AN: Thank you for coming to chapter two. I appreciate your dedication. There is an intense snogging session that will be found near the bottom of this chapter. It meets all the rules, and has been checked and double-checked. It is no different then the kissing scenes that can be found in movies such as Porky's and other hormonal charged teen movies. Again, the unedited versions will be available on the web sites found in my profile. Still don't own Harry Potter, but damn is he a pimp…
"Yes sir." Snape grinned.
That night-
"So what do you girls think I should do?" Harry sighed as he lay in bed watching his girls prepare to sleep after an evening of work.
"I don't think we know babe." Cynthia replied, "Maybe you ought to look into it. What are you going to do about us though?"
"I'd go in a heart beat, but I ain't leaving you broads hanging in the wind without someone to take care of you." Harry ran his fingers through his hair. "I'ma talk to da old man. He will make a deal wit me, if he wants me to cooperate."
"Sounds good." The girls chimed.
Dumbledore agreed heartily that Harry could not leave his little girlfriends alone, so he volunteered a very nervous looking Remus Lupin.
Harry gave Lupin some training in the pimping arts, and introduced him to the girls, allowing them all to get used to each other. In no time, Harry was finding his way to a train station, women in tow.
"Well bitches, ya'll behave for the Big Wolf here. He will be standing Pimp in my absence, and you listen to him." Harry commanded, before turning to Lupin. "You take care of my broads, my streets, and my business, or I will take care of you."
Lupin felt a cold chill run down his spine, as young as Harry may look, the sheer force that he spoke with was enough to drive an icicle into the werewolves heart. "You got it Harry." Lupin smiled. "Good luck at school friend."
Harry simply nodded before turning towards the wall and walking into it full force, finding himself on platform 9 3/4. "Damn, this shit is weird." He thought to himself as he slowly dragged his trunk towards the train, watching students wrestle with pets or argue with parents.
Eventually Harry got his things on the train with the help of two red headed twins who seemed particularly interested in Harrys silvery pants. "There ya are mate." They chimed in unison as they heaved the trunk up into the luggage tray. "We like your pants." They echoed as they walked away.
"Nice guys… weird… but nice guys." Harry smirked as he opened up the door to a compartment and walked in. The room was empty so Harry made himself at home. He unbuttoned his shirt, allowing it to hang loosely around his body, his wife beater clinging to his muscles. Harry reached to his neck, straightening his silver necklace, remembering how much Remus hated it. Tipping his fedora low on his face, he slumped into his seat and settled in for a nap.
"Excuse me, sir."
"Sir."
"Wake up sir."
Harry began to stir, as he felt small feminine hands pressing against his shoulders. "We are almost to Hogwarts, and you must get into your robes."
"Macey, leave me alone girl, you know I sleep in till 11, damn." Harry mumbled, as he swatted lightly at the air in front of him. "Leave me alone or I will make you work 4th and Park."
Hermione simply stared for a moment, not sure of how to react to the man's comments. "Sir, my name is Hermione Granger, I am a prefect at Hogwarts, and you must get up and put your robes on." Her shrill voice rising higher, causing the young man to leap up, his hat toppling to the floor.
"Damn girl, I'm up. Shit!" Harry snapped as he tried to relax his body before leaning down to pick up his hat. "Mmmmm…" Harry grinned, never taking his eyes off the young women before him as he leaned down. His silver necklace gently tapping his chin before he whipped back up and extended his hand. "My name is Harry, and I take it your name is Candy, cuz damn girl, you look sweet enough to give me a tooth ache."
"My NAME is Hermione, and I can make a lot more ache if you don't back away from me sir." She hissed, appaled that a grown man was speaking to her in such a way.
"Girl, I'm a student." Harry laughed, as he realized he didn't look very student like.
"You need to put your robes on, we will be at school soon." Hermione reiterated before stepping backwards out of the room, never taking her eyes off of Harry. Though, whether it was because of his looks, or for her safety, one may never know.
"So, who is he?" Ginny asked immediately, as Hermione stepped away from the compartment, her facing turning crimson as she realized that the man had stripped down to his under wear and there was very little for underwear as it was.
"So is he… oooo…" Ginny grinned as she pressed her face against the glass, her eyes attracted solely to Harry's body, as he was bent over rummaging through his luggage ass naked, except for a very small length of thread.
Hermione simply stood next to her friend, her mouth agape and her face crimson. "I have never seen a man wear that kind of under wear." Hermione finally spluttered before yanking Ginny by the arm away from the compartment.
The train eventually pulled up to the station, and a giant for a man called all the first years forward, so Harry stepped up to him. Hagrid knew what to do, so he motioned for Harry to enter a carriage, giving him an encouraging wink.
"Hey, how ya doin?" Harry smiled as he realized he had entered the carriage with the bushy brown haired girl in it. "Damn, you just make every thing look good now don't ya?" Harry grinned, as he watched the young woman blush.
The red haired boy sitting next to her scowled at him, but his face became stricken when Harry stuck his tongue out at the boy and asked him if he wanted to make out. Harry could only laugh, though he could see, everyone in the carriage was horrified.
As every one else walked into the halls and sat down, a stern looking witch that Harry recognized as Ms. Minerva, beckoned him to stand to the side as many first years were sorted. After which, it was Harry's turn to be sorted.
He sat down on a hard wood stool, as a hat was placed on his head. "Hmmm… Yes… My… God…" The hat began, so Harry tried to speak to it. "Holla'."
For a moment the hat seemed stunned, before it began to speak back. "What the fuck, you do not belong here. I should have sorted you long ago, but you are worthless now, a disgrace. I cry for you're…"
The quiet of the great hall was shattered as Harry leapt to his feet. "FUCK YOU!" Harry shouted before yanking the hat off his head, throwing to the ground he pointed at it. "Fuck you, you piece of shit, you don't know me!"
"NO, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU DUMBLEDORE, FUCK THIS SCHOOL! I WILL NOT SORT THIS HEATHEN!" The hat screamed, as Snape lept from his seat, snatched the hat up, and attempted to stifle it as he rushed it out of the room.
