Elladan walked into one of the lounges and stopped dead. Rúmil was tied to
the wall, stark naked. His long blond hair hung over his face and his
wrists were bound with silken draperies. He looked up at Elladan, flipped
his long hair away, and grinned.
"Hi."
"What are you doing?" Elladan asked cautiously, wondering why he continued to ask questions he didn't want to know the answer to.
"Waiting for Orophin," Rúmil answered easily.
"Oh."
Elladan turned and left the room, standing in the hall and trying not to scream. Elrohir walked past him.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," he warned his twin.
"Why not?" Elrohir asked, even as he went in. A moment later he returned, standing beside Elladan. "Oh."
Elladan turned to his brother, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Elrohir, I want you to know that even if we should end up like," he gulped, "That, truly I feel nothing for you at all. You are my brother, and that is all."
Elrohir nodded gravely, gulping as well and looking pained. "Of course. And I, also, feel nothing for you.
The both smiled faint smiles. Then they raced off in opposite directions to gouge out their eyes.
*
A week later, the remaining 'sane' ones were gathered in the office. Their numbers were significantly reduced. Frodo, Sam, and Gimli were there, along with the twins, Glorfindel, Galadriel and Galdor (recently arrived from Paris). They had lost Elrond the day before; after the incident with the chase. Glorfindel's lust had temporarily dissipated after seeing Celebrían ravishing Erestor. Of course, Elrond had been shocked and then started disrobing. Various moans and thumps came from the room next door. The subject of Celebrían was carefully not discussed in front of her mother.
Elladan and Elrohir sat across from one another, tossing a baseball back and forth.
I have not slept in three days," Elrohir said, his words coming out clipped as he gripped the baseball.
"No one has," Glorfindel muttered as he slumped across the table. He didn't care to reveal that the reason he hadn't slept was because of dreams he had been having about certain male elves and now one female elf. Dreams that should have been disturbing but were not. Glorfindel deserved some credit. He was fighting it as hard as he could. But he knew it wouldn't be long before he was chasing after Elrond, or Legolas, or Erestor, or all of them.
The moans next door intensified.
Elladan grabbed the baseball and slammed it at the wall. "Shut the fuck up!" he yelled. His eyes were bloodshot.
"Elladan calm down. You're scaring the periannath," Galadriel chastised her grandson.
"Yes, naneth, er, grandmother." He turned to the hobbits. "I'm sorry. This is incredibly trying."
"Let's run away!" Elrohir proposed suddenly. "Go to Mexico, or something."
"That is not the answer," Galadriel told him.
"It'd be fun though," Elrohir muttered, playing with a pen.
"If this madness continues, I shall throw myself of a mountain," Gimli declared.
"Group suicide, sounds good to me," Elladan said, sliding down in his seat. He kicked Glorfindel under the table. "Hey Glorfie. You alright?"
Glorfindel gave a startled squeak at being addressed. "Me? Yes, I'm fine. Fine, fine, great. Wonderful." Great. Now not only was he fantasizing about Elrond, he was fantasizing about his sons as well. While he was awake.
"You sure?"
Glorfindel nodded, knowing he had already lost control.
Frodo and Galadriel both gave him sympathetic looks.
"Go on," Galadriel told him reassuringly.
He turned to her. "I apologize, my lady." Then he skipped off. Yes, skipped. "Oh, Elrond!" they could hear his seductive voice echo down the hallway.
"Excuse me while I go get drunk," Elladan announced.
"Dude, I really don't think that's a good idea." Elrohir paused for a moment. "Why the fuck did I just say dude?"
He and Elladan shared horrified looks.
"You don't think..."
"It can't be..."
They both turned to their grandmother. "Grandmother!"
"Calm down," she told them. "Just think for a moment. Do you have any sexual feelings for each other?"
"No."
"Legolas?"
"No."
"Erestor? Glorfindel? Estel?"
"No."
"Anything that isn't female?"
"No," Elladan sniffled. "But I'm crying. I don't know how to cry."
