January 29, 2004 8PM

I am really stunned right now. I mean really stunned. I cannot believe what the hell has happened. I have no idea but we were just talking first and then all of a sudden… Yeah, it is weird. I cannot believe what's happened. Wow!

So you might not know exactly what I'm talking about. OH MY GOD! YOH JUST KISSED ME! Can you believe that? And the weirder thing is I think I actually kissed him back. Okay, so maybe I didn't exactly do that, but I didn't push him back and kicked him until he was unconscious, which is even weirder. What is going on with me?

I'm telling myself that it's the medication they put me on or my lack of strength from being in the hospital and being sick. Yeah, that's it. I'm sick and he took advantage of that and kissed me. Who am I kidding, I was fully capable of hitting him and I didn't. What the hell happened? Why didn't I kill him? I am so confused right now.

And he was fully vulnerable for a good beating too. He didn't have his sword or Amidamaru with him and I could have killed him without anybody knowing. I cannot believe I let this pass.

Here's what happened: I was eating my dinner, some stew with hard bread and some pudding. The pudding was the only thing that looked eatable. The bread seemed to be able to break anything with and the stew had this weird chunky stuff in it that seemed really strange. I didn't even want to touch it but I knew I needed my strength back if I wanted to get out of this hellhole.

So I was dunking the bread in the stew, hoping it would soften it up when Yoh came in. Leave it to Yoh to come in right when you eat. When he saw me, he looked kinda guilty, I don't know why. But when he saw the food, his face brightened up, but not as bright as usual when he saw food. That might have warned me but I didn't really pay attention to it because I was hoping that Yoh wouldn't steal my pudding because it was the only eatable food.

Anyways, Yoh came to me and sat by my bed in a nearby chair. So there was an uncomfortable silence before Yoh spoke.

'So um, how are you?'

'Fine' I replied, still eating. I tried to eat fast so the weird taste wont stay in my mouth. That had to be the worst stew I had ever eaten. Then again, I had been through worse.

'Um, well Anna, I want to say I'm sorry.'

Okay so I thought he meant he was sorry for the Misako thing. I was about to forgave him and was going to say that I guess it wasn't his fault that Misako liked him. It wasn't like me to forgive him that easily but I decided that it wasn't really his fault although I was still going to question him about the date. He didn't even tell me!

'I mean I'm really really sorry. When I think about all the stuff that could have happened to you, I really hate myself for it. I can't believe I was so stupid. I mean just because you didn't tell me something like the modeling thing doesn't make me care about you any less. I just hate myself so much for not taking you here in the first place. I should have done what I usually did but I guess that jealousy thing of you not telling me about it really did bother me than I had wanted. I'm sorry. You could have gotten hurt because of me. I mean really gotten hurt and you probably wont have to spend your time in a hospital if I brought you here earlier or I should have stayed home with you.'

The words just fell out of his mouth and he said it all in less than a minute. I was lost then and kinda lost now about what the hell he just said. But one thing I got was that he did not apologize for the Misako thing, which made me madder. Didn't he know about it? I mean how dumb can he be?

So I was about to yell at him when I saw the sad and guilty look on his face. And then I did something really unlike me, I smiled at him. I don't know why I did it but I did it. I just smiled and then when Yoh saw me smile, his face lit up more than I had ever seen it. Okay so let me tell you; that was weird. And then, it happened. From out of nowhere, when I was still thinking about what an idiot I was for smiling at Yoh for no reason at all, Yoh kissed me.

Okay, so it was really um.. how do you say… sensational feeling when it happened. Yeah and weird too. So if I'm being brutally honest, I have to say that I actually liked it. Thus, I am wondering what the hell is wrong with me?

I didn't kiss him back though, but I didn't push him off. It was really a quick kiss although it seemed to last an eternity. Afterwards, Yoh just blushed although I kept my blush down. Then an uncomfortable silence came in which Yoh blushed more deeply with every passing second. The only thing I could do to make the silence go away was offer Yoh the pudding, which he accepted and gobbled down in less than a second. I was saving that but I guess I wont have much of an appetite anyways.

After the pudding, a few more uncomfortable words were passed between us, which I forgot because I was lost deeply in my thoughts. Soon, Yoh got up, wished me better and then left. And don't worry, I'm not kidding. Do I look like the type of person to joke about this?

Now I'm very confused and disorganized. What is going on with this? I mean first Yoh says he loves me and now this kiss! WHAT IS GOING ON! Okay, I'm just going to figure all this out when I get better. I do not want to think about it now. Just recording it in here so tomorrow, I don't think it was just a horrible nightmare.