Harry kept screaming expletives at the hat, as Snape rushed out the door. It took many minutes before Harry and the rest of the great hall had calmed sufficiently for Dumbledore to be able to make an announcement.
"As our sorting hat is currently broken, I will allow you Harry, to choose what house you wish to be sorted into." This caused many murmurs as he began to walk around the great hall before stopping behind the bushy haired girl. "Hello." Harry extended his hand to her, as she had pivoted in her seat to eye him.
"Hello." She coolly replied.
"I would like to start over." Harry grinned.
"My name is Hermione Granger" She finnaly sighed, a look of defeat on her face as she shook his hand.
Harry then turned to the headmaster, and in his best imitation of the sorting hat, he shouted at the top of his lungs. "GRYFNDOR!"
"This is NOT how this was supposed to happen Albus!" The shriek from the transfiguration teacher filled the air.
Albus sighed serenly as he listened to Minerva. His mind was a blaze with the many colorful speech embellishments that Harry would probably use at this time. Though two such thoughts truly stuck out to Albus. "I'd love to tell her 'Shut yo trap bizatch, and pull down dem panties and let me hit dat shiat'." Dumbledore smiled.
"Now is not the time to be smiling Albus!" She continued to shriek.
"Every day you wake up, is a day to smile." Dumbledore chuckled.
"Fuck!" Harry exclaimed as he awoke to the sounds of his fellow classmates shuffling about preparing for class. "Muther fuckers need to have afternoon classes."
"You should wake up mate. My name is Neville!" The chubby happy faced boy grinned as he pulled his robe over his head.
"My name is Harry Potter, but you can call me K.M." Harry sneezed as he slumped out of bed.
"What does K.M stand for mate?" an irish looking boy asked.
"King Magick, and don't forget it." Harry wheezed as he flexed his back before wandering towards the showers. The boys simply stared as he walked away.
Harry finally wandered down to breakfast, the last to enter. "Always did like to make an entrance." He laughed as he nudged himself between the young Hermione Granger and an irate looking redheaded boy.
"Excuse me mate?" The boy cried, as he shuffled out of the way.
"Y'er 'scused." Harry smiled before turning back to the brown haired beauty before him. "Soooo hows about I walk you's to class, love?"
Hermione simply stared incredulously as she realized most of the dining hall was watching what was going on. "Going to carry her books too mate?" the boy known as Ron inquired.
"Hells na' fucka!" Harry bellowed, "Dats bitch shiat! Why you even talking to me?" His voice carried through the entire room as he whirled on the red head.
Ron looked like a fish. His mouth opened, but no sound came out, his face turning redder by the moment.
"Why!"
"Hello there!"
"Yes well, you'll just…"
"Come with us!"
Two young twins, that Harry slightly remembered from the train ride had leapt up and were now both dragging Ron away from Harry and towards the hall. As they left he could still hear them completing each others sentences.
"You!"
"Do not fuck!"
"With that guy!"
"He could kill you!"
"Then mum would have our…"
"Balls!"
"I was going to say head… but yes, balls!"
Hermione smirked as she placed a hand over her mouth, pretending to hiccup. She loved how wild this new guy was, but she couldn't bring herself to reciprocate his advances.
Class was a different experience for both Harry and his teachers. Harry sat in the back of all of his classes, and listened intently to all the lessons. He needed to feel out the teachers and see what he could get away with, and where. It being the first day and all, he was better to make good first impressions. Though he noticed that he had that Professor who watched him smash some goons the next day, he paid it no mind.
"Fuck…Shit… Errrr… God damn it." Harry hissed under his breath as he stared into his transfiguration textbook. "What the fuck is this fucking word?" He grumbled as he sat on his bed. He tried doing his homework on his bed, so that the others would not see his meager education.
Many miles away, a very haggard looking Remus Lupin was running his fingers through his hair as he watched one of Harry's hoes get inside a car and drive away with another John. "What the fuck am I doing?" He thought to himself as he leaned back in Harry's Cadillac. He was immediately shocked out of his Reverie as he realized Cynthia was running towards the Cadillac screaming as three men were chasing her.
"Fuck." Remus yelped as he jumped out of the car. "Stop right there you fucks!" He bellowed as Cynthia ran behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders and peaking from beneath his elbow.
The three men looked at each other, then to Remus, and back to each other before laughing. "You think you can do something mate?" They cackled.
"Show em you the man Remmie!" Cynthia grinned as she squeezed lightly on his biceps.
Remus hated how uncivilized the ruffians behaved. "You have two seconds to get the fuck off my turf and never show your face again." Remus hated speaking so beastly, but he learned quickly people would try to take advantage of you if you didn't speak their language.
"You in trouble old man." One of the thugs growled.
Remus' lip curled into a snarl. "I will have you know sir, I am not OLD!" The ground began to shake as Remus' arms began to swell within his suit. His werewolf instincts begging to surface, he found he HATED being insulted in front of Cynthia.
"Hey there mate, we was just playing!" The thugs said in unison as they began to back up, but the damage was already done.
Remus rushed forward grabbing one of the thugs by the face, his hand palming the man's entire skull like a basketball player. His features enlarging as his lycan genes hyper-activated, stimulated by his adrenalin. He couldn't "truly" change form, but he certainly enjoyed some perks. "AHHHHHWOOOOOOOOOOO!" A blood-curdling howl burst from his throat as he yanked his unfortunate victim high into the air, spinning him a moment and then slamming him like a club into the other two thugs.
Cynthia watched in awe as Remus smashed the three thugs who had tried to beat her, as though they were children's toys. "I see why he doesn't carry a weapon." She thought to herself. "God he is hot, for looking like he's 50, I would tear into him like he were a scratching post." She blushed as she watched him pummel one of the aggressors until his face looked a lot like hamburger meat.
