Erik? Hurry up! We've got reviews to answer!
Erik: I don't feel good…
Sugar hangover… I told you all that stuff was bad for you!
Erik: Oh, shut up!
Let's get to it.
zero sparrow: Yeah, sorry about the lack of detail in that last chapter… I guess it's just because I have so many other things planned for this fic that I didn't want to linger on the Meg/Robert part for very long.
Erik: Told you there was something wrong with it…
Only you were to busy enjoying your massage to be of much help!
Erik: So goes life…
MasqueradingThroughLife: Confuzzled, is it? Don't worry, just bear with us and all will become clear in time… Oh, and thank you for bringing those snacks for Erik.
Erik: Hey, I caught that bit! Sugar-free? You people!
Tadriendra of Mirkwood: First of all… One only uses 'eh' at the end of a question… For example, "Nice weather we've been having, eh?" Try it… Secondly, Erik can't live with you! He's been like a disfigured mentally-insane tenant in my closet to me!
Erik: Thirdly, what are men from Troy doing under your bed? Fourthly, sure I like you… Just don't spread it around, OK? Fifthly, I will be very grateful if you never make references to Brad Pitt's and my butt in the same sentence ever again. Lastly, the authoress has a vulgar sense of humour! Nothing happened when we were 'sharing body heat!'
Sure… Go on denying it… Muhahahaha!
Erik: Nothing happened! I fell asleep on the couch and she decided to use my body as a pillow while watching Sledge Hammer re-runs! It wasn't until after she'd finished watching the second season that I woke and realized she was there!
You made a very warm and soft pillow…
Erik: I had to take a long, hot shower after that. But the Lady of Mirkwood just might be able to make me forget that nasty memory if she comes over and gives me a massage.
VagrantCandy: Alright, sorry about the pet name… I promise I'll come up with my own name for Meg, and it will be original and non-annoying…
Erik: Yup, you've gotta please everyone…
Well, at least I make an effort!
The Common Wind Deity: Well, we all have our likes and dislikes. Feel free to skip over the A/N's, but most people find them amusing. Thanks for letting me know how you feel, though, and I hope you will continue reading.
darklady5289: Why, thank you for the compliment! See, Erik? Most people appreciate fics that don't involve 24-7 fop-torture.
Erik: Where's the fun in that?
Jedi Knight Padme: Chocolate-covered strawberries? I had those once… On a very nice date… Hey! Just what are you trying to do to my Erik?
Erik: Seduce me and steal me from you, like every other phan-girl… See above explanation about the body-heat comment… Nothing happened! And I promise that nothing will continue to happen… As long as you supply me with plenty of clodhoppers and free massages, hehe!
GalindaxlovesxErik: Why, thank you! I'm glad you're liking it… Hey, Erik! How come everyone's getting into line to offer you a massage and no one's offered to give me one?
Erik: Because, unfortunately for you, I am loved by all phan-girls… They consider it a privilege, I guess…
Emma Noble and Hollom: Heehee, so you want to watch The Phantom of the Opera again? I don't mind! I'm not exactly sure what Kettle Corn is… Erik, do we get Kettle Corn in Canada?
Erik: Probably, but you're too busy writing your fanfics to notice anything going on around you…
Well, as long as it's low-fat, you can bring it along… I'm trying to make Erik cut back on the junk food.
Erik: I'm fictional! My body will remain irresistibly sexy no matter what I eat.
It's your gummed-up arteries that concern me…
Starrylibra: Hey! I'm a nice girl! And I don't make Erik's life horrible! Right, Erik?
Erik: I'm staying out of this! What the…? Mini-Phantoms? With the prostitute-lady? Ew!
Erik! She's not a prostitute in this fic!
Erik: I still don't like her!
AngelicFlutist: Thanks for reviewing again! I'm glad you think "Meglet" is funny. VagrantCandy thinks the name is annoying, so I'm thinking of coming up with a new pet name… Any suggestions?
