Yay! I FINALLY got the next chapter done. Be very, very proud.
*
Elrond walked down the hall, murmuring an Elvish greeting to the twins and Aragorn as they passed him. Then he stopped and blinked. What, exactly, had been in that coffee that Galadriel had so sweetly prepared? He could have sworn he had just seen Aragorn walk by with the twins. He turned around. Sure enough, three dark heads were walking away from him, the one in the middle significantly lighter and indefinitely human.
"Elladan. Elrohir. Aragorn." Elrond spoke in his best pissed-off-father voice, still well trained despite (or maybe because of) the passing of 30 000 years.
The three turned around, eyes wide with guilt. "Yes Ada?" they asked in unison, voices as sweet as possible.
"Explain." They hesitated, looking at the floor, the ceiling, each other- anywhere but the pissed off half-elf. "Now!"
At Elrond's barked order, they all jumped and broke into rushed speech.
"Well, you see-"
"It all started last week-"
"-And she got mad at me-"
"At the party-you remember the party?"
"We met this girl at the bar- man, was she hot."
"-Really, REALLY mad at me-"
"Elladan, would you get over that girl? She has nothing to do with anything."
"But she was hot! Although she did slap me..."
"-I mean REALLY mad at me-"
"-And then Legolas was sad-"
"-We were showing Erestor-"
"-She tried to throw a lamp at my crotch!"
"-And out of nowhere-"
"-Aragorn appeared-"
"-And Legolas tried to rape me!"
"Enough!" Elrond yelled. "I haven't the faintest idea what any of you have said so far. Aragorn, why are you here?"
"Arwen kicked me out," the man muttered gloomily.
Elrond's eye narrowed. "Why?'
"Oh sure, take her side," Elladan muttered.
"I heard that!" Elrond snapped. "Be more respectful of your sister. She's dead."
"So is Aragorn!" Elladan retorted. "Except, you know, he's here."
"And I mean, she really kicked me out. Literally." Aragorn rubbed his bum ruefully. "It hurt."
"And why, pray tell, did she kick you out in the first place?"
"Uh, well..." Aragorn began to turn red. "She may have... misinterpreted something she overheard."
"What did she overhear?" Elrond's voice was threatening, and Aragorn put on his best I'm-innocent-don't-eat-me smile. Unfortunately, the effect was rather dulled when he appeared to be thirty instead of ten.
"She kind of heard Legolas moaning about how much he missed me and..." Aragorn trailed off. Elrond's eyes had widened to horrific proportions, and his head looked ready to explode.
"You, you..." Evidently Elrond couldn't figure out a word bad enough to describe Aragorn. "You cheated on my baby girl? With LEGOLAS?"
The twins' eyes had widened warningly, but Elrond didn't notice until he heard the voice behind him.
"Why does everybody always say it like that?" Legolas' quavering voice demanded.
Elrond turned around, staring incredulously at the prince that slowly seemed to be falling apart. "What?"
"With LEOGLAS?" he repeated, mimicking Elrond's tone. "You say it horrifically, like it's bad enough that he's cheated on her, but the fact it was with me makes it absolutely despicable."
"I didn't cheat on Arwen!" Aragorn exploded.
"No, of course not." Legolas' blue eyes filled with tears yet again. "You'd never do anything to make me happy."
"Sorry?" Aragorn offered helplessly. Legolas' eyes had taken on a strange glint.
"Legolas," Elrond interrupted. "Are you feeling well?"
"Of course," the blond answered half-heartedly. Elrond looked to the twins for help, but they shook their heads, not understanding themselves.
"I suppose you had to though," Legolas continued. "You've always been so noble. That's what I've liked about you." He eyed the man seductively, drawing closer. "Well, part of it anyway."
"Thank you?" Aragorn said, trying to break away inconspicuously so that Legolas would not be offended.
"Oh yes. So very, very... noble."
Without warning, Legolas leaped at Aragorn, knocking him to the ground and holding him down with a forceful kiss.
At first Aragorn squirmed desperately, trying to break free. But gradually he began to realize that it wasn't so bad. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. And before he even realized what he was doing, he was kissing the thrilled Legolas back.
Elrond stared at them with a sort of horrified hypnosis. The twins rolled their eyes, ready to try to pull the prince away yet again. Then they realized that the exchange before them was hardly one-sided. Their eyes widened.
"Damn! I thought it was just the blonds!" Elrohir said as they struggled to pull the pair apart. It was significantly more difficult that before, as now Aragorn was less than eager to leave Legolas.
"Stop it now!" Elrond yelled, finally coming to his senses.