Anyways, in brighter news, Tamao and Pilica are back. They all visited along with Jun. Sadly Jeanne and Lyserg have to be leaving next week because they have to go to this shrine thing. I have no idea and its best that I don't get involved. The doctor says that I had better stay in bed more to get better and not to stress about anything.

Oh, by the way, Ren and Jun are going back to China next week for Chinese New Year. Their family wants them back to celebrate. I hope everything goes well for them. Also, when the girls visited today, I found out something really funny that will make this stay at the hospital much more brighter. It's just a piece of gossip I picked off of Tamao but it is really funny. Guess what? Pilica is actually getting into an arranged marriage! Can you believe that? Apparently that was what her parents called her back for, to 'introduce' her to her new husband to be. Of course, Pilica is NOT happy about this. She is definitely unhappy although from Tamao's description of the guy (which she picked up from Horohoro), the guy is very cute and handsome. I don't know about that since I had never seen him but Tamao promised me that she'd bring a picture of him next time she visits. Isn't that great? I get to see Pilica's fiancé.

What's really funny is that Ren is not happy about this! He is actually really mad, from Tamao's description, going on about how stupid and old-fashioned arranged marriages were. I don't think he meant that because both Yoh and I are in an arranged marriage but he was probably saying that for the heat of the moment. I think someone may be jealous. Okay, so you're probably wondering why this is so long. Well, I am so bored here. I mean the doctor wont even let me have a stinking book to read let along do my homework. I mean I'm three days behind and I hate being behind.

Good thing is that he doesn't know about this notebook so I can still write. Well at least I get to do something. I already called the modeling place and they said that I can take time off of work but I don't get to be paid. Oh well, its not like I really care. Oh shoot, it's getting to be almost lights out. I have to go before the nurse makes another check of the beds.

Anna

February 4, 2004

I am feeling quite horrible right now. Wonder why I haven't updated for so long right? Well the thing is that I have just been in surgery. Yep and my whole body is numb. Its been numb all day long and I have tried writing but I guess now is the only time I can really write legibly.

So want to know what surgery was like? Well let me tell you, I don't really remember a thing because they put a sleeping gas on me but I do remember being really scared before. Okay, scratch that, I didn't even know I was going to have this surgery. I had become unconscious, again! Okay, so it was the next day after my last entry and I was just trying to walk in the gardens with the nurse when all of a sudden, Yoh came with everybody else to say hi. So it wasn't really that bad until suddenly, Misako came. I am not afraid of her but when she came up, she went to Yoh and said hi. She also said hi to the others. Apparently she was 'helping' the elderly here. Yeah right. Like I believe that. But of course, dumb Yoh believed it and said that it was a sweet thing for her to do. Well I wasn't really pissed then. Actually I wasn't even getting mad because the thought of Yoh kissing me told me that he didn't like her.

Well worse things happened after that that I do not wish to talk to in this notebook. But I guess I will. So we were all walking in the gardens, talking and everything when all of a sudden, Yoh's oracle bell rang. It hadn't ringed in a long time. Of course, Yoh wasn't carrying it. He never did. I believe it is hidden somewhere in his closets. But the weirdest thing happened. The oracle bell flew from where I think the direction of the inn was and flew straight into Yoh's hands. Now that was weird. That should have warned me about what was going to happen.

Out of the air, in flew someone I had never thought I would see again. Someone I never thought would ever enter my life again. And then, while everybody was gasping and looking on at the figure in the air, I collapsed as everything blacked out.

And now, I woke up today in the hospital, in the same gown and sleeping while my hand is still very numb. I guess that's how I've been for the past hour. Nobody came in and I'm kind of glad about that because I really need time to think.

Anna

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Hi! So that was a very long chapter if i do say so myself. Anyways, i hope u all luved it! Yay! I finally did some romance. I know i know, what took me so long. Well here it is to all those who like it. So kinda confusing on the last entry right? Well dont wrry, i'll explain in the next update. REVIEW! also, i'm really sick right now so i wont be updating anytime within this week. Srry. Plus i hav to study for trimester test. I hope i get better cause i really cant miss teh trimester tests. Happy Birthday Alex! Srry i cant come to ur batmitzvah because i'm sick. Srry!

To the rest of u, REVIEW! thnks for all the people who wished me happy birthday. And Happy Valentine's Day! Yay!