"I think that's good hun." Cynthia called as it looked as though Remus were about to start gnawing on the last thug. "Just throw em into the alley and we will be ok."
Remus turned and stared at Cynthia for a moment before he seemed to snap back into reality. He looked down at the leg he were holding and simply chucked the guy into the alley, before picking his friends up and repeating it for each other them.
The rest of the night went as planned, and Remus collected a rather large sum of money, which he placed into an envelope, as per Harry's orders. He was becoming good at pimping, and as loathe as he were to admit it, he was enjoying it.
"Harry Potter! See me after class!" Professor Flitwick squeeked, moments before the students cleared out of the room.
Harry grumbled as he waited for the other students to leave. He knew his grades weren't to hot, in fact, they were dreadful in all of his class. At this rate, 10 points from failing would be hot for him.
"Mr. Potter, I wish to discuss your grades with you. For Gods sake son, you are on the verge of flunking out of school, and it is only the first week."
Harry hung his head; he wasn't sure what to say. "Sorry?"
"Son, it's like you don't even try. Do you purposely write your S backwards?" Flitwick continued.
"I never learned to write so good." Harry mumbled.
"What?"
"I says im a fuckin idiot who never got schooled right!" Harry yelled, his eyes flashing both shame and anger.
Flitwicks mouth simply mouthed like a fish, not knowing what to say. Only able to meagerly raise a hand as he watched Harry rush out of the room.
Dumbledore rubbed his temples slowly as he attempted to make sense of what all of the teachers were telling him. It was obvious Harry could be a good student; he excelled in the practical side of magick. It was his marks in homework and written exams that were killing him. "I don't know what to do." He sighed.
"Expel him?" Severus Snape pleaded, his eyes round and wet like a puppy.
"No."
"Damn."
"Perhaps find him a tutor?" Flitwick suggested.
"An' who'ed wanna tutor 'em?" Hagrid thought aloud. "Not to be offendin, but H'arry ain't exactly the easiest guy to be aroun'."
"I concur." Professor McGonnagol chimed in. "But I do know that he seems to fancy Ms. Granger."
"WHAT?" Snape coughed as his head shot up, a look of horror on his face. "Potter and the Brain? DISGUSTING! VILE! A romance made for day time wizarding vision if I ever heard of it!"
Dumbledore silenced Snape with a look before turning back to Minerva. "What do you propose Minnie?"
"I propose nothing, I observed he has what looks like a crush for Ms. Granger, and as she is the most intelligent person in this school, I think perhaps he would be receptive to her help." She replied.
"What if they fall in loooove?" Snape emphasized the last part. "They may end up mating." He shuddered. "Then where would we be? I will tell you where! We will be up "Lets ask Snape for help, and he will say no creek without a wand!" His head nodding fiercely he continues. "That is where you will be… That, and I will be disgusted by the thought of any woman ever touching that vile young man."
"What in de'r hell didin' ya just say?" Hagrid exclaimed, a look of confusion etched into his features as he stared wide eyed at the potion professor.
"Snape?" Dumbledore stated, watching as he caught the professors attention. "Shut your mutha fuckin trap yo."
Silence fell upon the entire meeting as every one turned towards Dumbledore.
Within moments Dumbledore was clapping his hands and giggling, "That was fun, I see why Harry speaks as he does! I must use more colorful euphemisms in my speech!"
"cough cough. It is settled then, Minerva shall speak to Ms. Granger about tutoring Mr. Potter." Flitwick nodded sagely, before picking up the small gavel on Dumbledores desk, tapping it twice to end the meeting, and beginning to walk out.
"Hey. That's my job!" Dumbledore called after Flitwick, his wrist in the air limply. He then reached down and tapped the gavel three times with a grin on his face. "Much better."
Sirius Black lay in his cell within the heart of Azkaban, his mind blank, though every muscle in his body sat rigid as he concentrated on nothingness. If he had learned one thing since he had ended up in prison, was how to ignore the effects of the Dementors for a short time.
"Wake up!" A human male guard growled as he tossed a stone at Sirius. "Get the hell up and get out of this cage!" He scowled as he yanked Sirius up by his scruff and drug him out of the cage, down the hall, through the door, and past old man Honky, the only prisoner to ever honk at a Dementor.
"Wha?" Sirius looked around as he realized he was at the gates of Azkaban.
"You are free to go. Go do something I guess." The guard shrugged, shivered, then turned on his heels and walked away from Sirius as the gate slammed shut.
"Drugs? No… Haven't had drugs in forever. Hallucinating? Perhaps." He thought as he pinched his own leg. "No… Maybe I am dead? No, then that pinch wouldn't have hurt. Fuck, I'm off then!" With that, Sirius Black made an about face, and began to whistle as best he could as he hobbled towards the docks that would take him back to England, still filthy.
"How ya doin?" The docksman inquired as he took one look at Sirius as cast a charm over his nose.
"Fine." Sirius smiled, his teeth rotten and green. "Just fine."
"Good." The docksman grinned back as he unmoored the boat and offered Sirius a ragged blanket to sit on.
"Thanks." Sirius Black, the most famous murdered in wizard lore since Grendalwald and Lord Voldemort, was now a free man. Cleared of all charges and free to roam the land, he simply spent the next day under the sun by the beach lying on his back till his skin ached.
After what felt like years of freedom to Sirius, he found himself an owl and sent an urgent message to Dumbledore asking to be picked up.
Harry sat on the floor as he conversed with the strange green creature who called him self Dobby. "So you are trying to say you is a slave?"
Dobby thought for a moment, and then nodded his head in the affirmative.
"Damn. That ain't good." Harry exclaimed. "I don't need me a slave, but I do need a partner."
"Dobby wishes to serve Master Potter, as he is the great destroyer of Voldemort." Dobby nodded.
"Yea, I read about dat shiat." Harry laughed. "Look Dobby, you find me a room I can use in secret. That'll make us partners, and I will get you a hat. Deal?" Harry asked.