"And dude, I said dude!" Elrohir eyes widened. "Dude, I said it again!" He clapped his hand over his mouth.
Galdor looked around, Paris was definitely saner than this.
"Hi."
"What are you doing?" Elladan asked cautiously, wondering why he continued to ask questions he didn't want to know the answer to.
"Waiting for Orophin," Rúmil answered easily.
"Oh."
Elladan turned and left the room, standing in the hall and trying not to scream. Elrohir walked past him.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," he warned his twin.
"Why not?" Elrohir asked, even as he went in. A moment later he returned, standing beside Elladan. "Oh."
Elladan turned to his brother, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Elrohir, I want you to know that even if we should end up like," he gulped, "That, truly I feel nothing for you at all. You are my brother, and that is all."
Elrohir nodded gravely, gulping as well and looking pained. "Of course. And I, also, feel nothing for you.
The both smiled faint smiles. Then they raced off in opposite directions to gouge out their eyes.
*
A week later, the remaining 'sane' ones were gathered in the office. Their numbers were significantly reduced. Frodo, Sam, and Gimli were there, along with the twins, Glorfindel, Galadriel and Galdor (recently arrived from Paris). They had lost Elrond the day before; after the incident with the chase. Glorfindel's lust had temporarily dissipated after seeing Celebrían ravishing Erestor. Of course, Elrond had been shocked and then started disrobing. Various moans and thumps came from the room next door. The subject of Celebrían was carefully not discussed in front of her mother.
Elladan and Elrohir sat across from one another, tossing a baseball back and forth.
I have not slept in three days," Elrohir said, his words coming out clipped as he gripped the baseball.
"No one has," Glorfindel muttered as he slumped across the table. He didn't care to reveal that the reason he hadn't slept was because of dreams he had been having about certain male elves and now one female elf. Dreams that should have been disturbing but were not. Glorfindel deserved some credit. He was fighting it as hard as he could. But he knew it wouldn't be long before he was chasing after Elrond, or Legolas, or Erestor, or all of them.
The moans next door intensified.
Elladan grabbed the baseball and slammed it at the wall. "Shut the fuck up!" he yelled. His eyes were bloodshot.
"Elladan calm down. You're scaring the periannath," Galadriel chastised her grandson.
"Yes, naneth, er, grandmother." He turned to the hobbits. "I'm sorry. This is incredibly trying."
"Let's run away!" Elrohir proposed suddenly. "Go to Mexico, or something."
"That is not the answer," Galadriel told him.
"It'd be fun though," Elrohir muttered, playing with a pen.
"If this madness continues, I shall throw myself of a mountain," Gimli declared.
"Group suicide, sounds good to me," Elladan said, sliding down in his seat. He kicked Glorfindel under the table. "Hey Glorfie. You alright?"
Glorfindel gave a startled squeak at being addressed. "Me? Yes, I'm fine. Fine, fine, great. Wonderful." Great. Now not only was he fantasizing about Elrond, he was fantasizing about his sons as well. While he was awake.
"You sure?"
Glorfindel nodded, knowing he had already lost control.
Frodo and Galadriel both gave him sympathetic looks.
"Go on," Galadriel told him reassuringly.
He turned to her. "I apologize, my lady." Then he skipped off. Yes, skipped. "Oh, Elrond!" they could hear his seductive voice echo down the hallway.
"Excuse me while I go get drunk," Elladan announced.
"Dude, I really don't think that's a good idea." Elrohir paused for a moment. "Why the fuck did I just say dude?"
He and Elladan shared horrified looks.
"You don't think..."
"It can't be..."
They both turned to their grandmother. "Grandmother!"
"Calm down," she told them. "Just think for a moment. Do you have any sexual feelings for each other?"
"No."
"Legolas?"
"No."
"Erestor? Glorfindel? Estel?"
"No."
"Anything that isn't female?"
"No," Elladan sniffled. "But I'm crying. I don't know how to cry."
"And dude, I said dude!" Elrohir eyes widened. "Dude, I said it again!" He clapped his hand over his mouth.
Galdor looked around, Paris was definitely saner than this.