Legolas would have happily ignored him except that Aragorn pulled away, having had a bad flashback to the time Elrond had caught him with Arwen... in reverse clothing. He stared up at Elrond guiltily.
"I thought you said you'd never cheated on my daughter."
"I didn't before!" Aragorn insisted. "But well... she's not here right now. And SHE kicked ME out."
The expression on Elrond's face changed, but not for the better. In fact, he looked about ready to throttle his former foster son.
"No, Ada, wait. It's not his fault," Elrohir said, saving the man's life. Aragorn nodded enthusiastically.
"Not my fault," he repeated.
Elrond arched an eyebrow. "Debatable." He turned to his younger son. "Explain."
Elrohir gulped, trying to think of the best way to word it. "Uh, well..."
Elladan jumped in. "Ada, have you ever heard of fanfiction?"
Elrond's face paled.
*
While the twins tried to explain things to their father, Legolas edged closer to Aragorn, watching Elrond warily. Out of the corner of his eye, Aragorn watched him. Legolas reached him, placing a hand on his leg. Aragorn grew dizzy as the bloody rushed out of his head and down further south.
"Hi," Legolas said, grinning giddily.
"Hi," Aragorn answered, rather breathlessly.
Legolas cast one more look at the Noldor before looking back at Aragorn, leaning in close. He pressed his lips against Aragorn's ear, whispering softly.
"The elevator is just down the hall. Be quiet."
Aragorn stared at him for a moment. "Elevator?"
"Come on!" Legolas hissed, grabbing his hand and sneaking off down the hall.
*
Elladan looked around as Elrohir finished their explanations.
"Uh, where did Damon and Pythias go?"
Elrohir and Elrond looked around.
"Shit," Elrohir said solidly.
"You know, this kills our theory too," Elladan pointed out.
"Theory?" Elrond asked.
"Well, so far we've only noticed this in blonds- Legolas and Thranduil specifically. SO we were thinking it at least starts with the... less intelligent, so to speak. But Aragorn has dark hair, so..."
"He is human," Elrond pointed out, rather unkindly.
The twins shared a glance. "It's true," Elrohir admitted. "It could be the more feeble-minded who fall to this."
"Erestor," Elladan said. Elrohir's face fell.
"Forgot about that."
"What happened with Erestor?" Elrond demanded suspiciously.
"Ada, I don't think you really want to know."
*
Elrond walked down the hall, murmuring an Elvish greeting to the twins and Aragorn as they passed him. Then he stopped and blinked. What, exactly, had been in that coffee that Galadriel had so sweetly prepared? He could have sworn he had just seen Aragorn walk by with the twins. He turned around. Sure enough, three dark heads were walking away from him, the one in the middle significantly lighter and indefinitely human.
"Elladan. Elrohir. Aragorn." Elrond spoke in his best pissed-off-father voice, still well trained despite (or maybe because of) the passing of 30 000 years.
The three turned around, eyes wide with guilt. "Yes Ada?" they asked in unison, voices as sweet as possible.
"Explain." They hesitated, looking at the floor, the ceiling, each other- anywhere but the pissed off half-elf. "Now!"
At Elrond's barked order, they all jumped and broke into rushed speech.
"Well, you see-"
"It all started last week-"
"-And she got mad at me-"
"At the party-you remember the party?"
"We met this girl at the bar- man, was she hot."
"-Really, REALLY mad at me-"
"Elladan, would you get over that girl? She has nothing to do with anything."
"But she was hot! Although she did slap me..."
"-I mean REALLY mad at me-"
"-And then Legolas was sad-"
"-We were showing Erestor-"
"-She tried to throw a lamp at my crotch!"
"-And out of nowhere-"
"-Aragorn appeared-"
"-And Legolas tried to rape me!"
"Enough!" Elrond yelled. "I haven't the faintest idea what any of you have said so far. Aragorn, why are you here?"
"Arwen kicked me out," the man muttered gloomily.
Elrond's eye narrowed. "Why?'
"Oh sure, take her side," Elladan muttered.
"I heard that!" Elrond snapped. "Be more respectful of your sister. She's dead."
"So is Aragorn!" Elladan retorted. "Except, you know, he's here."
"And I mean, she really kicked me out. Literally." Aragorn rubbed his bum ruefully. "It hurt."
"And why, pray tell, did she kick you out in the first place?"
"Uh, well..." Aragorn began to turn red. "She may have... misinterpreted something she overheard."
"What did she overhear?" Elrond's voice was threatening, and Aragorn put on his best I'm-innocent-don't-eat-me smile. Unfortunately, the effect was rather dulled when he appeared to be thirty instead of ten.