Dobby lit up like a Christmas tree, his eyes glowing like fluorescent light bulbs. Within moments he had popped out of existence, and before Harry could stand, he was back. "Master Harry's room is awaiting him."
"Daaaaaaaamn." Harry grinned as he followed the small house elf through the castle towards a deserted hallway.
"Simply think of what you want, concentrate hard, like I know you can, because you are so great…. As I was saying, concentrate, then walk past this door three times, and Master Harry will have his wish." Dobby positively beamed with pride as he held Harry's hand, walking him before the door.
With a soft pop, a beautiful red wood door appeared within the wall, the soft thump of bass coming from within. "Thank you so much Dobby." Harry grinned as he opened the door, and entered, ready to cast a few spells to finish prepping the room for his new endeavor.
"How would you like to make a little extra money on the side Dobby?" Harry asked, as he rubbed his hands together.
"I can only take three sickles, daily." Dobby nodded fiercely as he grinned at Harry.
"You will take one galleon a day ma man." Harry argued, he hated to fuck people over, and wasn't going to let Dobby screw himself.
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Two galleons!"
"Fine, one galleon."
"Deal."
With that, Harry and Dobby shook hands and Harry finished preparing the room for its grand opening.
At Harrys old house –
"Whooopppppeeee!" Sirius screamed as he hopped up into the air. "Harry is alive?"
"That's right." Dumbledore and Lupin explained in unison, just as Remus' cell phone rang.
"Look at you! So fancy now!" Sirius grinned as he watched Lupin pick the phone up.
"Yes… Ok… $300… If he says he can't pay one more time, hand him the phone. Ok. That's better. I will see you girls soon. Yes. We will have company. Bring me three of those chicken sandwiches I like." Then Remus hung up.
Sirius simply stared blankly at Remus before asking, "What was that all about?"
Dumbledore replied in his most serious tone, "Hoes and Tricks."
"Gah?" Sirius asked seriously confused. "Did you. Did he? What?" Sirius stuttered as he pointed to Lupin and Dumbledore in turn.
"I have a job." Lupin began slowly, attempting to judge Sirius' reactions.
"Ok." Sirius gestured for Lupin to continue.
"I work for Harry." Lupin sighed. "I am standing in his position while he finishes school.
"So Harry owns a business? What does he do?" Sirius grinned widely as he leaned forward in his chair.
"Not exactly what he does Sirius." Dumbledore grinned, "But who does IT for him." Dumbledore burst into tearful laughter as he clapped his hands. "I made a funny."
"Gah?" Sirius' mouth hung open, as he still didn't understand what Lupin and Dumbledore were dancing around.
"Harry is a pimp. Well, he is on hiatus while I control his pimpdom." Lupin finally blurted.
"HAHAHAHAHA! Oh God Moony! That is RICH!" Sirius began to laugh. "Ow, my sides!" His face contorted in a large grin, he didn't notice Lupin and Dumbledore share a look. "Pimpdom! Ha!"
"We aren't kidding." Lupin growled.
"But…" Sirius began.
"Look, we don't like it either, but it is what happened, and there is no changing him." Dumbledore sighed.
Lupin nodded slowly before speaking. "You will see. He is a good kid. Just, different."
"I have to see him." Sirius demanded, his face pale.
"In due time." Dumbledore replied, "In due time."
Back at Hogwarts –The student body was in a buzz. Harry Potter had begun passing out enchanted flyers to all the boys inviting them to a party. The flyer had directions to a certain hallway, the secret on how to enter, and how much it cost to enjoy the "entertainment" that would be available.
"Please. Mam. I really must go to Hogsmeade.!" Harry begged McGonnagal, his eyes betrayed his urgency.
"Mr. Potter. I simply cannot allow students to leave when ever they please." She replied sternly.
For a moment, Harry was silent, contemplative. McGonnagal felt as though for once he may relent in his ways, before Harry leaned forward and whispered to her. "I bet you would like a new dress, or three."
His hand slowly slipped into his pocket and dropped a jingling bag onto the table that drew the line between student and teacher. He winked casually at her. Time seemed to come to a stand still before the world exploded around him.
"I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BRIBERY IS AN EXPELLABLE OFFENSE MISTER POTTER!" Her shrill voice shaking the walls with every syllable.
"Mmmhmmmm." Harry leaned forward bridging the gap between them licking his lips. "Mabe you want something else, love?"
"Out."
"What?" Harry inquired, his eyes innocent.
"I said OUT!" McGonnagal shook with barely suppressed rage.
"Damn. Frigid." Harry grumbled as he swiped his money off the table.
"Mr. Potter." Dumbledore smiled serenly as he passed Harry in the halls.
"Mr. Dumbledore." Harry waved slightly. "Is there a way for me to go to Hogsmeade?"
"For what?" Dumbledore asked.
"To deliver a letter." Harry replied, his face serious.
"Mr. Potter. You do know, owls deliver letters, right?" Dumbledore twinkled.
"Of course. Never mind." Harry blushed. "Christ. I almost licked an ancient –omb." Harry mumbled as he walked quickly away.
"Funny. I thought I heard him say womb. He must have meant tomb." Dumbledore shrugged cheerily.
The next day, Harry had written and owled three letters. One to Lupin. One to The Three Broomsticks. His final one, he had sent to the redheaded twins. Dobby had helped with one letter.
Lupins Letter-"I want to talk to you." Lupin began as he beckoned Cynthia over to him away from the other women. "I need to tell you…" What he wanted to tell her would have to wait, as an owl had just dropped a letter on his head.
"Is that from K.M?" Cynthia grinned widely as she bounced on her heels. "I sure hope it is. I miss him. Not that you aren't a good pimp. You just aren't my little Harry." She smiled as she blushed.
"It is. Let me read it real quick." Lupin cut the envelope open with his fingernail, taking care not to damage the contents. He immediately began reading.
