A/N-Here's the next chap, muchos thanks to garretelliot for helping to pad this from a 500 word chapter to almost a 1000 word chapter...

"What's wrong?" Shaw asked her as they curled together on the bed.

"Nothing." She lied, snuggling closer to him. She didn't want to tell him. He grinned at her, his lopsided grin and kissed her, his reddish stubble brushing up against her chin.

"Something's wrong." He said, kissing her again. Something was wrong, but it wasn't something that he needed to know. He didn't need to know that it wasn't his face, his body she had been thinking about.

She didn't want to tell him that the only man on her mind had been one Woody Hoyt. She didn't want to tell him that the more she thought about it the less she wanted to marry him. She loved him, she loved this, loved being with him, but she didn't want to promise him forever. She didn't want to have to go through a divorce when things were over. She loved him, she wanted that to last forever, but she didn't want to have to go through more mess if things did go sour.

She had been through too much, seen too many people walk out of her life, she didn't want to put herself at risk for yet another. She loved Shaw more than anything else, but she had thought the same thing about Woody, and Woody had walked out of her life, she knew Shaw loved her, but yet, she had thought Woody had too, she wasn't going to put her heart at risk to be that utterly broken ever again.

She didn't want to want Woody, Woody had hurt her enough already. But yet, he kept creeping into her thoughts. He kept appearing and she fought hard to stop him from being there in her dreams. Running into him hadn't helped. Running into him had only increased how much she thought of the dark hair and blue-gray eyes that she could never forget. The detective that stole her heart away.

Not detective anymore. Captain. A step up in life, another move up on the career ladder. She frowned, even though she knew she had done the same thing. Associate chief, her official job title. The next one in line. Woody was more stable, more secure, but she was too. She had Shaw, she didn't need Woody. She had her own security, she didn't need his. "Nothing's wrong." She told him and he gave her a long hard look before laying a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"If you say so." He pulled her close, slowly falling asleep, leaving her to think in the dark with his breath in her ear.

If she loved Shaw more than anything, then why had she found herself biting her lip to keep from crying out Woody's name as they made love. Why had her mind conjured blue eyes and a smile that was as pure as Wisconsin snow above her? She wanted to damn him straight back to wherever he came from, wanted to banish him out of her life, but at the same time felt as if she couldn't.

She couldn't love Woody, he'd hurt her too much. But had he hurt her really or had she hurt herself? Thinking back over her relationship with him honestly and clearly, Jordan could see how she'd played the naive young cop. Moving closer, letting him think they stood a chance and then backing off as soon as his move mirrored her's. She had danced him around for four years and only a snipers bullet had ended that dance. It couldn't have been fun for Woody to have to play guessing games about her feelings, although in her defense she had been playing the same game herself.

She had never been sure that she really loved Woody until she'd gotten that phone call. Standing in the autopsy room with Garret and Slokum trying to solve the Moreau case, Woody had been the last thing on her mind. The ringing phone had been an annoyance. She snapped out an answer only to be frozen in place by what she'd heard. It felt like an eternity had passed between heartbeats as she'd listened to the voice on the other end of the line shatter her world.

She stood in Shaw's tiny kitchen shivering from remembered fear. In her mind she could hear the words she'd whispered to Woody in the panicked moments before his surgery. The proclamation of love that had set off the downward spiral of events.

But it had been too late, Woody had taken her declaration for pity rather than love, rejecting it and her with cold tired eyes. He'd ordered her out of his life and had stood by his decision even after he'd healed. Jordan had found herself the rejected one, a position she had always feared. That must be why she thought about him. The one that got away, the unattainable. Could she really be that shallow, to only want him because she couldn't have him, to reject Shaw because she could have him?

The sound of the clock striking quietly interrupted her revery. She had to be up for work soon and going in looking like she hadn't slept would mean good natured teasing that she would not be in the mood for. She crawled back between the sheets, sliding right back into the empty spot in Shaw's arms, and slowly falling asleep.