"She kind of heard Legolas moaning about how much he missed me and..." Aragorn trailed off. Elrond's eyes had widened to horrific proportions, and his head looked ready to explode.
"You, you..." Evidently Elrond couldn't figure out a word bad enough to describe Aragorn. "You cheated on my baby girl? With LEGOLAS?"
The twins' eyes had widened warningly, but Elrond didn't notice until he heard the voice behind him.
"Why does everybody always say it like that?" Legolas' quavering voice demanded.
Elrond turned around, staring incredulously at the prince that slowly seemed to be falling apart. "What?"
"With LEOGLAS?" he repeated, mimicking Elrond's tone. "You say it horrifically, like it's bad enough that he's cheated on her, but the fact it was with me makes it absolutely despicable."
"I didn't cheat on Arwen!" Aragorn exploded.
"No, of course not." Legolas' blue eyes filled with tears yet again. "You'd never do anything to make me happy."
"Sorry?" Aragorn offered helplessly. Legolas' eyes had taken on a strange glint.
"Legolas," Elrond interrupted. "Are you feeling well?"
"Of course," the blond answered half-heartedly. Elrond looked to the twins for help, but they shook their heads, not understanding themselves.
"I suppose you had to though," Legolas continued. "You've always been so noble. That's what I've liked about you." He eyed the man seductively, drawing closer. "Well, part of it anyway."
"Thank you?" Aragorn said, trying to break away inconspicuously so that Legolas would not be offended.
"Oh yes. So very, very... noble."
Without warning, Legolas leaped at Aragorn, knocking him to the ground and holding him down with a forceful kiss.
At first Aragorn squirmed desperately, trying to break free. But gradually he began to realize that it wasn't so bad. In fact, he rather enjoyed it. And before he even realized what he was doing, he was kissing the thrilled Legolas back.
Elrond stared at them with a sort of horrified hypnosis. The twins rolled their eyes, ready to try to pull the prince away yet again. Then they realized that the exchange before them was hardly one-sided. Their eyes widened.
"Damn! I thought it was just the blonds!" Elrohir said as they struggled to pull the pair apart. It was significantly more difficult that before, as now Aragorn was less than eager to leave Legolas.
"Stop it now!" Elrond yelled, finally coming to his senses.
Legolas would have happily ignored him except that Aragorn pulled away, having had a bad flashback to the time Elrond had caught him with Arwen... in reverse clothing. He stared up at Elrond guiltily.
"I thought you said you'd never cheated on my daughter."
"I didn't before!" Aragorn insisted. "But well... she's not here right now. And SHE kicked ME out."
The expression on Elrond's face changed, but not for the better. In fact, he looked about ready to throttle his former foster son.
"No, Ada, wait. It's not his fault," Elrohir said, saving the man's life. Aragorn nodded enthusiastically.
"Not my fault," he repeated.
Elrond arched an eyebrow. "Debatable." He turned to his younger son. "Explain."
Elrohir gulped, trying to think of the best way to word it. "Uh, well..."
Elladan jumped in. "Ada, have you ever heard of fanfiction?"
Elrond's face paled.
*
While the twins tried to explain things to their father, Legolas edged closer to Aragorn, watching Elrond warily. Out of the corner of his eye, Aragorn watched him. Legolas reached him, placing a hand on his leg. Aragorn grew dizzy as the bloody rushed out of his head and down further south.
"Hi," Legolas said, grinning giddily.
"Hi," Aragorn answered, rather breathlessly.
Legolas cast one more look at the Noldor before looking back at Aragorn, leaning in close. He pressed his lips against Aragorn's ear, whispering softly.
"The elevator is just down the hall. Be quiet."
Aragorn stared at him for a moment. "Elevator?"
"Come on!" Legolas hissed, grabbing his hand and sneaking off down the hall.
*
Elladan looked around as Elrohir finished their explanations.
"Uh, where did Damon and Pythias go?"
Elrohir and Elrond looked around.
"Shit," Elrohir said solidly.
"You know, this kills our theory too," Elladan pointed out.
"Theory?" Elrond asked.
"Well, so far we've only noticed this in blonds- Legolas and Thranduil specifically. SO we were thinking it at least starts with the... less intelligent, so to speak. But Aragorn has dark hair, so..."
"He is human," Elrond pointed out, rather unkindly.
The twins shared a glance. "It's true," Elrohir admitted. "It could be the more feeble-minded who fall to this."
"Erestor," Elladan said. Elrohir's face fell.
"Forgot about that."
"What happened with Erestor?" Elrond demanded suspiciously.
"Ada, I don't think you really want to know."