Dear Lupin,
School is gud. I em enjoyin ma self. I miss ma hos. Let em no I mis em. I knead u to do mee a favur. Look in ma cabenet in da haal o' da hous. Send me ma pimp hat. I be kneading dat shiat. Peece junck yard. (junck yard be what I be callin ya. Cuz you be meen like da muthea fukin junck yard dog.)
King Magick
"Harry needs his hat." Lupin looked to Cynthia as he realized she was petting the delivery owl. "He is waiting for me to get the hat. Do you know which one he may want? He has so many." Lupin scratched his head.
Cynthia took the letter from Harry, scanned it for a moment, and then returned it to him. "Cute. Junk yard." She giggled as she beckoned him to follow her back to the house. "Lets get him his purple and his green one."
"Ok." Lupin agreed, albeit slightly confused on how she could deduce this.
The Three Broomsticks letter-
Dear Madam Rosmerta,
"My name is Dabby. I represent my mast friend. He needs butterbeer and firewhisky. My house elve Dobby will pick it up. He brings monies.
Long live the great wonderful awesome Harry Potter. He is so great.
Doabby
"Well. I suppose if he has money. I can sell to this house elve." Madam Rosmerta thought to her self as she read over the letter. "This Dabby guy sure loves Harry Potter, but then again, who wouldn't. Slayer of you-know-who and all." She shivered slightly before beginning to pack several boxes with an array of alcoholic beverages beyond what was requested. "I like to make friends with wizards with house elves." She giggled.
The Twins-The Weasely twins opened their letter, each grasping an opposite end as they peered down at the paper, their eyes becoming larger and larger.
"With this much money."
"For such easy work."
"We could."
"Start our business!" They finally chimed in unison.
The rest of the common room looked up at the twins as they had been standing in a dark corner. "Er." They thought before noticing Harry watching them.
"Get back to work you fucks!" They screamed, shocking even them selves. Then Fred peeked at Harry, only to see him nodding his head appreciatively.
Harry mouthed at Fred silently, "Meet me outside." He then stood up casually and walked out the portrait hole.
Fred and George waited a moment before following suit.
"I need bouncers." Harry stated flatly as he turned to the twins. "Follow me." He then led them to the room of Requirments and opened the door to the most splendid nightclub any one could ever imagine. There was music, lights, ground smoke, cushy couches, a fully stocked bar, and several walkways with poles that where well lit.
"Welcome to club Harry." Harry grinned as he opened his arms wide, guiding the twins in behind him. "I need you two, to keep the boys in check, and the girls safe." He continued.
"We can do it." The twins chimed in unison.
"It will be your ass if you fuck up." Harry turned stern. Yet, the twins were unfazed, ready to perform their duties to their fullest extent.
"When do you open?"
"Friday."
Thursday Night-
"Hermy?" Harry whispered from his spot on the couch, his thick cockney accent shining through. (Yea, thick cockney… that describes him…)
Hermione HATED it when ANYONE butchered her name, but for this one time, she found, she couldn't be angry. "Yes?" She replied.
"Hermy. Could you? May be? Never mind. I be fine." Harry quickly spluttered as he scratched at his parchment.
"No. What is it Harry?" Hermione stood up and tried to casually move to where he sat.
"It's just. Well…" Harry thought for a moment, before surprising Hermione with his speech. "Mutha fuckin Snape be bitin on ma mutha fucking ass, just cuz I can't be spellin a couple of mutha fuckin words right. I know dis shit, like I know ma trade, and dis muther fucker be disrespectin me."
Hermione simply stared before slowly reaching towards Harry's parchment. She had just noticed he had been clutching it so she couldn't see it, almost on purpose. "I don't know what you just said. I am going to check your work though. Ok?"
Harry simply nodded and let the paper slip from his fingertips as he watched her intently.
"Is that… nervousness?" Hermione thought as she threw a sideways glance at Harry before turning to his parchment. She choked. "Oh God. This is terrible. Why did I agree to help this idiot?" Hermione cringed as she stared slack jawed at the work that Harry had created. She considered it a mockery of the language that she cherished so much. It surprised when Harry began to speak.
"See. I know you be makin all dem high marks and shi- stuff." He had tried to control his speech in front of her. "Not that all yo work be shit. I just be sayin. I thought mabe you could let me know how I be doin. Voice an opinion and shit." Harry seemed to be rambling.
"Well." Hermione began as she tried to hide her cringe. "Let me start here." She reached towards Harry's quill, dipped it in ink, and began to write on his parchment. "When referring to a bezoar. I do not believe Professor Snape appreciates it if we refer to it as the STUFF that comes out of the… yes, foul language here wouldn't apply Harry."
"I weren't sure how to say it no other way. Mutha fuckin shit dat comes out da goats nasty ass stomach makes all da sense to me." Harry scratched his head, but seemed intent to learn.
Hermione allowed Harry to huddle over her shoulder, ashamed of her attraction to his smell. Unbeknownst to her though, Harry had noticed her inhaling his scent. He had a natural talent for knowing what a woman likes or may be thinking.
"Dolce." He whispered into her ear causing her to stutter.
"What?" She almost shouted, causing several of the other students to look their way.
"I said." He hissed slowly. "Dolce. Its ma cologne. Dolce and Gabana. I see you be likin it."
"Yes well!" Hermione stood up quickly. "Here is your parchment, just recopy what I wrote!" With that, she almost ran to the girls dormitory.
Harry leaned back, and noticing that the red headed boy called Ron was walking towards him, Harry decided to end this once and for all.
Before Ron could react, Harry was on his feet with his eyes wild. Harry held his wand at a strange angle, and began to scream at Ron. "Break yo self you mutha fuckin red headed tampon lookin mutha fucka!"
Ron staggered backwards with his hands up, his mouth moving like a fish.
"Stop yo muthafuckin walkin up on ma ass, actin like you mutha fuckin hard. You betta check yo self, be'fo you wreck yo self! I WILL fuck yo shit up, and you wont even know WHAT THE FUCK!" Harry's face was now as red as Ron's hair, his wand jabbing and jerking erratically towards Ron.
