To clear up any confusion, Teleporno is Celeborn's Quenyan name. It means
Silver-Tree, and there's really nothing dirty about it. Unfortunately for
Celeborn, we all know how it ends up sounding to the perverted ear of the
average person these days.
*
The music pounded in their ears, bright lights flashing as the twins surveyed the bar.
"Over there," Elladan yelled into Elrohir's ear, pointing over the bar where a girl with the long dark hair sat alone. They made their way over to her, one sitting on either side of her. The girl looked to be about 25. She was tall, with fair skin, and pre-dominantly blue eyes. Simultaneously, the twins agreed without speaking that she was a perfect place to start.
The girl looked from one to the other, an almost bored expression on her face. "Can I help you?"
"What's your name?" Elladan, on her right, asked.
"Kat."
"Well, Kat, have you heard of a business called Teleporno Industries?"
She nodded. "Yeah. My friend works for them." Elladan raised an eyebrow at his twin.
"We'd like to offer you a job," Elrohir announced.
"A job?" she repeated, not buying it.
"Yes. You see, Teleporno Industries has decided to... expand our horizons, as it were."
"Meaning what, exactly."
"We've decided to live up to our name," Elladan explained.
"You're living up to the name of Teleporno Industries?" she asked, looking at Elladan and licking her lips.
He grinned. "Yes."
"And you'd like my... help with this project?" She turned to Elrohir seductively. He nodded his head, leaning in closer to her. She turned back to Elladan, moving until her face was about two inches from his. "Well, that does sound like... fun." Suddenly, without either of them anticipating it, she slapped Elladan across the face with a resounding smack. "Unfortunately, I'm going to have to turn your offer down." Before either of them could say a word, she had marched off, leaving the two of them behind.
"Ow," Elladan said, rubbing his cheek ruefully. "I'm beginning to know how Jack felt." Elrohir laughed, examining the drink the girl had left behind. "Hey, why weren't we in that movie? We were there."
Elrohir gave his brother an exasperated look, as he sniffed the drink. "They don't even think Jack Sparrow is a real person, dickwad. Besides, we can hardly go about announcing the fact that we've been alive since the beginning of time. What in hell is this?"
"It was hardly the beginning of time," Elladan muttered. "We weren't there when father was born. And it's a screwdriver."
Elrohir shook his head, taking a sip. "There's no vodka! It's just orange juice." He put the glass back down, looking disgruntled. "Well, shall we get on with it?"
Elladan perked up. "After all, this bar is swimming with girls. We're bound to find someone!"
Thirty minutes and seven slaps later, they were examining the room once more.
"There!" Elladan pointed to a table where a blonde sat hunched over her drink, her back to them. Elrohir's eyes narrowed. There was something vaguely familiar about her...
"Elladan, I really don't think..." he began, but his twin had already walked away.
Elladan walked over to the girl. "Hey sweetheart, mind if I j-LEGOLAS?" For it was, in fact, the face of his friend that turned to look at him, his big blue eyes unnaturally wide.
"H-hi Elladan," he sniffled.
Elrohir joined them, sitting at the table. "Legolas, what in the name of all things beautiful are you doing here?"
"Just being miserable," the blond answered, staring despondently into his alcoholic beverage of choice. The twins shared worried looks; usually Legolas was off somewhere giggling like a child, he was never depressed like this. The former prince of mirkwood sighed, pouting as tears slipped down his cheek.
"Uh, Legolas, is something wrong?" Elladan finally asked. Legolas looked up at him, tears pooling in his eyes.
"I m-m-miss Aragorn!" he wailed, burying his head in Elladan's chest as he began to sob. Unsure of what to do, Elladan began rubbing his back as soothingly as possible, trying to avoid the strange looks he was receiving.
"Legolas," Elrohir said quietly, "You do realize Aragorn has been dead for over 30 000 years."
"Why d'you have to remind me?" Legolas sobbed loudly. "Why, why, why?" With each why he pounded on the table, each time progressively louder.
"People are staring," Elladan hissed.
"Oh, let them stare! I don't care anymore!" the blond screamed. "I just want him back!"
"Legolas, why the sudden array of emotions?" Elrohir asked. "I mean, obviously you were upset when he died, but why is it suddenly bothering you now?"
Legolas looked at him, tears streaming down his face as he sniffled violently. "Because...sniffle...I just...sniffle...remembered...sniffle...how he was...sniffle...so very...sniffle...PRETTY!"
