Tasting Tears
Chapter Three
Ryou's Pov
The continuous shrieking of my alarm clock finally breached my well protected state of sleep and my eyes squinted open, not quite ready for the day ahead of me. I had a paper due today, which I had not taken time to do, and the anxiety of going to my first class empty handed quickly made the butterflies rise in my stomach; this did nothing for my head.
School again. And that meant interacting with people. Always darting around the hallways to avoid being slammed into lockers and trampled upon by the careless ones. I hadn't been too good with crowds lately. Yugi invited me over to his house to watch the next big "tournament" with him and his group of friends, but i had declined. Though this rare opportunity was all i had hoped for only a week earlier, i could not accept. The thought of being surrounded by a dozen smiling faces was more than i could bear to think about. And when I did not smile back at them, the questions would start. The thought stressed me out.
"What's wrong Ryou, aren't you enjoying the show?"
"You know you can talk to us if something is bothering you right?"
"You've been acting odd lately, are you feeling well?"
No. the answer to all of that is no. No I am not enjoying sitting about watching television with all of you smiling around me, clinging and making me feel claustrophobic. No I am not feeling well, because the thought of all of you makes me sick. And no, I most definatly cannot talk to any of you about my problems, because not only would you never have a chance in hell to understand what is going on, but I would rather go on sitting alone in the corner of my room submitting to the voices in my head telling me to go kill a goat than to confide in you some of my deepest most desperate secrets. Which in turn you would go running to a counselor, convinced that I was going to shoot up the city. Wrong. You are all so very wrong; dead wrong.
Even my dark half has been acting odd lately. He seems more...dare i say it... approachable. He even attempted to make fried eggs for my breakfast this morning. Of coarse I didn't eat them. They probably had arsenic filled centers.
When I declined going over to his house this afternoon, Yugi looked sad. For the first time in months he looked like what I said was killing him. It should have filled my stomach with an aching sorrow, but it didn't. Instead, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief; I had made someone feel bad. I hadn't even said anything hurtful; I had been my usual polite self, just with a bit more force.
"No thank you, I've got other things to do," I had said.
Yugi should have taken it better. Perhaps I did feel a bit sad for disappointing him; after all, I was worrying about him.
But Yugi didn't need me. Yugi didn't need anyone. He decided that he only needed the Pharaoh. He had abandoned Jou; threw him to the wolves. Kind little Yugi had given up on his "best friend". Who would have ever guessed? Strange how he had chosen me over his first real friend when I was more of an acquaintance. But I didn't want to be his friend any more. Maybe two weeks earlier, but not now. Who needed the little runt anyways?
When he abandoned Jou, it wasn't for any good reason. Just the fact that Jou confessed to having a bit of a crush on Kaiba. I admit he is handsome from some perspective, but nothing too extravagant. I remember my other half used to force me upon the CEO in class; he wanted me to start a "relationship" with him so that we could get his money. I'm not gay, but my other half's reasoning was that I could just act it to get to the prize. Jou is probably better off with the CEO anyways. They have started talking in a friendly manner now. At least Jou has someone to run to when he is alone. I hope they can be happy together, as friends if that's as far as they ever get.
It hurts me to see how much everyone is changing. Not only Yugi, but me as well. I was becoming more and more like my darker half everyday. It was unnerving, and there was seemingly nothing I could do about it. There was nothing I wanted to do. I'm sick of being pushed around. I'm sick of being alone. All I ever wanted was companionship; its too late now.