Ron seemed to find some courage and straightened himself up after looking over his shoulder. What he saw, Harry did not notice as Ron began to speak. "Look mate, you stay away from her. You are trash, and you don't deserve her."
The silence in the common room was deafening.
POP!
Harry had swung back his wand and whipped it towards Ron. A bright purple line ran from the tip of the wand and cracked like a whip against Ron's face. The purple of the magick matched Harry's face.
"You muther fucker." Harry hissed, no longer the inviting tone he used with Hermione, his voice now sounded like death itself. "You don't EVER tell King Magick who he can or can't speak to."
Before Ron could open his mouth or react, Harry took a step forward and jammed his wand into Rons stomache and leaned forward so his mouth was against his ear.
What ever Harry told Ron in those seconds left him shaking as Harry walked away. As Harry left the portrait hole, Ron ran to the nearest open window and wretched out it.
Harry had decided to make a powerful exit, and now that he was out of the common room, he didn't know what to do. So he began to walk. He walked until he came to the entrance to the dungeons, and simply stood there staring at the stairs downward. It was then that he realized his homework was stuffed into his pocket, heavily damaged, but readable.
"Confused or lost? Drugs?" Came the cold harsh tone of Severus Snape the Potions Master.
"I fucked up." Harry sighed.
"Yes you are. Follow me." Snape seemed to soften for a moment before walking down into the dungeons, his harsh glare back in full force.
"Why you always bustin ma balls?" Harry asked, surprised when Snape whirled around to face him.
"I hate you." Snape replied flatly.
"Why?" Harry inquired, genuinely interested. "Im fair. I got a strong pimp hand, and I be putting down ma best damn work I can in yo class."
"Exactly. You are a… for lack of a better term… a fuck up. You disgust me, you woo the women, you flirt insatiably, and you have a pension for swearing and violence only rivaled by Sirius Black."
"Don't know what to say." Harry replied as he watched Snape turn back around and beckon him further.
"You ain't planning to kill me down here is you?" Harry laughed, but sobered up as Snape refused to answer.
Deeper into the dungeons they ventured until they came to the potion masters classroom. Where Snape motioned for Harry to find a seat.
"We will work on your atrocious grammar. Now." Snape growled as he jerked a hand at some chalk and his rolling black board, summoning them to where Harry sat. "Spell cat." He grumbled as he shoved the chalk into Harry's hand.
"C a t" Harry grinned as he wrote the letters on the board.
"WRONG!" Snape startled Harry as his hand slammed onto the desk, "Your letter C is backwards. Fix it!"
The night continued on, until morning, Snape helping Harry learn to write properly, though it only softened his writing a smidgen.
"Watching you write is like watching a street urchin wipe their ass with fine French silk." Snape grumbled as the bell to the school chimed that it was morning.
Harry could now write better, but it only allowed him to write his colorful slang words and cuss words in an easier method.
Friday-
"Shit!" Harry growled as he pulled himself up the many flights of stairs out of the dungeon. "Hey there!" He quickly smiled as he noticed Hermione passing the path to the dungeons in front of him.
She stumbled for a moment, turned to look at him, smiled, then SLAPPED THE HELL OUT OF HIM! "That is for Ron you animal!" She yelled before running down the hall.
Harry turned to find Snape laughing uproariously at him.
"Fuck dat shit." Harry hissed as he stomped down the hall towards the great hall.
As he opened the door to the great hall, he noticed Hermione was crying and huddled in the arms of the red headed girl. "Forgot her name." He thought.
Ron looked angry, but was decidedly not looking at him. It was painfully obvious Harry wasn't wanted at his Houses table, so he walked right over to where Snape was eating at the head.
"What do you want?" Snape hissed, as the rest of the school, including Dumbledore was silent, watching what Harry was doing.
Harry simply reached out, snatching a chicken leg from his plate. Grinning as he watched Snapes mouth fall open. "Cun-var-sation." Harry stumbled a bit on the word but grinned to himself as he summoned a chair and scooted in between Snape and Dumbledore.
"What better way to enjoy breakfast?" Dumbledore clapped Harry on the back and began to regale him with tales of his adventures as a younger man. Harry simply smiled and enjoyed the feeling of minor success he had.
That night Harry had dressed in his favorite suit. It was bright honey yellow with green trim. "Yellow for the honeys and green for da monies." He had laughed to himself as he walked down from the boys' dorm room, noticing the stares he got, mostly from the women.
Harry nodded at the twins as they stood and took their place behind him. They certainly looked intimidating. They both wore dress robes with the arms tore off them, temporary magickal tattoos running up and down their arms. They looked like mirror images of bad assery.
"Alllllll riiiight." Harry smiled as he carried his cane in one hand and his wand in the other. They quickly exited and made their way to the room of requirements. Where Harry summoned his nightclub.
"Ok." Harry explained to the twins as they stood within the club. "You take their money as they come in. If they get rowdy, you fuck em up and take more money. No bitches or bottles either."
Fred and George nodded and turned towards the door, their arms crossed.
Harry surveyed his club, now that it was about to go into full swing. He had hired four prostitutes from Hogsmeade to dance for his patrons. The bar was stocked to the brim with Dobby in his new clothes manning the tap.
Dobby wore a blood red suite and a small hat with horns on it that made him look like a small devil. Dobby loved it, and Harry thought it sufficiently creepy to keep the boys from trying to roll the elf over. Harry didn't know how powerful a house elf really was.
The music began to play as Harry sat down on a rather large chintzy couch towards the back of the club. He let his hat tip down low on his face as he rested his cane and wand in a cross pattern on his lap.
He could hear the boys slowly filtering in, their whoops and hollering filling the silence between songs as the girls did their thing, and the alcohol loosened wallets. It was well into the night when he caught a noise that made him lift his head up, there was a struggle going on at the door. Harry watched objectively before catching a glimpse of bushy brown hair causing him to leap to his feet and rush to the door in a blur of color.
Whats da problem?" He hollered as he halted Fred and George from shoving Hermione out the door.
