save myself, but I sure as Hell resurrected my brother from the grave. And if that doesn't count for something then it damn well should! And I don't hide behind a wall of sand like you, I actually fight. It may be impressive, but not at all brave or courageous and all that jazz." He looked at Cynthia. "If you want someone to admire you for who you are, then actually get out there, fight and get God damn hurt!"

"EDWARD FREAKING ELRIC!" Kakashi shouted. "WILL YOU SHUT UP NOW?"

"No! I won't shut up! I…" Edward clapped…

Cynthia lifted her knee and slammed it into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. "Come on, Edo." She slung him over one shoulder. "Even I'm not that aggressive. If you blow him up now, it's considered murder. If you blow him up in there…" Cynthia glared. "It's considered 'friendly competition.'"

"Or 'friendly murder.'" Gaara put in. Teasing people was so fun.

Cynthia's pupils turned to slits.

"NONONONONONO!" Naruto hugged her legs. "DON'TDOIT DON'TDOIT DON'TDOIT!"

"Erk…" Cynthia tried to kick him off but her held on.

"DON'T DO IT IT'S BAD!"

"So? It can't be worse than any of your 'forbidden jutsu' junk, and you people still use it."

"…Nuh uh!"

"Ugh, fine, fine…" Cynthia and her team left the front. "Will you let go of my leg now?"

"…Yeah sure."

"Gaara?" Kakashi called.

Gaara and his team went to the front. Gaara had nothing to say, everyone knew him. But…

Edward opened his eyes and stood up. Cynthia had laid him down when they got back to their spot. He gasped. "Oh, HELL!"

Cynthia pointed an accusing finger at Gaara's team. "I LEFT YOU TOO BACK AT LALAURANA'S!"

"Oh, please." Lust chuckled. "We've never met. Surely you must be insane."

"If I met a pretty girl like you I would remember." Envy replied.

"Whee!" Wrath jumped up and down. "WHAT FUN! We're going to be in a tournament!"

Greed looked at him. "Lust, can you shut him up? His annoying shrieks are getting on my nerves."

"I do, however, know the Fullmetal boy." Envy said suddenly. "Always butting in on people's business, with his annoying metal—"

"SHUT UP!" Edward screamed. "It's none of your business!"

"You know him?" Cynthia asked. "Envy, and Lust, and Wrath, and… That guy?"

"Um, hello, my name is Greed…" Greed muttered.

"Know them?" Edward muttered. "…" He glared at Kakashi. "…Hey… Do you have to be human to compete in this tournament?"

"Um, I guess so…"

"Well, Lust and her cronies are homunculi. They were created with alchemy. The tattoo on Lust's chest enables her to make her nails grow to an infinite length. Envy can turn into whatever he pleases. Greed can turn into a shell of infinite defense. Wrath can take something and actually add it to his body…"

"Homunculi… You mean, artificially created humans?" Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "I guess… They qualify!"

"WHAT!"

"Your Sensei sucks."

Cynthia mumbled the words, but Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura heard it clearly. They had already sent the teams into the forest.

Edward agreed silently. "Letting homunculi compete…"

"Homunculi have unfair powers."

"And we don't know any of them."

"Don't they use alchemy to use these powers?" Sasuke asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"You use alchemy. So that means your power is unfair too."

"… Shut up!"

Gaara and the homunculi took a whole different gate. All the teams took different gates. Gaara turned to look at Lust as they walked. "How do you know him?"

"Whoever do you mean?"

"Edward. The short one."

"Oh, we go way back." Lust chuckled. "As he said, we are homunculi, and therefore unable to die until our power source is gone. But we want to be human. So we went to look for something called the Philosopher's Stone, a stone of immense alchemic power. But in the end, the Fullmetal boy's brother got it, and used it to resurrect him. But once the Fullmetal boy came back to life, he used his own power to bring back his brother, ejecting him all the way from out time period into another. And it seems he has returned, to seek another way to fix himself."

"You call him Fullmetal. Why?"

"Of course, Gaara!" Envy laughed. "He is the Fullmetal Alchemist, a dog of the Amestris military. His right arm and left leg are made of automail, a kind of metal robotic limb."

"I see." Gaara looked at the sky, as if seeking people to kill in the clouds. "What about the girl? The aggressive one?"

"I don't know her. But she seems to know us."

"Yeah, everyone but ME." Greed grumbled. "What, am I not GOOD ENOUGH to know?"

"I know her."

Gaara twitched and turned to look in the woods behind him.

It was Envy.

"She knows me, anyway. I don't know about that freak over there."

"Hey, I am not a freak." The real Envy said, hurt. "If anyone's a freak, it's you, for using my appearance!"

"ENVY ENVY ENVY! DID YOU FIND THEM YET? I WANT TO MEET ME!"

Wrath popped out from behind Envy. He pointed at his original self. "Is that me? Where's Cynthia? ENVY! You said we would find her! NO FAIR!"

"Yeah, yeah, I lied. Now go play with yourself while the big kids talk."

Wrath looked at his original self. "Hi! I'm Wrath!"

"So am I!"

"Let's go play!"

"Yay!"

Wrath and Wrath ran off. Envy glared at Envy, and Envy glared back.

"Who are you?" The original Envy asked. "And who do you look A LOT like me?"

"Why, I'm Envy." He replied. "Well, from a different reality. This is Lust, and that's Wrath."

"AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE A DOUBLE?" Greed screamed.

"Shut up, your double is back home, Greed." The second Envy scowled.

"Good."

"So why are you here?" Gaara asked.

"I know how to capture the Cynthia girl and kill the Fullmetal boy." The second Envy's face became dark and smug. "And I know how much you want that, Envy."

His shirt was suddenly pinned to a tree by a very oversized kunai.

"ENVY! LUST! WRATH! Get back to school NOW!"