Erik: How about "Hey-lose-the-tutu!"
Well, anyway, here's the new chappie! Enjoy it!
XxXxX
A week passed, and things between Erik and Fantine were tense. She barely spoke a word to him, and he did his best to avoid her. Though he did try to keep an eye on her to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.
One morning, Erik sat reclined in his chair reading a book while Fantine sat at the desk, writing something. Presently, she stood up and strode over to him. She held something out. Erik looked up to see an envelope in her hand, sealed with the ever-popular red skull.
"What's this?" he asked.
"I need you to drop this off at our managers' office. I'm going to be preoccupied."
"Doing what?" Erik asked, hoping she would stay away from Robert.
"Lurking," she snipped as she left the room.
Erik paused, glancing down at the letter in his hand. He hesitated, then broke the seal and unfolded the letter, reading Fantine's red-ink scratchings:
Dear MM. Firmin and Andre,
Fondest greetings, messieurs. As you are no doubt aware, I have taken an interest in the talents of young Robert Romard. I am anxious to see his career progress further. Therefore, in your upcoming performance of Il Muto, I request that you cast Monsieur Romard as Don Attilio, and Monsieur Bouchard as the pageboy. If you wish to have that mediocre excuse for a soprano, Minetta, to be countess, that is your own concern. While you're at it, sack Meg Giry. The girl's movements are too jerky and it's throwing off the other dancers! If you value your health, I suggest you obey these commands!
I remain your obedient servant,
O.G.
Erik had to give her credit… She certainly was firm! But he could not let her obsession with Robert continue. It wasn't healthy. He snuck over to the desk and picked up the quill and a fresh piece of paper. Certain he would probably regret it later, he wrote a new letter:
Dear MM. Firmin and Andre,
Fondest greetings, messieurs. I have observed your cast and have made some decisions concerning the upcoming performance of Il Muto. I request that you cast Monsieur Bouchard as Don Attilio and Monsieur Romard as the pageboy (the silent role). Please do not permit Madame Minetta to sing lead. This theatre deserves a fresh face. I suggest allowing Meg Giry to be the countess. She is young, attractive, and charming – all the things which Madame Minetta is not. I appreciate your cooperation in following these instructions.
Your obedient servant,
O.G.
Erik burned the old letter and put the new one in an envelope, sealing it with a red skull. Smiling to himself at his clever deed, he put the envelope in his pocket and began his trek across the lake.
XxXxX
OPENING NIGHT OF IL MUTO
Erik stood up in the catwalks above the stage, watching the scene play out beneath him. He hadn't seen Fantine all night, but assumed she would be watching the show from Box Five, as usual.
"They say that this youth has set my Lady's heart aflame!" the Confidante gossiped with the two fops on the stage below.
"His Lordship's sure to die of shock!" the first Fop exclaimed.
"His Lordship is a laughing-stock!" the second Fop declared.
"Should he suspect her," the Confidante continued, "God protect her!"
"Shame! Shame! Shame!" all three sang together. "This faithless lady's bound for Hades! Shame! Shame! Shame!"
Erik grinned as he saw the canopy drapes part to reveal Robert, the pageboy, kissing Meg, the countess, passionately. He could tell the boy didn't have to do much acting.
"Serafimo, your disguise is perfect," Meg sang. There was a knock at the door. "Why, who can this be?"
Bouchard, a short, stout man, entered at that time. "Gentle wife, admit your loving husband! My love, I'm called to England on affairs of State, and must leave you with your new maid. Though I'd happily take the maid with me!"
"The old fool is leaving!" Meg spoke to the audience, as if disclosing some juicy gossip.
Erik admired the little ballet rat's abilities. Her true gift was dancing of course… She probably would never make a good career as a singer. Erik mainly chose to cast her as the countess to spite Fantine! And yet, Meg's voice had a certain… sweetness to it. Like a child's voice he supposed.