"You said no bit." But before Fred could finish, Harry silenced him with a look. "This girl is ok."
"I am a prefect! This is a severe breach in the rules of this school!" She shrieked.
Harry walked up to her, placed his finger on her mouth, and then slipped his hand into hers. "Follow me." He whispered, causing her legs to almost buckle. "I want to show you something."
"I will have you know…" She began before her mouth went dry as she realized one of the girls up on stage was a schoolteacher for children to young to attend Hogwarts, and she was currently bent over revealing… everything.
"Sit." Harry offered her a spot on his red couch.
She sat, unable to take her eyes of the women dancing on the stage.
"I am doing the job that needs to be done." Harry motioned towards the club with his cane. "I am working the second oldest job known the man."
"What is the oldest?" Hermione inquired.
"Prostitution." Harry replied, causing her to choke. "Look at these girls. They are getting paid big bucks to simply dance. The boys are enjoying a healthy relaxing night away from the stress of school, hell, I got me one of dem house elves working for me." Harry motioned towards Dobby. "Muther fucker be trying to fuck himself out of money, but I ain't be standing for that. He be getting paid good too. That suit he be wearing cost $800 pounds."
Hermione simply stared at Harry, a knew found respect for him slowly forming, albeit reluctantly. "I never thought of it as a service. I see this as, debauchery?" She seemed to be wrestling with her own thoughts.
Harry nodded before asking. "What is debauchery?"
"Bad behavior." She replied.
Harry stood up, offering his hand to Hermione. "Come with me?"
"Where?" She asked, as he helped her up.
"To my office." He smiled lopsidedly towards a red and gold trimmed door that was tucked away in a shadow. "It will be quieter."
Hermione caught a glimpse of the light green glow of the letters on the door as Harry led her by her hand. "VIP… Huh…" She thought.
As soon as the door closed, the lights in the room dimmed and the noise of the room just beyond the archway became completely deaf. The tune I'm So Icey by Gucci Mane reverberated softly as though the entire room breathed the song.
Hermione breathed in deeply as her eyes adjusted to the new colors and lights. There was a desk, towards the far left wall, and to the right was a couch that looked like it could barely fit one person, let alone two, without them being all over each other. There was also a very old looking record player, which sat up against the wall leaving a rather large space where persons could dance.
Harry snaked an arm around Hermione causing her to catch her breath, the song that was playing slowly raised in tone as he began dancing with her. With one arm around her waist and another in the air, his fingers snapping to the beat he began swaying slowly.
"I… I… I can't dance." Hermione stuttered as she had put both arms around Harry's neck.
"Could fool me." Harry whispered into her ear as the music seeped into them.
Hermione blushed as Harry's body ground against hers.
"Drink?" Harry offered as he now held two thin wine glasses filled with pumpkin juice.
"How did you do that?" Hermione asked as she untwined one arm to hold her drink.
"Magick." Harry grinned at her before winking at Dobby as Dobby disappeared without a sound.
"Why me?" Hermione finally blurted as the song changed. (grind on me- pretty ricky)
Harry's pace slowed to match the tenor of the music. Hermione thought he may even be "grinding" on her. "I wanted you since I first laid eyes on you." He whispered into her ear, his lips barely grazing the tip.
"No…?" Hermione wheezed.
"Yes." Harry breathed back, still dangerously close to her ear.
Hermione could feel her knees shaking.
"All I wanted since I laid eyes on you was this. You right here." He sighed contentedly.
"Just this?" Hermione asked before she could stop herself. She hoped she hadn't sounded as disappointed as she felt.
"You are the kind of girl who could make a player want to quit the game." Harry leaned his face down into the nape of Hermione's neck, inhaling her scent deeply. "Cinnamon. I love Cinnamon." His wet lips graced her neck meeting with his breath; sending electrifying chills up and down her back.
Hermione felt like putty, and even though there was a logical part of her mind screaming to push him away, the rest of her was ready to do anything he wanted.
Before she could protest, Harry pulled away from her. "I should stop." He sighed.
"No! I mean. Why?" Hermione's face looked panicked for a moment.
Harry took another drink from his pumpkin juice, savoring the scent of the drink and Hermione's cinnamon scent mixing together around his lips. Harry walked over to the couch and sat down, taking up the entire thing. "I know what you think about me."
"You do?" She asked, her voice shaking a little.
"I aint smart enough to be your man." Harry sighed.
"What?" Hermione's voice almost sounded frantic.
"You are beautiful, and smart, and everything a man could want." Harry leaned back; it looked as though it was sapping his strength to say each word. "You could never love me."
"That is ridiculous!" Hermione breathed sharply.
"Any man who says otherwise is a fool." Harry sighed deeper this time. "I'm just ugly ol King Magick."
Hermione didn't know when Harry had unbuttoned his jacket, but the view of his chest and stomach spoke volumes about how UN-ugly Harry was. Then she heard what she didn't want to hear.
"What about your man?" Harry asked slowly, as he watched her gravitate towards him.
"My what?" Hermione questioned, "You mean Ron?" She scoffed.
"Isn't he?" Harry asked, looking dejected."
"Of course not! Ron is a prat!" Hermione replied quickly as she walked right up to Harry, her kneecaps pressing lightly against his.
"But I aint that smart either." Harry looked up at her, his lopsided grin returning to his face.
"I have smarts for the both of us." Hermione replied.
"You talk like you like me." Harry grinned.
"Perhaps I do?" Hermione blushed.
Before Harry could reply, another song began playing. (Slow Motion Remix- Juvenile/Wyclef/Ying Yang Twins/ UTP) It looked like something had pushed on Hermione's back as she bent over with both hands on either of Harry's shoulders, her legs locked tight against his.
"Thanks Dobby." Harry thought as she stared down into his eyes. "Why don't we play like you are my teacher, and I give you your first lesson."
"That doesn't make sense." She grinned down at him.
"It will when I am done with you." He smirked as he ran his fingertips up and down her arms.