With his final explosion, Legolas threw himself at Elladan, shaking as the sobs wracked his body. As the Elrohir exchanged a look with Elladan over Legolas' sobbing head, he couldn't help but think that something was very, VERY wrong.
*
The music pounded in their ears, bright lights flashing as the twins surveyed the bar.
"Over there," Elladan yelled into Elrohir's ear, pointing over the bar where a girl with the long dark hair sat alone. They made their way over to her, one sitting on either side of her. The girl looked to be about 25. She was tall, with fair skin, and pre-dominantly blue eyes. Simultaneously, the twins agreed without speaking that she was a perfect place to start.
The girl looked from one to the other, an almost bored expression on her face. "Can I help you?"
"What's your name?" Elladan, on her right, asked.
"Kat."
"Well, Kat, have you heard of a business called Teleporno Industries?"
She nodded. "Yeah. My friend works for them." Elladan raised an eyebrow at his twin.
"We'd like to offer you a job," Elrohir announced.
"A job?" she repeated, not buying it.
"Yes. You see, Teleporno Industries has decided to... expand our horizons, as it were."
"Meaning what, exactly."
"We've decided to live up to our name," Elladan explained.
"You're living up to the name of Teleporno Industries?" she asked, looking at Elladan and licking her lips.
He grinned. "Yes."
"And you'd like my... help with this project?" She turned to Elrohir seductively. He nodded his head, leaning in closer to her. She turned back to Elladan, moving until her face was about two inches from his. "Well, that does sound like... fun." Suddenly, without either of them anticipating it, she slapped Elladan across the face with a resounding smack. "Unfortunately, I'm going to have to turn your offer down." Before either of them could say a word, she had marched off, leaving the two of them behind.
"Ow," Elladan said, rubbing his cheek ruefully. "I'm beginning to know how Jack felt." Elrohir laughed, examining the drink the girl had left behind. "Hey, why weren't we in that movie? We were there."
Elrohir gave his brother an exasperated look, as he sniffed the drink. "They don't even think Jack Sparrow is a real person, dickwad. Besides, we can hardly go about announcing the fact that we've been alive since the beginning of time. What in hell is this?"
"It was hardly the beginning of time," Elladan muttered. "We weren't there when father was born. And it's a screwdriver."
Elrohir shook his head, taking a sip. "There's no vodka! It's just orange juice." He put the glass back down, looking disgruntled. "Well, shall we get on with it?"
Elladan perked up. "After all, this bar is swimming with girls. We're bound to find someone!"
Thirty minutes and seven slaps later, they were examining the room once more.
"There!" Elladan pointed to a table where a blonde sat hunched over her drink, her back to them. Elrohir's eyes narrowed. There was something vaguely familiar about her...
"Elladan, I really don't think..." he began, but his twin had already walked away.
Elladan walked over to the girl. "Hey sweetheart, mind if I j-LEGOLAS?" For it was, in fact, the face of his friend that turned to look at him, his big blue eyes unnaturally wide.
"H-hi Elladan," he sniffled.
Elrohir joined them, sitting at the table. "Legolas, what in the name of all things beautiful are you doing here?"
"Just being miserable," the blond answered, staring despondently into his alcoholic beverage of choice. The twins shared worried looks; usually Legolas was off somewhere giggling like a child, he was never depressed like this. The former prince of mirkwood sighed, pouting as tears slipped down his cheek.
"Uh, Legolas, is something wrong?" Elladan finally asked. Legolas looked up at him, tears pooling in his eyes.
"I m-m-miss Aragorn!" he wailed, burying his head in Elladan's chest as he began to sob. Unsure of what to do, Elladan began rubbing his back as soothingly as possible, trying to avoid the strange looks he was receiving.
"Legolas," Elrohir said quietly, "You do realize Aragorn has been dead for over 30 000 years."
"Why d'you have to remind me?" Legolas sobbed loudly. "Why, why, why?" With each why he pounded on the table, each time progressively louder.
"People are staring," Elladan hissed.
"Oh, let them stare! I don't care anymore!" the blond screamed. "I just want him back!"
"Legolas, why the sudden array of emotions?" Elrohir asked. "I mean, obviously you were upset when he died, but why is it suddenly bothering you now?"
Legolas looked at him, tears streaming down his face as he sniffled violently. "Because...sniffle...I just...sniffle...remembered...sniffle...how he was...sniffle...so very...sniffle...PRETTY!"
With his final explosion, Legolas threw himself at Elladan, shaking as the sobs wracked his body. As the Elrohir exchanged a look with Elladan over Legolas' sobbing head, he couldn't help but think that something was very, VERY wrong.