"Serafimo, away with this pretence!" Meg sang to her lover. "You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husband's absence!"
Erik caught the fleeting smile Robert flashed at Meg as leaned in close…
The little devil was enjoying himself, Erik realized amusedly.
Robert's lips were just a whisper away from Meg's, when a booming voice beside Erik froze all movement.
"YOU FOOLS! WHY DID YOU DISOBEY MY ORDERS?"
Voices from the audience cried out. "It's him! The Phantom of the Opera! He's here! It's the Ghost!"
Erik froze when he saw her standing only ten feet away from him on the catwalk. He hadn't thought she would be bold enough to stop the show! He was only trying to put an end to her obsession!
Firmin's shaky voice cried out from the manager's box. "Please, Phantom! We didn't disobey you! We did what you said in your note!"
"DON'T TOY WITH ME, OLD MAN!"
"Please!" Andre joined in. "We did what you said… Romard as the pageboy, Bouchard as Don Attilio…"
"ARE YOU DYSLECTIC AS WELL AS STUPID? IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"
"Please! We swear!" Firmin cried, pulling the note from his pocket and reading it aloud. "'I request that you cast Monsieur Bouchard as Don Attilio and Monsieur Romard as the pageboy…'"
"WHAT?" Fantine paused as realization hit her. "ERIK!"
She covered the ground that separated them in a couple long strides and grabbed the front of his shirt. "Why?"
"Because you have a serious problem, Fantine!" Erik shouted. "This obsession of yours is not healthy! It must end, or else you'll end up hurting everyone involved, including yourself!"
Fantine lashed out with her nails, causing Erik to lose his balance. He grabbed her cloak, trying to steady himself, but only succeeded in pulling her along with him.
The two phantoms fell through the air. They landed with Erik's back hitting the stage and Fantine on top of him. Fantine was oblivious to the thousands of eyes watching her as she socked Erik in the jaw. Once. Twice. Three times… She was about to land a fourth blow when Erik caught her wrist. "Fantine!"
She paused, finally noticing the audience, who stared at the two shadowy figures on stage in stunned silence.
"Two phantoms?" Meg Giry cried.
"What's going on here?" Firmin demanded.
Erik pushed Fantine off of him as he got to his feet. "My apologies," Erik addressed the theatre. "Just a little domestic dispute." He put an arm out and pulled Fantine close.
A little too close, she noted…
"My wife can be a trial sometimes…"
Fantine shot him a look. "Wife?" she mouthed.
"She's a little hot-tempered," Erik continued. "I think I shall take her home now. Don't mind us. Do continue your lovely performance."
Erik grabbed Fantine's hand and yanked her offstage. She tried to ignore the odd sensation of her hand in his as he led the way to Meg's room and pulled her through the mirror. They were halfway to the boat before it finally occurred to Fantine to scream at him.
She pulled her hand free from his grasp and he turned to face her.
"Wife?" she said incredulously. "Where did that come from?"
"I needed to give them some convincing story!"
"So you led them to believe we're married?"
"Well, I'm starting to think you need a man's supervision, with all the stunts you've pulled!"
"So you want to be my husband?" she sneered. "Very well. I WANT A DIVORCE!"
With that she stormed away, leaving Erik staring after her dumbfounded.
XxXxX
Your comments, Erik?
Erik: Must I?
Yes, you must...
Erik: Very well... It sucked, as usually...
I figured you'd say that. What's wrong with it now?
Erik: Oh... Everything... For instance, no lady would ever hit me...
What about that time I sucker-punched you for insulting my sister?
Erik: Now, I would hardly class you as a lady!
Jerk...
Erik: I rest my case... Now if you'll excuse me, I'm having a small party in my closet tonight for all the girls who reviewed.
All the girls who reviewed? That begs the question - are there ever any boys who review?
Erik: Beats me... If there are, they're welcome to share the girls with me...
Whatever... See you all tomorrow!