She shivered to his touch, and so he continued. He took both of her wrists in his hands, and leaning forward, pull her hands off the couch and twirled her around. Slowly he lowered her onto his lap, her arms pinned and crossed behind her back. She had a surprised look on her face as she looked over her shoulder at him. Her bottom was so firm against his lap.
Harry gently began moving his hips, grinding against her, trying to show her the rhythm of the song. "Feel the beat?" He whispered into her ear, allowing his tongue to flick momentarily within as he stressed the t.
"I think so." She groaned a little harder then she meant to.
"Just move your waist and keep your top half stable." And as she began, Harry attempted to encourage her. "Just like thaaa---- dammmmmn girl. Just like that." His voice hitching as she quickly found the rhythm, wiggling her arms free so she could grasp Harry's knees.
As Hermione entered her rhythm, teasing and titillating Harry's body with her movements, he ventured to plant a kiss on the back of her neck. His lips picking up the taste of her sweat and shampoo, he breathed hard pulling air over her dampness sending shivers through her entire body.
Her movements where not nearly as refined at the other girls Harry had danced with. Yet, this clumsy bookworm was turning him on in ways he had never felt.
Harry groaned in his throat as his hands gripped her waist, he almost yelped as he felt her stand up before he realized she was turned around and now straddling him. "You sure you want this girl?"
"Give me more." She breathed into his mouth, as she pressed hard with her lips against his.
"Girl gonna bruise my ass." He thought to himself before breaking away from her lips long enough to nibble on her collarbone.
Harry didn't consciously notice that she was still grinding her hips against him as they kissed, but the rest of him knew.
KNOCK KNOCK!
"Fuck." Harry and Hermione breathed in unison as the door was knocked on.
"I got it." Harry growled as Hermione moved off his lap.
Hermione's eyes went wide, as she realized there was a rather tent like shape Harry was sporting, that he didn't seem to mind answering the door with.
Professor Snape stood at the door.
"Fuck me." Harry sighed as he made eye contact.
"Couldn't get Minerva so you come after me Potter?" Snape sneered before peering down. "MERLIN! Put that thing away! Give me our Prefect you lecherous monster."
Hermione walked forward trying to straighten her jeans and hair, her face flushed.
"I care not about what goes on in here, but you will not be tainting our prize student with your satanic seed." Snape growled before gesturing for Hermione to leave.
"Fuck." Harry growled as he watched them disappear behind the doors back to the castle. "Get back to partying! One free drink!" He shouted, to reassure every one that everything was ok.
"I love a drink." Harry spun around to find Dumbledore standing behind him with a scraggly looking man.
"Am I expelled?" Harry cocked his head, as he followed Dumbledore's gaze to the woman on stage currently riding a pole.
"No! Of course not!" Dumbledore chuckled, "Follow me." Walking the three of them into Harry's VIP room.
"You look hungry." Harry commented to the scraggly looking man with tears in his eyes looking between Harry and the women.
"I can't believe this." He could hear the man mumbling as he shook his head.
"You all right?" Harry inquired as he watched the man tremble.
"I just… I can't believe, I finally get a chance to meet my godson, and I want to tackle one of them women up there." Sirius looked stressed.
"It's all good. So who is yo godson?" Harry continued the conversation; ready to hand this man Lupin's card.
He was ready, until Sirius replied with, "You."
Dumbledore began speaking before Harry could reply. "I have brought Mister Sirius Black to meet you Harry. We began by going to your House's tower, but it was strangely devoid of all males. So we went to Slytherin's common room, again devoid of males, so off to Hufflepuff. Not one man. Finally we went to Ravenclaw where again not one man remained. So Professor Snape was kind enough to cast a powerful tracking charm, and found all the testosterone had found it's way here."
"Awesome." Harry replied, plainly in awe of his inability to hide anything from this headmaster.
"I also noticed Ms. Granger was missing. Is everything ok?" Dumbledore was now looking down his nose at Harry.
"Of course. Just teaching her how to dance." Harry replied, holding his eye contact.
"I am sure you were." Dumbledore returned to twinkling, as he gestured to the scraggly man. This is Sirius Black, your Godfather."
Harry pushed Sirius back as he attempted to hug him. "Where you been since I was a kid?" Harry asked harshly.
"In Prison." Sirius began to sob.
"For what?" Harry asked softly.
"I killed your parents." Sirius choked.
"What!" Harry yelled rounding hard on Sirius. "You did what?"
"I wasn't able to save them, I good as killed them when I let our traitor friend protect them, instead of I." Sirius was now shaking.
"If it was an honest mistake, there aint nothing you can do." Harry whispered before putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Huggin is fo hoes" Harry smirked.
Sirius looked towards Harry, his stomach untying from the knot it was in.
"So what you doin now?" Harry finally asked.
"I guess I will be looking for work. Not many people will hire an ex murderer though." Sirius sighed.
"Work for me." Harry stated. It wasn't a question.
"Doing?" Sirius cocked his head, his dog like mannerisms shining through.
"Deputy Pimp and Enforcer for Lupin." Harry replied calmly. "You carry the bat and the gun. So to speak." Harry shrugged as he pointed to Sirius' wand.
"Ok." Sirius grinned slightly. "I wanted to be a pimp when I was like fourteen years old." He laughed.
"I was a pimp when I was fourteen, still am." Harry grinned cheekily.
Dumbledore summoned a chair and sat down. His face plastered with a large grin. "I am so happy you two are getting along."
"It's nice to make new friends." Harry slightly stuttered as he tried to clean up his language around Dumbledore. Harry had a lot of respect for the old man.
"Not to sound ungrateful." Harry began. "But, you cool with this?" He motioned around towards the door.
"You stair at Minerva's ass for seventy years. Then you tell me." Dumbledore grinned before standing up and walking out.
"Mutha fucka be nuts." Harry snickered as he shook his head.
"Mutha fucka definitely be nuts." Sirius confirmed with a large grin.